Don't you hate Nickelodean game shows nowadays? They're so stupid. Like, remember back in the day where the kids actually had to have a brain and do some physical shit? And on occasion someone'd get slimed, but not every single goddamn 5 seconds? And when Mike O'Malley was practically every game show host on Nickelodean? I mean, what the FUCK happened, Nickelodean?! Were you scared you might poop out another Alanis Morrisette? It's as if as soon as my generation turned 10, Nickelodean just fucking moved to Montreal and took up being gay as a full-time job. Where did all of your originality go? Where did all of your money go that funded these hella boss game-shows and comedy shows. In fact, I think it all went downhill with the beginning of All-That. I remember sitting down with my friend and watching that horribly painful first episode of that corn-infested shitheap. Holy fucking shit, it's as if someone pulled out my eyes and poured acid-filled shit in my sockets. But, ya know, I had faith in Nickelodean. I had enough faith to keep on watching whatever shows they would spank me with regardless of the non-existent comedic value those shows had. And then it hit me: All-That had a laugh-track. A sheep-fucking laugh-track while there was a full studio audience watching the goddamn show! The jokes were so unfunny they were even out of Jerry Seinfeld's league! Kenan & Kel was their next step in throwing all factors of comedy off of their network. Then came The Amanda Show. Then a new All-That. Now I gotta hand it to Amanda: she is one fine bitch, but luckily, she's not really part of the CTEAC Corporation anymore, or the Crusade To End All Comedy. Remember GUTS? Now THAT was quality programming; force children of young ages to compete against eachother and complete daunting tasks that only triathalon racers would be suited for.
You goddamn bastards, give me back my childhood. And start putting reruns of I Heard That on your main channel or else I'll throw such a temper tantrum!!
HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!! I FUCKING HATE MICE!!! ESPECIALLY DEAD ONES THAT LIVE IN MY FUCKING KITCHEN CABINET ERGO SMELLING MY ENTIRE FUCKING KITCHEN UP WITH THE AWFUL STENCH OF URINE, SHIT, AND DEAD MICE!!!!!! FUCK!!! FUCKING!!!! God fucking dammit! That is fucking the last straw! I fucking quit everything. I'm done. Until the school year starts, I'm not doing fucking shit anywhere ever. Fuck it. What the hell's it all for?! Fucking dog, stop barking before I throw you out a three-story window. Oh wonderful, he's barking his eurotrash ass off. Fucking Welsh Corgis. Fucking Dogs. Fucking Everything.
Can you believe what shit they gave me at my practically non-existent job?! A few weeks ago, the last time I had put in any hours, I didn't recieve pay (one recieves pay on the spot, or is handed a slip to later exchange for cashmoney). So just a few minutes ago, I was down at the store buying peanut butter in which to kill the dead mouse, when I saw the woman who was in charge of what I was doing that night I worked. She is also the woman who did not give this motherfucker his pay. So I confront her like a biatch and remind her of that day, then requested pay (I had only put in 2½ hours, thus making my pay around 16 bucks, enough to buy myself a tom clamp). But due to the fact that almost the entirety of the American people don't like remembering things, as its not what's in style nowadays, she didn't remember at all and told me that my story was bogus. Fuck you you fucking white dyke! I can remember the exact time I began and left work that night and your exact words that you said to me, which were, "Don't worry about your pay, I'll pay you the next time I see you, the cash registers are locked so blah blah blah I am gay." STFU! And damn do I mean that. Then I repeatedly told her, "Well, I just want to get my pay, as I never ever get called into work even though I live on the same block as this fucking store." Ok, so I didn't say the last part of that, but I meant what I said to be interpreted in that context. This little dumbass argument went on for about 5 minutes, then she gave me the number to the manager of the goddamn store, as if they're going to know what the hell happened on that dreadful night. Stupid bitch, if you don't even remember what happened, then how the hell is someone who wasn't even in the fucking building at the time going to remember what happened? Fucking overpriced store bitches can't even give a sixteen year-old fucking sixteen dollars. I hate you all, you scum of the universe. I hope a tractor runs over you and you become some sort of mutant plant that dogs just love to urinate all over and little children just love to take shits on. God fucking damn yous all to hell.
Another important thing that happened to me today that immediately needs an important disscussion about is mousetraps: Why are they so flamboyantly homosensual? That's the whole reason I went to that shithole of a store in the first place, to buy peanut butter to put on the mousetraps to kill the already dead mouse that has been rotting in our kitchen ever since last week. But noooo, since the peanut butter is "Organic" it just has to be the wettest jar of organically made feces in the world. Then I noticed underneath the liquid form the peanut butter had taken was the semi-hard-but-still-very-wet form it had taken. I'm guessing the thick peanut butter was at the way bottom or had died. So anyways, I spread the gooey mess all over the spot on the mouse trap you're supposed to spread gooey messes, I then flip back the thing that kills the mouse and "lock" it into place. The reason for the word lock being in quotes is that it never really locked into place and splattered all over the kitchen counter, in which case I screamed out in horror. Oh wait, not horror; aggrivation. I was tired as hell since I didn't get an ounce of sleep last night and now I couldn't even setup a goddamn mousetrap to kill that sonuvabitch mouse that is blissfully dead. Things were just not going my way. So I try again, but since I already threw out the full jar of peanut poop, I instead used sugar as bait for the mice. This ends in a horrible catastrophe unknown to mankind and gets me almost as steamed as fat Majin Buu. Almost. But instead of losing my temper, I found it while tripping over something stupid and threw one mean temper tantrum. And boy do I mean it. You'da thought a buncha dirty Mexican sailors had come into my house and had a game of "Yell 'Fuck' at the top of your lungs repeatedly."
So, being pissed as hell, some of my genes that are from the really annoying things my parents do sprung out of hibernation, and I started yelling things my mom would yell if she was having a fit: I kept yelling phrases such as, "That's IT! I can't DO this anymore!", "This is so stupid! I am so stupid! Why the hell am I so stupid!?", "Yum! Toasted racoon shit!", and, "I quit! Why did I even start?! Why did I even do this?! Why the hell is this happening this way?! Goodness!!" After saying these things, I ran upstairs and cried in the bathroom, dry-gagging until came into here to write about my horrid expeditions into the Page O' Hate to help calm myself down. Mother Fucker...
This conversation took place between me and this kid Paul that I used to skateboard with back in the days of when I skateboarded. Personally, I can't really stand this kid, given that he's very quiet (hmmm, almost too quiet if you ask me...), he's blonde, he's annoying, he gives off an annoying vibe that annoys me, and he's a conceited sonuva bitch. So, I took advantage of his idea to IM me, unaware of who I was, and smothered the bastard in my own spit, urine, and fecal excrement. That'll teach that cock sucka to mess with the best.
YeOldeRappa06: who is this
Elite Of The Bad: why dont you stop starting conversations like that with people and they might actually answer you
YeOldeRappa06: ok who r u
Elite Of The Bad: thats not any better
YeOldeRappa06: why dont u tell me what to say
Elite Of The Bad: how about "hey, whats up? i saw you're screen name on my buddy list and didnt know who the hell you were, so tell me who the fuck you are, you fucking piece of shit"
YeOldeRappa06: i'll remember that next time, but now, who r u
Elite Of The Bad: in fact
Elite Of The Bad: since you IMed me first
Elite Of The Bad: i should be the one asking who you are
Elite Of The Bad: i dont know who the hell you are
YeOldeRappa06: paul
YeOldeRappa06: who r u
Elite Of The Bad: you're prolly some ass i fucked with online years ago
Elite Of The Bad: paul from ellet street?
YeOldeRappa06: yea
Elite Of The Bad: that skateboards?
Elite Of The Bad: oh
Elite Of The Bad: this isnt anybody you know
YeOldeRappa06: then how u know me
Elite Of The Bad: well actually
Elite Of The Bad: it should be the other way around
Elite Of The Bad: cause you certainly arent on my buddy list
YeOldeRappa06: this alex
Elite Of The Bad: who the hell is alex
YeOldeRappa06: who r u
Elite Of The Bad: who are you?
Elite Of The Bad: you IMed me first
YeOldeRappa06: u already know me
Elite Of The Bad: oh yea? who says
YeOldeRappa06: u seemed to know my name
Elite Of The Bad: yea because you just told me it
YeOldeRappa06: how u know what street i live on
Elite Of The Bad: ok
Elite Of The Bad: you got me
Elite Of The Bad: i am jesus
YeOldeRappa06: fuck u
YeOldeRappa06: who r u
Elite Of The Bad: you said "fuck you" to the almighty jesus?
Elite Of The Bad: you're going to hell for that, young man
Elite Of The Bad: because nobody speaks to the almighty jesus, overlord of the ignorant masses, with that kind of tone, buster
Elite Of The Bad: go to your room!
YeOldeRappa06: right
Elite Of The Bad: bitch, make me a goddamn sandwich and get the hell outta my house!
Elite Of The Bad: paul
Elite Of The Bad: paaauuuulll
YeOldeRappa06: yes
Elite Of The Bad: it is meeeee
Elite Of The Bad: your great great great grandmotherrrrrr
Elite Of The Bad: i am a ghooooossstt
Elite Of The Bad: give me canddyyyyyy
Elite Of The Bad: or i will fush your toilet repeatedlyyyyyyyy
YeOldeRappa06: alright then
Elite Of The Bad: i meaaaannt to say fluuuussh
Elite Of The Bad: myyy baaaaaaddd
Elite Of The Bad: paaauuulll
Elite Of The Bad: can youu help meeee
Elite Of The Bad: dial tennn tennn twoo twenty for alll your long distance callllsss
Elite Of The Bad: its only tennn cents a minuuutee or soommeething like thaaattt
My totally awesome bitchslappings must have frightened his honky buttox, cause he stopped responding to my awesomeness. After he stopped responding, I also blocked and warned him repeatedly. Another day, another "fuck with somebody I know or don't know."