Red Fox

by Xcraft





Author note: This story came about because of small article in our local paper titled, 'Kindergarten Patrol to stop childish acts.' The local police have started a campaign dubbed Kindergarten Patrol to improve driving safety. The idea is to target motorists who act like five-year-olds behind the wheel. The police will keep an eye out for motorists who run red lights and stop signs because those people apparently "didn't learn their colors in kindergarten". They will also target drivers who yell, make obscene gestures and otherwise act and behave like children. Also, I heard a joke something like this a long time ago. All this and my *Persuaders* point of view made me wonder just what kind of punishment might go along with this type of campaign.



~Somewhere in the midwest~

Fox Mulder drove through the small midwest town. It was a warm summer day and he decided to drive with the air off and the windows down. He had told his partner, Dana Scully and his supervisor, A.D. Skinner that he was taking a couple vacation days. Really, he was investigating a spaceship sighting that he just knew he wouldn't get official clearance to investigate.

"Well, what they don't know won't hurt them." he told himself for the twentieth time since he left Washington D.C. the day before.

He had his cell phone charged and the rental car was on his personal credit card and he intended for both to stay in perfect working order. He was dressed very casual since this was *supposed* to be a vacation. He had on faded jeans and a grey T-shirt. His gun was in the glove compartment. This, he knew, would earn him a lecture if not more from his overprotective partner and boss *if* they ever found out, but he was certainly never going to tell them.

The report that was sent to him via the Lone Gunmen came from an old couple who lived out on a rather desolate piece of road. The local police had written them off as *eccentric* and paid no more attention to their rambling about "lights in the sky", and, after Mulder's early morning visit with Bruce and Ethel Sperry, he was ready to agree. The tin-foil over the house windows was his first clue and everything had gone rapidly down hill from there. After agreeing to have *some kind* of cookies and milk and listening to their tale of near-abduction, Mulder managed to convince them he had to be on his way.

Mulder considered himself to be a safe driver even if Scully and AD Skinner would argue differently, but at the moment he was thinking of all the choice words he had for the Gunmen next time he saw them. In his haste to leave the Sperry house, he forgot to put on his seat belt and had his nose buried in the map as he drove looking for a different, shorter route to the airport. He sped past a stop sign. He glanced quickly to his right and left, but didn't bother to stop and he didn't really worry about the speed limit either for he hadn't seen a single car besides his all morning. Not worried, that is, *until* he heard the siren and saw the flashing lights of a police car in his rear-view mirror.

"Shit!!" he said throwing the map to the seat beside him and slipped his seat belt over his shoulder with the least and most subtle movements he could manage. He carefully pulled his car to the side of the road and watched as the police car stopped behind. He watched with wide eyes as one of the biggest men he'd ever seen *unfolded* himself from the cruiser and slowly sauntered to his window.

"Is....is there a problem officer?" Mulder's voice cracked as he looked up at the no-nonsense police officer only to see his reflection in the mirrored sun glasses.

Fox Mulder had the sort of face that would always look younger than his years and at the moment he looked a lot younger. The casual clothes, his wind-blown hair falling over his brow and the fact that he was more than a little nervous erased a good 10 to 15 years from his smooth face.

"License and registration boy." The low voice demanded.

Mulder swallowed hard. (Shit!) he thought to himself. (With my luck this neanderthal probably knows Skinner.) After a moments hesitation Mulder blurted out, "I....I sort of don't have it on me, sir."

"Step out of the car." Came the immediate response.

"Uhmmm.....wait." was all Mulder managed to say before the officer opened his door and a very large hand wrapped around his upper arm and he felt himself being easily pulled from the car.

"I said, Out. Of. The. Car!"

Mulder gulped, for even though he was standing, he found himself staring at the chest of the large officer. He didn't resist as he was led around to the passenger side of the car.

"Is this your car boy?"

"Y-yes sir. Uhm well, a--a rental actually,....sir."

"Do you have the rental agreement?"

"It's in the glove compartment." Mulder mentally kicked himself as he remembered a second too late that his weapon was also in the glove compartment. "I--I'll get it."

Mulder moved for the passenger door only to feel himself pulled back. The officer put his palm on Mulder's chest and pushed him back 'till his backside rested on the car.

"I'll get it! And don't you move one inch boy!"

"B-but I........"

"Shut. Up!"

The officer opened the passenger door as he spoke and Mulder felt his breathing become short and rapid as the glove compartment opened. The officer pulled his gun as soon as he saw Mulder's weapon, backed up and slammed the car door shut.

"I can explain!" Mulder said as he raised his hands in front of him.

"HANDS ON THE HOOD!"

"But I....."

"HANDS ON THE HOOD! NOW!!"

Mulder knew better than to argue and placed his palms on the hood of the car.

"Oooompffff!" he exhaled loudly as he was roughly pushed forward, his chest resting on the warm metal.

"Hands behind your head! Spread your legs!"

"I can explain!" Mulder said as he followed the orders. "Hey!" He felt his legs kicked wider apart and a handcuff snapped around his wrist. "I'm a Federal Agent! Oww." His hands were brought to the small of his back and cuffed together and the offiicer began to pat him down. "My ID is in my wallet, in my back pocket."

The officer roughly tugged the wallet from the snug fitting jeans and kept Mulder pinned in place by pressing his hip firmly against Mulder's backside. He checked the ID then slammed the wallet down on the hood of the car causing Mulder to jump. He pulled Mulder upright and spun him around, the cuffs still in place.

"Why in the hell didn't you show me that in the first place boy!?" The large officer shook Mulder by the arm as he shouted.

"I...I'm here sort of, uhm, unofficially. If you know what I mean. I don't want this to get back to my boss."

An almost undiscernible grin tugged at the corner of the officers mouth as he looked Mulder up and down.

"You ran a stop sign boy AND you weren't wearing your seatbelt."

"I was..."

"Don't even think of lying to me boy! I *saw* you slip it on."

Mulder nodded and looked at the ground. His butt was toast if this got back to Skinner.

"We've just started a new campaign and I suppose I wouldn't have to write you up if..."

Mulder's head snapped up at the word *suppose*. "Yes! I agree! Whatever it is." He sighed with relief at the mere inkling that Skinner would never find out.

"It's called the *Kindergarten Patrol*, aimed at careless drivers just like yourself."

"Sure. Fine. Whatever. Can we just get this over. I have a plane to catch." Mulder turned slightly. "Can we lose the bracelets?"

The officer had read Mulder's birthdate, but the man who now stood in front of him looked so much younger and his attitude really needed some adjustment. He gritted his teeth and spun Mulder to again face the hood. He pushed him forward till he was bent over the hood, grabbed his belt and pulled him back a little, kicking his feet apart at the same time.

"I have a solution that I think will benefit both you AND me, boy!"

"HEY!" Mulder yelled as he felt the officer reach around him and pull his belt from his jeans. If that wasn't bad enough the large hands went to work on his button and fly. "What are you doing!!??"

Soon both Mulder's jeans and boxers were yanked down to mid-thigh and he glanced up and down the lonely road looking for cars.

"STOP!! What are you doing??!!"

"A little object lesson, boy." The officer said as he doubled Mulder's belt in half and snapped it loudly.

The air blowing across his naked hind quarters and the snapping of the belt were enough to make Mulder try to stand, not easy with your hands cuffed behind your back, but he soon found himself pinned in place over the warm hood by the steady pressure of a large hand in the small of his back.

"Don't move boy!"

The command was followed by a loud *THWACK* as Mulder's own belt snapped across his naked ass.

"Owww!" he yelled a moment later as line of fire erupted across the crown of his pale cheeks.

The belt landed hard and swift, working it's way from top to bottom, and then bottom to top. Over and over the path was painfully traced by the stinging leather. Mulder gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes closed and began to squirm as much as his current prone position would allow.

"Owwww! Owwwwwww! Ouuchhhh!" He squeezed out between his clenched teeth. He again glanced up and down the desolate road, only *this* time, he was hoping a car would come by to rescue him, but there was no car only the loud *THWACK* of the belt.

"Some people (THWACK) never seem (THWACK) to learn the color (THWACK) red!" The officer lectured as he continued to redden Mulder's now blazing backside. "But (THWACK) when we're done here boy, (THWACK) I think you will know it (THWACK) *very* well!"

"Red! RED! GOT IT!! OWWW!"

Mulder shifted his weight from foot to foot, but the building sting was just too much and large tears began to roll down his cheeks.

The officer concentrated a dozen blows to the fleshy undercurve of Mulder's backside, then when he was satisfied with the deep red hue, he stepped back and admired his handywork.

"Well boy, this is an impressive shade of red if I say so myself. Now tell me," he said as he began to land slow hard blows of the belt. "Do you want me to *stop*? Or just *slow down*?"

"STOPPP! STOOOOPPPP!" Mulder yelled.

"I thought so." The officer pulled up Mulder's shorts and jeans over his VERY red posterior and pulled him upright. "So, next time you see a stop sign you're going to...?"

"STOP! I'm going to stop sir!" Mulder said using his shoulder to wipe the wetness from his cheeks.

"Very good!" The large officer unfastened the cuffs and watched as the man in front of him gathered himself together before turning around. "You're free to go. And just remember this little lesson the next time you drive through my town boy."

Mulder was already half way around the car "I'll never come to this town again." He mumbled under his breath as he opened his door and gingerly sat behind the wheel being sure to put on his seatbelt.

"Be careful pulling out into traffic, and have a nice day!"

Mulder was very tempted to give him the finger, but the throbbing pain in his butt kept both his hands firmly on the wheel. All he wanted was out of there and to get to the airport as soon as possible. (I hope this tactic never gets to the FBI, especially Skinner!) Mulder thought to himself as he drove along. The police car followed him all the way into town and Mulder made a point of stopping for a prolonged amount of time at each stop sign and each time he was rewarded with the toothy smile of the big officer. One thing was for sure, it would be a long time before Fox Mulder ran another stop sign.