Friends and Mothers
by Xraycat
Category: Discipline
Rating: R language and violence
Disclaimer: They belong to Chris. No money, no gain, etc....
Notes: Angst abounds
Synopsis: Mulder follows a clue that may lead him to his missing sister, Samantha.
Fox Mulder sat alone in his apartment.
The 'pizza bones' in their delivery box were proof that he'd eaten dinner. Dana was busy with her mother, and Walter had paper work to catch up on. No one around to complain about his poor eating habits. Yet, this didn't please him as much as it should.
He checked the clock. Mulder had plenty of time to do a little soul searching.
He picked up the phone to call his mother. Hesitated, then disconnected before dialing.
Mulder knew he couldn't put it off any longer. He had to call. He'd not called his mother in over three months. He'd used one lame excuse after another. Truth of the matter? He couldn't face her. Guilt and shame were excellent reasons to avoid his mother. Of course, Mom had already forgiven him his hateful accusations. She was his Mom, she loved him. 'The problem is with me.'
Mulder couldn't forgive himself. He'd said some terrible things to Mom. Harsh words he was still ashamed of. Remorse swept over him, making it hard to breathe. 'I've got to call her. I have to apologize, to make her understand. I wasn't trying to hurt her! She has to understand this time. This wasn't a repeat of my drug induced behavior!'
He'd treated Dana badly too. Fox wondered why Dana continued to stand by him. He proved over and over, he wasn't worthy of her efforts, yet she remained his closest friend and ally.
'I did a bang up job this time. Running off without telling anyone.' He was lucky he'd not ended up committed to another psychiatric facility. It seemed, Dana or Walter were constantly pulling him out of one mess or another. Fox could sort of understand with Dana. But, Walter? Walter Skinner had to be the most complex man Fox had ever known.
Up until the 'Lone Gunmen Weekend', Fox would have sworn that his supervisor hated him. 'That Monday morning when I entered the office, and spied the package on Skinner's desk, I knew my career was over.' Walter had given him every opportunity to explain the tape. 'I couldn't tell him. I couldn't force myself to say the words. The most humiliating thing to happen in my adult life, and my boss was holding a recording of the event!' Mulder cringed at the memory. Walter watched the tape, and to Mulder's astonishment, didn't even laugh. 'Walter's compassion reduced me to tears! Do I need a strong male authority figure that badly?' Fox shook his head, a bemused expression on his face. 'What was Walter lacking in his life? Why did he feel the need to help straighten me out?
Fox grudgingly admitted that Walter had brought about a change in him. 'I think before acting, most of the time, now.' Mulder was getting restless, 'I didn't think before acting this time, did I?" Up and moving from nervous energy, he snatched the pizza remains and threw them away. Opening the refrigerator and staring at the last two bottles of beer, 'That's certainly not going to help matters!' Mulder slammed the refrigerator door shut in disgust.
'I really need to call Mom,' placing a hand on the phone, again. 'She deserves better. I should go to her. Tell her face to face.' Glancing again at the clock, Mulder figured that he would have enough time for a quick call.
Closing his eyes and willing his body to relax, "Hello, Mom?"
"Fox? Is that you son? I'm so glad to hear from you. Is everything all right?" Mrs. Mulder sounded thrilled to hear his voice.
"I'm fine," Fox felt his throat tighten. "I realized how long its been since I called," he started pacing around the room. 'Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, after all.' Fox forced a laugh, "I'm surprised you recognized my voice."
"Oh, Fox! What a thing to say!" His mother scolded. "How are you? Are you eating? I worry. You're so thin, Fox."
"I'm eating. The reason I called," Fox paused, 'You have to tell her!' He coughed and tried again, "I want, I mean need to tell you something Mom."
Concern emanated from the receiver, "What is it Fox? You know you can tell me anything!"
"Mom... ," Fox didn't know how to proceed. "I..Um...I thought I had found a new lead on Samantha.. "
"Fox, why do you torture yourself so?" His mother's disappointment was evident, "You know that no one holds you responsible, don't you?"
"I hold me responsible, Mom," Fox all but shouted. "Anyway, I thought this lead was solid. I've been working on this angle for about eight weeks now, Mom. I was positive this was going to be her! I didn't call, because I was afraid I'd spoil the surprise." He wanted so badly to make her understand, "I made excuses at work and took some vacation time. I didn't tell anyone where I was going, or what I planned to do," heavy sigh. "I went to Nantucket. I was convinced I'd find her this time, Mom. I was so excited. I planned how we'd come and surprise you. It wouldn't be perfect, because Dad's... well, I knew how happy you'd be when I finally brought Sam home."
"Fox," soft yet insistent. "Tell me what happened."
Labored breathing, "I went to Nantucket. The house was just as described. I watched for a couple of hours. When I knocked on the door, a young woman answered." Pause. "Mom, it could have been her. The lead was wrong, but I see how a mistake could have been made. She could have been Samantha."
"Son, we've already established that this young woman wasn't your sister," Teena Mulder was quite familiar with this particular stall tactic. "What happened when she answered the door, Fox."
"God damn it, Mom! Let me tell it my way!" Fox was so frustrated, 'She's supposed to feel sorry for me, not conduct an interrogation!' More calming breaths, "Just listen, don't interrupt, and don't ask questions!"
"Fox William Mulder, you will not speak to me in that tone again! I will not listen to any more foul language, either. You will tell me what happened, and you will tell me right now," Mom Mulder wasn't taking any shit!
"I apologize, Mom. I lost my temper. It won't happen again," Fox was sorry, but he was angry as well. 'She knows how this is going to end.' He sat on the couch, pulled a pillow to his chest, hugging it tightly. "The woman thought I was a nut. She wouldn't listen to anything I had to say. When I tried to impress on her how important this was to me, she slammed the door in my face!"
Long pause, "Fox, did you try to force your way into her house? Did you kick in the door, or something equally as threatening?" Even tone, with a slight edge. Teena was definitely angry.
Mumbled response.
"What Fox? I couldn't hear you," Teena pressed.
"Yes! I tried to make her let me in the house. Okay? I pounded the front door with my fist.. and the picture window," Fox's confession came in one rushed breath.
"I'm listening," non-committal response. Teena would withhold comment, until she'd heard the entire story.
Fox groaned, "She called the police. They responded so quickly, she must have called 911." He slid further down on the couch, rolling onto his side, pulling his knees up. He squeezed the pillow to him until his muscles strained, and quivered from the effort.
"You were arrested," a statement, not a question.
"Yes," Fox answered meekly. "Mom, they handcuffed me, and read me my rights. Not one of the officers would look at my identification, or let me explain," ragged breathing. "They were more than willing to take this woman's statement, though."
"Tell me the rest of it, son," Teena's tone had hardened considerably. Fox glared at the phone, 'Why was she so god-damned sure there was a rest of it?
Because she's your Mom, stupid!' He threw the pillow, and sat up a little straighter, "I was taken to the station house and booked. After I'd been fingerprinted, and had my 'mug shots' taken, I was interviewed by a court appointed psychiatrist. He listened to my side of the story, and was able to have me released. The doctor also called my supervisor, and suggested that I receive mandatory counseling for a while. I asked if I could go back to the woman's house and apologize, but one of the policemen told me a restraining order was now in effect. I'd be arrested again if I went anywhere near her, or her house."
Teena made an effort to control her anger, "So, did you go back to this terrified young woman's house?"
"No, I did not go back to this terrified young woman's house," was Fox's sarcastic retort. Remorse won out over anger, and he pulled back into a semi fetal position. "I did call her, though," barely audible. "She yelled at me.
She said if I ever contacted her again, in any way, she'd have me arrested and make sure that I was charged with stalking and harassment. She also threatened to call a lawyer and bring civil suit."
"Fox, I'm very sorry you were disappointed. I know how important finding your sister is to you. I'm not going to lie to you, though. I'm very angry. I don't know how to get it through your head, Fox. Samantha is gone." Teena sighed, "I know what I'd like to do. I'd like to turn you over my knee, Fox. I'd like to spank you for behaving in such an immature fashion."
"Well, that's one wish that will probably come true," Fox trailed off. 'OH MY GOD! Did I just say that?'
"What? What are you talking about, Fox?" Teena's interest was sparked.
"Nothing, Mom. It's nothing. Never mind, okay?" Fox pulled his hair in frustration, 'What the Hell was I thinking?'
"No, Fox. It's not okay. I want to know what you are talking about. Now," Teena had no intention of giving up on this subject.
"It's a long story," Fox stalled, trying to weasel out of an explanation.
"I've got plenty of time, son. Start explaining," Teena was accepting no excuses.
"The gist of it is," Fox drew a blank. 'How do I tell her about Walter?' Fox stumbled over his words, but finally told her, "Remember me mentioning my supervisor? Walter Skinner? He has worked out a kind of an arrangement. Oh boy, Mom! This is hard to say," Fox exclaimed.
"Relax, Fox. Tell me about Mr. Skinner," Teena encouraged.
"Okay, like I said, its a long story, but," hesitation, "Walter had decided to 'take a hand' in curbing my immature and irresponsible behavior." Suddenly remembering, Fox looked frantically at his watch, and relaxed fractionally. "He has actually spanked me, Mom!" Fox was so embarrassed, he closed his eyes and covered them with his free arm, "He thinks a lot like you. Walter says that when I behave like a child, I should be treated like a child."
Teena was nonplussed, "Well, I don't know Walter Skinner, but I think I like him already!" She smothered a chuckle, "What did he have to say about this particular incident?"
"I haven't seen him yet. He's catching up on paper work at the office, then coming over here. I'm supposed to wait for him," Fox's voice was like sand paper. His mouth was so dry, he thought about the beer in the refrigerator again. "I had to call you, Mom. I really have been learning. I've accepted the consequences for my actions, otherwise you'd never known anything about this."
"This is an absolutely marvelous plan, son." Teena exclaimed. "I want you to ask Mr. Skinner to give me a call. Can you remember to do that, Fox? He and I have a lot to discuss."
"MOM!" I will not ask Walter to call you!" Fox was shaking with horror. 'What other indignities am I going to be forced to suffer?'
"Fine. I'll call the Bureau, Monday." Teena snapped back. "I'm sure Walter can find time in his busy schedule to talk to your mother."
"I'll have him call you," Fox was defeated. He knew when to quit, "I'm going to hang up now, Mom. I love you, and I'll call you."
"You listen to every word Walter Skinner says to you. I can tell from our conversation, he's improved your attitude tremendously, Fox. I'm not kidding, I want to speak with him, son," Teena insisted. "Good bye, Fox."
Fox didn't feel any better, 'Where did that come from? I call my mother to be comforted, and she's not only glad that I'm in hot water with Walter, but she wants to speak with him as well. That's all I need, my boss conferring with my mother over disciplinary techniques!' He hung up the phone, and started straightening up the apartment.
The door bell rang and Fox started, "It's Walter! I'm not ready for this.' Fox smoothed his clothing, and answered the door.
"Walter. Come in," he said as he stepped back.
Walter entered without comment, closing the door softly behind him. He turned the lock, and slipped the chain into place.
'That's not a good sign,' Fox thought, watching Walter's actions. He steeled himself, "Walter, before you say anything, I would like to explain." As he spoke, Walter's face darkened.
"I don't need an explanation, Fox. The Nantucket Police and Dr. Dawson explained everything very thoroughly," Walter's words were clipped, and forced through tightened lips. "I seem to have a good grasp of the entire situation."
"No, you really don't, Walter. That's what I want to talk about," Fox exclaimed emphatically. "I realize you're aware of my sister's disappearance. You also know how traumatic that was for me. It's basically responsible for who I am now. That event made me the person you know today." Fox sat down, and pulled the pillow back into his lap. "This time was going to be different. I wasn't being reckless. I was going to find my sister. I'd finally bring home to our mother. We'd be a family again. Do you understand? Can you put yourself in my position, for just a minute, Walter?"
Walter's face softened, "Fox," he started gently. "My problem is not with your motives, it's with your actions. You terrorized that woman. She called 911, thinking you were going to kill her. Even the policemen thought you were psychotic, Fox! You're very lucky you weren't committed." Walter sat down along side Fox, "You have got to learn to maintain control. Keep a professional distance."
Fox nodded, "I guess I'll always be twelve years old, whenever Samantha's concerned." He glanced at Walter, "I called my Mom. Can you believe that? I told on myself." He tried for a smile, but didn't quite make it.
Walter's expression changed immediately to keen interest, "What did your mother have to say about your behavior?"
Fox's head drooped, "Exactly the same thing you say. She said she'd be tempted to take me over her knee, if she were here."
Walter sensed Mrs. Mulder had more to say on the subject. He pursued this line of questioning, "What else, Fox? I can tell by your face, there's more."
Fox was picking at the fuzz balls on his pillow, "Oh you know, the usual things.
She asked if I'd been eating right. Just 'mom stuff'." He was entirely too casual.
Walter smiled, "Um hum, what kind of 'mom stuff', Fox?"
Fox sighed, "When she said I deserved a spanking, I got smart. I told her she probably get her wish! She insisted on an explanation for that remark. Anyway, she wants you to call her. She thinks the two of you have things to discuss." Fox squeezed the pillow with both hands, as if he were strangling it, "She said that if I didn't give you the message, she'd call your office, Monday morning."
Walter relaxed, "Well. It appears I have a phone call to make, doesn't it? Hand me the phone and please tell me your mother's number."
Fox was getting angry again, "I don't believe this! You are going to call my mother?" He stood up suddenly and started pacing again, "I must have been out of my mind to tell her about this. And you are going along with it!"
Walter stared at Fox with a blank expression, "Why did you tell her, Fox? If you didn't want her to know about our arrangement, why mention it?" Walter waited, and when Fox didn't respond, "I have no choice, I'll call her." He reached for the phone, "The number, please?"
Fox rattled off the strings of digits explosively, and stormed into the kitchen. He jerked the refrigerator door open violently, and grabbed a beer.
"Don't open that! Put it back where you got it. Come back in here, and sit down," Walter ordered.
Fox gave Walter a murderous stare, but did as he was told, dropping heavily into an armchair. Continuing to glare at his boss, he asked snidely, "Happy, now?"
Walter was unflappable, "Very. Now sit still and shut up."
Walter waited for the line to connect, "Yes, hello. Mrs. Mulder? This is Walter Skinner. Fox mentioned you would like to speak with me?" He listened intently for a moment, "Certainly, hold just a minute."
Walter turned to Fox, "Your mother says you are to go to your room, and wait until she and I finish our conversation."
Fox's jaw dropped, he shouted, "Go to my room? You have got to be kidding!"
Walter listened again, "Hang on," holding the phone out to Fox, "She wants to talk to you." Walter smiled and wagged the phone at Fox.
Fox snatched the receiver from Walter's grasp, "Hello, Mom! What.. yes...NO!... It's my apart... yes, ma'am, I understand." He threw the phone in Walter's general direction and left the room in a fury.
Walter listened as Fox stomped down the hall and slammed the bedroom door, "Now
Mrs. Mulder, you were saying?"
Fox was fuming. He almost glanced in the mirror to see if smoke was coming out of his ears, 'I do not believe this! I've been sent to my room, to wait while my mother and my boss discuss my punishment!' Sitting on the bed, banging his head rhythmically against the wall. 'It's bad enough that I agreed to accept corporal punishment from Walter. Consulting my mother is going overboard. If Walter thinks I'm going to stand for this... he's right.' Fox jumped off the bed, and started pacing the confines of his room, 'I did exactly what I wasn't supposed to do. I got myself into this mess. Why in gods' name, I called my mother I don't know. She wouldn't be involved if it weren't for me.'
Fox remembered Walter telling him once, his intention wasn't to hurt Fox, but to teach him a lesson in humility. 'If this doesn't count as utter humiliation, I don't know what would!' He paused by the door, listening carefully. He could hear Walter's voice, but couldn't quite make out the words. Fox thought about opening the door, but decided against it. 'What could they possibly be talking about for such a long time?' Fox didn't want to admit it, but he was frightened. As a boy, whenever he'd been in trouble, his mother sent him to his room. He'd wait there until she came in and told him what punishment he was to receive. 'She knows how much I hate waiting in my room! She did this on purpose, to make it worse. I'm sure she's keeping Walter on the phone as long as she possibly can, simply to prolong my torture!'
Fox knew exactly what punishment he was going to receive. The method, as well as the implement to be used were the unknown factors. Dad had always used his belt, no matter what the offense. Fox was made to bend over the desk in Dad's study, and that was that. Mom was much more creative. Fox never knew what to expect from her. He'd figure out her plan when he was about ten. Knowing what she was doing didn't help much, the dread and anticipation were still present. 'Like now. What are she and Walter cooking up?'
Fox heard Walter moving about the front room. Much to his chagrin, Fox started to tremble. Tears stung his eyes, 'Here we go! Fox gets sent to his room, and reverts to a crying baby in less than ten minutes.' He knew this was going to be terrible. He'd endured punishment from Walter before. Nothing like this, though. Being punished in his own bedroom made it personal, not just a working relationship. "Hats off to you, Mom. You sure know how to treat a guy!'
Walter eventually came down the hall. He entered Fox's room without knocking. He'd removed his suit jacket, and loosened his tie. Shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows, "Fox, your mother is a lovely woman. I enjoyed our conversation."
Fox forced his voice not to waver, "What did the two of you discuss? No chance of you letting me off the hook, is there?"
Walter shook his head slowly, "No, there isn't. We did discuss it, though. Your mother and I decided you have to be punished. You broke the rules, no matter how honorable your intentions. What if Dr. Dawson believed you to be delusional? I'm not sure I could have ordered you released from a psychiatric facility. How would your mother react to that call, Fox?"
Fox could no longer hold Walter's gaze, "I understand. I have never been rational about Samantha." He got up slowly from the bed. "Where do you want me? Do you want my belt, or are you going to use yours?"
Walter spoke gently, "No belts. No hairbrushes, either. Just a spanking, Fox. I'll sit on the bed, and you'll lay over my knee." Walter placed his hands on Fox's shoulders, "I know how much your sister means to you. You thought you were doing the right thing. You'll be punished, but this is another object lesson, Fox. A lesson meant to remind you to keep a level head."
Fox was trembling again, "This was my mother's idea, wasn't it? Her name's written all over it."
Walter nodded, "Since your mother isn't here, she asked me to do this for her."
Walter sat on the bed, "Take down your pants, Fox."
Fox stood still for a moment longer, as if trying to decide his next move. "It's so much worse, when you're nice to me! Get mad! Yell at me, or something! I can deal with you being angry."
Walter said softly, "This isn't about being angry and you know it. It may be hard but you can take it, Fox. It's what we've been working on, all along. Assuming responsibility or accepting the consequences. Take them down."
Fox slowly undid his jeans, "I hate this. I'm doing it for Mom, got it? Not for you. Not for me. I will not intentionally hurt her. Are we clear on this?"
Walter nodded, "You don't have to like it, Fox. As long as you understand it.
Come here," placing his hands around Mulder's waist, Walter pulled Fox to stand in front of him. "Bend over my knee, and lay across the bed."
Fox moaned as he knelt. He placed himself across Walter's knee and buried his face in the bedspread, 'Mom, you still hold the crown for surprises. I can't believe I love you enough to do this.'
Walter slid Fox's boxers down, "Hold still, it will be over soon enough." He brought his hand crashing down. SMACK. "Your mother wants you to remember that woman's face," SMACK! "Think about how frightened she was," SMACK SMACK SMACK! "Imagine how she felt when she answered the phone, and heard your voice," SMACK SMACK SMACK! "Do you think she'll have nightmares, Fox?" SMACK SMACK SMACK!
Against his will, Fox recalled the terror he saw on her face. He started to sob. Walter continued, "What if the police decided to shoot you?" SMACK SMACK SMACK! "How wood your mother deal with losing her only child?" SMACK SMACK SMACK! "What would I day to Dana, Fox?" SMACK SMACK SMACK! "Do you think she'd accept your death, simply because you were looking for Samantha?" SMACK SMACK SMACK!
Fox wept into the blankets, trying to clear his mind. Walter's words were conjuring up images he's rather not think about. Everything Walter said was true. His life didn't revolve around Samantha any longer. There were others to consider. He pulled a wad of blanket into his mouth, to keep from wailing. He wanted to cry and scream apologies at the top of his lungs.
"Are you willing to give up everything, Fox?" SMACK SMACK SMACK! "Is finding your sister more important that the people who love you?" SMACK SMACK "Is a slim chance of finding Samantha worth losing your own life?" SMACK SMACK!
Walter slid the boxers back over Mulder's hips, "Stay in bed, son. Think about the things I've said. I'll come back for you later." He left the room without further comment.
Fox burrowed under the covers. Weeping uncontrollably, he couldn't shake the image of Dana and his mother standing at his grave side. His headstone sandwiched between Samantha's and his dad's. He finally settled into uneasy sleep.
Fox woke up to Walter's persistent knocking. "Come in," he muttered still half asleep.
Walter stuck his head in the door. "Fox, you've slept all night. It's eight o'clock in the morning." He stepped into the room, "I've made some breakfast. Are you hungry?"
Fox rubbed his eyes, "Yeah. I'll be out in a minute." He rolled over, and winced, "You sure do pack a wallop! Give me five minutes, I'll be moving slower than usual," he said as he carefully climbed out of bed.
Fox caught a whiff of some delicious aromas drifting from his kitchen. He struggled to dress a little faster. 'Walter didn't find anything that smells that good in my kitchen!'
Heading down the hall, he was a little nervous about facing Walter. They'd not spoken again last night. Nothing was settled yet. No sense of closure. From the living room, he could see grocery bags on the counter. 'He's been to the store already? What time did he get up? Did he stay here all night?'
Walter was sitting at the table, reading the paper. A cup of steaming coffee sat in front of him, "Good morning." He folded the paper and laid it aside, "I bought eggs, bacon, and fruit. Sit down, Ill make you a plate. Coffee?"
Fox lowered himself gently into the chair. He got up quickly. He retrieved the throw pillow from the couch, and placed it in the kitchen chair before sitting again, "That's better. Yes, I'd love coffee. Did you stay here last night?"
Walter nodded, "I didn't want you to wake up to an empty apartment. We still have a lot to talk about." He handed Fox a cup of coffee. Turning back to the stove, he filled a plate and placed it in front of Fox. He resumed his seat, "Eat it while it's hot, we can talk after you finish."
Fox attacked the food, he felt like he hadn't eaten in days, "This is delicious, thank you."
Walter laughed, "The way you're inhaling it, I'm surprised you can taste anything! Slow down, no one's going to take it away from you."
Fox smiled, and slowed down. A little bit, "I really appreciate this. I don't remember the last time I had a home cooked breakfast."
Walter watched him eat for a few moments longer. He refilled their coffee cups, and leaned against the counter. "Fox, how do you feel about last night? I would like to know your reaction to the things I said."
Fox pushed his plate away, "I'm not sure, Walter. I know in my heart that Samantha's still alive. I'm positive that if anyone can find her, it will be me. I know I shouldn't have approached that woman. I handled it badly." He shook his head, "I'm sorry for the things I said to you last night. I didn't mean them. You've never punished me unfairly, and I know it."
Walter pulled his chair closer to Fox, "I know you will never give up on Samantha. If she is alive, we will find her. Your mother can't stand the thought of losing you as well. She wants you to proceed with more caution. Can you accept that?" He shook Fox's shoulder firmly, "You can ask for help, you know? Dana and I will assist you, any way we can. Don't keep any more secrets, agreed?"
Fox nodded, "I'll try to remember. Why are you such a good friend to me, Walter?" he asked thickly.
Walter smiled, "If you can't figure it out, it won't do any good for me to tell you. Just remember that I will always be your friend. So will Dana. You don't have to bear the weight of the world on your shoulders. Ask for help, now and then. When you want to talk about Samantha call me. I'll listen."
Fox smiled, but couldn't think of an adequate response. He nodded, "Okay. I will."
Walter stood, "I've got things to do. Why don't you get cleaned up, and I'll wash these dishes before I leave. Don't forget to call your mother." Walter began to clear the table.
By the time Fox got out of the shower, Walter was gone. The dishes were washed and dried. The paper folded neatly on the kitchen table. There was half a pot of coffee sitting on the warming tray. A note on the refrigerator read:
CALL YOUR MOTHER! W.
Fox laughed and wadded the note into a ball. He tossed it into the waste basket. Snagging his pillow, he returned to the couch, and picked up the phone.
END