It's kinda like watching some primal battle between good and evil, light and dark, the fallen and the pure. Although...the effect of that is somewhat ruined by the fact that the two objects of my current attention are armed with super soakers instead of bolts of angelic lightening. Fucking dorks.
Still...I love em, both of em, despite their uncanny ability to drive me well past nuts and into a psychotic episode. Myself, Nick and Adam...the three musketeers folks called us back home. We grew up together, did everything together, spent a lot of time wrestling by the stairs at the high school together, spent even more time ogling one Marnie Sutherland, head cheerleader and so far out of our league it wasn't even funny, but a hell of an ogle, let me tell you. And now here we are at college together, rooming together, attempting to get that "something to fall back on" everybody says we'll need when wrestling doesn't pan out. Adam and Nick? They're doing a little more together than anybody back home would believe.
"Hey!! Watch it!!" I yell indignantly as a stream of icy water shoots past my nose as Adam decides that I make a hell of a shield and ducks behind my chair where I, being the somewhat responsible one of the 3, am trying to study. Yeah, good luck with that, Jay, not with these two adolescents around.
Adam just grins up at me from where he is crouched down out of Nick's line of sight...and damn. He has a gorgeous smile. Whoa! I did *not* just think that! Did I? Maybe...he's still grinning like the fucking dork that he is, the dork that I love, and yeah, I'm thinking he has probably the best smile I've ever had the privilege to be on the receiving end of. Not to mention his dark blue eyes sparkling with mischief as he bobs to one side and shoots a stream of water at Nick, who dives behind the couch just in time to avoid the strike.
I can't help but chuckle at the stream of French curses that come from behind the couch...I wish I'd paid more attention in my French classes, cuz I'm pretty sure Nick just insinuated that my dear Adam's parentage is somewhat questionable. I shake my head. "Now Nick...that's not nice!" ducking with a shriek as a shot of Nick's super soaker is his retort.
Great, now I'm officially a part of this little war...it's a rule, ya know, either keep your mouth shut or consider yourself a target.
Unlike Adam, who is content to hide behind my chair and get in what shots he can from the relative safety of that barrier, I decide full frontal attack is necessary, giving Adam a look that says "Cover me" as I hit the floor on my belly and begin to worm my way towards the couch where Nick has taken refuge. Adam does his job admirably as I make my way, streams of water whizzing overhead and I'm pretty sure Nick hasn't a clue that I'm coming...a suspicion that is confirmed as I make my move, diving over the back of the couch and tackling him to the floor, snatching the supersoaker and holding it over my head with a triumphant yell.
Adam is whooping like we just sacked the Alamo or something, Nick squirming and yelling more curses in French at me as he tries to grab back his water gun, which I toss blindly to Adam, who catches it and proceeds to unload both guns on poor Nick until he's fully soaked. Unfortunately, Adam's a bad aim and I get a good dousing too before finally pushing off of Nick with a grin and flipping back my soggy hair, smirking down at him.
"Now...can I please go back to studying the 17th century poets?"
Nick shrugs indifferently, and Adam rolls his eyes at me. I take that as a yes and return to my desk, hoping to get a little bit of studying done before those two come up with another plan or scheme or idea to get themselves in trouble and get me away from my books. It's a pattern I've come to expect. Honestly, I haven't any idea how those two manage to pass any of their classes, I think I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen either of them crack a book. Myself, I'm not nearly as lucky and tend to just squeak by, even with studying.
I risk a glance at Adam and Nick, and damn them, I want to groan aloud in frustration when I see them, curled up on the couch, Adam grinning and whispering something to Nick as he pushes back the wet length of Nick's jet black hair. I look away before the kiss I can see coming happens, staring at my book and not seeing a goddamn thing. Damn it.
**********************
"Shhhh..baby shhhh..." a low whimper and muffled grunt and then more hushed whispering, "damn, baby...god you feel so good, Adam..."
I want to stick my fingers in my ears and start chanting "lalalala" at the top of my lungs. But that would be exceedingly rude and so I simply hold my breath, stare at the wall in front of me, helplessly listening as, from the other bed behind me, Adam continues to whimper and moan and Nick continues to try to hush him, not doing a very good job of it when Nick, himself, is making all kinds of low grunting sounds that tell me exactly who is topping tonight.
It's been going on like this for about a month. I wasn't all that surprised really, I'd known about Adam's swinging tendencies for probably forever, maybe even before he knew himself. Nick was a bit of a shock, he just has that alpha-male thing going on, dark and brooding, he just doesn't scream "fuck me in my ass", you know? Actually, now that I think about it, he *did* scream that once.
I haven't quite figured out why Adam and Nick's relationship, if you want to call it that, bothers me. But it does. It's not because I'm homophobic, I've been known to make out with the odd pretty boy after a few too many drinks at a club. Never gone all the way with a guy, but it's not something that repulses me. So why does the thought of Adam's mouth on Nick make me squirm uncomfortably? Why does the image of Adam's long, long legs wrapped tight around Nick's waist make my stomach knot? And why does it not bother me to think of Nick doing those same things with a random stranger, but the very idea of Adam doing the same thing makes me want to punch a hole in a wall?
This is very bad. I need to stop thinking along these lines.
Finally, after what feels like forever ( apparently Nick has some serious stamina) they finish...I now know what Adam sounds like when he comes. Not something I really wanted to know...at least not without experiencing it first hand...WHOA! Goddammit, what the fuck, now I'm thinking about making Adam come?
I can hear Nick pulling clothes on, saying something about having to go. Adam asks him not to leave, in a soft voice that just clenches my heart in my chest, Nick just chuckles low, I hear a kiss, then Nick is gone, presumably to one party or another.
You know, I think it's about time I admit, to myself at least, that there's some very weird feelings going on with me about Adam. I think about that for a minute, still staring at the wall, listening to Adam sniffling a little in the other bed.
I'm not gay. I don't think. Bi, maybe? Curious? I don't know, all these different labels for something I don't even know how to explain to myself, let alone try and categorize it. I love him. I mean, I've always loved him, but now...I think I *love* him. I don't quite know what to think about that. It's nice, I suppose, loving somebody is usually a good thing, and in this case it is, he's so damn loveable.
First off, he's about the funniest son of a bitch I ever met. All the time coming up with one prank or another to pull, usually on Nick, who can be a bit...well, literal is the word, everything's pretty much black or white with Nick. Oh, he pulls his share right back on Adam and god save me when they put their devious little minds together and *I'm* the victim of that mischief.
Back to Adam, though, and why I think I might, possibly, maybe love him...like *that*. He knows me better than anybody except maybe my mom. He knows that I dip potato chips in ketchup and doesn't gag too much when I do, he knows that I have absolutely no rhythm, and he was there the day my dad died and I considered taking a leap off the bridge down by the river back home.
I know him just as well. I know that he sounds exactly like Chester Bennington when he sings, I know that he always orders pepperoni on his pizza but then picks them off before eating it because he just likes the way they flavor the cheese. I know that he hasn't told his mom about liking boys because he's her only child and he thinks she'll hate him. I also know she won't hate him, but he'll have to figure that out on his own.
Adam is also, without a doubt, the most beautiful thing on two legs to ever walk the earth. Period. Male, female, animal, whatever...Adam is the pinnacle of what Mother Nature is capable of...her crowning achievement you might say. And that's not just me being biased, oh no, I could probably go right now and find a good hundred people in this dorm building alone who would agree with that assessment.
It's not just that he has amazing, perfect, so shiny it'll blind you pure gold hair that falls just so well past his shoulders in natural, prefect waves and curls. It's not just that his eyes are a deep dark midnight blue with these incredible pale blue flecks that tend to sparkle when he's amused or angry or turned on. It's not just that he's so tall and graceful and moves like a predator stalking it's prey, with a natural, fluid, cat-like easy grace that really can take your breath away if you're not used to it. It's not just that he has a smile that lights up a room, literally, perfect, pink, naturally pouty lips, an endearing dimple high on his left cheekbone that adds a bit of child-like to the overall impression of pure sex.
Any one of those traits would be enough for any man. No, it's that Adam has them all, combined into this overwhelming, breath taking, heart stoppingly beautiful being that, man or woman, you want to know on every intimate level. How could I *not* love him?
I can still hear him sniffling in the next bed and feel my heart clench. Great, so I just realize fully that I'm in love with my best friend and, lucky me, he just happens to be in love with our *other* best friend. Why does this not surprise me? Just my luck.
I heave a sigh and try to go back to sleep. As if.
***********************
It's been a week since I admitted to myself that I love Adam. A very long week. He and Nick are fighting. Well, not really fighting, but Adam's been giving Nick the silent treatment, for all the good that does because Nick, I don't think, has noticed. He's hardly here the past few days. And I just found out *why* he's been scarce....
Jessica Manson.
You know, I'm sitting here on the quad, attempting to mind my own business, I did *not* come down here with the intention of catching one of my best friends with a girl...something that, while normal to other folks, is going to break Adam's heart.
Nick hasn't noticed me yet, but it's only a matter of time before he does, I'm right in his line of sight, if he'd take his mouth off the little blonde and pay attention. But that isn't happening and watching them out of the corner of my eye is starting to get nauseating. Maybe I should announce my presence? I don't know...
And as I'm debating what to do, I notice Nick's obsidian eyes suddenly open and lock on mine. To his credit, he has the decency to look caught, and his eyes widen a bit, glance down, then back up at me. He says something to Jessica, then gets up from where they are sitting beneath a tree and starts towards me.
Oh great...I really don't need this right now, I do NOT need to get in the middle of any drama, but I can just feel it closing in on me...drama, party of one? Sigh.
"Hey..." he's scuffling his toe a bit and I can't help but want to smack him. He has to know the little boy lost thing is *not* gonna work on me after what I just saw.
"Hey...friend of yours?" Said with enough sarcasm to be obvious I didn't think that at all.
Nick sighs and sits down next to me in the grass. "Look, Jay...."
I hold up my hand, suddenly very angry. "Save it, Nick. Man, I can't even believe you. Do you have any idea what this is gonna do to Adam? He loves you, man!" Much as I'd like it to be otherwise, it's true.
Nick looks up at me from beneath his brows and damn if I don't know why Adam loves him. Nick really is the dark to Adam's light, no less beautiful and just as fucking charming and mesmerizing. I want to punch him right in that gorgeous mouth of his. "Jay, it isn't what you think..."
I snort, snapping my book closed and narrowing my eyes. "Really? So you weren't just making out with Jessica Manson while our best friend, the man who's in love with you, is home moping over you and watching Steel Magnolia's yet again?" I love Nick, he's one of my best friends, and much as I'd like to punch him, instead I just shove his shoulder, glaring. "Dammit, Nick...what the fuck is wrong with you? I don't get it, you've got Adam, *Adam*, in love with you, how the hell can you even think about fucking that up over some blonde bimbo who won't remember your name next semester??"
Nick arches his brows at me, frowning. I ignore the look and continue, on a roll now.
"You're so fucking stupid, Nick! You honestly think you're gonna do better than Adam?? That he's not the absolute best that you, or anyone for that matter, could have? I don't get it, how can you even *consider* anyone else when you have Adam at your fucking feet?? If he was mine..." oh shit. I let the sentence trail off, eyes on the ground as I pray really hard that I did *not* just say that...oh shit.
Nick just stares at me for a long moment, not saying anything, brows arched and eyes wide as he, I assume, tries to figure out what to say to that. Finally he does. "If he was yours? If he was yours, what?" I don't say anything, refusing to look at him, and hear Nick chuckle low. "Oh my god...you're in love with Adam..."
Oh, this was *so* not how I envisioned announcing it, if I ever did at all. "I...I don't...*sigh*...maybe..."
I risk a glance at him and he doesn't look mad or anything, just shocked, really. Understandable since I just dropped a serious bombshell on accident. Oops.
Then, suddenly, Nick starts to laugh, at first low chuckles that gradually grow into full on, side-holding laughter. I have to wonder if he's lost his mind finally. We all kinda figured one day he would... maybe this is that day?
"You...you love...Adam!" still chuckling and out of breath. "Oh man....Jay...that's too much!"
I have to scowl now, this isn't funny. "I don't see what's so fucking funny about this, Nick!"
He grins, his eyes growing serious. "I know, but...have you told Adam?"
"No!"
Nick just shakes his head, still smiling. "Jay...he's not in love with me, bro."
I just stare at him. Of course he is.
Nick shakes his head again, seeing the disbelief. "No, man, I'm telling you...Adam ain't in love with me. Not that I don't wish he were...but he isn't." He looks at me and his eyes are kind of sad. "He's in love with you."
I feel that like a punch in the gut, the breath just whooshing from my lungs.
Nick nods. "He's in love with *you*. Has been for forever, man..."
"But...you and..." Damn, I cannot seem to form a coherent sentence. Luckily, Nick gets where I'm going.
"Yeah, me and him...man, I ain't proud of it, but even knowing he's in love with you..." he shrugs, "I took what I could get. Which is basically just really great sex."
Finally my voice starts to work again. "No way, man...he was, like, sniffling when you left the other night...he asked you to stay!"
Nick shrugs, plucking absently at the grass. "He feels bad. He knows I love him, he always feels bad afterwards...and I always hafta leave. Can't stay, man, you know, knowin' he's layin' there wishing it was you next to him." He shrugs again, head down, thick black hair falling forward to obscure his face. "He said your name."
I stare at him, eyes wide. "What?"
Nick looks up at me. "Your name. That night...he said your name when he came. You had to of heard it."
"N...no. I didn't..." my stomach is flipping end over end like a gymnast here.
He nods, head bowing again, hair blocking his face from my view. "Yeah. He did. He's never done that before. I mean, you know, I know he probably thinks about you...*during* you know? But he's never...I told him the next day that we're over."
I don't know what to say to that and Nick looks up at me, a small smile curving his lips. "Oh, don't look like that, Jay...it ain't gonna fuck up our friendship, I told Adam the same thing. Me and him'll be fine." he smiles a bit wider. "It's you and him that I'm worried about."
"Me and him?"
"Yeah, dumbass, you and him! Now, are you gonna tell him you love him or am I?" Dark eyes twinkling with mischief.
"Oh no...uh-uh, Nick, I don't know...what if you're wrong?" That's what's eating away at all the joy that came rushing in when Nick said Adam loved me. What if he was wrong? I think I could stand being Adam's friend for the rest of my life and pretending I don't feel this way about him, but I don't know if I can admit it, be rejected and then what? I lose my best friend in the world because of a crush? Okay, so it's more than a crush, but still...
"I'm not wrong, Jay. He is so in love with you it scares him. Don't you think we've talked about this? Shit, it's how we first got together in the first place, me consoling him and his poor unrequited lovesick heart." Nick smirks at me, head tilted to one side, then his eyes get serious again. "I mean it, bro. Don't fuck this up. He ain't gonna be there waiting forever...eventually he's gonna suck it up and try and move on, past what he feels for you because he's convinced you can't ever feel the same way. Man...there ain't gonna be any getting him back once that happens."
I cannot even explain the pure terror that thought evokes in me. I don't bother saying goodbye as I bolt to my feet and make a beeline for the dorms, Nick, I'm sure, chuckling beneath his breath at me. Remind me to thank him in a big way. Later. Right now, I have an angel to make my own.
*********************
Adam looks up at me as I burst into our room, his brows arching as he takes in how out of breath I am. What can I say, I ran the whole way. Darryl Hannah is stringing up Christmas lights on the TV.
"What's up? You okay?" he asks, eyes concerned when I don't say anything, just stare at him.
I didn't think this far ahead, and I'm at a loss for what to do now. My heart is pounding as the silence stretches out between us and Adam begins to frown, turning on the couch to face me where I stand.
"Jay...?"
And suddenly I feel like a weight has lifted off my chest and I can finally breathe, a smile breaking across my face. Adam, still confused, smiles back, but I can see he's still wondering what's going on.
"I love you." I didn't mean to blurt it out like that, really I didn't, but there it is.
Those golden brows arch up high on his forehead, midnight blue eyes wide. "What?"
I just grin and cross to the couch, not breaking stride as I slide one knee on either side of his hips and catch his face in my hands, dropping my mouth down to capture those incredibly soft, lush pink lips in a kiss that I swear tilts the earth on its very axis.
I hear a broken whimper in his throat and the next thing I know, his hands are in my hair and he's kissing me like his life depends on it. God knows mine might. I fist my fingers in his amazing golden curls, turning with him so he is stretched out on his back on the couch, me crouched over him, devouring him like a starving man at his last meal.
He tastes like heaven...like spice and heat and forever...I could drown in his taste and never get enough. The little whimpering sounds he's making in the back of his throat are driving me wild, his hands dragging down my back and over my sides, hips moving restlessly beneath me. My Adam...mine...god I could die a happy man with that knowledge.
Finally I break the kiss, staring down at him, panting. He's staring back up at me, breathless, lips swollen and damp from my tongue, eyes wide and sparking, those narrow hips shifting against me, our straining cocks brushing through our pants and we both suck in a hissing breath at the contact, shivers coursing through us both.
"Jay..." he pants, blinking slow and dazed. "What..."
"Shhh...not now..." I whisper, bending my head to drag my tongue across those tempting lips and swallow his moan. "I love you..."
He looks up at me and I see tears sparkling in his eyes. "I love you, Jay..."
I swear my heart could just burst hearing my Adam say those words to me...I could listen to him saying that for the rest of my life and never get tired of it. I smile down at him, nuzzling my nose against his jaw lightly, then capture his earlobe between my teeth gently. "Show me..." I whisper and I can feel the jolt of that shoot through him.
Staring down into those incredible, heated, sparking blue eyes of the man I love, I can hardly breathe with the love that fills me. Yeah...remind me to thank Nick. Later.
