"Shut up, Copeland! Why are you always so damn pessimistic?"
"Fuck you, Hardy! I am not pessimistic."
"Then what the hell are you?"
"I just live in the real world...unlike you and your–what do you call it?–oh yeah, Imagi-Nation."
"Just because I prefer to–"
"Will you two shut the hell up? It's hard enough to think in the dark without you two always fighting."
"But, Matt, he started it!"
"I did NOT! You did!"
"Did not."
"Did too."
"Did–"
"SHUT UP!" Matt yelled, reaching out in the darkness to slap someone, anyone.
"OW!" Chris exclaimed, "Watch it Matt. You got me not them."
"Shut up. I'm trying to think of a way to get us out of here and I can't do it if y'all don't shut the hell up. Do you want to stay here for eternity or what?"
Everyone shut their mouths and let Matt think. He didn't know how he, his brother, and their friends had gotten lost in this cave, but he knew that he would be the one who would have to find a way out. Jeff had insisted that they explore the old cave–there would be no bears or anything dangerous in it after all–and had insisted that he knew how to get around in it. Now it was two hours later and they were lost. As usual, it was big brother to the rescue. Nobody had even thought to bring extra batteries for the one flashlight they shared and the only food they had was a bottle of water and a pack of Oreo cookies, courtesy of Adam who never left home without them.
Matt just had to think. There had to be a way for them to get out. He just needed to figure out what it was before they starved to death or worse. Damn his little brother and his camping trips!
"Did not," Jeff's voice rang out in the empty silence a moment later.
Adam reached over and pulled Jeff's rainbow hair.
"Yes you did."
"You both started it so shut up!" Shane said before Matt could yell anymore, "Let Matt think!"
"I'm hungry."
"Shannon, you're always hungry."
"Well, that's not my problem. You guys just don't feed me enough! Hey, Copeland, you got any cookies left?"
"You are not eating my Oreos," Adam growled, clutching his bag tightly to his chest.
"Just one!" Shannon whined, "That's all, I promise. I'm starving over here!"
"Anybody else realize that the only time he isn't hungry is when he's having sex?"
"You would know, Jeff."
"Shut up, Jericho! No one asked you!"
"Yeah, Jericho, you got it up the ass from Moore last week if I recall right."
"I did not, Reso!"
"Man, I was in the room next door. I heard everything, Chris. You got it up the ass from the ultimate twink and you liked it!"
Chris reached over and smacked Jay's head. Jay responded with a groan.
"Bout time you topped, Shanny."
"Thanks, Jeffy!" Shannon paused and added, "Sure I can't have just one cookie?"
"NO!"
"Damn, Adam! You don't have to yell!"
"Sorry, Jay," Adam grumbled, "But you know I don't like to part with my cookies."
"That sounds like a personal problem to me."
"Jeff, I'm warning you..."
"I can't take this anymore!" Matt yelled, standing up and pulling at his hair.
"Matt, you're gonna have a heart attack if you don't calm down," Shane said, worried for his best friend.
"Look, we're lost in this nasty, stinky, dark cave and all you guys can do is argue about Copeland's damn cookies and if Jericho got it up the ass or not! Don't you realize we could die in here? We might never get found and our families will go crazy and we won't ever wrestle again or see our families again–"
"We might never eat again!" Shannon exclaimed, "NO! We gotta get outta here!"
"Oh God! We might never have sex again!"
"Chris, why don't you just go in the corner with Moore and you can ride him all night long if you want!"
"Wouldn't that be hot? Good idea, Reso."
"Jeffery."
"I'll shut up now, Matty."
"Bout time."
"You shut up too, Adam," Shane barked, "We need to help Matt figure a way out of here. We're not doing any good if we just sit here arguing with each other."
"You know, Shane is the only sane one around here besides me."
"Hey, Matt," Shannon said timidly a moment later.
"What?"
"Couldn't we just head toward the exit sign? I'm sure we could get out that way."
"The what?"
"The exit sign over there."
"What the–"
"You've got to be kidding me!"
"No way in hell, man!"
"Well, fuck me good!"
"I'm sure Shannon would enjoy that, Chris."
"Fuck you, Reso!"
"Hmm, maybe later. I'm tired right now."
"Jeff, why didn't you tell me this cave was run by people and had electricity?" Matt's voice rang out above the others.
"I didn't know."
"How in the blue hell didn't you know?"
"I don't know...and that's gimmick infringement!"
"Gimmick–I can't believe you–how could you–we were just sitting here and–Shannon how long have you known that the sign was there?"
"Oh, just about forty minutes is all."
"FORTY MINUTES?" Adam roared.
"Why the hell didn't you tell us?"
Shannon shrugged.
"It was entertaining listening to Jeff and Adam fight. Besides, Jericho was in the middle of giving me a blow job when I saw it. I didn't want to stop him."
"Jericho! When the hell did you become such a twink?" Jay exclaimed.
"You weren't supposed to say anything, Moore!" Chris hissed.
"You were more worried about getting your dick sucked than our lives?" Matt asked, "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Hey, when Chris gives you a blow job, you enjoy it," Jeff defended his best friend, "He's very good at what he does."
"You've sucked Hardy off too?" Jay asked as they all moved toward the sign, "I've missed something for sure here."
"You sure have missed something," Shannon agreed, winking at Jericho as they made their way toward a faint light.
"Look, this doesn't go outside of this group, okay? I don't want everyone thinking I'm a twink."
"But, Chris, sweetie, you are!"
"SHUT UP, RESO!"
"Chris is a twink. Chris is a twink," Jay sang and Adam joined in.
"Hey, Jay, I wouldn't be talking if I were you, man," Shane cut in, "I mean, everyone knows you lay down for Adam all the time."
"We have an equal partnership," Jay disputed as Adam wrapped his arm around his waist.
"Shut the hell up, guys," Matt commanded as they exited in the middle of a gift shop, "We're in public now. No talking about sex."
"Yes, master," Jeff teased his older brother.
"So, we finally find out who the dominant one is of the brothers," Adam joked.
"Copeland–"
"Shutting up now."
Matt turned to Jeff.
"If I ever listen to one of your stupid ideas again just shoot me. Got it?" He turned to Shannon. "And if you ever put sex before the safety or your friends again, I'll shoot you! Got it?"
Jeff and Shannon both nodded their heads. Matt grinned.
"So, can I have some of Adam's cookies now?" Shannon asked.
"NO!" everyone yelled at him.
