"The Killah
Report"
by the Mad Killah, 14
April 1999
'Tis' the Killah - and yes I am mad.. Right now you have two
choices. The 1st (or good one) is to sit back, shut up and read on. The 2nd is you can
click the eew. link and leave to find yourself wondering why you are now on an interracial
porn site. Either way I could give a fuck what you choose.
The Killah is not of sound mind or body right now, so please work
with me. Last Saturday I witnessed an awesome match that took place at HH3, which was of
course atthe EEW yard. As most of you are assuming I speak of the Ice Tre versus El Guapo
match for the Bareknux Title. It had everything that it takes to be considered in among
the ranks of one of the best matches in Extremely Extreme Wrestling history- Well
everything BUT the usual veteran/Original Gangsta type wrestlers. Huh? Yeah, that is
right, what I am saying is this match was so great because it wasn't Lucifer or a
Tomaselli, It was lil' Ice Tre and El Guapo (the "the cream of the crop" when it
comes to the Squad) who is one of the newest guys here.
Was it:
Hardcore: yes
Extreme: yes.
I move on now. Tony "The Tiger" as the Commissioner is going
to be a good thing (sorry Brian - by the way.) He brings to the ring not only a great deal
of knowledge in wrestling (hence the term "moves adults have grown to fear"),
but also a certain kind of Don Spiffiness. I believe he can get things done, Killah keeps
a look out. Now that we are on The Tiger - What the fuck is up with that belt. I guess the
Killah has to address this vacant title thing.
I see that Lucifer is #1 contender but to whom? Asmodeus is #2, as
far as the rankings go. But as far as I can tell, we do not want to see another Lucifer
versus Asmodeus match, unless of course it is guaranteed that someone is going to die, or
it is a burial match (and only Jesus can do those.) The Pledgemasta's on the list too,
hasn't he already held this belt? And what has he been doing as of late? He's
hanging out at the tag-team division playing with the Flaming retard (who is funny as hell
). I think it is time to give someone else a chance. Who else? Ice Tre is here no
longer holding the Bareknux title, leaving him beltless and possibly wanting a new strap.
He's a good wrestler and hardcore baby, but when you put him up against Asmodeus -
I think pure evil will prevail. One last person worth mentioning now is one we haven't
seen for sometime - The Serial Hippie. He's dangerous, he's funny, He does the grooviest
moves - and he is a genuis (So I have heard - I do not contest nor test) and he can beat
all the other contenders, though his better matches have been versus "The Tiger."
With this tournament, all the rules are thrown out though. First
off, the Hippie isn't coming back for it, as far as I can tell. There is a mystery
opponent that the New spiffy referee Alleva has threatened upon The Pledgemaster.
Who is this guy? We start with the rumors:
* Some say it is non other than Fat Tony our friend who likes Ice Cream
- thats not even funny nor is it being the Dis.
* Another one or shall I say two is that Leviathan and Saytun666 will
make a comeback at MDM. This is not very imaginable no one wants Leviathan back BUT if
Saytun666 where to reappear a match between him and The Serial Hippie wouldn't be the one
you miss.
* Who's next... As of now Tom Green has yet to acknowledge or accept an
invitation to the passing or the upcoming event, and I'm sorry but I don't think Doink
will be here either.
* Other wrestlers who most likely without a miracle or hacked booking
will not win or even get into the tournament include Scotty the Body (Crack-killer), Ares,
Tsunami, The Guru, Stretch and Sissy Boy Devine.
You know, when it comes down to it, as much as I hate to say it, I
think its really between the Lucifer and Asmodeus. I know that both should win it, I mean
Asmodeus wants and so does the "King of the Underground," or whatever he's
calling himself these days. When I am pressed for an answer, I gotta say that
Lucifer will probably be bringing the gold home. Why? It's not just cause the Lunatic
wishes to somewhat refer to me as the "Mad Moron." (I would like to take this
time however, to send not a shout out, but a "screw you man.") Basically,
it's cause Lucifer has LeRoy and the gangsta Ice Tre watching his back. Asmodeus
ain't got nothing but a bad attitude. (And a good job at Noodle Kadoodle.)
Am I done? NO, I also think it's cool that El Guapo is now holding
the Bareknux Title, the very same strap which I used to refer to as "Asmodeus's belt."
(sorry Tre', you rock though man) but wait I said USED to .. hahaha So here it is very
long and not so straight to the point but adds that 'lil extra something you were missing
in your life!
Of course I do have a lil something more for you fuckers...a list of some sorts:
Best Wrestler: Rico Suave (anyone else notice the great vibe him & Guapo throw
off together...Espanos Locos el Triple threat?
Hmmmmmm) Worst: Not sure if it's Ares cause he sucks or Mad Man cause he's crazy
(anyone else see that lil elephant he's been carrying around) Funniest: Still
Dante, but if Tom Green wrestled he would get it.. As I am on the funny subj. If anyone
was at the last ECW show around here yes that was Lethal; Leroy loud ass mouth...Odelay Biggest
wise ass: no, that's not biggest ass.sit down Dis....Lucifer has got to be the biggest
wise ass in EEW Just plain dumb: Pinto, even for a pledge this kid is out
there..and he does not win damnit!
I am done.
Hate me.
the Mad Killah
mad_killah@hotmail.com