“I hate this,” Amy Dumas grumbled as she made her way onto the ice.
“Who the hell agreed for us to do this stupid charity event anyway?” Bradshaw grumbled as he stepped out behind Amy, legs wobbly.
“Come on, guys,” Mike Awesome skated over to them with ease, “Hockey isn’t that bad.”
“I hate hockey!” Matt Hardy frowned as he, Shane Helms, and his brother, Jeff made their way behind Bradshaw and Amy.
Adam rolled his eyes and skated over to Jay. He couldn’t believe it. This was too good to be true. All of the Canadians, who had played the game since they were kids, were one team, and all of the others, who had no experience whatsoever in hockey, were on the other team. They were going to wipe the ice with their butts. It was just too easy. He stopped in front of his best friend and sprayed him with ice.
“Man, Copeland!” Jay exclaimed, shaking off the ice pieces on his arm, “Watch it, dude.”
“Sorry,” Adam grinned, “This is gonna be a piece of cake. Look at them over there, man!”
Jay turned to look at the other team, comprised of many of his friends. Amy was trying to help Shane get into the rest of his goalie gear and failing miserably. She didn’t seem to know exactly what went where. Jeff and Matt were skating circles around Rob Van Dam as he twirled and swiveled, practicing his figure skating moves. At least those three knew how to ice-skate. Jay couldn’t say the same for some of the other members of the U.S.A. Team. Bradshaw had already fallen twice, and was well on his way to a third time. This time, however, he grabbed onto Nidia’s jersey and pulled her down with him. Jamie Knoble skated over and tried to help them up, but was only added to the pile. Shannon Moore skated out, holding a hockey stick uncertainly in one hand.
“Hey, Jeff,” Shannon called out as he stopped in front of the Hardys, “How exactly do you use this?” He gestured to the stick in his hand.
Jay shook his head and turned to Adam again.
“You’re right,” he agreed, “This is gonna be too easy.”
“They are so totally a joke.” Chris Irvine added as he skated by.
“Yeah, but they might surprise us,” Lance Storm warned from nearby, “RVD looks pretty
comfortable out here on the ice.”
“Shannon doesn’t even know how to use the damn stick,” Adam laughed.
“What the–“ Bret Hart mumbled as Raven and Tommy Dreamer stepped onto the ice, trash cans in hand.
The referee skated to the middle of the court and gestured for the two captains to come forward. Adam and Matt came over and looked at each other through their masks. After the ref had explained the rules to everyone, he threw the puck down and the two captains fought for control. Adam won and sent the puck flying down toward the waiting Trish Stratus.
“I’ll get her!” Shannon said, skating the slowest out of everyone.
“I got ‘er!” Jamie Knoble exclaimed, chasing the blond Canadian.
Trish easily out-skated and out-maneuvered him. She flew toward the opposing goal, where Shane Helms was holding his stick tightly and looking warily at Nidia and Jeff Hardy, his only defensive help. Just before she made it to the goal, Trish passed the puck to Benoit. He grinned, showing his gap teeth, and sent the puck flying toward Shane. Shane grimaced and made a mediocre attempt to stop it. He missed and the puck went into the net, scoring the first goal of the night.
“Yesssss!” Benoit cheered, raising his stick in victory.
As he skated back to his side, he tripped on a trash can lid and went skidding across the ice. He almost ran into the boards, but Mike Awesome’s strong arms prevented that.
“What the hell are trash can lids doing on the ice?” he asked, confused.
“Looks like the kings of hardcore are at it again,” Elix Skipper said from the bench, pointing at two U.S.A. Team members fighting in the middle of the court.
“Raven! Tommy!” Matt yelled, skating over to them.
The two men ignored him and continued their assault on each other. Raven grabbed a baking sheet out of the garbage can and hit Tommy over the head with it. Tommy, thanks to his helmet, didn’t even flinch. He looked down at his hockey stick and then up at Raven. He grinned and raised the stick, bringing it crashing over the former Hardcore champion’s back. Raven groaned and fell to the ice. Tommy took the opportunity to repeatedly bring the stick down on his teammate’s back.
“Dreamer!” Matt yelled as he finally made it over to the fight, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He grabbed the stick when Tommy ignored him. “Stop that! He’s your damn teammate!”
“Come on, Hardy!” Tommy complained, “We were having a hardcore match! It was just getting good!” He grunted as Raven’s fist connected with his stomach. “See?”
“I’m gonna pin your ass!” Raven screamed and executed a DDT on Tommy. He went to cover his teammate and Matt groaned. Charles Robinson skated onto the ice, in full referee gear, and counted the pin. Raven raised his arms in victory. The crowd cheered.
“What the hell is going on here?” Andrew Martin asked as he skated by.
“Hardcore match during hockey?” Bradshaw asked, scratching his head.
“It kinda makes-“ Jamie started to say before getting interrupted.
“I am the champion!” Raven exclaimed, arms still raised.
“There is no hardcore championship anymore,” Jeff Hardy reminded him as he skated past the goal.
“Sure there is,” Raven contradicted, “There’s just no belt for it anymore.”
He grinned as he looked into the crowd and noticed a glint of fake gold. He skated over and saw what he had suspected. One of the guys in the crowd had a homemade belt over one shoulder. Raven leaned over the divider and gestured to the belt. The guy, a big guy with long blond hair and glasses, gladly handed the belt over. Raven looked at it. The belt had the letters “SDW” written on it.
“What’s that stand for?” he asked.
“Simply Delicious Wrestling,” the blond answered.
“It’s our little group,” another guy, with short dark hair and glasses, added.
“Cool,” Raven nodded his head and threw the belt across his left shoulder, “What’s your names?”
“I’m Brad,” the blond answered, “And that’s Quack,” he pointed to the second guy, “And Ponch,” he pointed to a younger guy with bleached hair, “And Gumbo.” he pointed to the last guy in the row with a long brown ponytail.
“Mind if I borrow this, Brad?” Raven asked.
Brad shrugged.
“It’s all yours, man.”
Raven nodded his head in gratitude and made his way back to the middle of the ice where the other players were all just standing around, looking dumbfounded at the new SDW champion.
The official referee for the hockey game was in a heated debate with Charles Robinson over some matter that only they would understand. Matt and Adam, as captains, were trying to figure out what to do with the game. Tommy was finally starting to get up after receiving the DDT on the ice.
“So, now you have an actual belt?” Mike Awesome asked, eyebrows raised.
“Yep,” Raven said proudly, patting the belt, “SDW champion at your service.”
“You might be challenged for that belt, you know,” Mike told him.
“I look forward to it,” Raven grinned sadistically.
Just then, Tommy knocked him down from behind. As Raven attempted to roll over and get back up, Tommy continued the assault. He pummeled his fists into Raven’s stomach, pausing long enough to pull off his and Raven’s masks.
“Ouch!” Rob winced from the side, “That looks like it hurts.”
“Too true, Rob,” Chris Irvine agreed, pulling off his own mask and leaning forward on his hockey stick, “Hey, wanna join in?” He glanced sideways at the former ECW star.
Rob grinned and threw his stick to the ground.
“Let’s do it!” he exclaimed.
The two skated over to where Tommy was still beating the living daylights out of Raven with his fists. They each grabbed one of Tommy’s arms and hauled him off Raven. Rob kicked the champion with the side of his skate and went for the pin. Chris pulled him off and went to cover the champion himself. Rob pulled him off and those two started to fight each other.
“I don’t think we’re playing hockey anymore today,” Amy told Matt, putting an arm around his shoulders, “Wanna go get a coffee or something?”
Matt eagerly nodded his head. The two skated off the ice and back to the locker room to change.
“Where they going?” Jeff asked no one in particular as he watched them.
“Probably on another date,” Nidia laughed.
Jeff frowned. He didn’t like the fact that his brother was “dating” Amy Dumas, but what choice did he have in the matter? None. He shrugged and turned his attention to the two fights now taking place on the ice. It didn’t look like they were going to stop anytime soon, so...
“Time to get extreme!” Jeff yelled as he skated over to the group and dived on top of Tommy and Raven, who were at it again.
Jay turned to Adam.
“The belt is just laying there,” he pointed out.
“Yep,” Adam agreed. He smiled. “What should we do about that?”
Jay glanced sideways to make sure no one was paying attention to them. He picked the belt up with his left hand and Adam grabbed the other side with his right hand. The two skated around the ring, belt raised between them. They had their sticks raised in the air.
“We’re co-champions!” Adam cheered as they skated past the penalty box.
“We so rule!” Jay added.
All of a sudden, someone skated up behind them and double-clotheslined the two blond Canadians. They fell to the ice, grunting in surprise. Benoit grinned sadistically at his teammates and grabbed the belt from their hands. He sped off before they could go after him.
“Damn!” Jay muttered.
“I hate that man,” Adam grumbled.
Trish skated past them, backwards. She waved as she continued on, Mike Awesome in pursuit.
“Someone should tell Mike that Trish isn’t his type,” Jay laughed.
“For sure,” Nidia agreed as she came up from behind, “He’s more my type! Excuse me.” She skated after Mike, calling his name.
“Nidia really ain’t his type either,” Adam said.
“After a few beers, she could be,” Bradshaw suggested. He skated unsteadily to the bench.
“I am way too old for this,” Bret Hart commented as he skated over to the bench and sat down,
“I’ll just let these kids play by themselves.”
“You’re not old,” Shane Helms said as he skated by, overhearing Bret’s conversation with himself, “You’re just not as young as some of us.”
“Thanks, kid,” Bret smiled, “Now, why don’t you go after that belt. You look like you deserve it.”
Shane grinned, showing off his braces. “Gotcha, Bret!”
“Good luck!” Bret called after him, laughing as Shane jumped on Jeff Hardy’s back and tried to choke him.
“Let me go!” Jeff tried to say, gasping for breath.
Shane grinned as Jeff dropped to one knee. This was too easy. If this kept up, he’d soon be champion. There was only one problem...Jeff wasn’t the SDW champ. Raven was. He, apparently, wasn’t the only one who had come to that conclusion.
“Get Raven!” Chris Irvine yelled as he let go of Rob’s foot and ran to attack the champion.
“Yeah!” Jeff gagged as Shane jumped off him, “Get him.”
Shane, Chris, Rob, Lance Storm, and Jamie Knoble all attacked Raven at once. They pushed Tommy off and each tried to pin the champ for the win. Raven kicked out each time, however. Chris tried to put him in the Walls of Jericho, but Lance grabbed his hair and pulled him away. This prompted Rob to take the opportunity to pull off his skates and execute a series of lethal kicks to the back of Raven’s head. Tommy hit Rob in the back of the head with a discarded hockey stick. Shane grabbed the puck and hit Raven in the mouth with it. He went for the pin while Lance and Chris and Tommy and Rob were fighting. Jamie dropped an elbow on the small of Shane’s back and stopped the count.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Shane yelled, getting into the former cruiserweight champion’s face.
“Keeping you from winning the damn title!” Jamie yelled, “If anyone should be the SDW champion, it should be me!” He pointed to himself, chest swelled in pride, “I’m the one who was in HWA all those years! Those guys are some of the biggest HWA fans anywhere! I know them therefore I should get the damn belt!” He punched Shane in the face.
Shane rolled his eyes and punched the shorter man in retaliation. The two started punching each other back and forth, oblivious to the fact that Raven had crawled behind the Canadian Team goal and was taking the chance to catch his breath.
Trish skated past and stopped in front of him. Raven covered his head, afraid she was going to hit him and try to get his title. She just squatted down and looked into his eyes, her own eyes sad and pleading.
“Please, Rave,” she begged, “Get Mike to leave me alone!” She looked over her shoulder at Mike, who was only a few feet away and grinning madly at her. “He’s driving me crazy!”
Raven cautiously lowered one arm and looked at Trish.
“Uh, I’d love to help you,” he told her, “but, I have this little problem of my own.” He reached down for his belt and realized that he no longer had it. “Damn, where the hell did it go?” He shrugged. “Look, I gotta defend my belt–wherever it is.”
“Benoit has it,” Trish said, “But, can’t you do something?”
Raven laughed as Mike Awesome tried to skate over, but was stopped by Nidia’s hand on his arm. She held onto him, not letting him go.
“I don’t think you need to worry about that,” he said, nodding toward the two, “Nidia’s got him all tied up right now.”
Trish turned around and sighed in relief as she saw Nidia lead Mike over to the bench. “Good,” she smiled and stood back up, “I’ll talk to you later. Good luck with that belt!”
“Thanks, Trish!” Raven called after the buxom blond Canadian.
He was so busy watching her skate away, he didn’t see the rainbow-haired man sneak up behind him with a trash can lid. In fact, he didn’t even realize he had been pinned and lost his belt until he heard Jeff Hardy squealing in victory and jumping up and down on the ice.
“Dude!” Jay yelled, “Get Hardy! He’s the chump–I mean, champ!”
“Get the chump!” Adam added as he and his best friend skated after the young daredevil.
Jeff’s eyes widened in fear and he quickly skated off the ice. Jay and Adam followed their friend, discarding their gear as they went along. They were so intent on catching Jeff that they didn’t even realize that Chris, Rob, and Benoit were right behind them. They turned the corner to the locker room area and ran into Shannon Moore. They fell on top of him.
“Ow, guys!” Shannon complained, trying to push the two bigger men off him, “Get the hell off me!”
“We’re trying!” Jay said, trying to stand up but falling right back down.
“Shit, Reso!” Adam yelled, grabbing his crotch, “Watch where you’re falling! That fuckin’ hurt, man!”
“Sorry,” Jay smirked.
“Have fun, boys!” Benoit called out as he, Rob, and Chris skated past them.
“NO!” Jay yelled, again trying to get up.
“That should be our belt!” Adam groaned as Jay once again fell on top of him.
“Dude!” Shannon grumbled as he squeezed from under the two bigger blonds, “What belt are you talking about?”
Benoit, Rob, and Chris all skidded to a stop. Rob turned to look at him, eyebrows raised.
“The SDW belt,” he answered, “Where have you been?”
Shannon rolled his eyes.
“Trying to get all this gear off me,” he told them, “This shit is heavy!”
“Outta my way!” Bradshaw bellowed as he ploughed through the startled group, “Gotta find some beer!”
Rob stood up gingerly from where he had fallen on top of Jay and Adam. He rubbed his ass, making sure it wasn’t bruised. Chris grinned at him.
“I don’t think you can do any real damage to it,” he said.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rob asked, eyes narrow.
“You have a big ass,” Chris told him, “It’d take a miracle to do any real damage to that cushion!”
Benoit turned to Chris. “Have you been checking out Rob’s ass again?” he asked, face straight.
“Man, I don’t even want to know,” Jay mumbled, finally getting to his feet.
“He has a big ass,” Chris stated, “It’s kinda hard not to notice the damn thing.”
Rob turned around, trying to look at his ass. Adam sat up on the floor, an amused smile on his face. He watched Rob, trying not to laugh.
“Great,” Benoit rolled his eyes, “Now Copeland is checking out Rob’s ass.”
“I am not,” Adam argued, still watching Rob circle around.
“You know,” Shannon said, biting his lip, “He does have a big ass.”
“Ghetto booty!” Chris exclaimed, pointing at Rob.
Rob finally stopped turning around to glare at Chris. “At least I have one,” he retorted.
“Huh?”
“At least I have an ass, Irvine!” Rob repeated, staring at Chris.
“What’s tha–I don’t–I do too have an ass!” Chris sputtered, “See!” He turned around and lifted his hockey jersey up, revealing one lush and tempting ass.
“Fuck!” Benoit exclaimed, covering his face with his hands, “We don’t want to see that, Chris!”
Adam nodded his head. “He does have an ass,” he agreed, “Not a very pretty one, but it’s definitely there.”
“Copeland!” Jay groaned, “What the hell?”
“Sorry, Jay,” Adam apologized, “Yours is a lot better.”
Jay’s face turned bright red.
“What in the–I don’t even wanna–I’m out of here!” Benoit stuttered, running after Jeff Hardy, who by now was long gone.
“Rob still has the biggest,” Shannon said, intelligently.
“I’m with Benoit on this one,” Rob stated, walking away, “I’m out.”
“I don’t think anyone’s gonna catch Rainbow-Brite now,” Chris said, “Anyone wanna come back to my place and watch some porn?”
“What kind?” Adam asked, eyes bright.
Jay turned to his friend. “Sometimes, I worry about you, Adam,” he said, shaking his head, “I really do.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Chris clapped Adam on the back. “Never mind, buddy,” he reassured him, “Just come over to my place and we’ll watch some porn and do other guy stuff.”
“What kinds of other guy stuff?” Shannon asked as he followed the three Canadians out to the parking lot.
Jay shook his head. “When Irvine and Copeland are involved, you really don’t wanna know,” he answered.
“Huh?”
“Trust me,” Jay said, “It’s better not to know what those two do.”
“I don’t–oh, I gotcha!” Shannon said slowly, “Man, that’s gross!”
“Jay, what are you telling him?” Chris asked over his shoulder.
“Nothing!” Jay answered promptly. He lowered his voice so only Shannon could hear him. “You thought playing with those hockey sticks today was confusing, well you ain’t seen real hockey playing yet.” He winked. “Know what I mean?”
Shannon stopped dead in his tracks. He turned and started back to the arena.
“Where ya goin’, Moore?” Jay asked, grinning.
“I think I’ll find Jeff and see if he wants to get a pizza or something,” Shannon answered, jogging as fast as he could back to the safety of the arena.
“Jay, do I even wanna know what you said to him?” Adam asked, putting an arm around his best friend’s shoulders.
Jay shrugged and grinned up at the taller man. “I’ll tell you guys later,” he answered, “While we’re playing hockey again.”
“Huh?”
Jay rolled his eyes. “Just get in the car and I’ll explain it all.”
