I understand that I am walking on dangerous ground with this subject. The title of this particular article doesn't do much to help protect my own well-being either. But for this article, I'm not going to sound nice. Hope you will not be offended.
But let's get down to it. It is not good to be overweight. It sucks. Other than the world of sumo, there are few advantages to be overweight. Of course, the ability to physically punish your opponents is a definite advantage, but one must take into consideration that their opponent must be caught in the first place.
America is truly a unique nation in that it houses some of the world's largest asses. But take note, when I refer to overweight people, I am not addressing the population that is simply a bit stocky, or maybe a few pounds beyond their height average. This is normal, and perfectly fine. I'm talking about human Sputniks, exercise balls, and bean-bag chairs.
As cruel as this may sound, I remember visiting Disney's Epcot Center once, way way back. Sitting on a bench overlooking one of the main streets, my dad and I played a game to see who could spot more "large" passerbys in a given amount of time.
Come to think of it, this was a really mean thing we did.
But incredibly entertaining. I totally recommend it as a bonding activity between you and your future child.
But the truth is, they just kept coming. The game had no end. It was ridiculous how many fat people there are in America. I mean, for crying out loud, control yourself. The world is watching!
Of course, this is the part where Jenny Craig and Amgen come banging down on my door, telling me that obesity is also genetically influenced.
Whatever.
So, in an effort to reduce the need for size 45 pants and stores called "More to Hug" (who do you think you're foolin'?), I am proposing a new diet program that's guaranteed to work.
It's called "Stop Eating So Damn Much."
Yes, studies have shown that when participants "Stop Eating So Damn Much", their weight just drops, and stays down. Revolutionary.
Being overweight causes one to lose self-confidence in public situations. It increases one's chance of a heart attack or contracting other debilitating conditions. Knee surgeries are not cheap. And the food isn't cheap either.
So do yourself a favor, don't become overweight. If you have any further questions, send all hate mail to stakano@yahoo.com. That's my email address.
