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MATCH GAME 2000
Special WL Edition!
"Episode Two"
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*Cue Match Game Theme*
"Get ready to laugh along with the stars! Soupy Sales! Brett
Somers! Charles Nelson-Reilly! Bob Barker! And Richard Dawson!
As we play the star-studded, all star MATCH GAME 2000! Now here
is your host, GENE RAYBURN!!!"
* Hermione will be acting as semi-audience.
AHEM!
Take 2!
Am I Bob Barker too???
LOL!
Damn, forgot you weren't BB. Let's try this again!
Forgot something else too.... :)
*Cue Match Game Theme*
"Get ready to laugh along with the stars! Soupy Sales! Brett
Somers! Charles Nelson-Reilly! Richard Dawson! And Fannie Flagg!
As we play the star-studded, all star MATCH GAME 2000! Now here
is your host, GENE RAYBURN!!!"
And it's "Get ready to match the stars!"
DAMMIT!! Take 3!
*Cue Match Game Theme*
"Get ready to match the stars! Soupy Sales! Brett Somers! Charles
Nelson-Reilly! Richard Dawson! And Fannie Flagg! As we play the
star-studded, all star MATCH GAME 2000! Now here is your host,
GENE RAYBURN!!!"
"Star-studded, big-money"!
Shut up!!! Sadist! ;-)
Shut....UP!!!
Take 4!!
LOL...
PICKUPS!
Does Johnny ever have this much trouble?
Not anymore.
*Cue Match Game Theme*
"Get ready to match the stars! Soupy Sales! Brett Somers! Charles
Nelson-Reilly! Richard Dawson! And Fannie Flagg! As we play the
star-studded, big money MATCH GAME 2000! Now here is your host,
GENE RAYBURN!!!"
* Player1 waves excitedly.
* Player2 claps politely.
Thank you Johnny Olson! And thank you audience! Looks like
Johnny had some of McLean's hootch before the show! Hello stars!
How are you, darling? Actually, Gene, it was my hootch.
Oh, I see, Brett. The usual?
Nothing but the best for my Jonny.
Hi Gene!
Hello, dear Fannie.
* Player2 mugs at the camera.
* CNReilly puffs on his pipe, and adjusts his oversized glasses.
Are we ready to play?
We sure are, Gene!
Let's meet our players, Julie and Susan!
Let's get this show on the road! I have another musical to work
on!
Julie, tell us a little about yourself.
Contestant number one, if you were a flower....no, wait, wrong
show.
It's only a half hour show, Julie. :)
My name is Julie, but everyone calls me Jules. I run 5 million
websites and I'm from California.
Thanks, Julie. Now let's say hello to Susan!
Hi everyone! So glad to be here!
* Player2 waves cheesily.
Susan, tell us about yourself.
I just did!
Um, okay.
* BSomers pats her bouffant hairstyle.
We drew numbers before the game, and Julie won, so she goes
first. A or B, Julie?
CRAP! Can I say that?
A, please
A for Julie.
* FannieF picks a stray piece of red hair from her sweater...
Question A for webmistress Julie.
You need to study your spelling, Gene.
Here we go..."Dumb Dora is so dumb..."
HOW DUMB IS SHE??
HOW DUMB IS SHE?
HOW DUMB IS SHE?
"...that when she saw "Whose Line" in the TV Guide, she thought
it was about BLANK."
Wah, wah, da da da-da-da, wah, wah, da da da-da-da...
Hmm...she thought it was about *FISHING POLES*?
* BSomers scribbles madly on her card...
* GRayburn notes that the stars aren't quite ready yet
You're too quick, honey, give us a chance! :)
*shrug* How am I to know?
* RDawson disenchantedly scrawls something on his card.
* SoupyS puts card in slot.
* FannieF fidgets as she thinks up an answer and scribbles it down...
* Player2 clicks her knee high go-go boots on the floor and twirls her hair.
* CNReilly scrawls an answer as he puffs his pipe, then slips the card in
the slot.
* BSomers slips her card in the slot.
* RDawson puts his card in the slot.
All the stars ready? Okay, looks like we're set. Julie, Dumb
Dora is so dumb... that when she saw "Whose Line" in the TV
Guide, she thought it was about BLANK.
Hmm...she thought it was about *FISHING POLES*?
Fishing poles. Good answer. Let's start with Brett.
Yes, love?
What's your answer, dearest? "...she thought it was about BLANK."
Well darling, would I disappoint this lovely contestant?
Certainly not, I said FISHING.
DING!
* player1 cheers.
* Player2 frowns.
And Julie's up 1-0. Charles?
Charles?
* Player2 is considering streaking across the stage
* player1 starts juggling oranges.
Charles, get us back on track.
What was the question, Gene?
Dumb Dora is so dumb... that when she saw "Whose Line" in the TV
Guide, she thought it was about BLANK.
Well you know, I'm sorry Jules, I was thinking something
completely different. I said GROCERY STORES, you know, the long
lines and all that.
BZZT!
S'ok, Charles, that occured to me too.
* Player2 grins smugly.
Fannie?
Well, I thought this would be so obvious... I said LEE IACOCCA.
Fannie! Don't try to confuse the poor little dear!
Ia-COKE-a?
Line manufacturing...prduction lines?
BZZZZT!
I was thinking cocaine lines, but wait...that was John Delorean.
Those weren't the lines that popped into my head just now...
Richard?
I figured Dumb Dora wanted to watch a little...educational
television, so I said GEOMETRY.
BZZZT!
And finally, we come to Soupy.
"Haaaang on Soupy, Soupy hang on..."
LOL!
Well, at first I thought I'd say "stripes on a zebra"...but then
I figured that would really be fishing for a laugh, so I said
FISHING.
DING!
* CNReilly puffs his pipe and claps.
Yay!
All righty, Julie's ahead 2-0. And now it's Susan's turn. Susan,
here's your question.
* Player2 claps and mugs at the camera.
Okay!
"Greg Proops said, 'Clive Anderson's neck is so short..."
HOW SHORT IS IT?
HOW SHORT IS IT?
HOW SHORT IS IT?
"...that when he pus on his tie, he has to put it around his
BLANK.'"
Wah, wah, da da da-da-da, wah, wah, da da da-da-da...
Pus on his tie? I don't think he's at all well, Gene!
LOL!
LOL!
Sorry, I misread that card. "...PUTS on his tie...".
This is a family show, remember? :-)
Well that blows my answer then! *tears up card*
Oh ha, ha, Brett. Stop making fun of his gramatical faux-pas.
Charles, do you even know what that means?
Can I get in a plug for my new book, while we're waiting....
"Fried Green Tomatoes", right?
A Pflug, as in Jo Ann?
Pflug? wou should have that looked at...
Well, actually, it's "Betty Sue and the Green Grocer," Gene...
That's "Fried Green tomatoes at the Whistle-Stop Cafe".
You read my book? Oh, darlin', thank you!
* FannieF thinks up an answer quickly...
* BSomers scribbles an answer as her large hair bobs up and down.
* RDawson disenchantedly writes another answer...why don't they pay me as
much as they do Nelson Reilly?
* CNReilly writes his answer as smoke from his pipe drifts into Brett's
eyes.
Charles, dear, could you point that thing away from me, the
smoke's going in my eyes.
* RDawson puts his answer into the slot.
* SoupyS puts answer in slot.
* FannieF sticks answer into slot and smiles.
* BSomers slips the card in the slot
I think we're ready. Susan, "Greg Proops said, 'Clive Anderson's
neck is so short that when he puts on his tie, he has to put it
around his BLANK.'"
*EARS*
Ears! Good answer, Susan!
Let's see what Brett said. Brett?
Well, Susan, honey, I hate to disappoint you, I was thinking a
bit lower, I said his WASTE.
* BSomers is notorious for bad spelling.
BZZT!
Waste not, want not
What a waste....
Or is it taste not, watch not?
* Player2 throws a tomato at Brett.
I'm sure Charles will have a good answer here. Chuck?
Waste? Not quite that low I'm afraid. I said EARS.
DING!
WOOHOO!
* Player2 shakes her ass.
* CNReilly blows a kiss to Susan.
Susan's coming up from behind.
Whoo, Gene!
Fannie, what's your answer?
I certainly hope so!
What you said, darlin! Well, now, I was taking this question way
too literally... I said CHIN....
BZZT!
Aaaaaawwwwww....
* FannieF has quit IRC (You have no life when every trivia answer connects
to something you know about in some way....)
On no! We lost our Fannie!
Fannie had to go on her book tour.
And I can't believe I just said that!
LOL!
You just scared Fannie to death!
(From this point on, Emile takes over Fannie's role as well...)
I'll be Fannie until such time she returns (if any!)
What am I going to do with two fannies now, Gene?
I can think of some things! Just not on a network show. :)
Oh, good, Charles found his Fannie! And here's Richard Dawson...
This Clive Anderson fellow, I hear he's another game show host...
I'd like to see him do Family Feud, then he'll get an idea of
the kind of life I'M living...but until they get ME a better
job, I'm going to say EARS.
DING! And now we ask Soupy Sales for his contribution.
Well... I'm afraid I got a bit too cerebral... yes, ME of all
people. I said his BUBBLE GUM! You know... "is that you head or
is your neck..." Oh, never mind.
BZZT!
Soupy? Cerebral? what is this world coming to? Next, you're gonna
say that Louie Anderson would make a good Family Feud host...
No, I would NEVER say that, Richard
Richard, sweetie, who is Louis Anderson?
Well, he's fat, ugly, and he thinks he can do my show.
Oh you mean he's you?
Charles! That was uncalled for! That's my line and you know it!
Whose line is it, anyway?
Ha Ha Ha. Very funny, Mr. I-Haven't-Found-Work-Since-Avocado-
Was-A-Stylish-Colour.
Okay. We have a tie game, 2-2, going into round 2. Julie went
first in round 1, so Susan has the choice this time, A or B.
I'll take B.
Question B for Susan. And this time Charles and Richard don't
play since they matched in the first round. "Mr. Snodgrass, the
gardener, said, 'My favorite part of Whose Line is when Drew
does the BLANK."
Wah, wah, da da da-da-da, wah, wah, da da da-da-da...
* Player2 watches the stars write.
* BSomers writes feverishly on her card, then slips it in the slot.
* SoupyS thinks carefully, then writes answer.
* FannieF thinks for a minute, then scribbles her answer, placing it in the
slot.
All righty. We have all three answers. Susan, "Mr. Snodgrass,
the gardener, said, 'My favorite part of Whose Line is when Drew
does the BLANK."
HOEDOWN! (I almost said "guest host")
Hoedown!
Brett, we have a tie game. You can break that tie.
C'mon Brett, baby!
Now sweetie, I want you to know that was a very good answer. In
fact, it was so good I had to write it too! HO DOWN!
DING!
Don't you say a word, Charles!!
Fannie, you're next. "...when Drew does the BLANK."
Now I know you'll probably hate me for this but I said THE LINE
WHEN HE SAYS THE POINTS DON'T MATTER. I'm sorry.
BZZT!
*BOOOOOOOOO!*
And we'll move along down the line to Soupy Sales.
Unfortunately these points matter...
* CNReilly puffs away on his pipe
And I left it just the way you said it: when Drew does the BLANK.
He's not very good at those games, you see...
BZZT!
* RDawson sneers.
* Player2 scowls at Soupy.
Well, that was a disappointing second round, but you're in the
lead, Susan, 3-2. Julie, you need to match one to tie and two to
win. And Brett and Soup sit out this round.
Well, I'm disappointed in you too, Gene. Hmph!
Brett, you know you'll always be my favorite.
Aww, you're sweet. But I'm still disappointed in you.
Julie, here's your question. And only Charles, Fannie and Richard
play this time. "Old Man Periwinkle said, 'I love watching Whose
Line. What's best is when Colin and Ryan BLANK."
Wah, wah, da da da-da-da, wah, wah, da da da-da-da...
* FannieF scribbles on her card.
* CNReilly draws a picture as he he writes down his answer.
* RDawson dejectedly scrawls something on his card.
All set? Okay, Julie, "Old Man Periwinkle said, 'I love watching
Whose Line. What's best is when Colin and Ryan BLANK."
KISS! :) Sorry.
No help from the audience!
No prompting from the audience, please. :)
I will say, it's best when they *WORK TOGETHER*
Work together. Okay, let's see if the stars thought of that.
*BOOOO!*
Charles, what's your answer?
Well, Julie that was a good answer, but it wasn't what I thought
of. I said CRACK UP.
BZZT!
Have Colin and Ryan ever kissed on the show?
Yes, they have.
Twice.
Fannie, you need to match for Julie to be able to win.
Well, Gene, I have to go with the pretty li'l lady in the
audience there. I said KISS.
BZZT!
* Hermione giggles at being called a pretty li'l lady
Why, I've never been so shocked in all my life! That pretty li'l
lady saying such things! I don't wanna hear about it. I would have
said KISS too.
And let's see what Richard had to say...if we can break him away
from Family Feud.
I wrote WHO THE HELL CARES?
BZZT!
LOL!
And our final score is 3-2, and Susan wins!
* BSomers applauds
* player1 applauds politely
* Player2 shakes her ass and gloats
* Hermione grabs Susan's @$$
Julie, Johnny Olson has a fine selection of parting gifts for
you. Thank you for being on Match Game, the WL Edition.
*plays MG theme*
*set spins around*
* Player2 claps wildly
* player1 takes her copy of WL The Home Game
Johnny, tell 'em what they've won!
Our departing contestant receives a supply of Noodle-Roni, the
San Francisco treat, Turtle Wax, and lovely Samsonite Luggage.
Julie, you can take Richard's career too. He hasn't done much
with it.
* RDawson hits Gene with the cue cards!
Guests fly on Eastern Airlines, flies to more regions than any
other airline. Eastern. Back to you, Gene!
That's any other airline in the FREE WORLD!
Okay, Susan, it's time for the Big Money Super Match, where you
can win up to 10,000 almonds!
Ooooh! are they ALL in jars!
* Player2 swoons.
Yes!
Susan, I saw them and they're each in their own individual jar
We polled a recent studio audience. And boy, are they sore. We
asked them to fill in the following blank:
________ STILES
Now you can ask three celebrities for their suggestions.
OH! I know this one... I just can't think of it.....
Soupy?
My favorite game... especially when they use "slapstick"...FILM
AND THEATER STILES.
LOL!
Ooohh... yes, that could be it.
Have you been taking spelling lessons from me, darling?
Well, you never know how the audience will interpret the question.
Soupy says FILM AND THEATER STILES.
You know, sweetheart, you'd look good in some pale creamy makeup!
You do, and your nose will be on the other side of your face,
love.
Who's next?
Charles!
Yes, Gene?
How do you fill in the blank? __________ STILES?
Oh, hmm...well, naturally, someone has to think of this. RYAN
STILES.
Charles says RYAN STILES.
Hey Brett, want to host my show? I could be doing better things...
No, the show isn't that desperate Richard.
* RDawson whacks Brett with his cue cards
And you get one more choice, Susan
Brett!
Oh, me? Hmm. Well, I adore a good Song, so I'll say SONG STILES.
Brett says SONG STILES. So you have FILM AND THEATER STILES,
RYAN STILES, and SONG STILES. You can go with one of these, or
you can go with one of your own.
* BSomers pats her bouffant hairstyle and adjusts her oversized glasses.
Maybe you should trim your sideburns just a little Richard.
Maybe you should find a better optometrist, Brett!
I'll do that when I can find someone who doesn't make me look
like I've got a rat on my head!
ROFL!
Well, they are all excellent suggestions, but I think I'll go
with RYAN STILES!
All righty, let's see the $100 response.
$100 -- TURN
Must not be a fan. How about the $250 response?
$250 -- FILM AND THEATER