I grin unapologetically and continue snapping away, dodging various flying bathroom objects as Jeff throws them, glaring at me from underneath a head foiled and stained with Manic Panic hair dye, neon purple this time.
He whines like a child, full lips curled into a deliciously sexy pout. "Ma-att....!"
I just grin wider. "Je-eff..."
These pictures can't help but bring a smile to my face, the adorable crinkle of his brow, the sexy pout of his mouth. Even with tin foil sticking up everywhere and drips of purple hair color winding down over his face, he's beautiful. My Rainbow.
"Hey Jeff! Come on, quit being a pussy and get out here!"
I smother a chuckle as he peeks from around the edge of the shower stall, a fluffy white towel clutched to his chest, hanging barely low enough to conceal his, erm, more private spot.
He rolls his eyes, stepping out into view and the chuckle dies in my throat, swallowed up by the pure desire that sweeps through me. He sees the look and smirks.
"See something you like, baby?" waggling his golden brows suggestively and I grin, brandishing my camera.
"Oh yeah..."
Jeff lets the towel dangle precariously, flashing his tademark guns. "I swear, Matty, this better not end up on the internet someday..."
My fingertips trace the picture in my hand, along the sleek line of his slender hips, the sinewy grace of his thighs, the elegant beauty of his long, artist's hands. I can almost feel the smooth, satiny warmth of his flesh, and I sigh, closing my eyes to savor the memory of it.
"Don't stop, Matty...oh fuck, don't stop..." his voice a broken whimper as I worship him with my mouth.
I look up to see him staring down at me, heat and lust burning in those pale jade eyes. It is such a beautiful look, I pause for a brief instant to grab my camera off the dresser and, from my vantage point on my knees, snap a picture without even looking through the lens, praying I captured that look...before returning to my task.
I captured it, alright...every ounce of heat my Rainbow was capable of is burning up at me from the picture in my hand. I loved that look, the "I'm gonna fuck you until you can't remember your own name" look.
He did, too...more times than I can count.
"You know you're crazy, right?"
I just grin. "Uh-huh. Now hush! And stay still!"
My brow wrinkles in concentration as I carefully and artfully arrange the flowers, orchids, around him. One bloom must tickle, because he frowns and wriggles a bit.
"Jeff! Stay *still*!"
He sighs, blows a tuft of pale blue hair from his forehead and narrows his eyes at me. "Jesus, Matt, I feel like an Anne Geddes baby..."
I step back to admire my handiwork, smiling. "Trust me, Rainbow, you don't *look* like one..."
Indeed not. What he looked like was a wet fucking dream. I stare in awe at the picture, even still it amazes me how perfect he looked. Nude, just miles and miles of golden skin laid out on white satin sheets. Arms resting above his head and a sexy arch to his brow, staring directly into the camera...wearing nothing but orchids.
"I love you, Matt..." his voice is soft, rough with tears, weak from having already cried too many.
"I know, baby. I love you too...it'll be okay. It'll be okay..." I held him against me, brushing back his fine, clay-red hair.
He looks up at me with hopeful, watery emerald eyes. "Promise, Matty? Promise?"
I smile, hiding my own fear for his sake. "I promise, Rainbow. It'll be okay, I swear."
As he drifts off to sleep, I slide out of bed, tucking the blanket up around his already visibly thinner body, brushing his hair from his soft cheek. I stifle a sob and lift my camera, snapping the shutter once before leaving him to his rest.
This one is one of the few black and white's I have of Jeff. His cheeks tear-streaked, lips parted in sleep, lashes so thick resting against sharply-defined cheekbones. He looks like an angel. My angel. Too beautiful to be real, too pure to be mortal.
"Matt, please...no pictures right now..."
I let my camera dangle from my hand, biting my lip. He looks at me with sad, shadowed eyes.
"I...I just don't want you to remember me like this..."
I smile, trying to hide the shard of agony that slices my heart at the insinuation that I will need remembrances of him. "You look beautiful, Jeff. You are always beautiful. Please?"
He sighs heavily, then nods his consent, looking at me from under his brows as I lift the camera to my eye.
I wasn't lying. Even in this picture, with him reclining back in a sterile-looking hospital bed, Jeff looks beautiful. Even with his colorful hair all but gone now and the remaining wisps covered by a dark blue doo-rag, even with dark hollows ringing his once-vibrant green eyes...he is beautiful. To me. Always beautiful to me.
My hand shakes as I reach for the last photo, holding it in my hand for a long moment before risking a glance.
"E nominus patri..."
The droning of the priest is like nails on a chalkboard, I want to scream at him to stop, stop this charade. It's some cruel joke, it has to be...
"Matt?" Gentle hands on my shoulder, the sad blue eyes of Adam looking down at me. "Matt...did you want to say something? Before...before they finish?"
I shake my head sharply, staring down at the gaping hole in the ground. It resembles the gaping hole in my heart.
It's a joke, right? I struggle to breathe as I look frantically around for someone, anyone, to begin to laugh and say "Gotcha!" For Jeff to pop out from behind a tree and laugh that infectious laugh of his and rib me for being such a sucker.
Instead, they all are staring at me with sad, pitying looks on their faces, and I can't even begin to describe the pain that clutches and claws at me, stealing my breath and my strength as I sag weakly to my knees, shaking.
"Matt!" Adam's voice again, his hands on my arms, trying to lift me back to my feet. I swing my fists blindly, striking him, and he finally lets go, backing away to leave me kneeling there at the edge of that gaping hole, unable to draw a breath.
"No...Rainbow, no..." The shaking is uncontrollable and I look up, my eyes falling on a camera dangling from a woman's hand. I snatch it from her, ignoring her startled gasp.
"One more, Rainbow...one more..." as I blindly snap the shutter repeatedly, not even aware of the gentle, pitying hands that eventually pry it from my fingers and then, just as gently, pry me from my spot on the ground, half-carrying me away...away from him, away from my reason for being.
I stare at the picture, the only one on the entire roll to develop. And the pain is as fresh as the day it was taken, a year ago this morning. I let it fall from my hands, curling in on myself as the sobs overtake me.
Tears drop from my cheeks to the glossy surface, obscuring the image...a dark, shadowed hole in the ground, and a pale, marble stone, engraved with the words...
Jeffrey Nero Hardy
1977-2003
We will always love you
