The following examples of Library humour and/or general oddity have come my way this week. It has to be said that one or two of these could just conceivably bring the blush of shame to the cheek of modesty, but that's your fault not mine! In my further defence, may I also state that all the slightly "blue" stories have been submitted by women!!!
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Firstly, one of my own that I remembered from way back. This was a catalogue entry written for the "Poor Law Commissioners' report for 1834", which appeared as:
POOR, L
Commissioners' report. 1834
And I did NOT write it, I only FOUND it!
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I was working as assistant librarian in a small special library. The
librarian and I had decided to close the library for a week to do some much
needed stocktaking. We planned ahead - we advertised the closure, put up
signs, informed the various schools and universities (it was a library
heavily used by students).
The week of the stocktake saw a steady trickle of people still trying to
come into the library and insisting that we help them. By the third day the
librarian's frustration was mounting. As one poor student entered the
library the librarian turned and practically bellowed "Did you see the signs
on your way in?" "Yes". said the student. The librarian glared. "Well if you
can't &*@! read then I don't know what good this library is going to do for
you!"
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In the seventies, one of the school library associations issued
school librarians with badges which read "Ask me!" not all high school
librarians were prepared to wear them...
And there was a public library which succumbed to pressure from some of its
patrons, and put all literature with a slightly "blue' flavour into a
special closed stack. Adult patrons were welcome to use the collection.
They were alerted to this by a notice on the Information Desk which read,
"For sex, see the librarian."
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Patron: "I am looking for a globe of the earth.
Ref: "We have a table-top model over here."
Patron: "No, that's not good enough. Don't you have a life size?"
Ref (after a short pause): "Yes, but it's in use right now!"
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This is one that happened to me when I started working in a public library.
A well dressed lady in her 60s came up to the very busy front counter and asked if the library had a copy of 'becoming orgasmic'. I thought she meant to say becoming organic and proceeded to suggest several titles on permaculture. She looked at me very puzzled and said but what on earth has that got to do with orgasms dear? I in turn went bright red and apologised, having realised that she was indeed after a book that had just been released, and yes it was called 'becoming orgasmic'. Needless to say the patrons at the circulation desk all had a good laugh, and we all had to reassess our tendency to prejudge people.
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The following is a true story that took place just yesterday at my library:
A museum volunteer asks, "Have you seen Millions of Magazines?" (Actually
name of a store)
The librarian's reply: "I only have to go back to the far end of the
library to see that many!"
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From my days in a public library:
Two of us were working the reference desk one slow evening when a man walks
up and says, "Who can help me without asking any questions?" Since this
was the same man who only the day before had told me that my voice hurt his
ears, I promptly pointed to my colleague and said "That would be Julie."
Julie gave me a "Huh?" look, but proceeded to help him while I pretended to
be doing something besides eavesdropping. She was able to mostly confine
herself to "We have this title, will it do?" but was forced to ask 1 or 2
reference interview questions due to the nature of his request. He was NOT
happy. "Why can't you people help me without all the questions?" Julie
patiently explained that it was so we could make sure we were getting him
what he really needed to answer his question. He said angrily,"Well,
that's stupid! Whoever came up with that idea should be shot!"
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(This is another from yours truly)
In my first, pre-qualification, library job, one task of the reference department of London University Library was to re-route enquiries from book suppliers who were confused by the publishers' name "University of London Press", which at the time had nothing to do with the University of London! I had been doing this job for a week or two when the phone rang and a similar sort of enquiry came through, asking for published copies of school exam papers (London University was a school exam board for O- and A-levels). I tried passing the call down to publications, who said I should be talking to the school exams department. I was put through to them, but they passed me back to someone else in publications, who in turn transferred me to another person in school exams. After a bit more of this, somebody had a bright idea. "Ooh, I know", she said, "I can put you through to someone who's really good at this sort of thing". A second later my other phone rang and I was talking to myself!
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