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WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?
WLIIA Chat Games
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WORLD'S WORST (Part One)
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Game: World's Worst
Players: Mochrie, Slattery, Vranch
Scene: World's worst person to receive an Academy Award
I WAS EXPECTING THIS...AFTER ALL, I *AM* JOHN SESSIONS..
HELLO, I'M JOHN SESSIONS.
HELLO, I'M CLIVE ANDERSON.
YOU LIKE ME! YOU REALLY LIKE ME!
I'D LIKE TO THANK MY DIRECTOR, I'D LIKE TO THANK MY PRODUCER,
I'D LIKE TO THANK THE PLASTIC SURGEON FOR THE IMPLANTS...
I'D LIKE TO THANK THE MAN THAT DID ALL MY SPEAKING, RICHARD
VRANCH.
HEY...THIS STATUE'S MADE OF CHOCOLATE!
I'D LIKE TO THANK ME FOR BEING GORGEOUS, TALENTED AND BETTER
THAN ALL OF YOU PUT TOGETHER..
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED ONE OF THESE THINGS...AND NOW THAT I
HAVE ONE...BY GOD, IT'S UGLY!!
I'D LIKE TO THANK THE MAN WHOSE NECK AND HAIR I BORROWED,
CLIVE ANDERSON.
YOU KNOW, IT'S ALL A PHALLIC SYMBOL ANYWAY
HEY, ALL I HAD TO DO WAS SLEEP WITH THE PRODUCER, WRITER,
CATERER, DIRECTOR, SOUND GUY, CAMERA MAN....THE LIST GOES ON!
HEY, HOW MUCH D'YA THINK THIS THING'S WORTH ANYWAY?
I'D LIKE TO THANK.... *BAAAH* SHUT UP!
I'D LIKE TO THANK MY AGENT...NO TALENT HACK!!
HEY, ALL I HAD TO DO WAS PAY THEM...
THIS IS SO EXCITING FOR ME...I THINK I'LL KILL MYSELF.
THIS SPECIAL AWARD, SERVICES TO ARTISTIC MERIT MEANS A LOT
TO ME, THAT'S WHAT I TOLD JOHN SESSIONS BEFORE I LOOKED HIM
UP IN THE ASYLUM..
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Game: World's Worst
Players: Mochrie, Slattery, Vranch
Scene: World's worst person to find in your bed
HELLO, I'M CLIVE ANDERSON!
HI MY NAME'S CLIVE AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE JUST PULLED!
OH GOD! NO! NOT BARNEY!!!!
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
RUSH LIMBAUGH, I'VE TOLD YOU ONCE, I'VE TOLD YOU TWICE...
FLIPPER..??
COULD I INTEREST YOU IN ANY MAGAZINES?
OH FOR GOD'S SAKE, RICHARD, SAY SOMETHING!
TONY SLATTERY?!!
YOU COME HERE OFTEN?
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Game: World's Worst
Players: Proops, Vranch
Scene: World's worst chat up line to a contestant on WLiiA
"HEY YOU'RE THE GUY THAT RIPPED HIS PANTS!"
"HEY, YOU'RE BUDDY HOLLY, AREN'T YOU?"
"HEY YOU'RE WOODY ALLEN!"
"WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR NECK?"
"HEY YOU, THE GIANT, STOP PEEING ON THE ALPS!"
"SO ARE YOU REALLY A GOOFY ANIMATRONIC?"
"OH YES, MAN-MOUNTAIN BLOBS ARE THE ULTIMATE TURN ON!"
"CAN YOU TALK?"
"I HOPE YOU'RE NOT AS BENT AS YOUR NOSE!"
"WHAT WAS IT LIKE IN THE PREHISTORIC AGE THEN?" (TO COLIN)
"SO, ARE DEC AND ANT ONE IN YOU THEN?"
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Game: World's Worst
Players: LawrenceJ, Mochrie, PoundPupp, Vranch
Scene: World's worst person to be hired as a teacher
HELLO, MY NAME IS MR. SATAN.
HELLO BOYS AND GIRLS, MY NAME'S TONY SLATTERY!
HI KIDS, MY NAME IS CLIVE AND I AM YOUR NEW SEX ED TEACHER.
HI, I'M BARNEY! (IN A SIMILAR VEIN AS MOCH'S....)
SORRY, I WAS JUST IN THE TEACHERS LOUNGE GETTING HIGH.
WELCOME TO SMARMY ARROGANCE 101. I'M JOHN SESSIONS.
WELCOME TO CHOIR, WE'RE COLIN AND PAUL
IN MY CLASS, WE DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I DON'T SPEAK, OUT OF PRINCIPLE, SO I WILL BE ENCODING MY
MATERIAL ON THE PIANO AND PLAYING IT BACK TO YOU!
HI, I AM MR. DAHMER...I WILL BE YOUR HOME-EC TEACHER.
DID YOU KNOW THAT I'M AN ANIMATRONIC DEVICE BENT ON RULING
THE WORLD?
HI I'M BULGE TEMPTINGLY AND THIS IS PURITAN MORALS 101.
I'VE GOT A TUB OF MARGARINE IN MY GYMBAG!
MY NAME IS MR. BUSTER CHERRY...AND I AM YOUR SEX ED TEACHER.
WELCOME TO HUNGARIAN 100. MY HOVERCRAFT IS FULL OF EELS!
HOLA, WELCOME TO GERMAN 101.
WELCOME TO HOE-DOWNING GETTER-OUTTERS 101. I'M MR. MOCHRIE.
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Game: World's Worst
Players: LawrenceJ, Mochrie, Proops, Vranch
Scene: World's worst person to talk to in a chat room
HELLO, I'M TF.
I'M JOHN SESSIONS!
ANI WON WAN TA CHAT WIT ME?
WLIIA? I THOUGHT IT WAS AIWLI!
TWIGLETS? WHAT ARE TWIGLETS?!
UMMMMM.....UMMMMMM....HI!
HI, I'M WITH COMEDY CENTRAL.....
HI, I'M WITH ABC
I THOUGHT 'HAT TRICK' WAS A HOCKEY TERM!
LOL!
ANY LADIES IN HERE?
HEY? WHO'S THAT BALD GUY?
WHAT'S A HOE-DOWN?
WELL I WENT TO THE MALL YESTERDAY AND THEN THIS GUY WAS
THERE AND HE ASKED ME WHAT TIME IT WAS AND I TOLD HIM AND
THEN WE WENT TO EAT SOME PIZZA AND I GOT HIS PHONE NUMBER
AND HE CALLED LATER THAT NIGHT AND WE TALKED FOR HOURS,
CAN YOU BELIEVE SOMEONE CAN TALK FOR THAT LONG?....
THERE'S NOBODY IN #SESSIONS!
Now there's a surprise! :o)
Hehe!
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Game: World's Worst
Players: CQuentin, _McShane_, Mochrie, Vranch
Scene: World's worst person to be stuck in an elevator with
HELLO, I'M TF.
DO YOU KNOW ME? I'M JOHN SESSIONS.
...AND SO MY EX SAID TO ME, HE SAID, I'M SORRY, I'VE GOT ISSUES,
AND I JUST CAN'T DEAL, SO I'M DATING MY PSYCHIATRIST....
<_McShane_> YOU KNOW I WAS ONLY *ACCUSED* OF ASSAULT...
YOU KNOW, YOUR NECK LOOKS....TASTY!
IS THAT A CHAINSAW IN YOUR POCKET OR ARE YOU HAPPY TO SEE ME?"
STOP LOOKING AT ME!
<_McShane_> YOU KNOW, IF WE DON'T GET OUT OF HERE ALIVE, ONE OF US MAY
HAVE TO EAT THE OTHER. YOU LOOK YUMMY...
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE DONNER PARTY?
YOU KNOW, THE CABLE COULD SNAP AT ANY MOMENT. OOOPS, I DROPPED
MY HACKSAW.
<_McShane_> HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT YOUR FUTURE? WELL OUR RELIGIOUS
ORGANIZATION BELIEVES THAT YOU SHOULD START THINKING ABOUT IT
NOW, HERE'S SOME PAMPHLETS...
SATAN IS MY FRIEND, AND HE WANT TO BE YOURS TOO.
I LOVE YOU...YOU LOVE ME...
HI, WE'RE THE SPICE GIRLS."
EEEEEEK! EEEEEEK!
<_McShane_> SO THIS IS THE LAST THING WE'LL EVER SEE...
I'M A BARBIE GIRL, IN A BARBIE WORLD.....
DEODORANT, NO, NEVER TOUCH THE STUFF!
<_McShane_> HERE, LET ME WRITE A TRIBUTE SONG FOR YOU, I'VE REWORKED THE
WORDS FOR ROCKET MAN, GIVE IT A LISTEN...
HI THERE, I'M JEREMY BEADLE!
AAAAYYY, MACARENA!!
HI, I'M ANN, AND THIS IS NICK. GOOD MORNING!
HEY, YOU CAN'T COME IN HERE! THIS IS MY LIVING ROOM!!
DO YOU LIKE THE DISCO BALL IN THE CEILING?
<_McShane_> [TALKING TO HAND] WHAT? YEAH, THEY LOOK INNOCENT ENOUGH...
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
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Game: World's Worst
Players: Audience, Clive, DFW, LawrenceJ, McShaneM, Mochrie, StilesR
Scene: World's worst thing to say to God
HI! I'M CLIVE ANDERSON!
AND YOU ARE.....?
LOL
* Audience is applauding wildly
FUNNY, YOU LOOK NOTHING LIKE GEORGE BURNS
YOUR A LOT UGLIER THEN I IMAGINED...
ARE YOU INTERESTED IN JOINING OUR NEW RELIGION? I HAVE SOME
PAMPHLETS IF YOU'D LIKE...
LOL
LOL...Good one, Moch!
Thanks.
YEAH, HI, I'M LOOKING FOR MY FRIEND CHARLES MANSON. CAN YOU
POINT ME TO HIS CLOUD.
YOU KNOW, I LIKE WHAT YOU'VE DONE FOR THE MOST PART, BUT MAY I
MAKE A FEW SIMPLE SUGGESTIONS...
HAVE YOU GOT ANY ID TO PROVE YOURE GOD?
WELL, YOU REALLY COCKED UP WITH ADAM AND EVE NOW, DIDN'T YOU?
HEY BIG BOY, WANNA GO FOR A BEER?
COME ON MAN, SHOW US A FEW THUNDERBOLTS!
SIX DAYS TO CREATE THE WORLD, COME ON.....
HEY? WHERE'S MRS. GOD?
IF YOU CAN DO EVERYTHING, GO AHEAD AND MAKE A ROCK TOO HEAVY
FOR YOU TO PICK UP SMART GUY.
YOU GOT ANY WILD WOMEN UP HERE?
WHAT'S JERRY LEWIS DOING HERE...
SAY! DO YOU *REALLY* APPEAR TO HOMER SIMPSON?
FOR THAT WHITE CLOAK... HOW ABOUT TRYING NEW "SUPERWHIZZO"
WASHING LIQUID?
DID YOU EVER THINK OF MAKING THE BIBLE JUST A BIT MORE LIVELY?
DO YOU SUPPOSE YOU COULD "TAKE CARE" OF MY EX-WIFE, KNOW WHAT I
MEAN, EH? EH?
:)
LOL
WOW, NOW I KNOW WHAT THE MEANING OF LIFE IS... SO WHAT'S
FELLATIO?
IS JOHN SESSIONS HERE...OH...TOO BAD!
IS THAT A STAFF IN YOUR POCKET OR ARE YOU JUST PLEASED TO SEE
ME?
LOL
I COULD USE A BIT MORE HAIR...
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Game: World's Worst
Players: Izzard, LawrenceJ, McShane_, PMerton, PeterCook
Scene: World's worst psychiatrist
YOU'RE DEPRESSING...
HI, I'M TONY SLATTERY...
SO YOU'RE A NYMPHO, EH? WANNA GO BACK TO MY PLACE?
I'M PARTICULARLY INTERESTED IN PATIENTS WITH BIZARRE SEX
PROBLEMS...
I WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING A WHILE AGO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT
IT IS WITH SHEEP.
YOU MUST BE NAKED TO RECIEVE TREATMENT.
I BET MY INVISIBLE FRIEND COULD BEAT THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF
YOUR INVISIBLE FRIEND!
YOU THINK YOUVE GOT PROBLEMS, LISTEN TO THIS...
IT ALL LEADS BACK TO YOUR MOTHER, YOU MUST KILL HER!
HUNDRED BUCKS AND HOUR...BUT YOU GET FREE PRESCRIPTION CRACK...
WWWHHHAAA DDDOO YYYA MMMEAANNN, DDDOCCTTORRS PPPREESSCRRIBEE
TOOOOO MMMANNNYYY DDDRRUGGGS???
YOU KNOW, HAVING 2 PERSONALITIES, I'M GONNA HAVE TO CHARGE YOU
DOUBLE.
LET ME CONSULT WITH THE VOICE IN MY HEAD.
I BELIEVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS WOULD BE SOLVED IF YOU WERE DEAD.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING? I THINK YOURE A WACKO.
YES I AGREE YOU BETTER JUST JUMP OUT THIS WINDOW HERE.
YOU YOU YOU. IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT YOU. WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT
MY NEEDS?
SHOUT, SHOUT, LET IT ALL OUT...
YOU KNOW I THINK ALL THIS WLIIA IS DRIVING YOU CRAZY. YOU MUST
GET RID OF ALL TAPES.
NO, THIS INK BLOT ISN'T A UNICORN, IT'S A HORSE WITH A SPIKE
STICKING OUT OF ITS HEAD YOU CRAZY....
YOU KNOW, I REALLY REALLY LIKE TO MAKE HOUSE CALLS.
I'M NOT A GOOD PSYCHICATRIST. MOTHER ALWAYS SAID I'D NEVER
AMOUNT TO ANYTHING. DIDN'T YOU MOTHER?
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Game: World's Worst
Players: Dean, EstenC, McShaneM, Mochrie, She-Ryan
Scene: World's worst commercial slogan
COME FLY WITH US -- TERRORIST AIRLINES.
IF IT'S NOT THERE IN 30 MINUTES, WE'LL STRIP FOR YA!
BOB'S AIR CONDITIONERS. THEY'LL FREEZE YER ASS OFF!
FUN FOR ALL AGES -- JIM BOB'S BITS O' GLASS AND ROCK.
COME TO THE CHICKEN SHACK, WE'VE GOT THE BIGGEST BREASTS AROUND!
LOL!
JOE'S FUNERAL HOME, BURY ONE PARENT AND THE OTHER ONE'S FREE...
PENCILS - THEY DO MORE THAN JUST WRITE...
LOL!
* Mochrie is getting a BAD mental image :-O
Hee hee...
COME TO THE HOT DOG HUT, WE'VE GOT THE BIGGEST....Never mind! :)
PLANTERS PEANUTS, BECAUSE SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA GRAB YOUR NUTS!
THE HOT DOG HUT - COME AND FEEL OUR SAUSAGES!
Eek! ROTFL!!
COME TO DONKEY WORLD! OUR SALESMEN ARE NEVER A PAIN IN THE ASS
WHEN YOU WANT TO BUY ONE!
RAY'S SPORTS. WE'VE GOT THE BIGGEST BALLS YOU'LL FIND!
LOL, guys! :) I've created a monster!
BROWN. FREE WITH EVERY PURCHASE.
COME TO CARPET WORLD WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE A SHAG!
SHOP AT BILL CLINTON'S, WHERE ALL HIS PANTS ARE HALF OFF!
OR WHY NOT JUMP ONTO THE CARPET WORLD SHAG PILE?
ROTFL!!!!!!!!
4 OUT OF 5 DENTISTS AGREE, JOHN SESSIONS IS A POMPOUS GIT!
COME TO LONG JOHN SILVERS AND GET A LOAD OF OUR FISHSTICKS!
BUY THIS TOOTHPASTE FOR TEETH THAT ARE A PRETTY SHADE OF YELLOW!
SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED TO GET YOUR EYEBALLS THEIR WHITEST...
WE WASHED THIS HALF OF THE SHIRT IN OMO, AND THIS HALF IN ANOTHER
LEADING BRAND... THEY'RE BOTH CLEAN, BUT THE SHIRT'S RUINED!
WE WASHED THIS SCREWDRIVER IN DAZ, AND THIS ONE IN OMO, AND THEY
BOTH BROKE THE WASHING MACHINE!
CLOTHES. FOR THE MATURE PERSON.
AT FOOD WORLD, ALL OUR ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT EMPLOYEES ARE PAID WELL
BELOW MINIMUM WAGE, SO WE CAN PASS THE SAVINGS ONTO YOU...
EAT KFC: OUR CHICKEN IS THE GREASIEST! HEART ATTACK GUARANTEED!
TRY JOHNSON'S COUGH SYRUP -- YOU WILL NEVER GET ANY BETTER.
Clever, Emile!
Hehee!
BONDS UNDERPANTS. ALSO MAKE A GREAT CAKE TIN LINER.
AT DR. KEVORKIAN'S, YOU'LL EXPERIENCE THE BEST SUICIDE EVER, OR
YOUR MONEY BACK!
HAVE YOU EVER WORRIED ABOUT ANTS IN YOUR UNDERWEAR DRAWER?...
FOOT ODOR PROBLEM? WITH OUR NEW PRODUCT "BIG SHARP AX", YOU'LL
NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT YOUR FEET AGAIN!
Hee hee!
U kill me, Nick!
'THE END OF THE WORLD' SALE - ONE TIME ONLY!
JOHNSON'S SANDPAPER -- WHEN YOU CARE ENOUGH TO SAND THE VERY
BEST!
BLIND SURGEONS GROUP! WHAT WE CAN'T SEE WON'T HURT YOU!
Buuuuuzzzzz!
I think so! :-P
Very funny!
Whew! Great guys!
I think I'll give....69 points.
Definitely!
Another one for yr site, Emile!
I think I should preface this one with a warning! :-)
Sorry Moch! :-)
Rated PG...
Ah, what the heck. it's too darn funny!
It was great!
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Game: World's Worst
Players: Colin, Dean, Mochrie, Nick-O, Quen-Tin
Scene: World's worst thing to say in a job interview
SO HOW LONG BEFORE I HAVE YOUR JOB?
GEE THANKS.....DAD!
WHAT'S THE COMPANY POLICY ON SEXUAL HARRASSMENT ANYWAY?
YOU KNOW YOURE THE SPITTING IMAGE OF MIKE MCSHANE.
YOU KNOW, I'M NOT TOTALLY AGAINST SLEEPING MY WAY TO THE TOP.
GEE, NICE TIE...LOOKS LIKE YOU BLEW YOUR NOSE ON IT!
Ewww!
SO, THIS IS A CASHIER'S JOB. I WON'T TAKE LESS THAN $100,000
PER YEAR.
WHY MY NAME IS MONICA, MR. PRESIDENT.
Boo!
Hiss!
OH THATS IN MY CV IS IT? I NEVER SAW THAT, I BOUGHT IT FROM A
GUY I KNOW...
NO....I HAVEN'T BEEN *CONVICTED* OF ANY CRIME....
W-W-WELL, I-I-I C-C-C-AN D-D-DO D-D-IC-C-T-T-ATION-N-N....
YOU MEAN I ACTUALLY HAVE TO DO STUFF?
NO, I DON'T HAVE ANY...ZZZZZZZZZ...MEDICAL PROBLEMS.
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Game: World's Worst
Players: Ashdown, AshleyRya, DeanB, JSweeney, McShaneM, Mochrie, Schroeder
Scene: World's worst blind date
YES, I'M HOST OF AN IMPROV SHOW.....
GRANDMA????
Ewwwww!
WELL, THEY CERTAINLY DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE SO UGLY!
OH, YOU REALLY ARE A *BLIND* DATE?...NICE CANE!
I HOPE YOU BROUGHT YOUR WALLET
SOME BLIND DATE YOU ARE, YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE ONE OF THEM DOGS
OR NUTHIN'!
I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND THAT I AM COMPLETELY NAKED WITH BOTH MALE
AND FEMALE GENETALIA!
Ewwwww!!!
LOL! Jerry Springer here we come!
SORRY, I'M THE CHAPERONE, MEET WALLY MY PUPPET...
I JUST WANT SEX.....WITH YOUR SISTER.
HELLO, I'M BILL CLINTON --- TOUCH *THIS*
I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND ME BRINGING MY MOM......(WINK WINK)
WANNA HERE A HOEDOWN? ;)
SEIG HEIL!
::FAINTS::
OH, I BROUGHT MY WIFE, SEE...
I HATE BLIND DATES THEY MAKE ME SICK!, JUST LOOKING AT U MAKES
ME GO ICK ICK!
YEAH, I WORK FOR REVENUE CANADA
HELLO, I'M JEAN CHRETIEN - TOUCH *DIS*
OH I LOVE BLIND DATES, I REALLY REALLY DO...I REALLY REALLY
REALLY REALLY, PLEASE DON'T MISCONSTRUE....
YES, I CAN QUOTE EVERY SINGLE LINE ANY WLIIA? CONTESTANT HAS
EVER SPOKEN!
HELLO, I'M SADDAM HUSSEIN! WANNA PLAY WITH MY MISSILE LAUNCHER?
;-)
HI, MY NAME'S ROB...
HEY WOW, YOU REALLY LOOK LIKE COLIN MOCHRIE....I KNOW YOU'RE A
GIRL..........
WELL I HAD NO LUCK AS A MAN, SO I THOUGHT I'D GIVE THIS A TRY...
BAUK, BUK BUK BUK!!
OINK