Max Hesse was dateless. As he sat amongst his friends in the A/V squad, the thought occurred to him that he really couldn’t be much more of a loser. Even these pathetic excuses for Star Trek Fan stereotypes had managed to scrape up someone for the prom. Cousins, little sisters, internet chicks. Max was comforted by the fact that he probably could have gone that way too; that he chose not to lower himself.

He endured more taunts and several threatened beatings before he found himself on the schoolbus home. The thirty-five minutes of solitude he had every day before his mother came home from work was cherished time. Max would run down to the basement, lift up the old trunk of clothes and carefully push away the boxes containing the musty old camping equipment. Nestled in a dark corner he found salvation: his father’s collection of old Playboys. Max had timed everything perfectly through years of practice; he knew he had a window of about 28 minutes where his safety was guaranteed, anything more was pushing it. Today, however, he found the thrill just wasn’t there. He couldn’t take his mind off the fact that he had only three days to get a date and buy his tickets. Max carefully returned the magazines to their place and went upstairs to watch cartoons.

“Honey, can you help me with the groceries?” Max hadn’t heard his mom pull up in the driveway, the absence of danger probably softening his usually razor-sharp senses. As Max grabbed the bags from the trunk, his mom asked him about his day.

“Fine,” he said, wanting to avoid any discussion of his failure to procure an escort.

“So… is there a lucky young lady for whom you’ll be buying a corsage in the near future?” Her perkiness a clear indicator of the kind of maternal ignorance which left such issues as why an 18 year old boy, barely over 5’4” with zits and a lazy eye who still mowed lawns and rode the bus remained dateless a mystery.

“No mom, I didn’t ask anyone.”

“Oh honey, if you just get up the nerve I know the girl you ask will say yes. You just don’t understand girls, they’re just as nervous as you are. I bet there’s ten of them, having the same discussion right now with their mothers, thinking of asking you.”

“Sure mom, I bet there are. Mom, most of the girls at school already have dates, it’s just too late now, don’t worry about it,” she couldn’t really argue with that logic, please let it shut her up.

“Well what about that Mitchell girl, Sheri? She’s always been sweet on you.”

“Sheri Mitchell? Mom, are you nuts? She’s 12 years old! I’m not bringing a seventh grader to the senior prom. Not a fat one anyway. Mom, just drop it, ok? It’s not a big deal.”

“Ok honey,” she said in a quiet tone, “I just want you to be happy.”

Now Max felt like a dick for yelling at his mom, so he went up to his room and did his homework and tried to forget about it.

The next day the senior class went on a field trip into the city to visit the museum of natural history. Summarily the cool kids ditched the group and went to smoke pot and look at pictures of naked chicks or something, Max wasn’t sure as he stayed with his teachers to imbibe their vast cultural knowledge. Max was interested to learn that Picasso was gay. During the lunch period, Max decided to be a rebel and have a stroll around the outside of the museum, he didn’t want to drift too far into the city and get mugged or something, so he stayed close by. A bum, spying an easy mark, approached Max for some spare change, Max lied and said he had none and tried to walk away but the bum followed him and loudly accused him of being a cheap bastard. As he approached the museum to taunts of “What? Am I a dog? Are you going to treat me like a piece of garbage?” Max noticed that several cool kids were hanging about around the steps of the museum and they took great pleasure in pointing and laughing at his misfortune. There was no way he could avoid not walking right by them so he instead decided to ignore them and the bum the best he could and enter through the side of the building.

Luckily, the bum gave up his quest and a relieved Max was heading for the entrance when he noticed a girl whom his vast knowledge of television had told him was a ‘hooker’. The thought crossed his mind to pay her to have sex with him, but where they would do it he wasn’t exactly sure, plus his two grand he saved from mowing lawns was all at home, he only had a five spot left over from his lunch money. Max gave up the thought and was almost in the door when another idea occurred to him. He took a seat at one of the museum benches and watched her in what he thought was a discreet way. Apparently, she thought so too and started walking over towards where he sat. A wave of panic came over him like a wave; he thought about running but he couldn’t move.

“Hiya honey, mind if I sit down?” she asked in her hooker accent. He didn’t really say anything or even look at her but she sat down anyway. “You looking for a girlfriend?” Silence. “Awww, you’re a shy guy, huh?”

It was go time, for once in his life, Max decided not to be a pussy. “Um… hi.” I AM A MAN, he thought. In his new, empowered state, Max turned his head to look at her, she was pretty, overly made up, but pretty. She looked like a whore. “I was wondering if we could talk, um, about stuff. About what you said.”

“Sure hon. Let’s go for a walk.” She got up and strolled back in the direction she had come from and Max followed several steps behind.

“I was wondering, um…” he thought about how to phrase this, “I… I’m not sure how this works,” she had turned and was now looking at him like the moron he was. “I have a business proposition for you.”

“A business proposition? Ok, let’s talk business.” He found himself relieved by her agreeable nature and realized it was probably a device she employed with her clients.

“I want to hire you, but not… for… not for…” this wasn’t easy.

“Sex? You want to take me on a date, but not have sex with me?” she hoped he was just lonely and not looking for her to dress up as Wonder Woman or something.

“Exactly!” he breathed a sigh of relief.

“Well that’s fine, but I’ll be honest with you, I’m going to charge the same. What kind of date are you talking here? This could cost you a sizable chunk of change.”

“No, that’s fine, I have money.”

She noticed the shit-eating grin he was now wearing was similar to the one guys his age usually wore when they first saw her naked tits. This was a strange one, she decided. “You gay or something?” she asked.

“What? Gay?” If he had been drinking milk, she’d be soaked in it right now. “No.. I don’t think you understand. I need a date, for the prom.”

“Ohhhh, ok, I gotcha,” she had been through this routine before, “lucky for you I just got my prom dress back from the cleaners,” she smiled.

“Oh, that’s good.” He wasn’t sure why she was smiling, maybe she was in high school too, though she looked a little old.

They worked out the details, how much it would cost, how she should dress and do her hair and makeup, and most important was the story, they would have to have an airtight story so no one would find out. He said he would call her if he thought of anything else but she wanted his phone number in case she had any questions. This he was reluctant to give, but she convinced him that a chance to talk to her son’s long lost summer camp girlfriend might be good for his mom.

Max set about planning his big night, renting a tux and a limo, getting the tickets for the prom, and telling everyone he could think of that he had a date. All told, he would probably blow close to $1500 bucks on the night, but it would be worth it to see the look on everybody’s face. His mom, of course, was overjoyed, albeit a little curious as to just who this girl was. She had spoken with her briefly on the phone, and she seemed polite enough, not too bright. She could put up with a lot as long as she wasn’t on drugs.

“So Max,” here came some more questions, Max worried that she might be on to him, “you met this girl Jeanie back at summer camp, she was your girlfriend?”

“Yes Mom, I told you all this already. Her school was at the museum too and we got to talking, it was like old times.”

“But you never mentioned her before, I’m sorry, it just seems a little odd, but I don’t want to pry.”

“Mom, she broke my heart at the end of the summer, of course I didn’t want to talk about it.” In truth, the closest he had ever come to scoring at camp had been the nights he would stay awake and listen to his counselor having sex with the camp director’s wife in the bunk across from his.

A new look of concern had come across her face, “well Max, if she broke your heart before, I don’t want her doing it again. Maybe this isn’t such a great idea…”

“Mom, listen: we’re just going as friends. She’s not going to break my heart. I didn’t have a date, her date fell through, we’re going as friends, end of story.”

This seemed to put her at ease, “ok Maxy, you’re a big boy now, I can’t watch over you forever.” She wouldn’t let him go see R-rated movies but he was a ‘big boy.’ He decided to leave it alone though because she seemed content and he didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

Finally, the big night arrived. The limo pulled up to the bus stop and she got in, as they had arranged. His mom didn’t understand why she had to miss out on a photo op, not to mention meeting her young man’s girlfriend, but he reassured her they would have pictures taken at the prom.

“Wow,” he said. She looked gorgeous. “You look great.”

“Thanks hon, you don’t look so bad yourself.” True enough, she thought.

“Nah…” he blushed. After a few minutes of awkward silence, he asked her if she had the story straight.

“Yes, my name is Jeanie O’brien, I’m from Arlington, I met you at Camp Chokachee six years ago, we were madly in love, I broke your heart, but the feelings I had for you never really went away.” She had been over this hundreds of times on the phone.

“Ok,” he had to be sure she had this down, “now tell me about your high school?”

She glared at him, “I’m on the volleyball team and the yearbook committee. I dumped the captain of the soccer team because of my feelings for you.” He had really let things go to his head. “Listen, if anything happens, I think I can handle a few high school kids,” she said with authority. That was the end of that.

The limo pulled up and there was more than just a little bit of curiosity as to whether Max Hesse would actually produce a real live girl. The fact that he did provided the looks of astonishment and envy he had dreamed of. ‘Jeanie,’ for her part, put on a spectacular show, recounting for all to hear stories of their torrid love affair, she remembered to say everything exactly as he had instructed her, even embellishing a bit with her own inventions. This worried him at first but she seemed to know what she was doing, and her stories were great, much better than anything he could think up. As they danced she barely let out a grimace even though he was constantly stepping on her toes. Yes, he had really pulled it off, Max congratulated himself. People were watching, looking at him with respect, they were talking to him and if they were being condescending, it was too subtle for him to detect. Yes, all in all it was a brilliant idea.

Max’s new found status disturbed all the cool kids, of course, but one in particular was oddly troubled by Max’s mystery date. “Josh, would you stop staring at her!” Kirsten’s voice was rising in frustration. She was the most popular girl in school and here her boyfriend wasn’t even paying attention to her.

“Huh? Oh, sorry babe,” Josh couldn’t quite place it, but he knew this girl from somewhere, “she just looks familiar, that’s all.”

“Oh please, like you would hang out with anyone from Arlington,” she tried to change the subject, “maybe we could ditch out a little early and go back to the hotel, this dance is lame anyway.”

“Fucking shit! That’s where I know her from,” he let go of his girlfriend and started to walk towards the smug little nerd, breaking free of Kirsten’s annoyed grasp. “Hey Maxie Pad, I got a few words for you and your ‘girlfriend’.”

Max looked over in horror, this didn’t bode too well. He had no idea why Josh was walking toward him in the bow-legged jock stride he had, but it couldn’t be good. By the time he got there, a crowd had started to form. “Hey, what’s up, Josh?” was all Max could utter.

“I’ll tell you what’s up, chief, your little game of charades, that’s what,” it didn’t come out exactly right, but no one would say anything, “that’s not your girlfriend from summer camp you lying sack of shit, you fucking paid for her, she’s a whore!”

A collective gasp went through the assembled. One hundred pairs of eyes stared accusingly at Max and his trollop. A feeble “no she’s not” was all Max could whisper, almost on the verge of tears. Jeanie gently swept her arm towards Max’s chest, stopping his non-existent movement as she took a step forward, “I’ll handle this,” she said.

“Yes, it’s true: I’m a whore,” she proclaimed. Max looked at her in horror, the whole world had now turned against him. Again, she motioned with her hand, she was in control. “Let me ask you, Todd, is it?” he started to correct her but she cut him off, “whatever, Todd, how is it you came to know this information, anyway? Hmmm…? Why don’t you tell your pack of frat-boy wannabe date-rapist friends, not to mention little Suzie-Q over there how you came to possess this knowledge, I’m sure they’re all dying to know.”

Now all eyes were on Josh, all eyes except those belonging to Kirsten who had run out of the building to go die of embarassment. “I don’t know, isn’t it obvious? I can just tell.” It was a feeble attempt to regain the confidence he had held so surely just moments before.

“Cut the crap Todd, the only reason why you know this is because less than two months ago, you paid me 300 dollars to have what a dead girl might hesitate to consider sex with you for the grand total of two and a half minutes.” Now it was Josh’s turn to try and hold back the tears as the former coolest guy in school was reduced to sharing company with a nerd with a lazy eye. “But I tell you what Todd, you had to pay me for the privilege to stick your three inch pencil dick in me; Max gets it for free.” She paused and let the gravity of her statement weigh upon the audience. A hooker, a woman who probably knows more about sex than anyone, actually chose to do it with this boy for free. The males stood in awe and the females wondered if perhaps they had missed something in evaluating Max ‘untouchable’. “That’s right, sometimes I sleep with ten guys a day, and there’s a reason I get paid as much as I do. But if Max ever asked me, I would honestly pay him for the pleasure because I can guarantee you girls don’t know half of what it means to be fucked by a real man. C’mon Max.” She took his hand and left the silent circle dumbstruck behind them as they walked out into the hall.

She felt good. She had shown this kid a good time and when he was in trouble she, for totally unselfish reasons, had stuck up for him. Who knows, he might even be more popular now then if they hadn’t been found out. She was a whore, but deep down inside, she was a good person. He really wasn’t such a bad guy, just a little lonely and she was glad to help. It occurred to her that they had some time left and while she had previously been disgusted by the thought of his slimy hands on her body, her current philanthropist euphoria got the best of her and she decided to offer him a complimentary quickie in the limo. As she turned to suggest it, he shoved the black metal object into her stomach. She heard a muffled sound and felt a sharp pain in her abdomen. She fell to the ground and only when she looked up at the smoking gun in his hand did she realize that he had shot her. He calmly unscrewed the silencer from the 9mm handgun he had taken from his father’s closet, and placed both in a nearby locker. As he took off the leather glove from his right hand he said, “That’s for making everyone think I had sex with a no good, worthless whore.” Those words played about her confused head for the last few seconds of her life.