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SCREENPLAY OUTLINE For CRITICS

Was the theme clear, the story emotionally intriguing? What were its strengths? How do these story elements contribute to the theme?

Structure, conflict, plot point 1, plot point 2, midpoint, characters, location and backdrop, A-story, B-story and subplots, visualization and dramatization, further suggestions

QUESTIONS SCREENPLAYS MUST ANSWER

1. Who is the protagonist? What makes us care about/identify with them?

What is their pain? Fear? GHOST: past event or situation

2. Protagonist's need, desire, goal? Derived from Question 1
Detective story - protagonist driven by need to know the truth, regardless what he does with it. Protagonist doesn't have to be aware of goal - e g romances.

3. Obstacles? Who wants or doesn't want it?

4. How the protagonist overcomes obstacles?

5. How the protagonist grows from the story?

Introduce and end with a grabber so studio execs see you as professional even if they don't like your idea.

SCREENPLAY HERO ARCHETYPES

Mentor - good or evil

Herald - announces need for change

Threshold guardian - creates obstacles, tests hero

Shape-shifter - changes shape to show us things - loyalty and motives are in doubt

Shadow - purpose is to express dark side - dramatic purpose is create worthy opponent - often has power, intellect, beauty or wealth

Trickster - Daffy Duck - purpose is to cut big egos down to size - comic relief e g jesters - may stir up trouble for fun

SCREENPLAY FORMAT AND LANGUAGE

You don't need to write dialog in sentences unless the character does

No "roll in" or "titles up"

Beautiful prose - SIFYN

You can't shoot adjectives

Let actors decide parentheticals. They're obvious and redundant anyway

Don't describe what doesn't exist

Tell us what we don't know

Every additional word weighs down dialog, reduces energy

Excitement comes from what's left out

Regardless whether script is past, present or future, write it in the present

Unify time and place

Avoid naming bit players - call them First Soldier and Second Soldier, Angry Soldier and Docile Soldier, etc

Dialog and Ping Pong - let it play out in viewers' heads

Use ellipsis as little as possible

Distinguish character names by sound, spelling, length

Rule of thumb - 55 scenes, 2 pages each

SCREENPLAYS - HERO'S JOURNEY - 12 stations

Normalcy, call to action, reluctance, encouraged, accepts challenge, battles opponent and tests allies (plot point 1) approaches inmost cave, supreme ordeal (plot point 2), reward, road back, resurrection, return with elixir

COMMON SCREENPLAY ERRORS

* No strong identification with protagonist

* Little or no stakes (don't settle for less than "everything")

* Plot holes, untenable leaps of logic

* Irrelevant scenes, scenes not pulling their weight

* All characters speak in same voice

* No strong, credible, self-justified opponent (remember path of least resistance)

* Deux Ex machina Ending (I could of had a V-8 revelations)

* Character tells us and/or another character what we already saw happen

* Stage direction not action or dialog tells us who characters are

* Excessive or heavy-handed stage direction tells characters' feelings

* Unclear emotional resonance - characters' feelings unclear

* Scenes without substantial conflict

* Inconsistent characters

* Unclear or lacking motivation

* Dialog verbose or overly wordy

* Not enough white space on page

* Flat, forced exposition (remember, exposition as ammunition; discovery)

* Swirling characters, too many characters introduced at same time

* No handle (image-casting adjective) for minor characters (Sarah instead of Aunt Sarah)

* Unresolved subplots

* Misspelled words or other typos

* Unclear transitions

* Scenes, sequences not built to strong, single finish

* No action verbs in action description

* Unneeded nouns or pronouns in stage directions

* Run-on sentences or paragraphs (single clear ideas, then move to next)

* Protagonist merely decides instead of being forced to act

* No clear unity of opposites (force hero and villain together)

* Didn't make the moment (not draw attention to important moment)

* No major outside-the rules-of-their-world, self-defining action

* No clear, earned moment of apparent defeat, forcing protagonist into abyss

* Or in tragedy: no moment of apparent victory preclude abyss

* Protagonist not tested (no easy good/bad choice)

* Protagonist always reacts, never proactive

* Protagonist too likeable, no pain or dark side

* No contradictions in characters, especially in protagonist

* Call to action comes too late (slow start)

* No strong, clear seat belt question

* Seat belt question too late (slow start)

* Excessive character development

* Lacks major, strong reversals

* Unbelievable, inconsistent world

* World's rules not established

* Not establish character's resources, abilities

* More than one drop of magic (as in fantasy)

* Flogging a dead scene

* No addressorial comma e g "Get the car John" - a travel toilet seat?

* Unclear to whom dialog is directed

* No catharsis at ending

* No clear resolution

* Scenes in wrong order

* No clear, obtainable goal for protagonist

* No "Lacking Life Lesson"

* Comedy violates rules of comedy

* Tragedy violates rules of tragedy

* Scenes with writer's objective same as characters'

* On the nose dialog (no subtext or conflict)

* Excessive coincidence (use "bad news" instead)

* Emotions, actions don't see-saw between sequences

* Didn't mine full potential of concept

* Ignored genre conventions (usually deliberate to avoid cliches)

* Lack of the exotic

* Insufficient research

* Too weird (failed attempt at antistructure)

* Offensive material (racist, etc)

* Downer ending confused with structured tragedy

* Lack of humor in alleged comedy

* Uncompelling concept (little or no inherent conflict)

* No momentum (no strong action/reaction through-line)

* Didn't establish, set up, build, then reverse

* No payoffs to ideas, it's all laid out

* Excessive attention to song playing (give meaning, not title)

* Didn't show something because it didn't happen, as opposed to showing it didn't happen e g nobody there

* Confusing rather than misleading audience

* Too much takes place offstage/offscreen

* Mystery without protagonist and audience clear need to know

* Mystery without semblance of trail of clues

* Heavy-handed, out-of-the-blue dialog/action

* Allegedly comic hero relies on institutional power

* Characters arrive unexplained/unprepared at major insights into self, others

* Beat it to death around the bush, lots of subtle mention without making the point

* Letting characters talk before they take an attitude (letting them vamp)

* Showing action of a comedic or dramatic beat without showing reaction

* Reel life confused with real life (I know someone who X won't cut it)

* Real life dialog instead of reel life dialog

* Characters with similar names (e g John and Jack)

* Title without hook, appeal

* Title promises more than it delivers

* Title implies different kind of story than that presented

* Too ambitious, too many stories fighting for air (everything and kitchen sink syndrome)

* Cast, maps, charts, graphs, photos, characters enclosed with script

* Hard-to-read print or unorthodox fonts

* Script not bound in solid brads in 3-hole paper

* Feature script too long (over 140 pages) or too short (under 95 pages)

* Excessive commentary about characters from writer to reader

* Incorrect format

* Excessive parenthetical or stage direction

* Excessive camera direction (use none or almost none)

* Lack of courtesy toward studio executives, office and other employees (they're people too)