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WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?
WLIIA Chat Games
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HOME SHOPPING
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Game: Home Shopping
Players: ChipE, Mochrie
Scene: Have to sell a submarine screen door, Clive Anderson's hairpiece,
and Margaret Thatcher
HEY IT'S 4:00 AM AND IT'S TIME TO SHOP SHOP SHOP! WE'VE GOT SOME
TERRIFIC ITEMS TODAY DON'T WE, DACK?
GET THOSE CREDIT CARDS OUT, WE'VE GOT SOME GREAT DEALS FOR YOU!
WHAT'S THE FIRST ITEM, DACK?
WELL, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A SUBMARINE AND FOUND FISH COMING IN
THROUGH THE PORTHOLES?
GEE, IF ONLY THERE WERE A WAY TO STOP THAT FROM HAPPENING...SOME
KIND OF DOOR...BUT WITH A SCREEN TO SEE THROUGH...
LOL!
No, that's never happened to me.. :)
THEN THIS ITEM MIGHT BE FOR YOU. IT'S A SCREEN DOOR FOR A
SUBMARINE!
JUST WHAT EVERY SUBMARINER NEEDS! KEEPS FISH OUT, AND KEEPS THE
WATER OUT...WELL, SORT OF...
AND IT DOUBLES AS A HANDY COLD WATER SHOWER!
You guys kill me! :)
HOW MUCH ARE WE SELLING IT FOR TODAY?
WELL, HOW MUCH WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO PAY?
FORTY-TWO POUNDS?
DON'T BE SILLY!
HMMM, TWENTY-SEVEN POUNDS?
NOT EVEN CLOSE!
A HUNDRED AND EIGHTEEN POUNDS?
YEAH, NEAR ENOUGH.
Heh!
LOL!
WOW! THAT IS AN INCREDIBLE DEAL!
IT IS, ISN'T IT? NOW WHAT'S OUR NEXT ITEM?
WELL, IT'S THIS LOVELY HAIRPIECE THAT A CERTAIN SEXY FOLICALLY
CHALLENGED MODERATOR ONCE WORE...
AND WHAT APPLICATIONS DOES THIS INEXPENSIVE YET VERY PRACTICAL
ITEM HAVE, RALPHY?
LOL!
LOL!
WELL, MOST PEOPLE WOULD WEAR IT ON THEIR HEADS, BUT IT DOES HAVE
OTHER, MORE PRACTICAL USES...PICTURE THIS: YOU'RE DOING THE
WASHING UP, AND FIND YOU DON'T HAVE A CLOTH TO WIPE THE DISHES
WITH...
LOL!
SO WHAT DO YOU USE? THE HAIRPIECE! IT HAS *SO* MANY USES!
YES! AND IT'S OUR SPECIAL FOR THIS WEEK!
HOW MUCH IS IT?
ONLY FIFTY-TWO POUNDS! AND IT COMES IN A VARIETY OF COLOURS!
BRUNETTE, BLOND, REDHEAD, LAVENDER, PUCE AND GRECIAN FORMULA!!
LOL!!
Hehehehe!
PUCE! MY FAVOURITE! THERE'S A COLOUR FOR EVERYBODY!
EVEN FOR FORMER PRIME MINISTERS OF A CERTAIN INFLUENTIAL
EUROPEAN COUNTRY? LIKE THE ONE WHO'S ON SALE THIS WEEK?
YOU DON'T MEAN...MARGARET?
YES, THE LOVELY AND CHARMING MARGARET THATCHER...SHE LENDS AN
ATTRACTIVE TOUCH TO ANY DECOR...
AND CAN TALK ANY GARDEN WEEDS TO DEATH!
There's a PM on sale? Who would bid for one?
Least it's not Mulroney! :P
Oh, Spud!
No kidding!
Big chin himself!
THAT'S RIGHT, MARGARET IS A PM OF A THOUSAND USES...
ALL BAD ONES!
LOL!
Heh!
BZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
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Game: Home Shopping
Players: JSweeney, Mochrie
Scene: Have to sell a little lost Zambian orphan boy, an address book
with the phone numbers blacked out, and an orange fright wig
GOOD MORNING, IT'S 5:00 AM AND IT'S TIME TO BUY BUY BUY! WE'VE
GOT SOME INCREDIBLE DEALS DON'T WE, ANDREA?
WHY YES WE DO, BROCK! WHERE DO WE START, THE ITEMS ARE ALL SO
FAB!
WELL, WHY DON'T WE START WITH THAT ITEM YOU'RE HOLDING IN YOUR
HANDS! ;-)
GOOD MORNING, IT'S 5:00 AM AND IT'S TIME TO BUY BUY BUY! WE'VE
GOT SOME INCREDIBLE DEALS DON'T WE, ANDREA?
NO, ANDREA, THAT'S LAST WEEK'S ITEM! ;-)
Sorry!
Deja vu!
Heehee!
THIS LOVELY LITTLE ORPHAN BOY! HE'S GOOD FOR SO MANY HOUSEHOLD
CHORES! WHY LOOK, YOU CAN USE HIS FUZZY LITTLE HEAD TO CLEAN
HARD TO REACH PLACES, LIKE UNDER THAT PIPE BELOW THE SINK!
WOW! A USE FOR EVERY SEASON! HOW PRACTICAL! AND HOW MUCH ARE WE
SELLING THIS CHARMING LAD FOR?
TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS?
NOT EVEN CLOSE!
ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS?
NO WAY!
TEN BUCKS AND A CANADIAN TIRE SNOW SHOVEL COUPON?
THAT'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!
LOL!
EVERYONE WILL WANT ONE! NOW WHAT HAVE YOU GOT THERE, BROCK?
WELL, AS YOU KNOW, I'M A COMPLETE LOSER WHEN IT COMES TO MEETING
GIRLS. I TRY TO GET UP THE NERVE TO ASK THEM OUT, BUT I ALWAYS
GET COLD FEET AND NEVER CALL.
YOU DO, BROCK? HOW AMAZING! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT LINED UP TO HELP
YOU *AND* OUR VIEWERS?
(Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!)
Now now, Nat!
Hmm...
What, d'rama? (innocent look)
THAT'S WHY WE HAVE THIS -- A BLACK BOOK CONTAINING THE ADDRESSES
AND PHONE NUMBERS OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN THE WORLD, AND
FOR THE LOSER'S CONVENIENCE, THEY ARE....BLACKED OUT!!!!
I SEE, BROCK, AND HOW MUCH DOES THIS LITTLE BEAUTY SELL FOR ON
THE STREET?
WELL, MOST PEOPLE WOULD BE TEMPTED TO SHELL OUT FIVE OR SIX
HUNDRED BUCKS FOR THIS LITTLE BEAUTY. BUT FOR A SPECIAL TIME
ONLY, WE'RE SELLING THE "LONELY HEARTS LITTLE BLACK BOOK" FOR
ONLY 250 POUNDS!
THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY, BUT A BARGAIN WHEN YOU CONSIDER ALL THE
EMBARASSMENT YOU'LL SAVE YOURSELF!
THAT'S FOR SURE, ANDREA! BUT YOU KNOW, IF YOU ACT NOW, YOU'LL
RECEIVE A SPECIAL BONUS. AND I'LL LET YOU TALK ABOUT IT!
*LOL*
JUST KIDDING, ANDREA. I'LL FIELD THIS ONE TOO...
WE'LL GET TO THAT GREAT BARGAIN IN A SECOND, BECAUSE I KNOW BROCK
IS VERY EXCITED ABOUT IT, BUT FIRST, THIS LOVELY LITTLE ITEM,
THIS ORANGE FRIGHT WIG. THINK OF ALL THE USES YOU MAY HAVE FOR
THIS. GO AHEAD, BROCK, SHARE A COUPLE WITH OUR VIEWERS!
Oooo! Good L, turn the tables right back :)
*LOL* If I had any idea of what I was doing wouldn't it be a
pleasant world? :)
Elle: you seem to be doing quite well.
You're doing it exactly right, L
Oh, Lisa, I'm in major frazzled mode. :) Ta! I am running on
two pints and a whiff of basically zilch tonight. :)
WELL, THIS WIG IS PERFECT FOR THOSE AROUND-THE-HOUSE CHORES.
:) LIKE WHAT, BROCK? :) I MEAN, I KNOW, BUT THE VIEWERS LOVE
HEARING FROM YOU!
OK, now you're getting cruel! :)
:)
FACE IT, NO ONE ENJOYS MOPPING THE FLOOR, SO THIS WIG IS A REAL
TIME-SAVER. SIMPLY STICK IT ON YOUR FEET, JUMP IN A PUDDLE, AND
YOU'RE OFF!
AND ON THOSE DAYS WHEN YOUR ENERGY IS AT A LOW EBB, JUST STICK
YOUR FACE IN IT AND PLOW YOUR NOSE UP AND DOWN THE LINO!
AND NOT ONLY THAT, THIS WIG IS PERFECT FOR WHEN UNEXPECTED
GUESTS DROP BY FOR DINNER, AND YOU'VE RUN OUT OF CARROT SALAD.
SIMPLY REPLACE IT WITH THE ORANGE FRIGHT WIG, AND CHANCES ARE
THEY WON'T EVEN NOTICE THE DIFFERENCE!
*LOL*
AND WHAT WAS THAT MYSTERY BARGAIN YOU WERE MENTIONING EARLIER,
BROCK? LET'S TELL THEM ABOUT THE EXTRA GOODIE WE'LL THROW IN IF
THEY ORDER *NOW*! :)
THAT *WAS* THE MYSTERY BARGAIN!! AND LIKE WE SAY HERE AT THE
SHOPPING CLUB, ALL OUR GOODS ARE GUARANTEED FOR THE LIFE OF
YOUR WALLET!
BUZZZ! :) :)
Elle: You did quite well for total frazzle mode.
That was interesting...
Thanks for helping me through that, Emile. :)
You can be sooooo cruel, Elle....and I LOVE IT!!
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Game: Home Shopping
Players: Kirklina, Mochrie
Scene: Have to sell a fork with a bent tine, a copy of William Shatner's
"Tekwar", and the movie rights to the sequel to Titanic
HI IT'S 3:00 AM AND IT'S TIME FOR BARGAINS GALORE! I'M DEEPLY
INFECTED!
AND I'M OK, THANK GOD, WE SURE HAVE A BUNCH OF CRAP TO SELL
TONITE, DO WE NOT? (DON'T TOUCH ME)
I like the deeply infected thing. :) LOL!
WE SURE DO! WHAT'S THE FIRST ITEM UP FOR SALE, OK?
IT'S A FORK WITH A BENT TINE!!! WOWEEE!
WOW! WHAT WOULD A PERSON DO WITH A FORK WITH ONE OF THE POINTY
ENDS BENT?
I'LL TELL YOU... DO YOU HAVE A FRIEND WHO'S ON LSD?
WHY YES, OK!
WELL, THEN HE SHOULDN'T BE YOUR FRIEND SHOULD HE, ANYWAYS ABOUT
THE FORK...
Oh ha, bloody, ha! ;-)
IF YOU'VE EVER HAD THAT EXPERIENCE OF JAMMING FORKS IN YOUR EYES,
THEN YOU SHOULD GET THE SAFETY-FORK-WITH-A-BENT-TWINE!
Twine? Where'd the rope come from ? ;-)
He heh!
WHY YOU ASK?
WHY, OK?
WELL WHEN YOU JAM INTO YOUR EYE, ONLY 3 TINES GO IN, INSTEAD OF 4!
DO YOU SEE WHERE I'M HEADING, INFECTED?
I SURE DO! YOU'VE GOT A TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT CHANCE OF NOT, I
REPEAT, *NOT* GOING BLIND!
AND, IT DOESN'T HURT AS MUCH! WOWEE, TALK ABOUT USELESS...
WOW! AND HOW MUCH ARE WE SELLING THIS WONDERFUL ITEM FOR, OK?
200 AMERICAN DOLLARS?
WHAT A BARGAIN!! AND FOR YOU FOLKS IN CANADA, THAT COSTS 44 CENTS!
ACTUALLY ABOUT 2 CENTS, ACCORDING TO THE EXCHANGE RATE... WHAT
HAVE YOU GOT THERE, SICK BOY?
WHY A COPY OF THE LITERARY CLASSIC "TEKWAR", AS WRITTEN BY THE
MASTER OF THE HAIR-WEAVE, WILLIAM SHATNER!
CAPTAIN KIRK? YOUR KIDDING...
ABSOLUTELY NOT! AND THIS BABY IS PRACTICAL! LET'S SAY YOU'RE
WALKING DOWN THE STREET LATE AT NIGHT, AND ARE APPROACHED BY A
GANG OF TOUGHS WAITING TO REARRANGE YOUR BODY HAIR.
IT COULD HAPPEN PEOPLE...
JUST WHIP OUT "TEKWAR" AND START READING! BELIEVE ME, IT'S BETTER
THAN NYTOL! IT'LL PUT THOSE BULLIES RIGHT OUT!
<_Daniel_> Hehehe!
AND TONIGHT, THIS MASTERPIECE IS ON SALE FOR 54 DOLLARS! YOU
KNOW...FOR THAT KIND OF MONEY, I COULD BE KING OF THE WORLD!!!
WELL, AT LEAST UNTIL THAT INFECTION GETS THE BETTER OF YOU...HEY,
WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE?
IT LOOKS LIKE A SCRIPT...A MOVIE SCRIPT....THE *SEQUEL* TO
TITANIC!
OH MY GOD! WHAT COULD A PERSON POSSIBLE DO WITH THAT?
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU...MANY PEOPLE WENT TO SEE THE ORIGINAL. BUT A
LOT OF PEOPLE WERE UNSATISFIED WITH THE ENDING! MANY PEOPLE SAID
THAT A MONKEY COULD WRITE A BETTER SCRIPT. SO THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT
THEY DID!
VANILLA ICE WROTE THE SCRIPT? WOW, IT MUST BE PRETTY GOOD...
NO YOU BIG SILLY! A *REAL* MONKEY, OF THE BABBOON VARIETY...YEAH,
ACTUALLY, IT *WAS* VANILLA ICE! AND IF YOU BUY THE SCRIPT, YOU CAN
STAND TO MAKE A FORTUNE! ACT NOW! IT'S BETTER THAN SPAM! :)
AND JUST AS YUMMY!
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Game: Home Shopping
Players: Mochrie, TonySlats
Scene: Have to sell a flat beer, a bike with a flat tire, and Canada
HEY THERE! IT'S 2:00 AM AND IT'S TIME FOR BARGAINS GALORE! A
WHOLE HEAP OF CRAP WE COULDN'T GIVE AWAY UNTIL THE WEE WEE HOURS
OF THE MORNING!
WELL HERE WE ARE IT'S TIME TO...SHOP SHOP SHOP! YOU KNOW, COLIN,
WE HAVE SOME REAL BARGAINS TODAY!
WE'VE GOT SOME FANTABULOUS STUFF TO SELL, DON'T WE, RYAN?
WE SURE DO! RING THIS 0-800 NUMBER... 0-800-CHEAP-JUNK!
WE'RE WAITING! GOD, HOW WE'RE WAITING!
LOL, this is good already!
WELL, ON TO THE GOOD STUFF! WHAT ARE YOU HOLDING IN YOUR HAND,
RYAN? DO MY EYES DECEIVE ME OR IS THAT A STEIN FULL OF WONDERFUL,
FULL-BODIED LAGER!
CLOSE BUD, IT'S FLAT!
WHAT KIND OF USES COULD YOU FIND FOR FLAT BEER?
WELL...WE ALL KNOW ABOUT THE PROBLEMS OF DRUGS IN SPORT. AND
COMPULSORY URINE TESTS.
DON'T WE ALL!
BUT WHAT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GO WHEN IT'S YOUR TURN WITH THE
BOTTLE? JUST POUR THIS FLAT BEER IN AND YOURE DONE!
SAY, THAT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE! WHY, JUST THE THING EVERY CORRUPT
ATHLETE NEEDS!!
LOL!
WHAT WOULD YOU GIVE ME FOR THIS COL?
30 EUROS?
YOU'RE KIDDING!
200 DISNEY DOLLARS?
SOLD TO THE MAN WITH THE RECEDING HAIRLINE! NOW WHAT IS THAT IN
YOUR HAND, COLIN? OR SHOULD I SAY... YOUR BLEEP?
WELL, ACTUALLY I'M SITTING ON IT. IT'S A BICYCLE! BUT LOOK, WHEN
I PUMP THE PEDALS, I DON'T SEEM TO GET ANY FORWARD MOMENTUM!
OH NO, WHAT COULD BE THE PROBLEM?
AH, THAT'S THE REASON, THE FRONT TIRE IS FLAT! LIKE YOUR BEER!
...AND YOUR HEAD!...SORRY!
LOL!
ROTFL!
Just kidding of course!
(You made me giggle!)
QUITE THE JOKER... WELL AS THEY SAY... ON YOUR BIKE!
* Mochrie can't think of anything!! Sad isn't it! :)
(whispers) How about an inexpensive stationary bike for exercise
buffs?
SAY COLIN I MIGHT JUST BUY THAT BIKE OFF YOU! IT LOOKS IDEAL FOR
ME! NOW EVERY TIME MY WIFE SENDS ME DOWN TO THE SHOP ON MY BIKE
FOR ERRANDS I HAVE A READY MADE EXCUSE TO STAY HOME!
YES! AND YOU CAN USE IT AS AN INEXPENSIVE STATIONARY BIKE FOR
EXERCISE BUFFS! THAT SUGGESTION WAS SENT TO US FROM TASHIA STONE
IN TEXAS! THANKS FOR WATCHING, TASHIA! NOW SHE IS A LOYAL VIEWER,
LET ME TELL YOU!
LOL! You know, riding a real bike is just too dangerous these
days!
VERY! I WONDER IF SHE WOULD LIKE TO BUY CANADA? THOSE TEXANS ARE
ALL RICH OIL BARONS AREN'T THEY?
BUT ANYWAY, IF YOU ACT NOW, YOU CAN GET THE BIKE FOR JUST 50
EUROS!
ROTFL! (looking in my pocket for change)
CANADA? YOU MEAN THAT SCENIC COUNTRY WITH MOOSE EVERY TWO FEET
AND A STORE THAT SELLS TIRES?
THAT'S THE ONE!
(They sell tires? I could use one of those! For my bike!)
WHO WOULD WANT TO BUY CANADA? WELL...
WELL, THAT'S OUR SPECIAL ITEM THIS WEEK! AND IF YOU CALL IN THE
NEXT 10 MINUTES, YOU'LL RECEIVE AT NO EXTRA CHARGE, THE PRIME
MINISTER! MAKES A GREAT DOORSTOP!
Hehe!
HOW MUCH FOR CANADA? WELL...HOW ABOUT FIFTY CENTS AND I'LL THROW
IN NEW ZEALAND?
SOUNDS GOOD TO ME!
BUZZZ!!!
LOL!
:) (applause)
Hehe....that was ... interesting!
Hehe, very good, Emile! :)
Sorry about butting into your game :)
I brought it to a screeching halt!! Thanks for saving me Tash!
How many points should we award?
-6004 to me :)
And +6004 to Tashia
Hehe!
Woo!
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Game: Home Shopping
Players: Skippy, wliia
Scene: Have to sell one of Joe Montana's used jockstraps, an alligator,
and an old tape of 1970's soap operas.
YES, HERE ON THE HOME SHOPPING CHANNEL! WE'VE OFFERED YOU SOME
GREAT DEALS OVER THE YEARS, HAVEN'T WE GARY?
A LOT OF DEALS AS YOU CALL THEM!
BUT NEVER ANYTHING AS GOOD AS THESE.
NOPE! WHAT'S FIRST ON THE LIST?
WELL, OUR FIRST ITEM TODAY IS AN ATTRACTIVE CLOTHING ITEM...WHICH
DOUBLES AS A HANDY SLINGSHOT!
Hehehe!
YOU COULD ALWAYS USE A SLINGSHOT!
IN FACT, I BELIEVE YOU HAVE ONE OVER THERE, GARY?
YES!
ABSOLUTELY. MANY'S THE DAY I'VE WHILED AWAY FIRING ROCKS AT
INNOCENT PEOPLE.
LOL!
YOU TOO CAN NOW OWN YOUR VERY OWN JOE MONTANA USED JOCKSTRAP.
A MUST HAVE FOR NOBODY!
AND HOW MUCH WOULD YOU EXPECT TO PAY?
50 DOLLARS?
Hehe!
WELL, NORMALLY IN THE SHOPS, YES. BUT TODAY WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL
DEAL FOR YOU. FOR JUST 5000 CENTS, WE'LL GIVE YOU THE JOCKSTRAP.
AND FOR AN EXTRA 500 CENTS, WE'LL THROW IN A FREE MAGAZINE.
WHAT MAGAZINE WOULD THAT BE?
WELL, CONVENIENTLY, IT'S A JUNE 1972 EDITION OF 'REPTILE OWNERS
MONTHLY'. WHICH BRINGS US NEATLY TO OUR SECOND ITEM ON SALE TODAY...
HEH!
YEAH A BRAND NEW ALIGATOR! JUST CAN KEEP THOSE SALESMEN AWAY FROM
YOUR DOOR!
THAT'S RIGHT, GARY! NOT ONE OF THOSE OLD ALLIGATORS WHICH YOU CAN'T
GET STARTED, AND WHICH NEED CONSTANT REFUELLING. THIS BRAND NEW
ALLIGATOR WILL BE SNAPPING FROM THE MOMENT YOU TAKE IT OUT OF THE
BOX.
THAT IS WHY YOU SHOULD BE CAREFUL!
CAREFUL INDEED. BUT LETS NOT BE CAREFUL WITH MONEY, BECAUSE YOU
NEED THIS ALLIGATOR!
Ha!
AND HOW MUCH ARE WE CHARGING FOR THIS, GARY?
ONLY 1000 DOLLARS FOR THIS NEW ALIGATOR! YOU SPEND THAT MUCH ON
PEOPLE COMING TO YOUR DOOR A MONTH SO WHY NOT BUY THIS!
Heh!
AND THAT'S A BARGAIN! THINK HOW MANY SALESMAN THIS WILL STOP
WASTING YOUR TIME. AND REMEMBER, TIME IS MONEY!
YES! WANT TO LISTEN TO SOMETHING NICE, HOW ABOUT YOUR ALIGATOR
CHOMPING ON A SALESMAN!
BUT SPEAKING OF TIME, THERE IS ONE THING THAT WE SPEND A LOT OF
TIME DOING. SLEEPING.
BUT IT TAKES SO LONG TO GET TO SLEEP!
WHY WASTE 8 HOURS A DAY SLEEPING, WHEN YOU COULD COMPRESS YOUR
SLEEP TIME INTO A REFRESHING TWO HOUR POWER SLEEP? I'M SURE SOME OF
YOU ARE ASKING "BUT PHIL AND GARY, IS THERE ANYTHING YOU CAN GIVE
ME TO HELP THIS?"
Hehe!!
WELL THERE IS!
WHAT BETTER SLEEP INDUCER IS THERE, THAN A BUNCH OF OLD CRAPPY
AUSSIE SOAP OPERAS?
Haha!!
ALL YOUR FAVOURITES ON ONE VIDEO. SONS & DAUGHTERS, NEIGHBOURS,
EVEN HOME AND AWAY 20 YEARS BEFORE IT WAS CREATED.
Hehehehe!!!!
YOU'LL BE OUT LIKE A LIGHT BEFORE THEY SAY WELCOME TO TONIGHT'S
SHOW!!
ACT NOW AND WE'LL THROW IN A BONUS! 'AMERICAN SOAP OPERAS' TAPE,
INCLUDING DALLAS, DYNASTY, AND FOR THE INSOMNIACS OUT THERE, DAYS
OF OUR LIVES.
GET THIS AND YOU'LL BE OUT EVEN FASTER!
BUT DON'T FORGET TO GIVE US YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER FIRST! SO ACT
NOW, AND YOU'LL BE SHOOTING ROCKS, REMOVING PESKY SALESMAN, AND
ADDING 6 HOURS TO YOUR DAY IN A FLASH.
OH YES!
BZZZZZZZZZZZ! Very good game!
Great game!
Hehe!
That was great!
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geocities.com/ejumean)