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WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?
WLIIA Chat Games
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ALPHABET (Part One)
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Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "F"
Players: Mochrie, Vranch
Scene: In a supermarket
FELLA, COULD YOU TELL ME WHERE I CAN FIND THE SPAM AISLE?
GOOD GRIEF, NOT A SPAMMER!
HEY, I JUST LIKE A LITTLE LUNCHEON MEAT!
I SEE - AISLE 5. AND WATCH YOUR HEAD.
JUST POINT THE WAY.
KINDLY FOLLOW ME, THE ROUTE IS COMPLICATED.
LET ME FOLLOW YOU, THEN.
MIND YOU, SOME PEOPLE HAVE GONE TO AISLE 5 AND NEVER RETURNED!
NO! YOU DON'T SAY!
OH YES - DANGEROUS, THAT LUNCHEON MEAT!
PRETTY CREEPY. I MAY NEVER EAT LUNCHEON MEAT AGAIN!
QUITE A GOOD CHOICE.
RIGHT.
SO DO YOU STILL WANT TO HEAD ON OVER THERE? I HEAR THE COUNTRY'S
LOVELY OVER IN AISLE 5.
TERRIFIC! HOW FAR AWAY IS AISLE FIVE?
UP OVER THE HILL AND THROUGH THE WOODS - RIGHT BY GRANDMOTHER'S
HOUSE.
VERY TRECHEROUS AISLES, AREN'T THEY?
WELL YOU COULD SAY THAT AGAIN!
X-ACTLY!
YES, SO LET'S GO!
ZIPPING MY SHOPPING CART ALONG LICKETY-SPLIT.
ALL RIGHTY THEN!
BUT I DON'T SEE ANY SPAM(TM) ON THE SHELVES!
CAN'T THAT WAIT? I'M TRYING TO LEAD YOU ASTRAY HERE!
DOES THIS STORE HAVE TWIGLETS?
EVERY VARIETY OF THEM.
FABULOUS!!!
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Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "S"
Players: Proops, Vranch
Scene: Chatting up someone in a pub
SO WHICH PUB ARE WE GOING TO NAT?
THE COVENTRY ARMS.
UNDERSTANDABLE, SEEING AS YOU WANT TO CHAT UP THAT GUY.
VRANCH, HIS LAST NAME IS. ;)
WELL, WE'D BETTER SEE WHO'S THERE.
XANADU IS A SERVER IN CAMBRIDGE.
YIKES - I NEVER KNEW THAT.
ZARAH LEANDER TOLD ME THAT.
ALBEIT THOUGH I'LL STICK TO WHAT I'VE GOT.
BRIGHT YOUNG THING YOU ARE!
C'MON WE'VE GOT TO GET A MOVE ON IF WE WANT TO SEE THOSE GUYS.
D'OH - THEY'RE SO CUTE TOO.
EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM SAYS SEX SEX SEX!
F***IN' WELL DOES!
GREG'S HERE. YIPPEEE!!!
HOLY MACKEREL, SO HE IS!
I'M IN FOR A CHANCE!!!
JUST LOOK - RICHARD'S OVER THERE!
KEWL! NOW WE BOTH WON'T BE DISSAPOINTED!
LUMMY....
MY GOD, HE LOOKS GOOD TONITE!
NOT HALF AS GOOD AS RICHARD THOUGH. :)
OHH, GIVE OVER. WE BOTH KNOW THEY ARE BOTH AS GOOD AS WE THINK :)
PERHAPS ;)
QUESTION IS - WHOSE GONNA GO FOR IT FIRST??
RICHARD OF COURSE! HEY THERE SWEETIE, HOW NICE TO SEE YOU!!
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Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "J"
Players: Mochrie, Vranch
Scene: In a classroom
JOHNNY'S PULLING MY HAIR!
KINDLY STOP PULLING RICHARD'S HAIR, JOHNNY.
LOOK, IF YOU DON'T STOP IT I'LL TALK!
MAYBE YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE PRINCIPAL, WOULD YOU?
NOT ME, HIM!
OH WELL, NEVER MIND.
PLEASE SIR, CALL ON ME, SIR!
QUIET, CLASS. IT'S TIME FOR OUR ALGEBRA LESSON.
RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
(HURLING NOISE)
SOMEONE CALL THE JANITOR! THERE'S BEEN A PROTEIN SPILLAGE!
THANK GOD FOR JANITORS!
USUALLY THE JANITOR ONLY COMES IN ON WEEKENDS.
VELL ZEN ZAT IS VY ZIS SKOOL IS SUCH A MESS!
WOW! LOVELY ACCENT!
XANADU IS WHERE I MET MY LANDLORD KIERAN.
YES, YES, TELL ME MORE!
ZEBRA CROSSING. I WAS ON MY WAY TO ODDBINS AND I RAN INTO HIM.
ALRIGHT CLASS. PUT YOUR BOOKS AWAY. IT'S TIME FOR A POP QUIZ.
BOLLOCKS.
CHEATING IS ALLOWED, AS USUAL.
D'OH! DIDN'T KNOW THAT BEFORE!
EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW THAT! THIS IS THE WORST SCHOOL IN THE
COUNTY, AFTER ALL.
FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, THE TEACHER HAS A FRO!
GROOVY OBSERVATION, DUDE!
HIGHLY SO!
I SEE THAT CLASS IS OVER. YOU'RE FREE TO GO.
JUST LET US GO ALREADY!
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Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "P"
Players: Mochrie, Slattery, Vranch
Scene: Monty Python parrot sketch
PARDON ME, MISS?
QUICK! I HAVEN'T GOT ALL DAY!
RIGHT, WHAT'S ALL THIS THEN?
SOMETHIN'S WRONG WITH ME PARROT!
TOO MUCH LIKE AN EX-PARROT!
UNLESS HE COMES ALIVE AGAIN!
VERY WRONG YOU ARE, SIR! HE'S NOT DEAD! HE'S PININ' FOR
THE FJORDS!
WELL THEN, STOP COMPLAINING!
XERXES? WHAT'S THAT DOING ON A BIRDSHOP STEREO?
YOU BLITHERING TWIT! I WANT A REPLACEMENT!
ZOO MIGHT HAVE ONE FOR YOU...
ABSOLUTELY NOT! THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE TO GET A PARROT!
BETTER NOT BE A SLUG, THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY.
CAN'T WE JUST ALL GET ALONG.....???
DON'T SAY THAT - REMINDS ME OF THE L. A. RIOTS
ENOUGH! JUST GIVE ME A NEW NORWEGIAN BLUE, IMMEDIATELY!
FOR THAT YOU'LL HAVE TO PAY, SIR.
GOOD GRIEF, DON'T CHARGE HIM TWICE!
HAVEN'T GOT ANY MORE PARROTS...WE'RE FRESH OUT, GUV.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE BABBLING ABOUT... I WORK HERE
(DON'T I??)
JUST UNTIL NOW YOU DID - YOU'RE FIRED!
KINDLY GIVE ME WHATEVER YOU HAVE IN STOCK. AT THIS POINT,
I'LL TAKE ANYTHING!
LET MY LAWYER FIGURE THIS ONE OUT!
MY, MY, AREN'T THE BOTH OF YOU GETTING A BIT TETCHY?
NEVER CALL ME TETCHY!
OH, OKAY...HERE'S A NEW PARROT THEN!
PARDON ME MISS, I WISH TO REGISTER A COMPLAINT!
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Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "Y"
Players: Mochrie, Vranch
Scene: In a twiglet factory
YOU THERE! WHERE HAS ALL THE MARMITE GONE?
ZOMEWHERE OVER DA RAINBOW...HOW SHOULD I KNOW?!
AH, DON'T BE INSOLENT!
BUT I ENJOY BEING INSOLENT!
CAN'T YOU BE INSOLENT TO SOMEONE OTHER THAN ME, YOUR
MOTHER-IN-LAW?
DON'T JUST STAND THERE! FIX THE TWIGLET MACHINE!
EVERYTHING I HAVE TO DO! WHY CAN'T YOU DO SOME OF THE WORK!
FOR SHAME! I DO JUST AS MUCH AS YOU DO!
GRACIOUS, SO YOU DO! I DON'T KNOW WHOM I WAS THINKING OF!
HEY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT...IT'S JUST SENILITY EATING AWAY AT
YOUR TINY MIND.
I'M YOUNGER THAN YOU ARE, DARLING! REMEMBER THAT!
JUST KIDDING, OF COURSE!
KEVIN! WHAT'S HE DOING HERE? NOW *HE'S* SENILE!
LORD, HAVE MERCY! WHAT *IS* HE DOING HERE?
MY WORD, I HAVE NO IDEA! GO AWAY, KEVIN!
NO ONE IS ALLOWED IN THE TWIGLET MACHINE, KEVIN! YOU'RE JUST
ASKING FOR TROUBLE!
OH NO! HE'S JUMPED IN! WE'LL HAVE TO LABEL THEM WORCESTERSHIRE
FLAVOURED!
PRAY TELL, DO YOU THINK HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT?
QUITE AFRAID HE WON'T. THE TWIGLET MACHINE IS A DANGEROUS ONE.
REALLY?
SO TRUE - TRAGEDY'S STRICKEN HERE MANY TIMES.
TRAGEDY! AW, KEVIN!!! :'-(
UNLESS WE FISH HIM OUT NOW - OTHERWISE HE'S BOND-MOVIE FODDER!
VERY ASTUTE...WELL, LIFE GOES ON...SAY, I'LL TREAT YOU TO SOME
TWIGLETS!
WELL, THAT'S A LOVELY TREAT, DARLING! THANKS EVER SO MUCH!
XERIC ARE THOSE TWIGLETS!!...(XERIC MEANS REQUIRING A SMALL AMOUNT
OF MOISTURE)
YES INDEED THEY ARE.
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Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "U"
Players: Mochrie, LawrenceJ
Scene: A job interview
UH, COME IN, MS. LAWRENCE, IS IT?
VERY GOOD TO SEE YOU.
WELCOME, ARE YOU READY FOR THE INTERVIEW?
X-CITED, VERY EXCITED.
YOU WILL BE ASKED SEVERAL QUESTIONS, NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
ZIPPETY DOO DA.
ALRIGHT, QUESTION ONE: WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR HOBBIES?
BASKET WEAVING, AND VARIOUS OTHER CRAFTS.
COULD YOU EXPLAIN WHY YOU WANT TO WORK FOR US HERE AT TWIGLETS
R US?
LOL!
DEARLY LOVE THOSE TWIGLETS.
EXCELLENT. ARE YOU A HARD WORKER?
FAIRLY GOOD.
GOOD, GOOD. MAY I PLEASE SEE YOUR RESUME?
HERE YOU GO.
I SEE THAT YOU TOOK A COURSE IN TWIGLET-MAKING. CAN YOU
EXPLAIN THE PROCESS?
JUST SHAPE AND FLAVOR.
KINDLY GO ON! THIS IS QUITE FASCINATING.
LIGHTLY SPRINKLE ON THE SEASONING.
MY GOODNESS! YOU'RE JUST THE PERSON WE NEED HERE!
NO, YOU REALLY THINK SO.
OHHHH YES!!
PLEASE, YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT.
QUITE WRONG! I REALLY MEAN IT! YOU'RE HIRED!!
REALLY, WHEN DO I START?
SOON. VERY SOON. WE WILL PHONE YOU TELLING YOU WHEN YOU CAN
START, MS. LAWRENCE.
THANKS, I CAN'T WAIT.
UH, YOU MAY HAVE TO...
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Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "I"
Players: LawrenceJ, Mochrie, Proops, Vranch
Scene: At a wedding
I DO! NOW LET'S GET ON WITH IT!
JUST A MINUTE - WHERE'S THE RINGS?
KINDLY SEARCH FOR THEM...MY LIMO'S DOUBLE-PARKED.
LOL!
LIMO, HOW COME I DIDN'T GET TO RIDE WITH YOU?
MISS, WE CAN'T TAKE EVERYONE! THERE'S ALREADY TWELVE PEOPLE
IN THE LIMO!
NOW HANG ON - WHO IS IT WHOSE GOT THE MINI BUS?
OH, THAT WOULD BE ME. NOW HURRY, IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR THE
RECEPTION.
PLEASE, I'M HUNGRY.
QUICK! WE WANT TO GET TO THE HOTEL BEFORE THEY START CHARGING
EXTRA FOR THE HALL!
RUN LIKE MAD!
STOP! WHY DO WE NEED TO RUN? WE'RE TAKING A MINIBUS, REMEMBER?
THERE'S NO TIME TO WASTE, THE MINIBUS DOESN'T GO VERY FAST.
UNLESS WE PUT SOME PETROL IN IT...
VERY WELL, TAKE THE BUS - THERE'S PLENTY OF PETROL.
WELL, WHOOPDY DOO!
XYLOPHONE? SINCE WHEN DO THEY USE THESE AT WEDDINGS?
YES, I HIRED A PERCUSSIONIST FRIEND OF MINE. HE WAS SUPPOSED
TO PLAY THE MARIMBA BUT HAD TO SUBSTITUTE A XYLOPHONE.
ZODIAC THE GLADIATOR ONCE PLAYED THE ZYLOPHONE. (OOPS! SPELLING!)
AWFULLY KIND OF YOU TO HIRE THAT PERCUSSIONIST. THAT OLD PIPE
ORGANIST WAS GETTING ON MY NERVES.
BUT HE WAS GOOD, YOU HAVE TO ADMIT.
COULD SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT MY EX IS DOING AT MY WEDDING?
DON'T KNOW. I PRESUMED SHE INVITED HERSELF.
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT YOUR EX WAS THE PREACHER! I'M SURPRISED
YOU DIDN'T REALIZE THAT!!
FRANKLY, I HAD NO CLUE EITHER.
GOSH... I MUST NOT HAVE BEEN PLANNING WELL!
I SENSED THAT.
Shoot...premature improv!!
HOW DO WE GET TO THE RECEPTION? ANYONE GOT A MAP?
I DO! I DO!
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Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "Y"
Players: CQuentin, Vranch
Scene: At the post office
YOU GOT SOME STAMPS?
ZOOLOGICAL ONES, HERE.
ALRIGHT, GIVE ME 20.
BRITAIN? IS THAT WHERE YOU'RE SENDING STUFF?
CANADA IS WHERE THESE PACKAGES ARE GOING.
DOUANE! YOU'LL HAVE TO PAY CUSTOMS!
EVERY TIME, THIS HAPPENS. IT'S PRACTIALLY CRIMINAL!
FORGIVE ME - I ONLY WORK HERE!
GREAT, NOW I'LL HAVE TO TAKE OUT A LOAN TO PAY FOR THIS.
HOW DO YOU THINK THE POST OFFICE MAKES ITS LIVING?
IN RIPPING OFF THE CUSTOMER IT SEEMS!
JUST GIVE ME THE MONEY AND NOBODY GETS HURT!
KILLING IS WHAT IT'S COME TO NOW, EH? FINE, HERE'S YOUR DOSH.
LET ME HAVE IT IN UNMARKED BILLS!
MY OH MY WE'RE GETTING PICKY AREN'T WE?
NO, THIS IS SO I CAN RUN OFF WITH IT.
OHHHHHHH, I SEE, TAKE ME WITH YOU!
PERHAPS. BUT ONLY IF MY BOYFRIEND APPROVES.
QUEER ARE YOU? DAMN.
ROLLICKING BOLLOCKS! I'M A GIRL, CAN'T YOU TELL? THEY DO CALL
ME YENTL, THOUGH...
LOL!
SORRY, MY MISTAKE.
TOO BAD FOR YOU, HE SAYS YOU CAN'T COME ALONG.
UGLY AM I, IS THAT IT?
VELL, NOT RRRRRRRRRRREALLY!
WELL, I GUESS I'LL BE OFF ON MY OWN THEN.
XEROX ME A POST CARD. DAMN, I MEANT FAX!
YES,I BELIVE I WILL.
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Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "Q"
Players: LawrenceJ, McShane_
Scene: A woman trying to return a birthday present she didn't like
QUICK, I'M GOING ON A BREAK, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
RIGHT, OK, I'LL HURRY. I NEED TO RETURN THIS.
SO WHAT IS IT YOU ARE RETURNING?
THIS SWEATER, IT WAS A GIFT.
UMM, DO YOU HAVE A RECEIPT?
VERNON, THE GUY I GOT IT FROM DID'T GIVE IT TO ME.
WELL WE CAN'T REFUND YOUR MONEY UNLESS YOU HAVE A RECEIPT.
SORRY. NEXT!...
X-CUSE ME, I REALLY NEED TO RETURN IT.
YOU CAN GET YOUR MONEY BACK UNLESS YOU HAVE A RECEIPT. RULES
IS RULES, LADY. NEXT CUSTOMER PLEASE...
ZED, IS THAT YOUR NAME? PLEASE HOW ABOUT AN EXCHANGE?
AWAY WITH YOU AND YOUR WRETCHED SWEATER! PERSISTENCE WILL GET
YOU NOWHERE.
BUT COME ON, I'LL NEVER WEAR IT.
COME TO THINK OF IT, I MAY BE ABLE TO HELP YOU OUT AFTER ALL.
DAMN, THAT WAS A QUICK TURN AROUND.
EVER EATEN AT CHEZ ROBERT'S, THAT FANCY FRENCH RESTAURANT ON
THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN?
FRANKLY, NO I HAVEN'T. IS IT ANY GOOD?
GREAT IT IS! GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER AND I'LL PICK YOU UP AT EIGHT.
NEXT!
HERE IT IS
I WILL PICK YOU UP, WE CAN HAVE A NICE ROMANTIC CANDLELIT
DINNER, WE CAN TALK ABOUT THE REFUND, AND WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE?
JUST CAN'T WAIT!!
KNOW WHAT, YOU SHOULD WEAR THAT SWEATER TONIGHT! YOU WOULD
LOOK GREAT IN IT.
LUCKY THIS SWEATER IS, I WILL WEAR IT ALWAYS
MIGHT I REMIND YOU THAT YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO RETURN IT
AFTERWARDS.
NOT A PROBLEM, I'M STARTING TO LIKE IT.
OK, I'LL BE BY TO PICK YOU UP AT 7:30.
PLEASE BE ON TIME, MY SWEATER AND I WILL BE WAITING.
QUICK, GET OUT OF HERE SO I CAN CONCENTRATE ON MY JOB BEFORE I
GET FIRED. BYE FOR NOW!
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Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "T"
Players: LawrenceJ, McShane_, PeterCook, Stiles2, Vranch
Scene: Vranch's 30th birthday party
TODAY IS YOUR BIRTHDAY I CAN'T BELIEVE ITS HERE ALREADY
UNBELIEVABLE, VRANCH IS TURNING 30. FEEL OLD YET?
VRANCH LOOKS MUCH MUCH OLDER.
WOW DON'T I FEEL YOUNG NOW!