Wondering if there is a heaven
If there is whose up there
Someone close that really cares?
Who am I, where am I going
Making decisions never knowing
If their right or wrong
Paying for past mistakes for so long
Moms long gone all my fathers too
Good memories there are so few
Questions gone unanswered for years
Headaches, pains from unshed tears
What genes have I passed on to mine
Some of them are not too fine
What makes a person just decide
To run from those they love and hide
Motherhood they say is a gift
In my life it has caused a rift
My mother gave me up at times,
the pain so fresh I can't make it ryhme
My brother right from birth given away
It's with my Grandparents he did stay.
And now my first born does the same
This has become a tragic game
At times so angry I could scream
Want to wake up from this bad dream
Jess is five, Cody nine
Now the court says they are mine
I love them dearly this is true
But I love their mother too
What to do with all the rage
At times I feel I am in a cage
Where did I go wrong before this?
What signs along the way did I miss?
If those gone before are up above looking down on us
No need for answers now, no need for much fuss
Just guide us please to do what is right
And watch over those I love at night.