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WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?
WLIIA Chat Games
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GREATEST HITS
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Game: Greatest Hits
Players: _Daniel_, kuukriver, Mochrie
Scene: _Daniel_ and kuukriver describe the album "Hits Of The Computer
Lab", and Mochrie sings them out
<_Daniel_> HI! I'M DUNN HARDLY.
AND I'M CARPAL TUNNEL.
<_Daniel_> TOGETHER, WE'LL BE BRINGING YOU THE LATEST TRACKS FROM
MICROSOFT'S "MUSIC COMPILATION '98". WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE FROM
THE CD, CARPAL?
REMEMBER THOSE SCHOOL RECESSES SPENT ALONE...WHERE YOUR FAVOURITE
PLACE TO HANG OUT WAS SURROUNDED BY THE FRIENDLY GLOW OF COMPUTER
SCREENS? I REMEMBER ONE PARTICULAR SONG WELL...C:/DOS/RUN, SEE
DOS RUN.
<_Daniel_> AH, I REMEMBER THAT COUNTRY SONG WELL. HIT IT!
WELL, I'M SAD AND LONELY IN MY COMPUTER LAB
STARING AT THE C-PROMPT, IT LOOKS SO DARN DRAB
I WISH I COULD BE HAPPY, TO HAVE SOME FUN
SO I CHANGE DIRECTORIES, AND NOW IT'S C:/DOS/RUN....
WOW, THAT SURE BRINGS ME BACK, BEFORE WINDOWS...
<_Daniel_> ::SNIFF:: THE GOOD OLD DAYS.
WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE PLACE IN THE COMPUTER LAB, DUNN?
<_Daniel_> SPEAKING OF THE GOOD OLD DAYS, THERE'S ONE SONG I CAN REALLY TAKE
TO HEART...
WHAT SONG IS THAT?
<_Daniel_> WHEN I WAS NEXT TO MY SPEAKER, I ALWAYS WANTED TO HEAR ONE TYPE
OF MUSIC. IT WAS...GOSPEL! AND NOTHING KEEPS THE SOUL OF GOSPEL
ALIVE, THAN "LORD, GIMME VIAGRA BEFORE MY PENIS DIES FROM
COMPUTER RADIATION!"
ALLELUIA!
OH LORD, YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A BRAND NEW MAN
AND YOU KNOW THAT VIAGRA IS IN YOUR MASTER PLAN
AND, HALLELUJAH, LORD, YOUR LOVE IS SO DIVINE
I SING YOUR PRAISES, LINE AFTER LINE
BUT I NEED SOME HELP IN MY DARKEST HOUR
I'M HAVING TROUBLE WITH MY WONDERFUL TOWER
MY SCREEN GOES BLANK, AND I LOSE MY WAY
SO GIMME SOME VIAGRA TO REALLY LIFT UP MY DAY!
LET ME TELL YOU, I USED TO SING THAT ONE ALL THE TIME.
<_Daniel_> BUT THERE IS ONE COMPUTER SONG NO COMPILATION WOULD BE WITHOUT.
YES...THAT GREAT HIT OF THE FIFTIES...WHEN COMPUTERS WERE NEW...
<_Daniel_> WHEN WE WERE ALL YOUNG AND EXPERIMENTING.
THAT ROCK HIT "JUST REBOOT ME AND SEE HOW FAST I GO!"
BABY BABY BABY, YOU MAKE ME FEEL GOOD
YOU TREAT MY FINE AND DANDY LIKE YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD
YOU START ME UP EACH MORNING AND YOU TRY YOUR BEST
BUT THERE'S ONE LITTLE PROBLEM THAT I MUST CONFESS
I CRASH, BABY, CRASH, WHEN I'M OUT ON THE ROAD
I CRASH, BABY, CRASH, HONEY, LIGHTEN MY LOAD
BUT I KNOW I'M STILL YOURS AND YOU'RE THE ONE, YOU KNOW
SO BABY JUST REBOOT ME AND SEE HOW FAST I CAN GO!
YEAH!
WOW!
<_Daniel_> THAT BRINGS ME BACK TO OUR LAST INFOMERCIAL FOR THIS CD!
REALLY? ME TOO!!
<_Daniel_> WOW, WHAT A COINCIDENCE! BUT THERE'S ONE LAST SONG I'D LIKE TO
REMIND ALL THE FOLKS AT HOME ABOUT!
WHAT SONG IS THAT, DUNN?
<_Daniel_> THAT HIT SINGLE, #1 ON THE CHARTS, THE GRUNGE ROCK SINGLE "WHAT
I THINK OF AOL."
YEAH!
Oh lord, I don't know grunge! :)
<_Daniel_> DID I SAY GRUNGE? I MEANT HEAVY METAL.
BABY BABY, I'VE BEEN STRAIGHT THROUGH HELL
AND NOW I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I THINK OF AOL
IT'S A PAIN, IT'S A PAIN, IT'LL DRIVE YOU INSANE
I WOULD RATHER HAVE MAGGOTS EATING INTO MY BRAIN
NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG, I DON'T MEAN TO KNOCK
BUT I JUST HAVE TO SAY AOL IS A CROCK
I'M GONNA SHOUT IT OUT LOUD, CAUSE I'M GLAD I'M ALIVE
YOU CAN TAKE YOUR AOL AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR HARD DRIVE!
WAAAUUGH!!!!!
WELL, THAT SONG CERTAINLY CONVEYED MY FEELINGS DURING THOSE
DARKEST HOURS.
<_Daniel_>
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Game: Greatest Hits
Players: _Daniel_, JoeIsham, Mochrie
Scene: _Daniel_ and JoeIsham describe the album "Hits Of The Dentist's
Office", and Mochrie sings them out
<_Daniel_> HI, REMEMBER THOSE THRILLING TIMES ONCE EVERY SIX MONTHS?
YES, I DO...AND WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE TO RELIVE THOSE WONDERFUL
EXPERIENCES OVER AND OVER AGAIN, DANIEL...
<_Daniel_> THEY'RE ALL HERE IN THESE LATEST COLLECTION OF THE CHART-TOPPING
MIND-BOGGLING TOOTH-FILLING CD, FOR ONLY 4 EASY PAYMENTS OF
$19.95! WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE SONG, JOE?
MY FAVORITE OF ALL TIME IS THE SWINGING SENSATION, "NOVOCAINE,
NOVOCAINE"!
HEY THERE, BABY DOLL, TWIRL ME 'ROUND THE FLOOR
SPIN ME ROUND AND ROUND TILL I CAN'T STAND IT NO MORE
YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU BABY, WHEN I SIT IN THIS CHAIR
BUT THE PAIN HERE IN MY HEART AND MOUTH IS JUST TOO MUCH TO BEAR
I NEED YOUR NOVOCAINE, NOVOCAINE, TO MAKE ME DULL THE PAIN
I NEED YOUR NOVOCAINE, NOVOCAINE, OR ELSE I'LL GO INSANE
BUT SUGAR, TREAT ME RIGHT, AND SOON WE'LL TIE THE KNOT
SO TAKE THAT NEEDLE DEAR, AND GIVE ME YOUR BEST SHOT!
<_Daniel_> WOW, THAT TAKES ME BACK!
CERTAINLY BRINGS BACK MEMORIES FOR ME.
<_Daniel_> I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHERE THOUGH.
AND HOW ABOUT THE TOUCHING BALLAD, "GARGLE, RINSE, AND SPIT"?
<_Daniel_> HOW COULD WE FORGET THAT?
OH MY DARLING, YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO WARM INSIDE
WHEN I'M NEAR YOU, FROM THE WORLD I NEEDN'T HIDE
EACH NIGHT, I PRAY WE'LL STAY TOGETHER, AND I'M SURE OF IT
AND TO SHOW MY LOVE, I PLEDGE TO YOU, I'LL GARGLE, RINSE AND SPIT
I KNOW A NUMBER OF DENTAL HYGEINISTS WHO SWOON TO THAT SONG.
<_Daniel_> WOW! WHAT A RENDITION.
DANIEL, YOU MUST HAVE A FAVORITE FROM THIS COLLECTION?
<_Daniel_> I CERTAINLY DO! ... (I can't think of anything! I'm brain-fried
today!)
HOW ABOUT "FLOSS, FLOSS, MY DARLING"?
<_Daniel_> YEAH, THAT'S IT! BUT THE BEST VERSION IS THE DANCE REMIX!
YES IT IS!
FLOSS FLOSS FLOSS, MY DARLING, OPEN UP WIDE
DANCE DANCE DANCE, MY DARLING, LET ME COME INSIDE
TAKE THAT PIECE OF STRING, HUH!, MOVE IT ROUND AND ROUND
YOU DO IT SO FINE, BABY, THAT YOU NEVER MAKE A SOUND
OOH-AHH, OOH-AHH, OOH-AHH, OOH-AHH
FLOSS YOUR WAY INTO MY HEART, BABY
OOH-AHH, OOH-AHH, OOH-AHH, OOH-AHH
DO IT, AND I DON'T MEAN MAYBE, BABY
FLOSS IT GOOD AND FLOSS IT SWEET AND MAYBE SOMEDAY SOON
I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE DENTIST'S AND WE'LL HAVE A LITTLE ::SWOON::!
WHO WOULDN'T PAY $30, $40, EVEN $50 FOR THIS COLLECTION EVEN
*WITHOUT* THE COMPLIMENTARY X-RAY!
<_Daniel_> I SURE WOULDN'T!
I KNOW I WOULDN'T! THAT'S WHY IT'S ONLY $19.95! ($29.95 IN CANADA)
<_Daniel_> BUT TO TOP OFF THIS COLLECTION OF SONGS IS THE OPERA CLASSIC "THE
BRUSH AND THE PASTE".
SURELY A CLASSIC THERE, DANIEL.
MY DEAR, YOUR TEETH ARE SMELLING OH SO SWEET
WHEN I KISS YOU, IT IS SUCH A TREAT
YOU TAKE THE BRUSH AND THE PASTE, YOU SEE
AND TOGETHER THEY EXIST IN PERFECT HARMONY
THE AIR IS SWEET WITH THE SCENT OF MINT
IT MAKES YOUR LOVELY TEETH SHINE AND GLINT
SO DEAR, USE THE BRUSH AND PASTE EVERY DAY
AND I'LL MAKE YOU SO HAPPY, IN EVERY WAY!
MY DENTIST SANG THAT ONE TO ME EVERY SIX MONTHS SINCE I WAS
(gestures) THAT TALL.
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Game: Greatest Hits
Players: JonPryce, MochJosie, Sam_Slatt
Scene: JonPryce and Sam_Slatt describe the album "Hits Of The Nursing
Home", and Mochrie sings them out
"Alright, now we come to a game called Greatest Hits. This will
feature Emile Jumean..."
* JonPryce changes topic to 'Jumean Records Presents...Songs of the Nursing
Home'
* MochJosie vocalizes to warm up. la la la-la-la!
HI, OVER 60 AND BEING WALKED, FED, AND BATHED?
THE DREAM OF MANY, BUT DO YOU NEED A SONG DURING THOSE SPONGE
BATHS?
WE'VE GOT THE PERFECT COMPILATION FOR YOU. SIXTEEN SIZZLING
TRACKS FOR YOU OLD FOGEYS.
WHO CAN FORGET THAT SWING CLASSIC, "GEE, THAT BED PAN IS COLD!"
* MochJosie is scared already! :)
* Merts is laughing already!
HONEY PIE, I LOVE THE WAY TO COMB MY HAIR
I KNOW THE WAY YOU LOVE MY KINDA VACANT STARE
YOU SPONGE MY BACK ALL DAY AND NIGHT, AND THOUGH I'M REALLY OLD
I HAVE TO LET YOU KNOW, MY DEAR, THAT BED PAN SURE IS COLD!
:)
OH, THAT BRINGS ME BACK.
YES, BUT I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHERE.
WHO CAN FORGET THE 1950S? ALZHEIMER PATIENT CAN, BUT FOR THOSE
WHO CAN REMEMBER, WEREN'T THERE GREAT SONGS?
* Merts is ROTFL!
YES THEY WERE! I ESPECIALLY LOVE "GIMME MY DRUGS, YOU DAMN
NURSE!"
LOL!
OOH, OOH, BABY, YOU MAKE ME FEEL QUEASY
YOU'RE A SWEET YOUNG THING, BUT YOU SURE AIN'T EASY...
MY VISION'S GETTIN' BLURRY, I'M A-TRIPPING ON YOUR LOVE
AND I MIGHT NOT MAKE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT, I'LL SEE THE LORD
ABOVE
SO GIMME MY DRUGS, YA NURSE, OR ELSE I'M GONNA SURELY DIE
GIMME MY PROZAC IN THE MORNING, AND MY VIAGRA IN THE NIGHT
NOW I MAY BE JUST A FOGEY WITH A HEART OF SOLID STONE
SO JUST GIMME THE DRUGS I NEED, OR ELSE YOU'RE GOIN' HOME ALONE!
(I can't believe I sang that!! :-O )
:)
Viagra again! LOL!
THAT SONG IS IN A CLASS BY ITSELF.
THAT SONG MARKS A SPECIAL POINT IN MY LIFE.
BUT I'M SURE YOU'VE GOT A SONG YOU PUT ABOVE ALL THE REST, MY
FRIEND!
BUT MY FAVOURITE SONG WILL ALWAYS BE THE CLASSIC FOLK SONG, "I
WAS AFTER HER UNTIL I STEPPED ON MY CATHETER."
Hehe!
OOH-OOH-OOH, OOH OOH, OOH OOH...
I'M A LONELY OLD MAN IN THE HOUSE DOWN THE LANE
I'M LOOKING FOR THE GIRL I LOVE, TO HELP ME EASE MY PAIN
SHE'S THE KIND OF GIRL, TO MAKE A MAN FEEL HE'S GLAD TO BE ALIVE
BUT I HAD A LITTLE PROBLEM, AND I'M LUCKY I SURVIVED
I STEPPED UPON MY CATHETHER AS I WALKED UP THE ROAD
I LOST MY TEETH, THEY FELL DOWN A WELL, ONE TOOTH WAS MADE OF
GOLD
BUT AS I LOOKED UP, THE GIRL I LOVED WAS SITTIN' THERE ALONE
SO I WALKED AWAY WITH A BROKEN HEART, AND TWENTY BROKEN BONES.
WHAT AN AMAZING PIECE OF MUSIC.
WELL, MY FRIENDLY, I DON'T THINK WE CAN TOP THAT.
THERE IS ONE SONG ON THIS CD THAT SYMBOLIZES A SENIOR'S LIFE.
WHAT'S THAT?
THE REGGAE SONG, "VICTIM TO A CREDIT CARD SCAM"!
FROTFL!
UH-OH, I GOTTA BITTA MAIL IN ME BOX TODAY
DEY SAID I WUZ A WINNA, WUZ A GAME TO PLAY
I TOUGHT DAT I'D BE WINNIN' A HOUSE FOR SURE
BUT DEY TOOK AWAY ME MONEY, NOW I'M SO DAMN POOR
I'M DA VICTIM TO A CREDIT CARD SCAM, DERE AIN'T NO DOUBT
AND NOW I'M IN A MASSIVE DEBT, I'M OVER ME HEAD, AND I CAN'T
GET OUT
THOSE SHMOES WHO DO THEES STUFF TO HELPLESS FOLKS LIKE ME
CAN TAKE DERE PHONEY GAMES AND STICK THEM....IN A TREE!
LOL...the accented spelling always kills me!
Wow!!!
* Merts is very impressed with you guys
An amazing compilation, oui?
Bien sur!
Zank you! Zank you! (bows)
ORDER NOW! THAT IS, IF YOU'VE ANY MONEY LEFT AFTER THE CREDIT
CARD SCAM!
LOL!
ROTFL!
BBZZZZZTTT!
Oh that was soooo good! :) :) :)
Bravo Emile! You be rockin'!
Bravissimo!
Woohoo! These have got to be posted. You've a gift for
singing / rhyming Emile!
I will, don't worry Sam! Gee thanks...
If we have a musician at the next convention, we definitely MUST
play Greatest Hits. And I'll volunteer Emile!
And I guess you'll expect me to sing? I CAN'T SING!
SO? We can get past that!
Neither could John Sessinos, but he survived!
LOL!
Sessinos? Was he a contestant? ;)
"But she was a wanker, like him..."
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Game: Greatest Hits
Players: Brady, JLawrence, Mochrie, PeterCook
Scene: JLawrence and Mochrie describe the album "Hits Of The Amusement
Park", and Brady and PeterCook sing them out
WE INTERRUPT TONIGHT'S BROADCAST OF "GRACE UNDER PRESSURE", TO
BRING YOU THIS SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT! HAVE WE GOT AN OFFER FOR
YOU! A 5-CD COLLECTION OF THE BEST SONGS FROM ONE OF THE HAPPIEST
PLACES ON EARTH, THE AMUSEMENT PARK!
YES, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON THE ROLLER COASTER AND REMEMBERED THE
GREAT SONGS??
YOU BET I HAVE!
WHY DON'T YOU TELL THEM OF ALL THE SONGS YOU GET, PHIL!
WHO CAN EVER FORGET THAT 60'S MOTOWN SONG, "I GOT SICK ON THE
TILT-A-WHIRL OF LOVE"!
Motown???
Yes! :)
Okay...
WELL I WAS FALLING IN LOVE SO FAST
WATCHING THE WORLD JUST A WHIRLING PAST
BUT THEN WE STOPPED SO SUDDENLY
AND I FELT MY HEART DROP
MY WHOLE LIFE BEGAN TO STOP
AND MY STOMACH CONTENTS CAME FREE!
Hehe!
LOL!
* audience cheers
GREAT SONG, AND HOW ABOUT THE COUNTRY WESTERN SONG "I WON A
PRIZE FOR YOU"
I LOOKED INTO YOUR EYES
IN THAT OLD COUNTRY FAIR
I WANTED TO WIN THE PRIZE
TO SHOW YOU HOW I CARE
OH, JESSIE JESSIE YOUR SONGS ARE SO FUNNY
NOW LOOK, HERE YOU ARE: THE WINNING BUNNY
Awwww! :)
Hehe!
Thank you very much dean *LOL*
HOW MUCH WOULD YOU PAY FOR THIS HIGH-QUALITY COMPILATION?
I DON'T KNOW, HOW ABOUT 2 DOLLARS?
WHICH, IN AMERICAN MONEY, IS $45.00
YES!
LOL! So true!
Yep :)
WHY DON'T YOU INTRODUCE THE OTHER SONG!
A DIFFERENT SONG FOR EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR!
WHAT ABOUT LEAP YEAR????
AND THE BEST ONE IS THAT GREAT PUNK-ROCK SONG "50 BUCKS TO GET
IN HERE?!"
WELL THIS PLACE LOOKED PRETTY COOL FROM OUTSIDE
BUT WHEN I GOT IN HERE I FOUND THE ADVERTISEMENTS LIED
YEAH IT WAS ALL A CROCK, IT WAS ALL JUST A JOKE
IT WAS ALL ENOUGH TO MAKE ME CHOKE!
* PeterCook shakes hands with Jess
* Brady high fives Dean cause they made it!
* Mochrie cheers!
Yeah! :) We rule!
Woo hoo!
Great great great! :)
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Game: Greatest Hits
Players: HLaurie, JLawrence, Mochrie, RStiles
Scene: HLaurie and RStiles describe the album "Songs Of The Grocery
Store", and JLawrence and Mochrie sing them out
WE'LL BE BACK TO TOUCHED BY AN UNCLE IN A SECOND, BUT FIRST,
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE GROCERY STORE AND NOT KNOWN WHAT TO
SING? WELL HERE, WE HAVE SONGS OF THE GROCERY STORE, OVER 50 CDS
LOADED WITH SONGS SUCH AS......GIVE EM A SONG TITLE MOLLY!
"I MARRIED A GROCERY STORE CLERK".
YEAH, THAT GREAT REGGAE HIT!
* RStiles snaps her finger and dreadlocks her hair.
OH MAN!
IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT
HE WAS MOVING CANS THAT FATEFUL NIGHT
I KNEW THAT HE WAS GOING TO BE MINE
I SAID WHAT IS THE PRICE
I CAN'T BELIEVE HE WAS SO NICE
NOW WE ARE MAN AND WIFE......
Yay!!! *CLAPS*
Woo woo! Good one!
Woo!
I REMEMBER THAT SONG WELL, AND WHO COULD FORGET THAT BRITISH
PUNK SONG THAT TOOK OVER THE CHARTS, "MY HAND IS STUCK UNDER
THE YAMS."
YA! YA! YA! YA!
I LOVE TO SHOP FOR ME GROCERIES, AND THAT'S NO BULL
I SHOP AND I SHOP, UNTIL ME CART IS FULL
AND OH, CRIPES, WHAT TO DO, I'M IN ONE OF ME JAMS
ME HAND IS STUCK UNDER THAT PILE OF YAMS!
LOL =O)
ROTFLMAO!
YAY!!!
HEHEHE
HOW MUCH WOULD YOU PAY FOR THIS COLLECTION MOLLY?
$300
NO!
$295.95
NOPE!
$.95
SURE! 95 CENTS!
WELL, DON'T FORGET THE WONDERFUL DUET, "I LOVE TO MEET YOU IN
THE FREEZER SECTION."
WHEN I SEE YOU HOLD THAT BOX OF FISH STICKS IN YOUR HAND
I FEEL THAT I'M THE LUCKIEST HUMAN BEING IN THE LAND...
ITS COLD IN HERE BUT IT ISN'T IN MY HEART
WHEN WE ARE TOGETHER I NEVER WANT US TO PART
I LOVE TO MEET YOU IN THE FREEZER SECTION EVERY DAY
AND I HOPE THIS LOVE I FEEL IN MY HEART WON'T EVER FADE AWAY...
THIS MAY BE INFATUATION, OR NOT WHAT IT SEEMS
BUT I REALLY WANT YOU IN THE ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOOH, BABY!
Did I say that??????
Hehehehehe!!!!!!
LOL! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA! OH, THAT ALWAYS FAILS TO BRING A TEAR
TO MY EYE =o). WE HOPE YOU ENJOY LISTENING TO THIS COLLECTION
AS I DIDN'T. BACK TO TOUCHED BY AN UNCLE!!!!
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Game: Greatest Hits
Players: Cookie, GaryGary, Mochrie, MrsTony
Scene: GaryGary and MrsTony describe the album "Songs Of The Garbage
Collector", and Cookie and Mochrie sing them out
WE'LL RETURN YOU TO YOUR MOVIE "TOUCHED BY AN ANKLE" IN A
MINUTE....I'M PHIL!