Frohike's Fury
by Xraycat
Category: Discipline, Humor
Rating: R for mild viloence and language
Disclaimer: Fox Mulder, Melvin Frohike,
and the Lone Gunmen belong to Chris Carter.
I am just terrorizing them for a little while. I
promise to return them mostly unharmed. No
profit or gain should be realized from this bit
of silliness.
Thanks to DiAnn who encouraged me to write
said silliness, and Xanthe for all the inspiration.
Mulder was bored. He had no new case in which to immerse himself. Scully was out of town, visiting her brother and the new baby. He had no desire to call a 900 number yet. He'd wait closer to bedtime for that.
The video clerk said it would be three days before the new XXX video came in. The only thing left was to call the Gunmen. Not his first choice, but beggars can't be choosers.
The phone rang...the machine, damn! "Its me, Mulder. Frohike if you're there pick up. Turn off the recorder."
"Frohike. What's up Mulder?" The voice sounded excited.
"Not much. I have nothing to do, so I called you." Mulder's bored response.
"Oh, well that's okay." Frohike sounded hurt. "What say you come over, and we can do something together?"
"Sure, fine, whatever." Mulder added, "Ill be there in about half an hour. What's on the agenda for tonight? Interviewing the shooter from the Grassy Knoll? A Space Above and Beyond marathon? No, wait, just surprise me." Click.
"One of these days, Mulder. Someone going to have to teach you some manners," Frohike was furious. If Mulder wasn't such a good source of information, he'd have nothing to do with him. On second thought, Mulder was his only hope of contact with Special Agent Dana Scully. Now that babe was "HOT".
Mulder arrived at Frohike's door, knocked and placed his hand on the doorknob. "Frohike! I'm here."
Frohike opened the door violently, pulling Mulder into the room. "Where have you been? You were supposed to be here over two hours ago. What happened?"
"Oh, I stopped at the newsstand, then remembered I was out of fish food. I ran a few errands, that's all."
Mulder's bland reply fueled Frohike's rage, "You never heard of calling?" Frohike growled through clenched teeth.
"Sorry Mom.. I didn't think it would make that much difference. You never have any definite plans, anyway." Mulder seemed intent on offending the smaller man.
Frohike shook his head, "Why do we let you treat us this way? You go out of your way to insult and offend, and we continue to put up with it. Someone should teach you some manners, Mr. Special Agent!"
Mulder laughed. "Frohike, you know you don't mean it. We're buds, right? So, what's the game plan? Where are Byers and Langley?" Looking around the room, like they might pop out from behind a chair to surprise him.
"They're out looking for you! We were worried, Mulder!" Frohike scolded. "I told them not to come back until they found you!" He turned his back on the tall, handsome agent. "How did you manage to become an FBI agent and be so irresponsible? Do you pull this crap on Scully? How about your boss? Skinner, isn't it?"
"Yeah, his name's Skinner. Assistant Director Walter S. Skinner, to be exact. He's the thorn in my side, actually." Mulder smiled. "I tell him as little as I can get by with. Scully on the other hand, I don't ditch unless there's a chance she might get hurt. OR, something she would try to talk me out of." He looked closely at Frohike, "What's the big deal? I was a little late. I'm here now. Can't you call the guys and tell them to come back?"
"No, I can't." Frohike grimaced. "I told them that I would stay here, in case you called. They left without a cell phone. They're going to call me periodically from a pay-phone and let me know what they find out. I have no way to contact them."
"Well, that's great. Instead of sitting in "my" apartment doing nothing, I'm sitting in "your" apartment doing nothing." Mulder picked up a magazine from the coffee table and sat down. He heaved a sigh, and started flipping through the pages.
"Mulder? I can't believe what a spoiled brat you are. Why do you think you can treat people this way?" Frohike was shaking with fury. "Didn't your parents teach you any manners? You have no right to play the injured party here. You scared us to death, and now you sit there reading a magazine, like its no big deal."
Mulder was starting to get angry too, "Look Melvin, I didn't tell you to call out the National Guard. You overreacted on your own. If you don't want me here, just say so. I'll leave, no problem."
"You still don't get it, do you?" Frohike was astounded. "You have no regard for anyone's feelings. It doesn't matter to you that we were worried about you, or that we thought you might be hurt, or dead, or worse."
Mulder leaned forward to toss the magazine back in its place on the coffee table.
Without thinking, Frohike reacted. He grabbed Mulder by the back of his neck, and pushed him forward.
As Mulder landed he exclaimed, "Hey, what the hell are you doing? Let me go!"
"Time to pay the piper, Mulder. You act like a brat, you get treated like one!" The authority in Frohike's voice stopped Mulder's protest instantly. As he lay face down over the coffee table, Mulder wondered just "what" Melvin planned to do to him. He soon found out.
Grabbing a handful of Mulder's sweatpants, Frohike jerked them down to Mulder's knees. The boxers came down next. The cool air on his bare behind shocked Mulder into a reaction, "Melvin! Stop now! Let me go!"
Placing one knee in the small of Mulder's back, Frohike rolled up the magazine Mulder had been reading. "Not on your life, "bud". You are going to learn not to mess with the Lone Gunmen once and for all!" He brought the magazine down across
Mulder's exposed backside with a sharp crack.
"OW! Please, Frohike stop!" Mulder was mortified. Frohike was spanking him like a naughty child. How was he going to explain this one to Scully? WHACK, WHACK, WHACK. Several more with the rolled magazine. Tears welled in Mulder's eyes.
"There's no way He's going to make me cry! No way in Hell" Mulder thought.
WHACK, WHACK, WHACK.
As tears streamed down his face. "Please, Melvin, I'm sorry. It won't ever happen again. Stop hitting me, okay?" Mulder's pleading was broken by a distinct sob "He's made me cry! I can;t believe it!"
"I'm not *hitting* you Mulder, I'm *spanking* you. there's a difference, you know?" WHACK, WHACK, WHACK! Frohike's arm was getting tired, but this felt so good, he wasn't about to stop now. "Are you going to be late without calling again?" WHACK "Are you going to act like a smartass to your friends?" WHACK "Are you ready to make a proper apology?"
WHACK, WHACK, WHACK.
"No, No, and Yes" Mulder howled. He was crying in earnest now. He couldn't believe how badly his butt hurt. He couldn't believe that Melvin Frohike was spanking him! "I'm sorry, Melvin. I didn't realize that you felt this way. It wont ever happen again."
Melvin took his knee out of Mulder's back, and helped the sobbing man to a kneeling position. When he reached for Mulder's sweats, Mulder brushed his hands away, and straightened his own clothing. He sat down on the sofa, and uttered a gasp. "Man, Melvin! That really hurt!" His sobs were subsiding. "I can't believe you just spanked me! What's gotten into you?" Mulder scrubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands.
"I'm sick and tired of your attitude. I hope that this little incident will convince you that a change is in order." Frohike's face was grim. "Now, there's still the matter of Byers and Langley to deal with."
Mulder paled. "What do you mean?"
"Well, they are as worried as I was. I think you owe them an apology too, don't you?" Frohike placed his hands on his hips.
"Yeah, yeah, sure." Mulder was so relieved, he was rattling. "When they call to check in. I will apologize to them, and we can meet somewhere for a drink, or dinner. My treat, of course."
"That's an excellent idea! Now, this is the way friends are supposed to act!" Frohike beamed.
End