"Y'know we're gonna get in trouble fer bein' in here..."
"Shaddup, Jeff, god you're such a whiny bitch sometimes!"
*indignant huff* "Well, excuse me, Mr. King of the world...Ah was just tryin' ta..."
"Shhh! Did you hear that?"
"Hear what? Ah didn't...Ah think yer gettin' paranoid, Chris. I told ya this was a bad idea..."
The light was suddenly flipped on to reveal a worried-looking Jeff Hardy and a very glazed-looking Chris Jericho sitting on the floor of the dressing room, a massive, half-smoked blunt dangling precariously from Chris' mouth as he blinked rapidly in shock.
"Duuu-uude! What the fuck, man, you blazin' up without me?? That's so wrong, dude!"
Chris glanced worriedly at Jeff, then back to Rob Van Dam, who was approaching them with his usual, casual stroll, folding himself gracefully onto the floor and snatching the blunt from Chris' mouth.
Taking a deep hit, Rob immediately whipped his head around, glaring at Chris and Jeff. "Dude...you two better tell me I'm hallucinating, cuz I could *swear* this is MY shit..."
Chris suddenly seemed extremely interested in the loose thread on his pants, so Rob looked to Jeff, who bit his pouty lower lip and whimpered in fright.
Jeff shrank back against the wall, looking between Chris and Rob. "It...Ah mean, we...that is...Chris was...and Ah didn't..."
Rob threw up his hands. "Oh for gods sake, Jeff, either spit it out or shut the fuck up, man!"
Chris suddenly started to giggle, glancing at Rob then giggling harder, pulling out an empty bag from his pocket. On it was a label saying "For Medical Uses Only". Chris tossed it at Rob, laughing still harder.
"Since when do you have glaucoma, jerky?"
Rob stared at the empty bag, then at Chris, and began to laugh. "Dude, you suck! I can't believe you smoked all my shit!"
Chris laughed even harder, practically howling now, though nothing in particular warranted such amusement. He pointed at the huge joint Rob held. "There's plenty left, junior!" Then proceeded to snatch the blunt and hop to his feet. Rob made to jump after him, but Chris shook his head. "Uh uh uh...hang on a minute there, tough guy...I think Jeffy here needs a hit more than either of us!"
Jeff raised huge, limpid green eyes to Chris, shaking his head, warily. "Oh no...Ah don't even drink, Chrissy, Ah don't think..."
Chris rolled his eyes at Rob. "See what I mean? The kid *needs* it, man."
Jeff frowned, brow wrinkling adorably, feeling strangely as if he'd somehow stepped into an after-school special about peer pressure, both Rob and Chris looking at him expectantly.
Just then, to Jeff's eternal relief, the dressing room door swung open, and in strolled Billy Kidman, accompanied by Kane and Batista.
Rob, forgetting about corrupting Jeff for the moment, gave a happy grin and leaped up, practically tackling Billy in his glee. "Hey!!! I didn't know you were coming to the show!"
Billy smiled, glancing at Kane and Batista. "Robbie, honey, you *are* aware that the show's over, right? And what is that...oh for Christ’s sake, you're reduced to partying with Jericho and Rainbow Brite??"
Chris narrowed his eyes in indignation, or tried to anyway, only succeeding in crossing them, while Jeff just looked confused, wondering if he was getting a contact high from the second-hand smoke. What would Matty say??
Rob laughed. "Nah...I caught these two totally pilfering from my stash, babe! They...well, Chris anyway, smoked almost all my best shit!"
Kane stood over Chris, staring down at him silently. Chris gulped, looking up, up, up at the big Red Machine. Damn, did the guy hafta wear his mask so damn much?? It was totally disconcerting. Swallowing hard, Chris gave a weak smile and meekly handed the remainder of the joint to the big freak.
Kane grinned suddenly (an odd combo with the mask let me tell ya) and sat heavily on the floor next to Jeff, taking a deep hit, holding it, then turning to blow the smoke directly into the youngest Hardy's face, sending him into a coughing fit that had both Kane and Chris in hysterics.
Billy sat down across from Kane, Rob settling comfortably in his lover's lap, while Batista took a seat in a folding chair against the wall, leaning back with a smirk.
"Hey, unlike you losers, I actually spent more than $100 for these pants... I ain't sittin' on the floor."
Chris rolled his eyes, snatching back the doobie before Kane could take another drag, winking at Jeff when he blew his own smoke in the boy's face as well.
Jeff glared, smacking Chris on the arm. "Stop that! Ah swear, Christopher, you are so childish!"
Kane, feeling the effects of Rob's primo hash, laughed loudly. "Oooo...he called you Christopher...." then, in a sing-song voice, "Somebody's in trouble..."
The others burst into laughter, much to Chris' chagrin, who glared menacingly.
Batista arched his brows. "I always assumed you wore the pants, *Chrissy*, but maybe I was wrong...maybe Skittles here's gone and made Y2J his bee-otch?"
Rob was practically rolling on the floor at the furious expression on Chris' face, not to mention the smug look Jeff was wearing...though everyone knew Jeff was *so* the twink in that pair, it was still funny as hell.
Billy reached over and snatched the blunt from Chris, closing his eyes as he took a long, lingering drag. Rob gazed adoringly up at him as he did so, then, as Billy pulled the joint away, kissed him deeply, inhaling as Billy exhaled, pulling back with a grin and another exhale in Jeff's direction.
He grinned at the youngster. " *That's* how you do a hit, little man."
Jeff rolled his eyes. "Oh, thanks for the tip, Rob, I'm sure it'll come in handy next time I'm in the ring getting my ass handed to me."
Batista laughed. "Aw, don't be so 'conflicted', Jeffy...if you'd quit missing shows and being late, they'd give you something better to work with!"
Chris snorted. "Yeah, like you, Dave? Stuck as Hunter and Flair's underling in a cheap knockoff of the Four Horsemen??"
Batista gave Chris a menacing glare and low growl for that, which Chris blithely ignored, snuggling up next to Jeff.
"Don't worry, baby...*I'll* give you something to work with..."
The others groaned in disgust at that, but Jeff just beamed, leaning in to nuzzle into Chris' neck. The two proceeded to make out as if no one else were in the room, which in turn inspired Billy and Rob to do a little lip-locking of their own.
Kane glanced at the two couples, then looked at Batista.
Batista raised his hands, shaking his head. "Don't look at me, Freddy Krueger...I don't swing that way and you know it."
Kane pouted (though it was hard to tell with the mask) and took another drag off the joint, which was dwindling rapidly.
Batista stood up then, sighing heavily. "Ok, well if all you freaks are gonna do is get high and have a circle jerk, I'm outta here." He barely got and response from the two couples engaged in copious amounts of PDA and rolled his eyes. "Right. See you queens later."
Soon after Batista's departure, Kane stood as well, looking down at Rob and Billy.
"Rob? Rob. ROB!"
Pulling away briefly, Rob glared up at the big menace. "What?!"
"I'm leavin' too. Can I...can I take the last of this with me?" Holding up the remainder of the joint.
Rob nodded and returned to attempting to suck Billy's tonsils from his throat and, heaving a deep sigh, Kane left, wishing Taker was there.
Breaking his kiss with Jeff, Chris briefly glanced around, frowning. "Hey...where'd everybody go?"
Billy came up for air just long enough to mumble, "Left..." before Rob pulled him back down.
Chris rolled his eyes, looked down at Jeff, who was looking all kinds of edible with his hair mussed and those lovely lips swollen and damp and grinned wickedly. "Come on, baby...we need privacy. *Now*."
Without a word to Billy and Rob, and still hanging off of each other and attempting to kiss and walk at the same time, Chris and Jeff exited the dressing room...making it exactly 5 feet to the nearest utility closet and diving inside for some "alone" time.
Billy and Rob didn't bother going anywhere, and if anyone were to ask the maintenance crew the next day, they would have had some interesting tales of the multitude of strange sounds that echoed throughout the backstage area long into the night.
