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WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?
WLIIA Chat Games
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WORLD'S WORST (Part Three)
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Game: World's Worst
Players: Brady, Bremner, DeanB, Maruyama, Mochrie, RyanDad, SFry
Scene: World's worst person to work out next to at a health club.

HI, I'M CALISTA FLOCKHART.

LOL!

OH, DON'T MIND ME, I'M JUST ORDERING A TEN-POUND ICE CREAM
SUNDAE FROM THE HEALTH BAR.
HELLO, I'M JOHN SESSIONS. WHERE'S THE STEAM ROOM?
SO NOW I HAVE *TWO* SHOWS ON ABC...
DO YOU MIND IF A BORROW YOUR TOWEL?

LOL!

OH I CAN DO A HUNDRED PUSHUPS IN 60 SECONDS, HOW ABOUT YOU?
BONJOUR, JE M'APPELLE BREMNER. DO YOU COME FROM QUEBEC? HAVE ANY
GOOD POUTINE RECIPES?
EWWW, WHO LEFT ALL THE SWEAT ON THE MACHINE?
DEODERANT? NO, I DON'T BELIEVE IN IT

LOL Jess!

I'M JUST GONNA TAKE A DIP IN THE SAUNA.
HOMER SIMPSON WAS MY PERSONAL TRAINER.
I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND, I LIKE SINGING SHOWTUNES IN THE SAUNA.
OH NO, IT'S MR. BURNS!
SHAVE MY LEGS NEVER!
SHAVE MY BACK NEVER!

LOL!
Woohooo, Tim did one! :)
Sorry!

I JUST ATE A WHOLE BUNCH OF CHILI!

LOL!

WHY, I'M A BRONZED GOD!

LOL!

HELP! MY FRIEND'S JOCK STRAP IS CAUGHT IN THE MACHINE.
HOW DO I LOOK, AM I STILL AN ADONIS?
COULD YOU POINT THE WAY TO THE TANNING BOOTH / RUSTY TUB?
I CAN'T SEE MY FEET!
SO, YOU THINK YOU'RE HOT STUFF, HUH? HA! HI, I'M ADONIS, NICE
TO MEET YOU.
HI, I'D LIKE A MEMBERSHIP, I'M DEBBI DURST!
I OTH I ONG TUCK INA STHEP MATHING!

LOL!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T WEAR MY THONG!!
WHY CAN'T I DO AROBICS NAKED?
STOP THE INSANITY!

LOL!

HI, WE'RE FROM TIM HORTONS. WE'RE GOING TO BE GIVING OUT FREE
DONUTS RIGHT IN FRONT OF THIS PICTURE WINDOW IN FRONT OF YOUR
TREADMILL NOW.
OH NO, IT'S RICHARD SIMMONS!
ARE YOU SARAH CONNER?
TIME FOR SWEATING WITH THE OLDIES...
HI, AND WELCOME TO OUR NEW AEROBICS CLASS, "SWEATIN' TO THE
HOEDOWNS."
RYAN'S SMOKING AND USING THE EXCERSISE BIKE!
YOU MEAN I'VE BEEN CYCLING FOR TEN MILES AND I HAVEN'T GONE
ANYWHERE?!?!
UMM, THE WEIGHT BENCH ISN'T A BED.
AND NOW, A LITTLE MUSICAL SERENADE TO MAKE YOUR WORKOUT LESS
PAINFUL. "THE DOCTOR WENT TO WORK THAT DAY, HE STARTED RIGHT
DOWN THERE..."
I CAN'T GET OUT OF THIS LOTIS POSITION!

* DeanB wonders if its time to buzz....

Yes!
It was time to buzz long ago. Like, before the game started. =)
Please!! :)

WHY ARE WE DOING THESE FUNNY EXERCISES? I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS
WAS YOGURT CLASS.

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Game: World's Worst
Players: Bremner, EmileJ, JoeIsham, SFry, Tim
Scene: World's worst Christmas gift / shopping partner.

JUST WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED! AN INFLATABLE JOHN SESSIONS DOLL!

LOL!

OH NO!! FURBY!
SURE I'VE ALWAYS WANTED A SET OF BAGPIPES!
WOW, A COMPLETE SET OF TELETUBBIES!
LIKE OHMIGOD! AND I SAW, LIKE, THE CUTEST GUY, LIKE, AT
ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH, AND, LIKE, HE SAID, THESE LOOK REALLY
CUTE ON YOU!
ARE YOU SURE YOU BOUGHT ME ENOUGH PRESENTS? ARE YOU REALLY,
REEEEALLLY SURE?
OH GREAT, A CALANDER OF TONY SLATTERY NAKED!
TWIGLETS TWIGLETS, OH THAT'S WHAT I WANT!

HEY! I ASKED FOR TWIGLETS!
Sorry!

WOW! SUPERTOWN CHALLENGE TREE ORNAMENTS!
YOU KNITTED THIS WOOL THONG ALL BY YOURSELF?
I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE THE WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY? ACTION
FIGURES...ALL THEY HAD LEFT WERE DEBBI DURST AND GEORGE WENDT.
ENJOY!
LET'S GO AND GET THE NEW COLIN MOCHRIE DOES HOEDOWNS!
WOW! A WHOLE TAPE OF SESSIONS SONGS! THANKS, MOM!

* EmileJ is busting a gut!

WHAT A LOVELY WHIP ...MOM!
I GOT YOU A GIFT CERTIFICATE TO THE "DEBBI DURST FASHION
CATALOGUE."

Eeeeek!

AWWW, DARN A JOHN SESSIONS STUFFED DOLL!
WOW! ONE OF MIKE McSHANE'S HANDKERCHIEFS!!
THE NEW CLIVE ANDERSON TOUPEE! THANKS!
THIS STEPHEN FRY DOES HOEDOWNS VIDEO IS OUT!

LOL!
LOL!
LOL!
Haha!

THE BEST OF KWIK WITZ? YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE. NO, I MEAN YOU
REALLY *SHOULDN'T* HAVE!!!
I ALWAYS WANTED A TONY SLATTERY SHIRT! I'LL WEAR IT TO SCHOOL
AND IMPRESS ALL MY FRIENDS!

LOL!
RITAL!

WAYNE BRADY DOES JAMES BROWNE IS SOLD OUT.
RYAN STILES SPEAKS SWISS! THANKS!
WOW! A DO-IT-YOURSELF NEON LOVE CHICKEN SET!
HEY THE NEW GAME LET'S BREAK A TOY HOSTED BY BRAD SHERWOOD IS
OUT ON VIDEO NEXT WEEK!
A "REAL WHOSE LINE PROPS!" PLAYSET! COMES COMPLETE WITH
BLUE FOAM THINGS WITH YELLOW ROUND CIRCLES!

LOL!
Hehe!

OH WOW, ASHLEY COOK'S HOW TO WIN BRAD SHERWOOD'S HEART IS HERE.

HEHEEHE!

* SFry is glad Ashley isn't here.

I ALWAYS WANTED A BATTERY-OPERATED BATTERY CHARGER...DAMN,
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED...
WOW! A SOLAR POWERED FLASHLIGHT!
(OR TORCH IF YOU'RE BRITISH!)
THE COMPLETE PERRY COMO COLLECTION! WOW YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE!
MERRY CHRISTMAS, MOM! I GOT YOU A CHANUKAH MENORAH!
OH NO! THE HOW TO LOOK LIKE CAROLINE QUENTIN MAKE UP KIT!

Haha Brem!
LOL!

OH MOM, I GOT YOU THE BOX SET OF THE CHIPMUNKS GREATEST HITS!
NEAT! A COMBINATION CHRISTMAS/CHANUKA/KWANZAA PLAY SET!
COOL! A YEARS SUPPLY OF TWIGLETS (TM)!

Hey! I would kill for that, Emile!
Emile: That's what, one Twiglet?

WOW! JEREMY BEADLE BLOWUP DOLLS!

LOL!
HEHEHEH!

COOL! THE BEST OF GOSPEL FEATURING PAUL MERTON AND JULIAN CLARY!
OH NO! JERRY SPRINGER'S VIDEO ON THE REAL SECRETS OF WHOSE LINE!
MOM... THANKS FOR THE CHICKEN CANNON!

LOL!

OH NICE A SKULL SHIRT! WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED!

* SFry is out of things to say.

A WHOLE BOOK ON "HOW TO SPEAK QUEBECKER" BY BREM!
MARILYN MANSON CD THANKS JERRY FALWELL!
JUST WHAT I NEED! TONY SLATTERY BRAND UNDERGARMENTS! THEY'RE
INVISIBLE!

Hehehe!
Haha!
RITAL!

OH PLEASE MOMMY, BUY ME "THE BACKSTREET BOYS SING HOEDOWNS!"

I'm fried!

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Game: World's Worst
Players: LoriV, Maruyama, MistleJoe, Mochrie, Sessions, SToksvig
Scene: World's worst idea for a Christmas special.

IT'S THE KATHIE LEE GIFFORD CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!
WELCOME TO CHRISTMAS WITH JOHN SESSIONS...

LOL!

RUDOLPH GOT RUN OVER BY A SLED!
AN EL DORADO CHRISTMAS ... WE'RE DESPERATE!
LIVE FROM OTTAWA... IT'S PARLIAMENT ON ICE!
CAPTAIN... A SLED IS DECLOAKING OF OUR PORT BOW...
JOHN SESSIONS CHRISTMAS CAROL!

Mind if I watch?
Go right ahead!
Sure Shari! We can always use an audience!
=o)

CHRISTMAS DINNER WITH CALLISTA FLOCKHART
AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION -- THE WHOSER'S CHRISTMAS
CAROL!

Who is Callista Flockhart?!
Ally McBeal.
Ahhh...pardon my ignorance.

NEW ON FOX! WORLD'S SCARIEST CHRISTMAS DESASTERS

LOL!!
LOL!

FOLLOWED BY "WHEN REINDEER ATTACK!"
NOW ITS TIME FOR THE TONY SLATTERY X-MAS SPECIAL, PARENTAL
DISGRESSION IS ADVISED!
AN S&M CHRISTMAS, WITH STILES & MOCHRIE!
AN S&M CHRISTMAS WITH TONY SLATTERY, PARENTAL DISGRESSION IS
ADVISED.
LIGHTS OVER IRAQ: THE AIRSRIKE GETS FESTIVE! (No offence!)

Sorry!
LOL!
Heh!

COLIN MOCHRIE SINGS ALL YOUR CHRISTMAS FAVOURITES!
STEPHEN FRY'S JOLLY CHRISTMAS HOEDOWNS.
IMPROV HEAVEN & HELL ... THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!! (hehe)
FROSTY THE SNOWMAN GETS IMPEACHED!
WELCOME TO KIRK AND SPOCK SING THE CAROLS... WITH SPECIAL
GUEST PATRICK STEWART!
PRESIDENT CLINTON'S CHRISTMAS BALLS!

LOL!
Haha!

A SPICE GIRLS' CHRISTMAS!
HANSON CHRISTMAS SPECIAL WITH SPECIAL GUEST MICHAEL JACKSON!

LOL!

A MARTHA STEWART CHRISTMAS...HOW TO PREPARE A TURKEY DINNER
WITH A CAN OF TUNA, SOME LARD, A SPOOL OF THREAD, AND A BOWL
OF THUMB TACKS. AND IT'S A GOOD THING!
JAMES CAMERON PRESENTS: CHRISTMAS ON THE TITANIC!
JOHN SESSIONS RE-ENACTS THE NATIVITY -- BY HIMSELF!
JOSIE LAWERENCE'S CHRISTMAS SPECIAL WITH SPECIAL GUESTS SANDI
TOKSVIG AND PAUL MERTON!

Wait...that wasn't a bad special! :)

WELCOME TO "DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF TWIGLETS"!
IT'S A WONDERFUL IMPEACHMENT!
MIRACLE ON 5TH AVENUE!
IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE STARRING RYAN STILES AS GEORGE BAILEY!
X-FILES... THE TRUE STORY BEHIND CHRISTMAS...

I can't think of anymore!

CLIVE ANDERSON'S CHRISTMAS DAY DANCE PARTY!
AND NOW, HGTV PRESENTS CHRISTMAS STILES.

:)
Jeez, even when we peaked it was pretty bad. =)
Haha!

CLIVE ANDERSON'S HAIRLESS CHRISTMAS
CHRISTMAS WITH THE TELETUBBIES.

LOL!
No!!

OK GOOD JOB EVERYONE...BEST GAME OF WW WE PLAYED TONIGHT...
2 POINTS EACH...

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Game: World's Worst
Players: Archibald, BrothSam, Crowd, GregP, JK, RyansDad, StingCham
Scene: World's worst New Year's resolution.

THIS YEAR, I RESOLVE TO LAUGH AT EVERYTHING JOHN SESSIONS DOES.
I PROMISE I'LL ONLY BE ON CHAT FOR A FEW MINUTES.
I RESOLVE TO BE MORE LIKE JOHN SESSIONS.
THIS YEAR I THINK I LEARNED MY LESSON, SO I'LL STOP MOONING
POLICE CARS AS THEY GO BY.
THIS YEAR I RESOLVE TO GET MY VIRGINITY BACK!

LOL!

I PROMISE THAT WHOSE LINE WILL MAKE A TRIUMPHANT RETURN TO
COMEDY CENTRAL!
I RESOLVE TO NEVER SAY "...AND THE POINTS DON'T MATTER..."
I RESOLVE THAT I WILL FIND SOME WAY TO CONVINCE CLIVE TO JOIN
THE HAIR CLUB FOR MEN!

Yay, for that one Ness!
Actually, that's a GOOD resolution! :)

I WILL KEEP THIS YEAR'S PROMISE! I WILL! I WILL! I WILL!

LOL!

I RESOLVE TO ALWAYS SPELL "COLOR" AND "FAVORITE" WITH A "U".
I RESOLVE TO EAT MY OWN WEIGHT IN TWIGLETS.

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I RESOLVE NOT TO GO TO ANY MORE OPEN CASKET FUNERALS, BECAUSE
WHEN I PUKED IN ONE THAT LAST TIME...BOY, WAS THAT EMBARRASSING!

LOL!

I RESOLVE TO MAKE KWIK WITZ MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE SHOW!
I RESOLVE TO ALWAYS SAY "ABOOT" INSTEAD OF "ABOUT"
I RESOLVE TO ONLY SPEAK IN QUESTIONS WHEN SPOKEN TO
I RESOLVE TO BUY EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THE SPICE GIRLS' NEW HIT
SINGLES!
AT LEAST ONCE!
I RESOLVE TO SAY "LOL" INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY LAUGHING IN REAL LIFE!
I RESOLVE TO STOP STALKING COLIN MOCHRIE.....
I RESOLVE TO START STALKING COLIN MOCHRIE :)
I RESOLVE TO STOP STALKING COLIN MOCHRIE :)

LOL Sam!!

I RESOLVE NOT TO HIT ANYONE WITH A TROUT!

* JK slaps GregP around a bit with a large trout!
* JK slaps Archibald around a bit with a large trout!
* JK slaps BrothSam around a bit with a large trout!

I RESOLVE TO STOP STALKING A WL PLAYER :)
OKAY I PROMISE! THAT'S THE LAST TIME I'LL PUT THE HEMLOCK SO
CLOSE TO THE KOOL-AID!
I RESOLVE THIS YEAR TO CATCH THAT DAMNED BIG TROUT!
I RESOLVE TO START TO LOVE BEING HIT WITH ALL MANNER OF SEAFOOD!
I RESOLVE TO MAKE MORE RESOLUTIONS THAT, THOUGH ARE THEORETICALLY
RESOLVABLE, I AM UNABLE TO RESOLVE, DUE TO THE FACT THAT
RESOLUTIONS ARE MADE TO BE BROKEN....AND I RESOLVE TO SHUT UP!
I RESOLVE NOT TO MAKE RESOLUTIONS...
I DISSOLVE NOT TOO MUCH DRINK AS IDO!
I RESOLVE TO PRAY AT MY TASTEFUL SHRINE TO THE TAPING GODDESS
EVERY HOUR ON THE HOUR...
I RESOLVE TO FOLLOW TONY'S EXAMPLE IN MY CHOICE OF UNDERWEAR!

Oh dear!

THIS YEAR I WILL HIRE A REALLY CUTE INTERN...
I RESOLVE TO NEVER REPEAT MYSELF!

ROFL Jeff!

I RESOLVE TO NEVER REPEAT MYSELF!
MY RESOLUTION OF THIS ANNUAL ROTATION OF SEASONS AND LUNAR CYCLES
IS TO BE LESS ARTICULATE AND TO USE MORE DIMINUITIVE SELECTIONS
WHEN SPEAKING.
I RESOLVE NEVER TO LET GEORGE WENDT ON THE SHOW AGAIN!!!
I RESOLVE TO NEVER REPEAT MYSELF!

LOL Ness!
LOL!

I RESOLVE TO GIVE UP SMOKING, DRINKING AND BAD LANGUAGE... OH
F*** I SPILLED THE GIN, ANYONE GOT A LIGHT?
I RESOLVE TO AVOID CLICHES LIKE THE PLAGUE!

LOL!!
LOL Crowd!
Hehehe!

I RESOLVE TO CUT OUT THE MIDDLE MAN AND GO STRAIGHT TO THE SOURCE
FOR MY BROTH INGREDIENTS!
I RESOLVE TO STOP STEALING THE PRIZES FROM THE CEREAL BOXES AT
THE GROCERY STORE!
I RESOLVE TO FINALLY SEE THE BEACH BOYS THIS YEAR... OH DEAR!

Hehehe!
Hehehe!

I RESOLVE TO NEVER REPEAT MYSELF!
I RESOLVE TO START EMULATING MY COMEDY GOD, ARCHIE HAHN!

* Archibald grins at Sam!

LOL Sam!
LOL Ness!!

I RESOLVE TO GROWING HAIR JUST LIKE DREW CAREY!
I RESOLVE TO LIMIT MY SERVINGS OF EMU TO ONE A MEAL!
I RESOLVE TO INSULT CLIVE ANDERSON IN A NEW WAY EVERY DAY!
I ALSO RESOLVE TO GROWING AS TALL AS RYAN STILES!
THIS YEAR I WILL DISCOVER A CURE FOR DRIPPY RUNNY SORES BECAUSE
I HAVE THEM ALL OVER MY BODY!

Ewwwwww Jeff!

I RESOLVE NEVER TO REPLACE SHOE POLISH INSTEAD OF KIWI IN MY
FRUIT SALAD...
I RESOLVE TO STOP ASKING PEOPLE ON THE STREET FOR DONOTIONS TO
MY GIANT LINT BALL!
I RESOLVE TO BUY A BRAND NEW GALVANISED BUCKET!

LOL!

I RESOLVE TO NEVER ALLOWING SAM INTO MY HOUSE AGAIN! :)
OKAY OKAY, NO MORE PUTTING POP ROCKS IN THE COLA, I PROMISE!
I WILL PAY ALL MY BILLS THIS JUNE 31ST!

I RESLOVE TOO LERN TOO REED ANDD RITE GOODER.
I RESOLVE NEVER TO WEAR MY WOOLIE THONG IN PUBLIC AGAIN!

Oh the humanity!

I RESOLVE NOT TO KILL ANYMORE PEOPLE...BUT IF I DO I PROMISE I
WON'T BURY THEM IN MY NEIGHBOR'S BACKYARD LIKE THE OTHERS

Woohoo!
ROFL!
So THAT'S what that smell is!

I RESOLVE TO NOT TURN MY APARTMENT INTO THE DUNGEON OF LEATHER!
I PROMISE NOT TO SWITCH FOLGERS DECAFFEINATED INSTANT COFFEE FOR
THE LEADING NATIONAL BRAND...
I PROMISE TO TURN MY APARTMENT INTO THE DUNGEON OF LEATHER! :)
I PROMISE I WILL NEVER AGAIN WEAR THE CLIVE ANDERSON MASK I
BOUGHT, AND TELL THAT OLD LADY I'M SORRY FOR GIVING HER A HEART
ATTACK!

Woohoooo Sam!

I RESOLVE TO SPEND A LOT OF TIME IN GREGP'S APARTMENT :)
I PROMISE TO JUST GO WITH THE MAJORITY IF THE OTHER FOUR DENTISTS
CHOOSE CREST AGAIN!

LOL!
Hehe!
LOL Jeff!

I RESOLVE TO LEARN TO ACCEPT PAIN BUT ONLY IF TONY WILL TEACH ME!
I RESOLVE TO ALWAYS SPEAK IN QUESTIONS, EH?
I RESOLVE NOT TO SHOOT THE PRESIDENT OVER JODIE FOSTER -- ONLY
KATHY IRELAND!!!
I REZALV TO LOOK UP THE CORRECT SPELLING OF REZALV IN THE
DICTIONARY!

LOL!

I RESOLVE TO STOP WORLD'S WORST GAMES MORE QUICKLY... :)
I RESOLVE NOT TO PUT HORSERADISH ON THE TWIGLETS AGAIN!

Buzzzzzz!

I PROMISE TO SPEND A LOT OF TIME IN MY OWN APARTMENT :)
I RESOLVE TO HUNT DOWN THAT 10TH DENTIST!

Hehehe!
Hehee!

I RESOLVE TO MAKE A SPINOFF SHOW OF WLiiA, ENTITLED WHO'S LINE
WAS THAT ANYWHO?

LOL!
Hehehehe!
Two billion points for Nessa and keys to her leather apartment
for everyone!

I RESOLVE TO STOP WHEN I'M AHEAD...

LOL!
LOL!

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Game: World's Worst
Players: Brady, HLaurie, JK, Mochrie, Philamena, Will
Scene: World's worst game show / contestant.

WELCOME TO THE BRAND NEW GAME SHOW, DEAL WITH THE DEVIL! SELL
YOUR SOUL FOR FANTASTIC PRIZES!
HELLO I AM NAME WITHHELD FROM A TOWN YOU DON'T KNOW
I CAN NAME THAT TUNE IN 437 NOTES...

Hehe!

HELLO, WELCOME TO FIND CLIVE'S NECK!
YOU MEAN THE CUTE MODEL DOESN'T COME WITH MY SHOWCASE? WHAT A
RIPOFF!

LOL!

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU WIN! YOU DON'T GET A PRIZE, BUT YOU WIN!
HELLO AND WELCOME TO GUESS YOUR WEIGHT. MA'AM, I'D SAY YOU'RE
175... *slap* APPARENTLY NOT... :)
WHAT I DON'T GET THE STUFFED TURTLE WITH MY TURTLE WAX!

*l* Jeff, that's Canadian game shows ... or ...

YOU'RE OUR BIG WINNER! YOUR PRIZE IS A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF
TWIGLETS!
AND YOU TOO CAN WIN CIGARS FROM BILL CLINTON'S COLLECTION!

Ewwww!
Serena, yuck!

YOU WIN ... A COMB!!!
AND YOUR PRIZE IS A SONG SUNG BY JOHN SESSIONS
IT'S TIME FOR "JERRY SPRINGER, THE GAME SHOW!" BE THE MOST
DYSFUNCTIONAL HUMAN BEING ON EARTH, AND WIN A TRIP TO AN INSANE
ASYLUM!
OKAY, OUR CONTESTANTS HAVE BOTH GUESSED HOW LONG IT WILL TAKE
FOR THIS PAINT TO DRY... NOW, LET'S WAIT AND SEE!
OUR CONTESTANTS HAVE BOTH KILLED THEMSELVES!
OUR SHOW IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY "BILL CLINTON'S CLOTHIERS", WHERE
ALL HIS PANTS ARE HALF-OFF.

ROTF!

WELCOME TO THE GAME SHOW GUESS THE DISEASE WITH YOUR HOST JULIAN
CLARY!
VANNA, YOU TURNED THE WRONG LETTER!!! (turns and guns her down)
HEH-HEH, I'M ... I'M BEAVIS, AND I'M FROM REGINA, HEH-HEH, GUESS
WHAT THAT RHYMES WITH, HEH-HEH...

Emile! LOL!
I know, terrible, no! :)

WELL, HONESTLY I THINK ... *draws gun* I JUST AM GOING TO TAKE
ALL THE PRIZES OKAY?
WELCOME TO DARE TO BE DIRTY WITH YOURE HOST TONY SLATTERY!

Woo hoo! I like that!!

LIKE, I'M MIKE.....................FROM CANMORE..............

*L* Emile!
:)

SORRY, THAT WAS AN INCORRECT ANSWER, SO YOU GET ANOTHER ELECTRIC
SHOCK...
HELLO. I'M YOUR HOST MARTHA STEWART, AND WELCOME TO MY GAMESHOW.
YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN GAMESHOW WITH SOME LIGHTS, SOME CARDBOARD,
AND A FLASHY GIMMICK. AND THAT'S A GOOD THING!

LOL!
Jessie ROTF!
That is a good thing! Hehe!
I take it we have some other RCAF fans, hmm? *L*
Oh Jess!
But of course, Jess!

I'M SORRY THAT'S WRONG, NOW YOU GET A BIG KISS FROM OUR SECRET
GUEST WHO IS ...ARGH... JOHN SESSIONS!
WELCOME TO THE NEW HIT GAME SHOW, "$25,000 OR LETHAL INJECTION!"

I can't think of anything else!

WELCOME BACK TO THE DATING GAME!
AND NOW, THE NEW SPIN OFF OF THE DATING GAME....WELCOME TO THE
MATING GAME!

Just use your imagination!
Emile!
Sorry! :)

"WELCOME BACK TO CELEBRITY JEOPARDY WITH OUR CONTESTANTS JOHN
SESSIONS, TONY SLATTERY, AND CLIVE ANDERSON!"

Oh that would be great to see, a Whoser Jeopardy!

IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER FUN-FILLED EPISODE OF "CORRUPT THE BOY!"
WITH YOUR HOST, JESSIE.

*L* Emile, that's the Furies game ;)
Hehe
Tee hee!

NOW HERE IS A SHOW YOU'RE KIDS WILL LIKE LET'S BREAK A TOY WITH
HOT HOST BRAD SHERWOOD!

Mmmmm......I like that!

AND HERE'S AN EVEN BETTER GAME. PORK THE AUDIENCE MEMBER, WITH
YOUR HOSTS ...

Thanks to Colin & Ryan on that one! :)
Jess!!!!!
Hey, Colin and Ryan said it, not me!
ROTF!

* HLaurie slaps Brady around a bit with a large trout.
* Brady takes the trout, fries it, eats it, and then slaps HLaurie with the
frying pan.

Ouch!

IT'S TIME FOR "KWIK WITZ", THE GAME SHOW.
IT'S TIME FOR FLING THE TROUT WITH YOUR HOST JESSIE!
IT'S TIME FOR "WHEEL OF FISH", THE SHOW WHERE IF YOU CATCH THE
LOARGE TROUT, YOU'RE THE WINNER!

Now I'm plum out of ideas!

WELCOME TO OUR SHOW UP AGAINST THE WALL, SINGLE FILE! I'M YOUR
HOST FABIAN, AND I'D LIKE TO WELCOME JUDGE MAE TO THE SHOW!

*L* Serena!
Hehe Serena!

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Game: World's Worst
Players: audience, CAnderson, HLaurie, Maruyama, Merts, Meskimen, Mochrie
Scene: World's worst person to be a car salesman.

OH, DON'T MIND THE BODY IN THE TRUNK, JUST MY EX-WIFE....
AND THIS ROOMY BACKSEAT HAS MANY USES! YOUR WIFE AND I WILL NOW
DEMONSTRATE!

Eww! =o)

AND IF YOU BUY THIS CAR RIGHT NOW, YOU'LL RECEIVE AT NO EXTRA
CHARGE, A YEAR'S SUPPLY OF WICKED-STRENGTH LAGER!

Mocha, that would sell it to me! :)

IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU, YOU, YOU...WHAT ABOUT ME!
NO NO, THAT PIECE OF PRESS BOARD ON THE FLOOR IS AN ADDED
FEATURE. DON'T LIFT IT UP!
...AND YOU CAN'T EVEN SMELL WHERE MY KID PUKED IN THE BACK SEAT!
OH, DON'T WORRY, THE AIRBAG IS COMPLETELY SA....

LOL!
LOL Emile! =o)

YEAH THIS THE CAR I HAD SEX IN YESTERDAY...IT HAS GREAT SEATS!
VOLKSWAGON - IT MEANS HIEL HITLER!

LOL Tash! =o)
(That was in honor of Ryan!)
I had a feeling about that one!

NO, NO! HALF OFF MEANT HALF OFF THE CAR... NOT THE PRICE!

Heehee!

THIS LOVELY CAR COMES WITH FABULOUS OPTIONS LIKE WINDSHIELD
WIPERS, BRAKES, AND EVEN TIRES!
AND THE LEATHER INTERIOR SMELLS JUST LIKE.... UM.... HOME.
YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENTAL DAMAGE CARS DO? WELL THIS
CAR DOESNT MOVE!

LOL Dean!

WELCOME TO FRANKENSTEIN'S CARS!
THIS CAR CAN GO FROM 0 TO 60 IN 10....(under breath)...YEARS...

Heh Molly! :)
That was for Ryan!

WELCOME TO SARNIA FINE CARS.....
WELCOME TO BUFFALO CARS THEY ARE FULL OF SNOW
THIS LITTLE BABY WAS ONLY DRIVEN BY A LITTLE OLD LADY IN PASADENA
(TO NEW YORK AND BACK!)

LOL Tash =o)
LOL!
Buzz? Seems to have come to a standstill?
Hang on...
Yes, I'm not getting anywhere with this!

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE MY DIPSTICK?

And that was the laaaast one!
Hehehe!
Thank you!
After that one...LOL!!!!!!

* Merts goes to get another kahlua cooler!
* Merts needs inspiration!

WITH THE SALE OF A CAR YOU GET FREE SNOW!

Sorry, I NEEDED to get that in!

PRESENTING THE 1999 WHOSERMOBILE. COMES WITH A FREE HOEDOWN CD.

LOL!
And that's it for me! :)

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Game: World's Worst
Players: Broth_Sam, HLaurie, JoeIsham, LoriV, Mochrie, RyDad
Scene: World's worst place to go for a vacation.

AND HERE WE HAVE THE CLIVE ANDERSON HAIR MUSEUM. OUR FIRST
EXHIBIT IS FROM THE EARLY PERIOD...
I BET YOU KIDS CAN'T WAIT TO VISIT A REAL TWIGLET FACTORY!
WELCOME TO THE COLIN MOCHRIE HOEDOWN MUSEUM!
WELCOME TO BEAUTIFUL DOWNTOWN WAWA!
COME ON KIDS! ITS SELLAFIELD! IT'LL GIVE YOU SUCH INTERESTING
FEATURES!

LOL Sam!

AND DON'T FORGET: AFTER OUR TOUR OF THE GARLIC FACTORY, EVERYONE
GETS A FREE TASTE!
ARE YOU KIDS READY TO VISIT JOHN SESSIONS HOUSE?
HERE'S THE RYAN STILES EXHIBIT IN THE WHOSE LINE MUSEUM. IF YOU
PRESS THE BUTTON YOU CAN HEAR HIM SAY "PENIS".
WELCOME TO THE BANANA BUNGALOWS!
AND THIS BUTTON MAKES HIM SAY "H*ND".
HERE'S THE JOHN SESSIONS EXHIBIT OF BAD SONG STYLES!
WELCOME TO OTTAWA. IF YOU WANT TO VISIT QUEBEC, THEN YOU CAN JUST
GO TO HULL!

Haha!

REALLY THE COCKROACHES AREN'T THAT BIG...I'VE SEEN BIGGER!
COME TO BUFFALO THE SNOW CAPITAL OF THE USA.
SO... SPENT MUCH TIME HERE AT PEARSON AIRPORT? I'VE BEEN SNOWED
IN FOR A WEEK NOW.
WELCOME TO THE TRAVEL LODGE NEAR GHIRADHELLI SQUARE! I'VE JUST
BEEN KILLING ANTS IN THE BATHROOM!
LET'S GO TO THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH. NO, IT'S NOT DISNEYLAND,
IT'S DILDO, NEWFOUNDLAND!

Haha!!
LOL Emile!
Oh Emile!
LOL Emile!

* Mochrie blushes

It IS the happiest place on earth! :)
Sorry, I couldn't help myself!
Too true Sam.

HELLO AND GO ON LAKE ERIE SNOW BOAT RIDE!
BONJOUR.....BIENVENUE A PARIS....NOW BUGGER OFF.
COME SKATE ON LAKE ERIE AND THEN SKI DOWN NIAGRA FALLS.

Yay! Good game!
Oh that was bad!
Sorry Mol! :)
I didn't think that hard

* Mochrie washes his mouth out with soap! He'd never say this in real life,
I mean it :)

You guys bring out the worst in me! And I am forever grateful!
Oh it's fun to say such things in real life, Emile! :) I wish I
had thought of it! :)
Me too! :)
Hehe! Well, too late! <*weg*>

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Game: World's Worst
Players: jk, Mochrie, Walter
Scene: World's worst commercial for a food product.

INTRODUCING BEN & JERRY'S NEWEST ICE CREAM FLAVOUR....FATTY OWL
LIVER.

Ewwww!
That's certainly disgusting.

...TASTES AS GOOD COMING UP AS IT DID GOING DOWN!

Eeewwwwwwww!!
Ick ick ick!
Yum.

FOR THE HEALTHIEST BREAKFAST, TRY JACOB'S TWIGLETS CEREAL. MADE
FROM TOTALLY NATURAL INGREDIENTS. WARNING: CAN CAUSE SLIVERS
INTERNALLY.
NEW FROM CAMPBELL'S, NEON-LOVE-CHICKEN SOUP!
COKE MAKES YOU COME ALIVE... FEED IT TO YOUR DEAD CAT!

LOL!
LOL! Feed it to your dead cat!

NEW AT McDONALD'S... RONALD'S 8-FOOT BEEF STICK! FOR ADULTS ONLY!
GET WOOF BISCUITS FOR YOUR DOG, THEY TASTE SO GOOD YOU'LL WANT TO
SHARE THE DOGS PLATE!
NEW, WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY? CEREAL. NOW WITH NEW MARSHMALLOW
SHAPES - GEORGE WENDT, DEBBI DURST AND NOW NEW RON WEST!
WHICH WILL MRS. SNODGRASS PREFER... OUR COLA... OR THIS GLASS OF
BOILING DISHWATER?
LAYS ... BET YOU CAN'T HAVE JUST ONE ...

Ack! Why did I say that!
Wheeeeeee! LOL! Why *did* you?? LOL!

* Mochrie turns beet red!

Oh you really have been corrupted young man! :)
I know, and Jess isn't even here!!
LOL! Thank you, you're making me forget how much I'm hurt, by
making me laugh ;)

TROUT! YOU CAN EAT IT... OR FLING IT!
TRY MRS. SMITH'S CANDIES... NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH MRS. SMITH'S
LAXATIVES, IN THE NEARLY IDENTICAL PACKAGE!

LOL Jeff!
That's a good one, Jeff.
LOL!
I do come up with them every once in a while :)

NEW LIBBY'S PORK AND BEANS...HAVE *YOU* TRIED THE PORK?
HEY KID! EAT BIRDS-EYE LIMA BEANS OR WE'LL KILL YOUR PARENTS!

LOL!

YOU GOT A CAT IN THE HOUSE? YOU GOT A MEAL IN THE HOUSE!
TRY THE NEWEST BIRD'S-EYE PRODUCT! REAL FROZEN BIRD'S EYES!

LOL!
LOL!

PLANTER'S PEANUTS, BECAUSE SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA.....NEVER
MIND...
I'M GEOFFREY DAHMER, SPEAKING FOR FINGER FOOD...

Ewwwww!
Oh dear!
Jeff. yucky!
But funny.
Good one Jeff! :)
LOL! Very funny
Humor trumps taste!
Oh, almost always.

INTRODUCING CAMBPELL'S DYSXELIC ALHAPBET SUOP! Sorry! :)
AND HERE WITH OUR NEW LINE OF PIES ARE MOE HOWARD AND SOUPY
SALES...
I'M DONALD TRUMP PROMOTING MILLION DOLLAR CHOCOLATE BARS: THE
CHOCOLATE FOR RICH BASTARDS LIKE ME!

I like that one, Dean.
LOL!
On our paper yesterday we had a pic of people bathing in chocolate.
Sounds....fun....
Well, I wouldn't want to eat it after THAT!
Oh.....really, Dean?
Yeah.
My last one is really sick, okay?
Go for it, Jeff.
Heh.

* Walter covers his eyes.
* Mochrie covers his ears, eyes, and mouth.

"YOU GOT YOUR CONDOM IN MY PEANUT BUTTER!" "YOU GOT YOUR PEANUT
BUTTER ON MY CONDOM!" REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CONDOMS - TWO GREAT
TASTES IN ONE CONTRACEPTIVE! TASTES GREAT - AND IT'S MORE FILLING!

Ack!!!!!!! ROTFL!
ROFL! Sheesh.
Oh Jeff!!!
LOL!

* Mochrie is having a tough time keeping a straight face!

That's great. And hey, if people have invented edible underwear,
why not?
Ewww!!!
LOL!
Patent that idea Jeff, quick! :)
Hey, why not...but let's not go there!
That was sick sick sick!!! :)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Game: World's Worst
Players: audience, DrewCarey, Meskimen, Mochrie, SFrost, SFry, TSlattery
Scene: World's worst person to be an airplane pilot.

AWW, THOSE 'MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS' WARNINGS ARE JUST WIVES TALES!
WHERE DID I PUT THE INSTRUCTIONS TO FLY THIS THING?
DULLES AIRPORT? I THOUGHT YOU SAID DALLAS AIRPORT!
WHO STOLE MY WHISKEY??? I KNOW ONE OF YOU DID!!!
OH NO, I'M NOT REALLY A PILOT. I JUST WEAR THE UNIFORM TO
IMPRESS THE GIRLS!
HEY, WHERE DID THE CONTROLS GO? OH NO, I'M IN THE LOO.

LOL!
LOL!

WHO WANTS TO SEE IF I CAN DO A LOOP IN THIS THING?
ATTENTION, PASSENGERS. WE HAVE A SLIGHT PROBLEM, SO...COULD YOU
ALL FLAP YOUR ARMS REAL HARD?

LOL!

WHO WANTS TO SEE MY COCKPIT?
ATTENTION PASSENGERS OUR CAPTAIN TODAY IS CAPTAIN HOWDY OF THE
CLOWN PILOT DIVISION!
HEY LOOK, I CAN SEE THE BALD SPOT ON COLIN'S HEAD! :)

Boooo Drew! :)

WANNA PLAY WITH MY JOYSTICK?
IN THE EVENT OF A CRASH LANDING, PLEASE PUT YOUR STEWARDESSES
IN AN UPRIGHT POSITION....
HEY KID, HAVE YOU SEEN A GROWN MAN NAKED?
I COULD DO LOOPS AROUND YOUR RUDDER... *winks*
WHAT'S AN AIRPLANE?
IN THE EVENT OF A CRASH, PUT YOUR HEAD BETWEEN YOUR KNEES AND
KISS YOUR ASS GOODBYE!

LOL!

LOOK MA, NO HANDS!
PILOT? ARRRRR......I THOUGHT THE AD SAID "PIRATE" YA SCURVY
BILGEWATER BARNACLE!!!
MY WIFE JUST DOESN'T UNDERSTAND. =)
LOOK AT ME I'M FLYING!!!
DAMN IT! OUTTA FUEL? THE GUY AT SHELL TOLD ME HE FILLED IT UP!
I CAN ONLY FLY ALONG THE GROUND... I GET TERRIBLE AIR SICKNESS
YOU SEE...
AND NOW FOR YOUR LISTENING PLEASURE... "I'M LEAVING ON A JET
PLANE..."
40,000 FEET UP? BUT I'M AFRAID OF HEIGHTS!
WE'LL BE LANDING IN A FEW MINUTES, RIGHT INTO THE HOUSE OF MY
EX-WIFE.
OH NO, IT'S JEREMY BEADLE!!!!
THANK'S FOR FLYING AIR CANADA...
...OH CRAP...I DROPPED MY DOUGHNUT... *jumps out*
GILLIGAN!!!!!
NOW OUR PILOT UNCLE ERNIE. WHERE'S TOMMY?
HEY LOOK!!! IT'S A FLYING COW JUMPING OVER THE MOON!!! *gets hit
by it*
LET SOMEONE ELSE FLY FOR A BIT. DID YOU SEE THAT STEWARDESS???
FIFTY THOUSAND FEET AND....UH OH, TROUBLE....BETTER GO OUT AND
CHANGE THE PROPELLOR....
HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.
I PERSONALLY PICKED MY FAVORITE MOVIE FOR THIS FLIGHT..."ISHTAR!"
"THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO PANIC!"
"OH WAIT ... YES THERE IS!"
AWW MAN, I'M GETTING PROPELLAR BURN!
THE WINGS ARE NOT ON FIRE!
IN THE EVENT OF A WATER LANDING, YOU MAY GET MOIST.
IN THE SITUATION OF A WOMAN HAVING A BABY....THROW HER OUT THE
WINDOW, WE HAVE ENOUGH SCREAMING...
WELCOME TO WHOSE LINE AIR FLIGHT 69. DESTINATION IS SWEDEN,
WE'LL BE ARRIVING THERE SHORTLY....
I WILL BE SINGING THE BEST OF MICHAEL BOLTON THROUGHOUT THE
FLIGHT.
ROGER. WHAT? OH I THOUGHT YOU WERE SAYING MY NAME.
IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY WATER LANDING, I CAN BE USED AS A
FLOATATION DEVICE BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO BUY ME A DRINK FIRST.
EVERY NIGHT IN MY PLANE.. I RAM YOU, I SPIN YOU, EVERY NIGHT I
MUST, LIFT OFF....DA DAA...
I'LL NEVER LET GO!!! *slips*
IN CASE OF A WATER LANDING MAKE SURE YOU'RE NOT WEARING TROUT
FLAVORED UNDERWEAR.
WELCOME ABOARD WHOSE LINE AIR, THE AIRLINE WHERE THE FREQUENT
FLYER POINTS DON'T MATTER....AND NEITHER DO THE BOLTS HOLDING
THIS PIECE OF CRAP TOGETHER....HAVE A NICE FLIGHT.

LOL!
LOL!

ARE YOU SURE NO ONE WANTS TO HIJACK THE PLANE? I HEAR LIBYA IS
LOVELY THIS TIME OF YEAR....
HELLO I'M JOHN DENVER!

Here to drive us mad?
Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! Let's end it there!
Good game! :)
Good game all!

* DrewCarey nod nods.

HI, I'M JOE, THE WINNER OF THE 'TRADE PLACES WITH SOMEONE FOR A
DAY' CONTEST. I'M REALLY A CONSTRUCTION WORKER, BUT TODAY I'LL
BE YOUR PILOT!

I surprised myself!
You're not the only one! :)
OK, sorry. I ignored the buzzer. :-)
LOL
You did very well, Mol

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Game: World's Worst
Players: Colin, GaryGary, Maruyama, McShaneM, Meskimen, Mochrie, SFry, Wayne
Scene: World's worst thing to say in front of your Gran.

DISCLAIMER: The views of this game do not necessarily reflect those of its
participants. We all love our grandparents, and cherish them
with all our hearts and souls. :o) Now that that drivel is out
of the way, let's get on with the game!

GRAN, CAN I TELL HOW OLD YOU ARE BY COUNTING YOUR WRINKLES?
GRAN, CAN I HAVE ALL YOUR MONEY WHEN YOU DIE?
THE DOG LOOKS SO CUTE WITH YOUR TEETH!

Ewww!
Yuck!

I SWEAR I DIDN'T TAKE YOUR DENTURES.
GRAN! THANKS FOR THE LOVELY PINK DRESS! I CAN'T WAIT TO WEAR IT IN
FRONT OF MY GIRLFRIEND! :)

LOLOL!

LOOK OUT FOR THAT......REINDEER...

LOL!
LOL!!! Love that song!

WERE YOU EASY DURING THEE WAR?
THOSE ARE WRINKLES? I THOUGHT YOUR HEAD WAS MELTING!
DON'T WORRY, YOU'LL HAVE PEOPLE DO ALL THAT FOR YOU WHEN I PUT
YOU IN THE HOME.
TIME FOR YOUR SPONGE BATH! (WINK WINK!)
GRAN, CAN I SHAVE YOUR MUSTACHE?

LOL!

SO, HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOU AND GRANDPA HAD SEX?

Ick!
That's so spooky!

WHAT WAS NAPOLEON REALLY LIKE?
I MADE YOU AN APPOINTMENT WITH A NICE DOCTOR...THE NAME'S
KEVORKIAN.
DID YOU LIKE THE RIDE ON THE MAYFLOWER?
OF COURSE YOU'RE PRETTY GRAN, YOU'RE THE YOUNGEST RAPTOR IN ALL
OF JURASSIC PARK! ;-)
GRAN! DAD?!
DID YOU KNOW YOUR LIVER SPOTS MAKE DIRTY PICTURES WHEN YOU CONNECT
THEM?
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR AFFAIR WITH GEORGE WASHINGTON?
WE'RE NOW ENTERING WEST VIRGINIA, AND YOU KNOW WHAT *THAT*
MEANS...
GRAN, NEXT TIME WHEN YOU CROCHET A JUMPSUIT FOR ME, USE WOOL, NOT
WOOD! I'VE GOT SPLINTERS IN MY ASS!!!
HEY MOM, GRANDMA DOESN'T SEEM LIKE AN OLD, MEDDLING WRINKLY OLD
HAG TO ME!

LOL! Good one Nick :)
LOL! Very funny nick!

WHAT WAS ABE LINCOLN REALLY LIKE GRAN?
DID YOU HAVE FUN AT THE ROLLING STONES CONCERT, GRAN?
WHY DOES YOUR BATHWATER LOOK LIKE OATMEAL?
SO AFTER MY BOYFRIEND AND I WENT TO MOM'S LEATHER BAR, WE DROPPED
BY COUSIN JIMMY'S CRACKHOUSE...OH HI GRANDMA!

Ewwww, Rob!
Double ewww!

OF COURSE WE'LL COME VISIT YOU IN THE OLD AGE HOME ... WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT AM I LAUGHING AT?
OH, I'M IN YOUR WILL..... THAN WOULD YOU JUST COME OVER NEAR
THIS GUN AND.......
ARE WE THRU WHIPPING EMILE YET?

Hehehe!
!!!!!!!

SO BABY JIMMY ISN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO WEARS DIAPERS.

Ewww!
LOL Molly!!!

WE'RE GOING TO VISIT THIS NICE GENTLEMAN NAMED JERRY SPRINGER.
IT'LL BE FUN, HONEST!
GRAN! GET OUT OF GRANPA'S COFFIN!!! HE'S DEAD, FOR GOD'S SAKE!!

Oh man! ROTFL!
I'm so bad tonight!
Oh, this is just getting worse and worse!

GRANDMA, DOES THIS LOOK SWOLLEN TO YOU?
MAYBE IT'S THE BOOZE TALKIN', BUT DAMN YOU LOOK GOOD TONIGHT!
DAD JUST DIED! APRIL FOOL!!!!!

I think that is enough
Way too much i think :)

* Colin looks around desperately for Drew or Clive or ANYONE with buzzer!

Heh heh!
For the record, I love and respect my grandparents :)
Same here!
It's called ACTING :-) Sheesh! :-)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Game: World's Worst
Players: Bremner, Dr_Nick, JLawrence, JoeIsham, Meskimen, Mochrie, SFry
Scene: World's worst summer camp.

HELLO AND WELCOME TO JOHN SESSIONS HOLIDAY CAMP.
MEET YOUR NEW COUNSELOR... THIS IS JASON.
HELLO I'M YOUR COUSELOR, ARCHIE.
JOHNNY, GET ME THE CONTAINER OF WATER TO PUT OUT THIS FIRE.
IT'S EASY TO SPOT, IT'S GOT 'P-E-T-R-O-L' WRITTEN ON THE SIDE.
YES, IT'S ODD TO RUN A CAMP FROM DECEMBER TO FEBRUARY, BUT
THERE'S NO COMPETITION!
LET'S SEE WHERE DID I PUT MY SNAKE BITE KIT.
WELCOME TO CAMP HOT AND STICKY....
NOW LET'S GO SWIMMING IN THE CROCODILE INFESTED WATERS.
THIS WEEK'S MENU: SUNDAY- BEANS. MONDAY- BEANS. TUESDAY- BEANS.
WEDNESDAY- BEANS...
HI, CAMPERS, AND WELCOME TO JOHN SESSIONS' ACTING CAMP!
EH-OH! WELCOME TO CAMP TELETUBBY...LA-LAA!
WHAT'S THIS MEAT MADE OF?
OH, I THOUGHT "MESS HALL" WAS SUPPOSED TO BE TAKEN LITERALLY.

Haha!
LOL!

SOMEHOW, I DON'T THINK "HIGH-HEEL CAMP" IS QUITE THE RIGHT NAME
FOR THIS SUMMER CAMP...
HAS ANYONE SEEN MY PET BOA CONSTRICTOR?
WELCOME TO CAMP CAMP, I'M SGT. JULIAN CLARY.

LOL!
LOL Emile!!!!!!

OH NO, LOOK OUT FOR THE BIG BAD BEAR!!!!!! OH NO, TOO LATE. POOR
BRADLY, HE WAS A GREAT CAMPER.
YOU ARE MISTAKEN, NO ONE IS SCREAMING IN THE WOODS.....HEHE!
HI, EVERYONE! ARE YOU READY FOR A GREAT SUMMER AT DOM DELUISE
WEIGHT LOSS CAMP?
WELCOME TO TALL-GUY AND BIG-GUY CAMP....(Thanks Mike and Mark
Cohen!)
NOW WE WILL LEARN TO IDENTIFY LEAVES. THIS IS A
LEAF. THIS IS NOT A LEAF.
WELCOME TO CAMP TOUCHED BY A COUNSELLOR.
OWW, IT REALLY HURTS! NO WAIT, THIS IS CAMP, NOT CRAMP.

Haha!
LOL Brem!
Jeff: LOL

ACK IT'S BIG FOOT, OH NO IT'S MARK COHEN. (He's hairy)
QAP'LA! WELCOME TO KAMP KLINGON!
WELCOME TO CAMP PMS....NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

LOL Emile!

WHY IS THE SWIMMING POOL YELLOW?

Ewww!

LET'S RAISE THE FLAG AND SING "O CANADA..." NO WAIT, THAT'S MY
UNDERWEAR!
WELCOME TO POMPOUS OVERACTING WITH YOUR CAMP DIRECTOR, JOHN
SESSIONS.
WELCOME TO THE NEW CAMP FOR INCONTINENT KIDS, "CAMP FLOWING
WATER" ... ER, BE BACK IN A MINUTE! :)
YOU THINK THOSE SMALL BRANCHES ARE FOR THE FIRE? HELL NO! WE'RE
THE OUTDOOR BRANCH OF THE JACOB'S TWIGLET COMPANY, AND WE'RE
COLLECTING TWIGLETS FOR MASS CONSUMPTION!

LOL!
Haha!
LOL!

HI, WE'RE THE SPICE GIRLS, WELCOME TO VAMP CAMP!
HI, I'M MONICA LEWINSKI, WELCOME TO TRAMP CAMP!

Ooohhhh, Emile!

DOES TRAMP CAMP HAVE A PRESIDENTIAL DISCOUNT???
ARE YOU READY FOR AN EXCITING SUMMER AT CAMP NUNAVUT? WAIT! HOW
DO I GET HOME FROM HERE????????
HI, I'M A GENIE, WELCOME TO MAGIC LAMP CAMP!

Sorry, just had to! :-)
Hehe!

EVERYONE GOT YOUR GUITARS? PLUG 'EM IN, BECAUSE THIS IS AMP CAMP!
WELCOME TO THE YOUNG PHILATELISTS HAVEN, STAMP CAMP!
WELCOME TO CRAMP CAMP. DON'T SWIM FOR AN HOUR AFTER EATING...

That's enough of that! :)
LOL!
Why not, it IS Cramp Camp! :)

THIS IS THE ONLY CAMP SITUATED RIGHT ON THE 401, OFFRAMP CAMP!
WELCOME TO RAMP CAMP, JUST OFF I-66...

LOL!
LOL!
Oops!

WELCOME TO THE CAMP FOR OVER 60, GRAMP CAMP!
WELCOME TO CAMP FLOPPY!
I'M MOHAMMED ALI, WELCOME TO THE CHAMP CAMP!
HELLO YOUNG SURGEONS, WELCOME TO CLAMP CAMP!
WELCOME TO DAMP CAMP, LOCATED IN LONDON, ENGLAND!
WELCOME TO PMS CAMP, THE REAL CRAMP CAMP!

Damn!! I was gonna do that!! :) (Brem's I mean)

SORRY IT'S ALWAYS RAINING HERE AT THE DAMP CAMP!

LOL Nick! :) Very funny!
I think it's time to move on ;-)
Hehe!
Who died and made you Clive? :-)
Emile is our Clive :)
ALL HAIL CLIVE! OH, AND DON'T FORGET CAESAR!

* SFry bows down in front of Mochrie.

(:-)
LOL!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Game: World's Worst
Players: Bremner, Jeffy, Jules, Marsha3, Meskimen, Mochrie, Ryan
Scene: World's worst people to audition for a boy band.

WE'RE HERE TO PERFORM FOR YOU, AND WE HAVEN'T WASHED IN FIFTEEN
MONTHS!!!
I'M 50,000 YEARS OLD
HI, WE'RE THE RAPPIN' RABBIS!

*L* Eoin!

I PLAY MY ARMPITS.
"HI, I'M BOY GEORGE"
DOES IT MATTER THAT WE DON'T WEAR CLOTHES?

Emily! *gasp*

OF COURSE I'M PERFECT FOR A BOY GROUP! I LOVE BOYS!
WHAT ARE THESE PIECES OF PAPER WITH THE BLACK DOTS?
NO I'M NOT NERVOUS...
HALLO, MY NAME IS JOHN SESSIONS, AND I PROPOSE TO START A TOP 40
BAND... WHERE DID MY BANDMATES GO?
HI, MY NAME IS CLIVE ANDERSON
DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO TUNE A TAMBOURINE?
WE'RE THE BACKSTREET BOYS!
NO, I CAN'T SING OR DANCE ... THIS IS MY ONLY QUALIFICATION
*DROPS PANTS*

Ha! Full Monty!

HI, WE'RE THE BACKSTREET BOYS... OF POLKA!!!
WE'RE THE SPICE GIRLS
SORRY, WE SING ONLY HOEDOWNS OR NOTHING!!
WE CAN'T SING, BUT WE'D BE HAPPY TO WHINE INTO A MICROPHONE AND
HAVE IT ELECTRONICALLY ENHANCED.
WE'RE THE NEW KIDS MAKING A COMEBACK!
LET ME INTRODUCE THE BAND, HERE'S SLASHER ON KAZOO, AXLE ON
MARIMBA, SNAKE ON RECORDER AND ME ON TRIANGLE!!
YOU WANT ME TO PUT MY TRUMPET WHERE?
I KNOW TWO SONGS: "THE TV SET FOLK SONG" AND THE "NORTHERN LINE
OPERA."
I'M JUST DOING THIS FOR THE GROUPIES.

*L* Jules!

WHAT'S MUSIC?
DOES IT MATTER THAT WE'RE TONE-DEAF?
WHAT!!! ONLY GIRL GROUPIES?!?!

Jeffy, watch what you say! :)

HI, WE'RE THE WHOSERS, WE DO ALL OUR CONCERTS ON mIRC.
SO, ARE WE THE BACKSTREET BOYS OR N SYNC?
WE MAY BE N SYNC BUT WE CAN'T SING IN SYNC.
SO, THESE GROUPIES OR ONLY 15 YRS OLD OR SO?
WE ALSO DO BAR MITZVAHS!
YOU WANTED AN OFFBEAT GROUP? WELL WE'RE ALWAYS OFF BEAT!
OH, I'M NOT HERE TO AUDITION, I JUST WANTED TO SAMPLE THE
CATERING.

*L*

WE PERFORM BETTER WHEN WE'RE WASTED.
I TRY MY BEST TO EMULATE HANSON!

LOL Jules!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU NEED A BAND REALLY BAD... AND WE'RE A REALLY BAD BAND.
HI, WE'RE MARILYN HANSON!
YES, THIS IS MY BOY BAND! HERE, I HAVE JOHNNY, TIMMY, AND JASON
STRUNG UP FOR YOU!
I GOT THE JOB?..BUT I'M ONLY THE JANITOR!!
WELL, TECHNICALLY, WE'RE NOT A BOY BAND. BUT WE WILL BE AFTER THE
OPERATION!

LOL Emily! :)))))
*L*, Emile!!!

HI, MY NAME'S JIMBO AND THIS IS MY BUDDY NED!
MY QUALIFICATIONS? I WROTE THE LYRICS TO "EVERYBODY WANG CHUNG
TONIGHT"!
I CAN'T SING, BUT THAT DIDN'T STOP THE SPICE GIRLS FROM HITTING
IT BIG, SO...

* Ryan agrees with Julie.

WE'RE THE SPICE GUYS, HERE'S THYME, OREGANO, BASIL, SAGE AND
PARSLEY.

Parsely, sage, rosemary, and thyme?

NO....SPEAK....ENGLISH
WE PERFORM IN QUEBEC FRENCH! NO ENGLISH!

*L*
Because that would give us, well, *joy*
Nous pas les anglais de speek

WELL, I KNOW I'M 55, BUT I WAS REALLY BIG IN THE 60S AND I'M
TRYING TO MAKE A COMEBACK.
BRADY, SHERWOOD, AND MCSHANE ALL QUIT THE BAND FOR UNEXPECTED
REASONS. I'M THE ONLY REMAINING MEMBER, SESSIONS.
OUR BASSIST DIED IN 1996, SO PLAYING FOR YOU TONIGHT IS THE
WINNER OF HIS LOOKALIKE CONTEST... EXCEPT HE'S BAREFOOT.
DOES THAT MAKE YOU THE SESSIONS MAN?
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! LOCK UP YOUR DAUGHTERS! WE'RE THE BOY BAND
THAT WRITES OUR OWN SONGS!!!
WHAT'S THE SHOWER DOING ONSTAGE? WELL THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN
SING!
HI, I'M A MINORITY! (That one came out wrong!)
I'M FRY AND THAT'S LAURIE. READY FOR YOUR PRIVATE CONCERT, MOLLY?
WIR SPEEK KEIN ENGLISCH ABER WIR SPEEK JEDE ANDERE SPRACHE
SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT....YOU SAY WE'RE IN FOR FAME, FORTUNE,
WOMEN, A LOSS OF PRIVACY, A LOSS OF IDENTITY, POSSIBLE DRUG
ADDICTION AND THE DOWNHILL SPIRAL OF FAME? ALL I CAN SAY IS ....
*SIGN ME UP!!!!!!*
I ONLY SING GERMAN DRINKING SONGS.

No it didn't Jules! LOL!

HI...WE'RE GARFUNKEL AND OATES.

LOL Jeffy!!!
LOL Jeffy
*L*, Jeffy!
LOL!
LOL Jeffy!
Thanx..thanx

I CAN ONLY SING AFTER I'VE HAD MY POUTINE!
I KNOW I'M A GIRL, BUT I THINK I'M JUST AS QUALIFIED TO BE IN A
BOY GROUP AS ANY BOY!

Have we worn this topic to bits?
I think so, I peaked a long time ago

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Source: geocities.com/ejumean/IRCGames

( geocities.com/ejumean)