I do believe a Super Bowl Sunday wrap is in good order. Yeah, yeah, there was this game and all, and I was rooting for New England, but let's get to the real juicy details, halftime and the commercials!

First off, the hooha over Janet Jackson's bodacious ta-tas (or ta-ta, as it was seen) is over-the-top silliness. When it happened, I remember those of us in Louisville (me, Stephanie, Bill, Stacy and Joe; I'm assuming Gabriel didn't notice) wondering if she really just popped out, but it was so quick and the camera shot so far away, we couldn't tell. I do guarantee that no one got up on a soapbox to announce the end of humanity. Yet, during my seven hour drive home today, I heard countless sports and political radio talk shows determine that Janet (Miss Jackson if your nasty) and Justin Timberlake just set the date for our moral damnation with their stunt (and yes, it was certainly staged). Big deal, I say. The halftime show stunk already, so why not try something to spice up songs that weren't hits last century, let alone today? But hey, at least the groundhog saw his shadow, meaning six more weeks of joke malfunctions by moi, right?

How about those Super Bowl ads? There weren't many gutbusters, but several were worthy of mention, some more than USA Today's annual Ad Meter gives credit (stupid Tampa viewers).

My favorite - and I promise I'm not biased by my father's business - was the FedEx one where the alien pretends to be human, and his coworkers figure it out but can't prove it. See, all it takes is to "ship it with FedEx" and all problems are solved! Unbelievably, this one ranked among the bottom third. Second-best, the ad wizards at Budweiser brought back the Clydesdales, but in a Rudolph-like story, a donkey makes the grade to pull the cart with them. Funny and adorable. My third favorite actually involved NASCAR, when Dale Earnhardt, Jr., guns his car to return lipstick to a woman on a plane, but it turns out not to be hers. Great twist at the end by Bud Light, but I still don't drink alcohol. Come to think of it, there aren't any ads that enticed me to buy a product. Then again, while the women's volleyball players in the snow won't make me get a Visa card, I sure want to see the ad again!

The one item I strongly disagree with is the ad rated No. 1 by the goofball raters for USA Today, the Bud Light ad where the mangy pooch bites the crotch of the yuppie. That wasn't funny, it was stupid and cliché. I could have come up with that in fifth grade. But then, I don't drink Bud Light - or beer at all - so what do I know? Wait, strike that, I know good taste and funny comedy, so take that!
Posted 12:35 a.m.

    Feel you've lost touch with your Dixie or Yankee roots with your dialect? Check it out and make sure you've still got it. I scored 67% Dixie, so while Atlanta is trying to rip out my Southern-ness, I'm holding on best I can!
Posted 12:34 a.m.

    Egad! Would someone please, please let President Bush know that conservatives - even moderate ones - prefer less government spending? Now they're talking about doubling the God-forsaken (or Forsake God) National Endowment for the Arts! I'm a little closer to Frank at IMAO on this issue:

...I don't want my money going towards more feces smeared Virgin Mary paintings. Time to really start lobbying the government for a check box on our tax forms that says "Please just spend my money on cruise missiles."

    ESPN.com Page 2’s Bill Simmons unveiled his pantheon of gorgeous women, his Best-looking Babes of My Lifetime as part of his Super Bowl bloggin from Houston. He’s a few years older, so his list doesn’t quite fit with my “lifetime,” a.k.a. when I first oogled females. Here’s Simmons’: Heather Locklear, Cheryl Ladd, Jaclyn Smith, Kathy Ireland, Christie Brinkley, Elle McPherson, Sharon Stone, Randi Oakes, Phoebe Cates, Donna Dixon, Charlize Theron, Jennifer Aniston, Tiffani Thiesson.

Sharon Stone? Sure, she was hot in Basic Instinct, but that's because she was naked and having sex like a banshee for two hours. Otherwise, I wouldn't put her in the top 100 of my lifetime. She looked horrible at Sunday’s Golden Globes, like her hair was done by a cheese grater.

Official Cerebration Brother, Scott, noted he was proud that Simmons included Ireland on the list. She was always a favorite of mine, too, and because she went the clean, Christian motherly route, I think she doesn't get the credit she deserves as one of the all-time supermodels.

But I really don't have an opinion on this.

Yeah, right. OK, my list would include Ireland, because her Sports Illustrated swimsuit covers were every guys dream when we picked up our copy each February. Theron is a nice addition for current times, but if she ever uglifies herself for an award like she did for Monster she deserves to be stricken from this list for shaming the beauty profession.

Elsewhere, I include Ashley Judd, Rachel Weisz, Yasmine Bleeth and Dana Delaney who, even though a little older when I was coming of age, was still the hottest redhead on the planet.

Honorable mention of my faves, who may not rate high on the sexy meter, still float my boat: Melissa Joan Hart, Maura Tierney, Minnie Driver, Amy Wynn Pastor from "Trading Spaces," Laura Diaz (LPGA golfer), Marisa Tomei, Elisabeth Shue, Travel Channel’s Sam Brown, and Paige from "Body Shaping".
Posted 10:22 p.m.

    From a strictly apolitical standpoint, Miami Herald syndicated columnist Dave Barry has put out my favorite work covering the primaries. With the "news" we put out, complete with spinning so much I get dizzy, his stuff is refreshing.
Posted 9:18 p.m.

    This week's best Vents sent to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution:
    - This year is really shaping up. I've lost five pounds and Nancy is gone from the (Atlanta) comics.
    - The next attack on Bush will be that he tried to give us global warming and even failed at that.
    - Someone stole my identity and promptly got killed in a car wreck. My wife is collecting on my life insurance, and now we're off to Disneyland!
    - Why is it that lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
    - Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
    - The good news about the several hundred Bush protesters last week is that only about seven of them had to actually take time off work.
    - New York's latest bumper sticker says, "Run, Hillary, Run." Democrats put it on the back bumper and Republicans put it on the front.
    - Last year, my New Year's resolution was to meet all my neighbors. This year, I'm resolving to move.

My Vents:

    - Didya notice that Democrats didn't mind when Clinton was setting fundraising records?
    - Nancy Pelosi looked like a captive made by her kidnappers to sit for a video to tell her family she's okay as long as they pay.
    - We need to raise taxes and we must never alienate France is not a winning strategy. (courtesy Lileks)
Posted 9:07 p.m.

    If you haven't been to Scott's Church History blog lately, check it out because he's on a roll!
Posted 7:54 p.m.


    Sorry it took a few days to get out a picture, but there's nothing like celebrating a big purchase than getting deathly ill!

Sunday morning I woke up with my stomach gurgling and weaker than Al Gore in a comedy contest. I wasn't even in the mood to eat (*Ding!* There's my warning sign). I made it to church in time for Sunday School, feeling so very tired the entire time. So John, if it looked like I was dozing, it wasn't your lesson, I promise.

Afterwards at Chili's for lunch with Kim, Andy, Valerie and Cindy, I was a useless downer. I was tired, weak, had a headache and the idea of food was repulsive. I ordered a cup of soup, and couldn't eat it. I managed to scarf down three crackers. But hey, the waiter didn't charge me for the soup, so that's something, right?

Back home, time for a two-hour nap. Didn't help. I woke up just as weak, and my belly was still gurgling. I made myself eat two granola bars, but that was the last of the food I could eat Sunday. Watching the Golden Globes, I dozed on and off, and slept for ten hours or so today. I called in sick to work for Monday last night, too, knowing I wasn't going to be in any shape to drive to work or make it through eight hours.

Felt better Monday, sipping some vegetable soup for lunch, taking another nap, feeling less woozy. To celebrate, I ordered Chinese to splurge. But because of my diet and lack of food, my stomach wasn't holding much, and I didn't eat half of my sesame chicken before feeling sickly full. I guess that's a good thing. If I were anorexic.

I hope it wasn't a type of flu called Buyer's Remorse, but more likely Subway's Revenge from my chicken sandwich.

Thus, my first drive to work is tonight, and I'm still breaking her in. The one thing I haven't gotten used to is the automatic headlights. Every time, I stand there like a doofus waiting for the lights to go out before I go inside. Lord, grant me faith in thine Pontiac's 25-second delay!

My first road trip is this week, to really break in the new wheels. Thursday night after work (a.k.a. Friday morning at 1 a.m.) I'll be heading to Louisville through Monday, so I can't wait to see many of you for Gabriel's birthday and the Super Bowl festivities!
Posted 3:45 p.m.

    Light the cigars, Jeff's got a new baby! She's about 3,750 pounds and is 182 inches long.

Yes, folks, Jeff got himself a new car. It's a 2004 Pontiac Aztek, just as I discussed wanting with some of you the past few years. I've tried a lot of SUVs, and the Aztek was most comfortable, and affordable with the features I want.

I just put the first 35 miles on her during the test drive and drive home, which reminded me of my first drive in Atlanta, and what I'm told is like the first drive home with a real baby: Terrifying.

"Hey you, stay ten feet behind my new Aztek! And you, Tercel! Yeah, bluey, don't even think of trying to ride beside me for more than one hundred feet! What do you want, to make my baby scared and cry? You're despicable!"

Anyway, I'm sorry that my good ol' reliable Jeep Cherokee had to go. She was very good to me, but it was time for me to buy, for the first time, a brand spankin' new vehicle. It also has the key features I was looking for, with remote keyless entry, a sunroof, CD player, that safety crap, but better, the center console can also be used as a cooler! Yeah, I know! Can't wait to bust it out for use to Louisville at the end of the week.

The color? "Metallic Champagne Beige." And I don't even drink! Scotch Brown was out, as was Hour After Tequila Green.

As for the buying experience, those salesmen really know how to drain you, physically then monetarily. I arrived at 1:30, didn't leave with the Aztek until 6:30. Yeesh. Initially, with test drives it's all good, then comes the Paperwork. More paperwork. The salesman pretends to be on my side when talking with one finance manager. Then another. Then when I'm ready to go, they bring in the ball breaker finance manager to upsell me. I'm not sure, but I think he tried to get me to buy the Mars Rover as an added package. I just kept shaking my head, saying "I don't want your options!"

"But hey, how about this nifty pen light that can aid rescue vehicles when your new, but possible lemon, breaks down? Only $500!"

It's over now, and me and my Aztek will be happy, I'm sure. But why is my rear end sore?

p.s. - I'll take pictures tomorrow during the day (I'd love to have done so today, but, well, apparently five hours means the sales people were in a hurry!).
Posted 8:20 p.m.

    NASA reports the Mars lander Spirit may be trying to reboot to fix a problem. Great, I guess we should have asked first, but why did we send up the Microsoft Windows Rover? Wasn't there a Mac-friendly iRover available?
Posted 8:26 p.m.

    Am I the only guy who thinks that Pamela Mackey, a.k.a. Kobe Bryant's female-friendly lawyer, is totally hot?
Posted 8:26 p.m.

    Has anyone actually listened to the words to Clay Aiken's new song, "Invisible?" At first, I thought the song was "Invincible," so at least he had superhero powers to enhance his creepy stalking. But no, he’s invisible, which might be worse. No powers, yet he still wants to "just watch you in your room."

Ewwwww, Clay, stop it! I'd get arrested for that. I'm pretty sure about this.

Another line doesn't make much sense: "I would be the smartest man/If I was invisible."

I don't see how being invisible makes you smarter. If you could freeze time, sure, because then you could read every textbook and novel while the rest of the world is stopped. Like Groundhog Day, you've got plenty of time to learn new crafts. But invisible? The only thing you can do is be a spy, plus apparently sneak around girls' rooms in feeble attempts at love. Eerie, dude.
Posted 6:53 p.m.

    Let's take a visit to the local Trailer Park:

Twisted - Ashley Judd stars in this police crime thriller. She's the tough chick who ends up being the pursued. All kinds of trailer cliches fly past the viewer, such as Judd being an "expert on the criminal mind," "each new clue is a message" and "someone is profiling her." Please, folks, let's dispatch with the same ol', same ol' trailer trash. If not for megababe Judd, I'd ignore this entirely.

Eurotrip - Teens traverse Europe, sex, drugs and cultural oddities ensue. From the producers of Road Trip and Old School, but made for the younger folks. Although, cutie patootie Dawn from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" is in it, so maybe I'll catch it on cable in a few years. Not in the theater, though, else I just feel like the creepy older guy. But I'm not. Really. *Keep this between us, please?*

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen - Lindsay Lohan (Freaky Friday) is a clunky girl with dreams of stardom. Naturally she sort of gets her wish at the big time, with all kinds of hilarious embarrassing goofball clutzy moments. I won't see them, but I'm sure that's what happens.
Posted 6:43 p.m.

    Rush this afternoon was talking about Choice, specifically concerning a piece in the New York Times by Barry Schwartz titled Nation of Second Guesses. In it, Schwartz argues that, “increased choice can lead to a decrease in satisfaction. Too many options can result in paralysis, not liberation.” While Schwartz allows that “a life without any freedom of choice would not be worth living,” he gets all psychological with mumbo-jumbo that “it appears not to be true that more choice inevitably leads to more freedom and greater happiness.”

Hogwash.

First off, if you’re given so much choice that you can’t make one, then perhaps you were meant to stand pat and not choose at all. Second, what Schwartz really means is that he’d rather have someone else make our decisions, and you can bet that he’s thinking of the government.

Phooey.

American liberals like to play "Pro-Choice," but really mean it for one thing and one thing only: Abortion. Otherwise they'd gladly restrict your choices and force you to do what they "feel" is best. You see, "feeling" is that they do best. I'd like to propose to our controlling GOP in Congress that they should adopt some of the 'Right' Choices:

Social Security Choice - The right to control your own retirement through investments.

School Choice - The right to use your tax dollars to put your children in capable schools.

Energy Choice - Controlling our own energy agenda by finding more sources of oil in Alaska or using cheaper and cleaner nuclear energy.

Private Organization Choice - Could also be called the "Boy Scouts Clause," the right to join a any private organization that doesn’t allow any Tom, Dick or Harry. Most recently seen in California, where the Los Angeles Bar Association is trying to bar judges from participating in Boy Scout events. Do this, and the next step is to say that judges can be barred for having a particular religious faith.

Tax Choice – If Leftist elites feel that the rich don't pay enough taxes, then we need to set up a system where the guilty parties can pay what they feel is their fair share, and stop trying to fleece the rest of us.

Car Choice – The right to enjoy your gas-guzzling SUV, drive whatever makes you happy and feel safer on our ever-increasing frustration known as American roads. This is in conjunction with Suburb Choice, the right to live outside the city and drive a half-hour to work, so that a family can enjoy a big yard and park their car in their own garage.

Gun Choice – Don't tell others that the 2nd Amendment doesn't apply just because you get the heebie-jeebies over firearms and are unwilling to punish criminals harshly.

Black Republican Choice – The right to believe in a smaller government and self-reliance, without your own race calling you an Uncle Tom and a traitor to "the cause."

Food Choice - The right to eat whatever you want and not be criticized for eating meat or putting butter on your popcorn.

Abstinence Choice - The right to teach our children that it's better if they wait until marriage to have sex, without having to learn how to put condoms on bananas or be told in public schools that it's okay to have multiple partners as long as you're "careful."

Wealth Choice - The right to succeed in the American dream without being told that you won "life's lottery" and owe it to the poor and lazy to pay three-fourths of your income in taxes.

Talk Show Choice - The right to listen to conservative radio talk shows without being told that you're a "ditto-head" who can't think for himself and, by the way, you’re dumb and heartless. Key example, last spring in Esquire, Eric Alterman said, "I wish (Limbaugh) would have gone deaf. I shouldn't say that, but on behalf of the country, it would be better without Rush Limbaugh and his 20 million listeners." And they call us mean-spirited?

Religion Choice - The right to worship a higher power without being told you are a weak-minded fool. Also, to believe that the higher power has rules that don't mesh with modern political correctness (ex. - homosexual unions) and not be condemned as closed-minded. Also, the right to own a few of the 50 million sold copies of the fictional Rapture series, "Left Behind," without being labeled a fundamentalist kook and dismissed by critics for not reading 'proper' books about gay immigrants with one leg who like to ride ponies and watch Bulgarian films about beech trees. Also related to Tolerance Choice, since we have learned from PC-niks that "tolerance" means accepting "sexual minorities" - but mocking religious majorities at every turn.

Red America Choice - The right to live in flyover country -- that vast swath of states between New York and California that voted for President Bush, hence the term "red America" for the color of the Republican-won states -- and not be made fun of as uncouth, hicks, rednecks, incestuous, backwards, Bible-thumping, etc. by Blue America elitists.

Historical Integrity Choice – The right to revere those in the past without being told that you can't look up to them if they harmed or were prejudiced against any other people. On a related note, you could add Patriotic Choice – the right to defend American interests even if they aren't cool with the collectively outraged international community (seriously, when aren't they nitpicking our policies?).
Posted 11:25 p.m.

    Oh, almost forgot. I was celebrating my 2-0 picks in the NFC and AFC title games, and forgot to pick a Super Bowl favorite. Fellow correct-picker Steven hopes for a Carolina win, but thinks the Patriots will win by 17. I hope New England wins, and think they'll win by a touchdown.
Posted 11:09 p.m.

    The best 'F' you to Democrats and Euroweenies in tonight's State of the Union address by President Bush: "America will never seek a permission slip to defend the security of our people."
Posted 10:13 p.m.

    Looks like 82 percent of Iowa Democrats weren't hip to the politics of the Angry Left supplied by Howard Dean and his young Deanie Babies. Instead, they went the opposite direction, giving two of the most boring candidates in Kerry and Edwards a boost.

At work, we spent a lot of time and energy on a caucus that most of America couldn't care less about. Even Democrats don't give a flip and ignore the candidates. There's a new poll that says, "Four-fifths of registered voters who want to take part in Democratic primaries or caucuses say they don't know enough about the presidential candidates to make an informed choice, according to a poll." Maybe Dems should put up the Bush-is-Hitler signs and focus on learning about the guys they want to elect.
Posted 5:45 p.m.

    What did I tell you? I was rooting for Indy-Philly, but predicted a New England-Carolina Super Bowl. It will be a hard-fought, low-scoring game, with the mini-dynasty against the up-and-comers. Actually, it's eerily reminiscent of the 1999 Super Bowl between Denver and Atlanta, when everyone in this city was doing the Dirty Bird. If trends remain the same, the Patriots will whip the Panthers. No matter, I'll be in Louisville for Gabriel's fourth birthday, and will enjoy good food and company while watching what I hope are great commercials. And the game, too. Right, the game.

Lookie here, Steven posted the same winners. Impaired minds think alike!
Posted 9:51 p.m.

    Folks are weighing in on the Halle Berry Catwoman costume, whether she's sexy or skanky. IMHO, she's certified Grade A Skanky.
(Link via Instapundit)
Posted 9:47 p.m.

    When picking up my pictures at Walgreens yesterday, even though I submitted the digital photos a week ago, the guy didn't even ask my name and plucked them out of the bin. Should I be thankful for personal service, or start fretting that I'm being stalked, a la Robin Williams' creepy photo guy in One Hour Photo?
Posted 9:45 p.m.

    ESPN.com's Page 2 lists their top 25 athletes of the last 25 years, then asks us to select our choices. Here is my top ten, but with a change at the end:

1. Michael Jordan - The best basketball player. Ever.

2. Wayne Gretzky - Hockey? What is this hockey, you say?

3. Lance Armstrong - Way to stick it to the French in their main event for five straight years, Lance!

4. Jerry Rice - He could catch a duck fired from a cannon, and outmaneuver three receivers at once. Joe Montana went and Steve Young came and went, but Rice is the reason those QBs were so successful.

5. Pete Sampras - I don't care how quiet he was, Pete won 14 grand slam titles, more than any male tennis player in history.

6. Tiger Woods - A welcome explosion onto the golf scene, no matter what race he subscribes to nowadays. Holding all four major titles at once was most impressive, even if it wasn't a 'traditional' grand slam. Therefore, the phrase Tiger Slam will forever enter our golf vocabulary.

7. Larry Bird - Larry "Legend," indeed, the most exciting player to watch in the 80s.

8. Roger Clemens - Yes, as a Red Sox fan I'm not to fond of the way he left Boston in a huff, but six Cy Young awards? Wow. What a talent.

9. Barry Sanders - The best runner I've ever seen. Despite, or because of, his small stature, he relied on spinning and weaving to get past defenders twice his size.

10. Mia Hamm - It's been great to see the popularity of women's soccer skyrocket, and superstar scorer Mia has been the main reason since the boom of the early 90s.

ESPN didn't list more than 35 or so athletes, including, and if I had my way would replace Nos 9 and 10 respectively, Steffi Graf and Michelle Kwan. Forget Martina, Steffi was the grace and strength of women's tennis during this period, and Kwan, while unable to get Olympic gold, has dominated U.S. and world events for a decade, and she's not even 25 yet!
Posted 9:37 p.m.

    Here's something I wondered about while watching the Grizzlies game on Telemundo yesterday: If television stations in the U.S. broadcast programs in both English and Spanish (using the SAP feature), why can't Spanish language stations simulcast in English using the same feature? Without it, ghe game sounded something like this, "Blah blah blah blah (actually, they talk fast, so blahblahblahblahblah), Pau Gasol, blahblahblah muy bueno!" (that means 'very good', based on my four years of Spanish in high school and college)
Posted 6:45 p.m.

    Jeff's Appointment TV Watch has a few juicy morsels this week. Most important, the third go-round of "American Idol" starts this Monday. Yes, please, show me the worst singers in the country, then find needles a haystack to root for later.

Next, if you haven't seen "Monk" before, the third season started Friday and you have plenty of time to catch up. Quick primer: Tony Shalhoub - who won an Emmy last year for this part - plays an obsessive-compulsive genius detective who freelances for the San Francisco police, figuring out strange crimes on the flimsiest of evidence. His 'assistant', Sharona (Bitty Schram), has the attitude and know-how to put up with Monk's annoying mannerisms. Another positive, as the New York Times put it, the show "stands out mainly because it is a lighthearted, 70's-style crime show in a contemporary television landscape of blood, DNA samples and mean streets. There are no morgues, high-tech forensic laboratories or blood-soaked crime scenes."

Another show under the radar is "Keen Eddie," which Fox didn't give a chance last summer, and now will run 13 new episodes for Bravo, with the pilot airing this Tuesday. It's a very entertaining police comedy that takes place in London, meaning plenty of U.S.-England jokes and bickering, and proper British accents that go especially well with the lasses.

Alas, it's also time to say goodbye to a show that previously entertained, but now is a boring pain. I officially stopped watching "24" last week, and didn't miss it one bit. I almost left after last season's "Kim almost attacked by a cougar" as part of a continuing story line to try and find her something to do. This season, with her working for CTU, was no better, but when I saw that Jack Bauer would have to pretend to have the hots for Nina, his wife's killer, I couldn't stand it anymore. They just can't figure out how to fill 24 hours straight without relying on the sluggishness the audience ignores.
Posted 6:15 p.m.

    A mother of two young children blows herself up, killing four, and Hamas calls this "a new tactic" in its war against Israelis. Let that sink in.
Posted 6:15 p.m.

    Funny email of the week, from Grif.net, Imponderables, "When you just wonder WHY?":

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? And why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in", but it's only a "penny" for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

What did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Can you cry under water?

Can people who work for Lipton Tea Company ever take a coffee break?

Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

Posted 6:15 p.m.

    In case you care, or even if you don't, here are my thoughts on the NFL conference championships this weekend:

Who I predict we'll see in the Super Bowl: New England vs. Carolina.

Who I hope we'll see: Indianapolis vs. Philadelphia. It's the perfect good vs. evil scenario, with Manning and coach Dungy against the nutty Philly fans and everyone who thinks it's still funny to make fun of Rush and talk about his dumb comments regarding Donovan McNabb.
Posted 9:08 p.m.

    This week's best Vents sent to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution:
    - Even if you were inclined to do so, why would you need more than one way to skin a cat?
    - Will people who live on the moon station act crazy on nights with a full Earth?
    - The ACLU has promised to eliminate Christian symbols on federal property. Does that include the millions of crosses marking the graves of American soldiers buried in national cemeteries?
    - A woman is someone who drives you to drink and then nags you for that, too.
    - I've lived so long that I'm afraid my friends up in heaven may think I didn't make it.
    - From now on, when I see the Crocodile Hunter, I'm pulling for the croc.
    - Have you noticed that since everyone has a camcorder now, no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
    - How come we never hear about drunk drivers running into other drunk drivers?
    - Happiness is watching the jerk who uses the emergency lane to get around a traffic jam get chased down by the police.
    - It is clear the Democrats' liberal wing would like to take the country in the direction of France - secular, socialistic, economically depressed and defenseless.
    - If they find water on the red planet Mars, and then plant Kudzu, in three years it will be the green planet.
    - Bumper sticker: "If you object to logging, try using plastic toilet paper."

My Vents:

    – Despite all the negative things he said about Bush, Paul O’Neill said he’d probably still vote for him in November. What does that tell you about the Democrat candidates?
    - I looked up "unilateral," and surprisingly the meaning was not "thou hast angered the French."
    - Spirit lives on, while the Beagle 2 is lost on Mars. You have to love God's sense of humor.
    - There are 25 million Iraqis who would beg to differ with Ted Kennedy that their freedom is a blunder.
    - Sure, President Clinton labeled Iraq as a threat back in '98, but he didn't really mean it, and that's what really counts, right?
    - Can you imagine the MLK March Committee saying that a visit by Carter or Clinton would "ruin" their memorial events?
Posted 9:07 p.m.



Jeff's Editorial Page | Column Archives   | Home