Author: Eggy Weg
Rating: There's talk of violence
Classification: Webb Angst
Summary: Memories
Archive: Yeah
Feedback: Is always welcome
Disclaimer: I disclaim them (and I stole a line from LA Confidential)
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Panic took over Harm "Clay are these people still out there."
Shaking his head `no' he simply stated "There dead" with no emotion.
"Well they can't come after us then"
"Harm"
"Look Clay, we and trained and very capable of looking after our selves. Besides you've already proved you won't talk that should put them off"
"What is it I have to do to get you people to leave"
"There is nothing you can do. We are not going to leave" Harm held up his hand as Clay tried to respond "No matter what you say we're staying."
"I don't need you," He said trying to convince himself more than them.
"What about your mother?" Harm blurted out from nowhere. He had been trying to figure out where she was all morning. They were always together when Clay was in town; there was no way she would leave him now.
Clay's head snapped up "What about my mother?"
"Where is she? there is no way she would let you go through this alone" That was one thing he was certain of.
He started to laugh "You're right Harm. Can you see a black Mercedes out the window?" Harm moved the curtain and saw the car with a woman and a man inside. "I snook out but they followed me. I told them not to but you try telling my mother no… She must have recognised you, decided to let you have a go"
"That car was there when we got here" Mac remembered "Clay you made your mother sleep out side in a car?"
"Christ, and I thought I couldn't feel like more of a bastard." More guilt was the one thing he didn't need right now "I did tell her not to come. You think I would invite her in, you've seen down stairs. You think my mother should see that?" He stopped suddenly and rapidly looked around the room lost in thought
"I don't know what to do anymore" he confessed hugging his legs to his chest "Whenever I close my eyes I see his face, wherever I look I see something that reminds me of him…"
Mac pulled him into a hug he looked so lost. "It will get better in time Clay, I promise" She assured him hoping she was right.
He snuggled into her arms needing all the comfort he could get "I watched him die, and now nothing will let me forget it. I don't think it will ever get better"
"You need to remember the good times, that's what Jack would have wanted. You can beat yourself up all you want but you know that's not what he would have wanted." He sighed knowing she was right.
Realising they needed to be alone Harm moved to the door mouthing that he was going to make some coffee. After he exited Clay started to chuckle and smiled sheepishly at her "I think I scared him earlier"
"You scared us all," She said hugging him tighter
"What do I do now Mac?" He had never been more scared or confused in his life. "You seem to know more about what's going on than I do"
"Well you can either go to sleep or talk about it. I think you should sleep so you'll be in a more…suitable mind set to cope"
He just looked at her confused "Lay down and get some sleep"
"No…I don't want to" He said rubbing his eye's hoping it would stop them being so heavy.
"You need sleep"
He shook his head the dreams were vivid. Taking his hand she pulled him onto his feet, he didn't put up mush of a protest. "Your exhausted, at least lay down and rest your eyes"
"I don't want to, I can't stop the memories from coming back if I'm asleep."
"I'll stay here and wake you if you look like your having a nightmare," She said making him sit on the bed. He studied her closely; he really did need to sleep
"You promise you won't leave…And you'll wake me even if I do anything that even resembles a nightmare? Even if you're not sure, you'll wake me anyway?" He asked not wanting to take any chances. Looking at him softly and squeezed his hand.
"I promise," She said and patting the bed to get him to lie down. He knew he had to sleep sometime, at least this way he would be awoken when the nightmares came. Sighing he turned away and lay down reluctantly. Seeing this, for the first time she realised how afraid he really was.
She soothingly run her fingers through his hair until Harm came back. Carefully getting up she took the coffee off him wiping the tears from her eyes "Do you think he'll be okay?" She whispered hopefully.
"I don't know, but his mother seems to think he is strong enough to get over it. With the help from his friends and family that is."
"You talked to his mother?"
"I took her a coffee, I couldn't let her sit there not knowing what was going on."
"You're a good man Harm," She said pulling him into a hug comforting herself more than him.
"I found out when his birthday was too" He smiled at her questioning look "16th of August"
"You didn't let her in did you Harm?" Clay warned opening his eyes and looking at them.
They both jumped. "You almost gave me a heart attack I thought you were asleep," Harm said holding his chest.
"I sleep light, answer the question" He said in no mood for playing around.
"No Clay I didn't" He said gently
"Good" He sounded relieved. Closing his eyes again he pointed towards a cabinet "I got you that file you wanted, it's in the draw… I couldn't let you stay…I'm sorry"
"I understand Clay" Harm answered, not moving to get the file but to place the cover over Clay.
"Thanks Harm"
They just sat there watching him toss and turn trying to get comfortable. Eventually tying himself up in the sheets he snapped roughly dragging it loose, ripping a stitch in the process. Mac walked to him with the first aid kit.
"Leave it" He said pushing her away. She stood there in silence as he lay there looking at the ceiling.
Visibly tensing he started to talk "You know I used to lay here and plan the future, now I lay here and dread it…They should have killed me, why do they have to bring innocent people into it…"
"GOD I hate feeling like this." She sat on the edge of his bed taking his hand, and the look he gave her broke her heart "I tried to stop them but there were too many…we managed to stay in the house, that's the only reason we were found." He could remember clinging onto anything he could to stop them changing location. He couldn't believe his luck when the neighbour pulled up outside. But the mans hand clamped around his mouth before he could shout for help. "It wasn't soon enough though."
"We went to school together; he was the only one who didn't want something from me." He started to smile "He got into so much trouble trying to cheer me up after my dad died. I don't know why he stuck around after all the stunts I pulled…Even in the end he was telling me not to talk…"
"He sounds like a good man" Mac smiled at him
"He was... The best kind" He turned away
"They tied me to the radiator. And I watched them beat him, I don't think I'll ever forget the screaming... They left the room and somehow I broke free… but it was too late. All he did was look at me; He didn't seem scared, he knew he was dying. I think he was relieved, he always did have more faith than me."
"I just sat there with him. It was so calm, almost like nothing had happened…Then they came back to interrogate me. I didn't even hear them enter." He could still hear their laughter as they dragged Jack body from him "I fought one off them off but there were three more…I woke up the next morning to gun shots, an agent looking down at me"
He turned around to see Harm was blinking rapidly and Mac crying. Patting the bed she lay down next to him and into his hug, a shock flying through them both at the contact. "Do you realise how long I have dreamt about being in the same bed as you. I never expected it to be like this though" he whispered tears in his eye's. Hugging him tighter she kissed him "Me to Clay, Me too" She replied softly as he drifted off into sleep.
~~ The End ~~