I don't have a pet kangaroo I don't wrestle crocodiles And I don't wear a corked hat I fight wars but never start wars I would rather make peace I can wear my countries flag with pride I am a rock I am the ocean I am the island continent My brothers are the Smiths, Wilsons,  Santarellis, DeCostios, Wongs and Jagamurras I play football without a helmet I like beetroot on my hamburger I ride in the front seat of the taxi I believe it is a prawn not a shrimp I believe the world is round and down under is  on top I believe Australia is the best address on Earth and Australians brew the best beer on Earth

Text from a Foster's Beer ad shown on Australian TV during the Sydney Olympics

What the ad should have said...

I ate my pet kangaroo I'm scared shitless of crocodiles and I wear a baseball cap I love Star Wars and the wookie is my favourite I would rather get pissed and watch someone else carry the country's flag with pride I like to rock to Billy Ocean I am blind in my incompetence My brothers are the Smiths, the Wilsons, the Wogs,  the Lebos, the Chinks and the Abos I watch football with a tinnie I take the beetroot off my hamburger and throw Macca's pickeles at windows I do runners from taxis I believe the world is flat and Australia is fucking miles from anywhere I believe Australia is the best address on Earth and Australians brew the best beer on Earth and thats why we don't drink Fosters, we export the   shit to the Poms!