I look over at the bed next to mine–the one he should be in. It hasn't been slept in at all. I wish he knew what I was feeling right now. I wish I could hold him and love him forever. Shit, I just wish I could tell him. There's always the possibility that he feels the same way. I mean, I know he loves me as a friend–at least, he did before slamming the door in my face–and I love him like that, too, but I wish he was in love with me like I am with him.
He's so beautiful. I could run my hands through his thick, curly, long brown hair for hours and never tire. He's got the perfect body–muscular and tan. Every time he touches me I just about faint. He's so warm. And his eyes! I've caught myself staring into them more times than I care to count. And it's not just his physical features that I love. He's so quiet and soft-spoken. And he's really passionate about our business. Being a wrestler is a great thing, but it can get old sometimes–just ask Jeff Hardy. But, he loves the business and talks about it all the time. It's all either of us has wanted to do in our lives. We didn't meet until a few years ago, but we quickly became best friends. He hardly even talks to his brother now, and when he does, it's only to talk business. He and I talk about everything under the sun–our hopes, our dreams, our fears.
After the brand extension, we thought we'd never get to room together again and stay up talking until five in the morning. He went to Raw and I went to Smackdown. But, just a few weeks ago, he got traded.
It was about time he and Jeff split anyway. We were so excited, I swear we must have been glowing–best friends back together again. Of course, that meant he had to leave the bitch, but hey–nothing comes without a price. She doesn't deserve him as a friend anyway.
She's such a stupid, egotistical, red-haired, tattooed slut. I don't think she even realizes how amazing Matt is. Of course, she's known him way longer than I have, but I recognize how special he is. I'm in love with the man, dammit.
It's been two hours since Matt left. I thought he'd be back by now–he always has been before. We've gotten into arguments before and he usually takes just forty-five minutes to an hour to calm down. This one was different, though.
It started off as just a little argument over his new character–Version 1 just sounds so stupid to me. Matt got all mad at me and started screaming that "at least he had a gimmick." I told him I don't need a gimmick and then he got all defensive. I don't know what his problem was–I just thought his gimmick was goofy. He ran off, yelling something about me thinking he wasn't good enough to get over without a gimmick and that maybe he should just quit the whole fucking sport. I couldn't even run after him. I was so mad that he started yelling at me because of what I thought about his character. Really stupid of me, huh?
I'm just about to give up and go to sleep when I hear the door open. I know it's Matt. I can see the outline of his gorgeous body in the light from the hallway. The room's totally dark–I like to mope in complete and silent darkness–but he doesn't turn the light on. I hold my breath, not wanting to say something in case he's still mad at me.
He throws his jacket on the chair as he walks past and enters the bathroom. I hear the toilet flush and water run a few seconds later. Maybe he just came back to piss and is going to leave again without saying a word. Stupid thought, I know, but I'm so afraid about losing him I can't think straight. I just wanna jump in his arms and tell him how I feel but now is definitely not the right time–not when I don't know if he's still mad at me or not.
"Hey," I hear him whisper as he enters the room again, "I just wanna say I'm sorry about...earlier."
I shrug. I know he can't see me, but I don't care. I don't wanna seem too eager that he's back.
"Uh–I guess I'll go to bed now–"
"Mmmhmm," is all I say.
I can hear Matt walk over to his bed and sit on it. Damn hotels beds are always so squeaky. I want to say something to him–anything–but my mouth is totally dry. Right now would be the perfect time to tell him how I feel. Dammit! Why the hell can't I say it? I've never been chicken before.
"Hey–," he starts to say.
"What?" I mumble.
"Seriously, I didn't mean to be such an ass earlier. It's just–I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me tonight...So, are we still cool?"
My mind is screaming at me to say something to him. Why the fuck can't I just talk to him. He's my best friend and I can't even speak to him. It's like my brain is on freeze–I can't think of how to tell him that I am absolutely in love with him. He'd probably kill me if I did tell him. It will probably kill me if I don't tell him–either way I'm dead. So, why can't I say it?
There he goes sighing again. I hear him move on the bed–like I said before hotel beds are always squeaky. He shifts around, trying to find a more comfortable position. Even though it's dark, I know exactly what he's doing now–he does the same thing every night. Matt is propped up against the headboard, one pillow behind his head. He doesn't take his shoes and socks off until after he has already positioned on the bed. He pulls the blanket to the left side of the bed–he only sleeps on the right side–and the sheets over his bare chest and stomach, leaving his legs and feet uncovered. That's when he pulls off his shoes and socks. Don't ask me why he does–that's just the way Matt is. It's probably what he's doing now. I can hear that stupid bed still squeaking and it's starting to put dirty thoughts into my head. I could help him make the bed squeak if given the opportunity–I'd fuck him so hard the bed would probably break.
"Are we...cool, I mean?" he repeats a moment later.
Now it's my turn to sigh. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to block out all dirty thoughts I have in my head, and concentrate on telling Matt exactly how I feel. There's no time like the present right? I just wish I could open my mouth now. Damn! What the hell is wrong
with me?
"Look, I think I'll just go spend the night with some else if you're still mad," he speaks up again.
What? No, don't go Matt! My brain is screaming at me to say this to him, but my mouth still isn't cooperating. I hear him stand up and hesitate a moment. He wants me to tell him to stay but I just can't. All I can do is make some squeaky noise in the back of my throat.
Great–now I sound like a fucking mouse.
"What?"
Oh God. He's walking over to my bed. This is it–I can reach out now and kiss him and tell him exactly how I feel. I can smell his cologne and fabric softner on his clothes. Shit, why's he gotta smell so good? It's doing crazy things to my body. I'm sure you know what I mean. I inhale sharply as his face inches down until we're almost nose to nose. I can't believe I'm this close to him.
"Man, are you okay?" he asks, instantly concerned, "You're not sick or anything are you?" He reaches out and places one hand on my forehead.
Suddenly I'm sweating like a pig. Can't he realize what his touch does to me? Can't he hear me start to breath harder and my heart pounding like a drum? I think my temperature just went up about ten degrees when he touched me.
"I'm fine," I finally manage to croak out as he lets his hand slide down my face to feel my pulse in my neck. I've been sitting in the dark for a while now so I can see him perfectly. His eyes are so full of concern for me. I swear, he's such a good friend. His beautiful full lips are slightly parted as he continues to stare at me. God, to just feel those lips against mine.
"You sure?"
I nod my head, knowing full well he can't see.
Matt sighs again. He's really starting to turn me on with those helpless sounding sighs. I can feel my cock starting to twitch now.
"Look, are we cool or not?" he asks for the third time tonight, "Just a simple yes or no will do."
He leans forward, so close I can feel his breath on my face. Oh no–there goes my cock twitching again.
"Dammit, will you just answer me?"
He turns to leave as I still don't answer him. Shit! I reach out and grab his left arm, pulling him back to me. I feel him tense up. I can't believe I'm about to do this. This is not right, yet I know it's the only way to show him how I feel. My heart is beating so fast as I slowly stand up and look into those big brown puppy dog eyes. His long dark hair is falling into one eye and his lips are pouting. Holy crap he looks damn fine. Thank God it's dark in here or else he'd be able to see the full-blown erection I have right now.
"Don't go," I whisper, "I'm not mad at you."
"Dude, why the hell won't you talk to me then?" Matt asks, "Why are you acting this way?"
Should I tell him? Does he really want to know why I've been acting differently around him lately? Am I even ready to tell him? Shit, I don't know what to do. I've got to do something though.
"Matt, I–" I clear my throat and start again, "Matt, I need to tell you something."
He sits down on the edge of the bed and doesn't say a word. He's so close to me I could lean forward about two inches and kiss his beautiful full pouty lips. Shit, calm down man! He's waiting for me to continue but if I don't do something about this hard-on soon I'm gonna blow all over the place.
"MattIthinkthatI'minlovewithyouandhavebeenforawhile," I say as quickly as possible and then falling back onto the bed, eyes closed.
I'm waiting for him to hit me. I mean, Matt has never shown interest in guys that I've known of. I never really see him go out with girls either except for that bitch though. Hmm. He hasn't hit me yet–he hasn't done anything. I sit up. Maybe he passed out from shock or something. I reach out gingerly and touch his arm with my fingers. He pulls away quickly when our skin meets. For me it's like electricity when we touch but I have absolutely no clue what it's like for him. I'll probably never know.
He gets up and I hear the floorboards squeak under his weight. I bet he's leaving. If I were him I wouldn't want to stay in the same hotel room as a guy who just pronounced that he loved me. I bet you anything he is totally straight. It would be my luck.
"Matt," I whisper, "I didn't know any other way to tell–"
"Just shut up," Matt says harshly, making me recoil in fear. I've never heard that tone of voice from him before. It's a little scary. "This is fuckin' crazy! You LOVE me? Is that what you said?"
I gulp. "Yes," I barely say the words.
"I need time to think about this one," Matt tells me and I can hear him grab his bags and open the door, "I'm rooming with Jamie tonight. I can't stay here with you."
The light from the hallway stings my eyes as he walks out but that doesn't matter. I can't believe I just told my best friend that I loved him. What the hell is wrong with me? Now I've probably lost him for good. Matt hates me now, I know it. Why else would he want to room with Jamie Noble? I try to hold back the tears but I can't. I run to the bathroom, sobs racking my body. I look into the mirror and realize that even though it hurts that Matt left me, I look a lot better than I have been lately. I guess telling him the truth–no matter what his reaction was–was a good thing to do. At least it's out there now. I just have to wait for what Matt will say once he calms down and thinks about it. That could take a while.
***
Well, fuck me good. One of my best friends in the world just told me that he's in love with me. I don't believe it–who ever would have thought that would happen? I mean, I certainly never expected it. I guess I should have known it was coming–there were so many clues now that I think back. He's into guys, I've always known that, but he hasn't been going on dates for a while. He's been complaining that he just needs to find the right person and then he'll settle down but he hasn't been looking. Then, there's the way he's been going to the bathroom a lot lately when I'm around–like the one time in the locker room when I asked him if he liked my new black thong. That was pretty obvious now that I look back–why didn't I realize it earlier? And he's been so distant lately. I thought it was my fault, but I guess not. Actually, it is in a way if you think about it. I mean, I am the one he's in love with and everything and I've been so completely dense about it all. My brother, a natural blond, would have figured it out quicker than I did. No, that's not fair–Jeff is a smart guy and a lot more perceptive with these kind of things than I am. He's the deep emotional one, not me. I'm just Matthew Hardy, the sensible one.
Damn, I still can't believe he said that. I wasn't disgusted or even angry when he told me that he loves me. I was and still am just...well, I guess confused would be the best description. I mean, how the hell do I respond to that? Do I just say `yes, I love you too'? How fucking weird would that be? I do love him, but I don't know if I want to tell him that. What if he didn't mean it and was just fucking around with me? What if we start something and then he realizes he really DOESN'T love me and he breaks my heart? Shit. I wouldn't be able to take that. I want to be in a relationship with him, but how the hell do I tell him without fully opening my heart to him?
It's a good thing that Jamie isn't rooming with anybody tonight. Ever since he and Funaki broke off their relationship about a month ago he's been rooming alone–moping, too. It's a damn shame. Everyone thought those two were serious, but we were wrong. What if I'm wrong about how I feel about him or him about me? We could end up in a relationship like Jamie and Funaki's and then break apart like they did. I don't want to risk losing him as a friend–he means too much to me.
Well, that settles it. I won't tell him that I love him. It's not worth the trouble. That's all there is to that matter. I'm not going to think about it anymore. I'll just stay a bachelor–relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be anyway.
Except, I would like to try one one day–with him. But, it's not going to happen. Give it up, Matthew Moore, it ain't gonna happen. You and Adam just aren't destined to be a couple. That's all–now go to sleep.
Matt Hardy awoke to a strange moaning noise. He blinked a few times and was about to ask his best friend why he was being so loud this early in the morning when he remembered he wasn't rooming with Adam.
He turned over to see Jamie Noble stroking his early morning stiffness, obviously forgetting that he was not alone that morning. Matt rolled his eyes and turned back over letting Jamie continue his ritual.
He was almost back to sleep when Jamie moaned especially loud. Matt sighed loudly and was about to tell his friend to finish in the bathroom when the moans quickly turned into soft whimpers.
"Oh, Funaki, baby, I miss you," Jamie said softly, tears running down his face. He finished stroking himself and didn't even try to catch all the cum that came spurting out all over his hand and bed. "Boy, I miss you. Oh, FUNAKI!"
With that he burst into body-racking sobs. Matt pretended to still be asleep as he listened to his friend sob over his lost lover. He didn't know what to do. Jamie would be so embarrassed if he found out Matt had heard him and Matt would be embarrassed as well. He didn't like to intrude on people's private lives like that–he was the stereotypical Southern gentleman. But, Jamie sounded so sad and alone. Matt knew how he felt about not having a loved one around–he was still in pain over not telling his best friend, Adam Copeland, that he loved him the night before.
"Naki, baby," Jamie sobbed louder, his body now trembling, "Boy, I-I-I MISS you!"
Matt couldn't take it any longer. He sat up, yawning loudly. He pretended not to notice that Jamie was crying in the bed next to his.
"Morning, little man," he greeted as cheerfully as possible, even though he felt like shit himself.
Jamie quickly wiped his eyes and wrapped the bedcovers around his body, trying to hide the fact that he had just jacked-off while thinking of his boyfriend. He tried to smile at Matt, but only ended up with trembling lips and one corner of his mouth up while the other decided to stay in a permanent frown.
"Hey, Hardy," he answered, "Sleep well last night?" He might as well pretend like he cared about his new roommate even if he really didn't give a crap about anyone or anything lately.
Matt shrugged. To tell the truth, he had slept like crap last night. He'd finally gotten to sleep around three that morning. Every time he closed his eyes, he pictured Adam's beautiful strong face in front of him, his dark green eyes staring into his brown ones. He imagined running his hands through his long soft blond hair and letting his lips wander all over Adam's body. He imagined Adam's strong thick cock embedded in his hole, filling him completely. Matt looked down, not surprised at all to find his cock standing at attention at just the mere thought of his best friend inside of him. He shook his head, trying to clear away all dirty thoughts.
"Actually, I had a little trouble falling asleep last night," he finally answered, taking a deep breath,
"Me and Adam got into a big fight last night. I think he's still pissed at me."
Jamie nodded his head wisely. He knew what it was like to argue with a loved one. He and Funaki had argued all the time while they were together and look where it had got them–he was alone now without the love of his life by his side.
"I know how you feel, Hardy. Me and Funaki always fought. It sucks when you argue with your boyfriend, huh?"
Matt's eyes grew wide. "Huh? Me and Adam aren't–we're not–we don't have–"
Jamie bit his lip. "Sorry, man," he apologized, blushing, "You guys spend so much time
together that everybody just figured you two were dating. My bad, Hardy. I didn't mean to assume or any–"
"It's okay, Jamie," Matt smiled, "You didn't know. Me and Adam are just friends–best friends."
"Hey, you and Copeland make a cute couple, though. Real nice to look at. You both are."
Now it was Matt's turn to blush. "Thanks, really."
Jamie shook his head and stood up, stretching his arms above his head. Matt sighed and fell back onto his bed.
"I think I'll go take a shower," Jamie announced as he walked into the bathroom, "Hey, Hardy, you need a ride to the next arena?"
"No, man, I got a car," Matt answered, "Oh shit!"
"What's wrong?" Jamie asked, popping his head out of the door.
Matt put his head in his hands. He couldn't believe his luck. He reached over the bed to pick his jeans off the floor. Sure enough, his car keys weren't in any of the pockets. That meant that they were still in the room–along with all of his other stuff. He pulled out his room card. At least he still had that.
"Hey, Jamie," he said as he pulled on his clothes, "I gotta go get my stuff out of the room. Hopefully Adam is still asleep and I won't have to face him."
"Good luck, man," Jamie said, voice muffled by the running water of the shower, "See you at the arena later."
"Yeah, bye!"
Matt walked out, feeling like he was going to be sick. He didn't want to see Adam now. He was afraid of what he might say or do. He was probably so mad a him for blowing him off last night. He would be if he were Adam. What was he going to say to him if he was there and awake? He knew Adam would want to know why he walked off so quickly last night. Adam always was the talker of their group of friends. Just how was he supposed to tell his best friend that he was in love with him as well but just didn't want to be with him? He knew Adam would be upset and the last thing he wanted to do was to upset him.
"Oh, fuck," Matt muttered, hoarsely as he turned the doorknob, "Here goes everything."
TBC
