|Taken 07/26/2005. Very pixelated but that helps to hide the old and the fat! LOL.|
|Taken 04/11/02. Obviously I have aged significantly since David left me. It must be the grief and the stress.|
|click here to go to my David page|
This is me. Ellen LaPlante. I'm 39. Lately I'm feeling everyday of of it too! About five weeks ago my husband of 19 years left me. He handed me a letter saying he wanted a divorce and ran. Of course there's another woman and, of course, she's 23 years old. (They work together at Northern Music and Video located here in Potsdam, NY: Northern Music condones adultery) We have 5 children. Wanna hear the truly pathetic part? I still love him. More than life itself. He is the biggest part of me and always will be. I know I am partially responsible for destroying our marriage. I had an extremely abusive childhood and never learned the proper way to love myself or anyone else. I'm learning now. I can never make up for the pain or lost years but I am committed to making the future great. I do, however, realize that although David can not see it, a lot of his unhappiness came from within himself. He has problems acquired during his own childhood. I have no secondary education, no work skills or experience and yet I am looking forward to becoming someone I can be proud of. I feel in my heart that my husband David is making a huge mistake with his new love, Janel L. Bump. They are doomed to recreate all the same mistakes they have each made in their past relationships. Our children are being destroyed by this. I can't imagine the type woman who would be responsible for causing children to experience such intense pain. How can she be so cold? So selfish? She has two children of her own, how can she not care? I believe it is the most morally indecent thing a woman can do. Thank goodness my children will never allow her to influence them. They hate her. David is losing the love of his children and won't accept it. I guess Janel must be worth it. It's too bad she's so hideous though!
|Update April 15th, 2002.
David left seven weeks ago tomorrow.
I no longer look forward to the future. The pain has become to much to bear. I cannot face life without David's love. The emptiness. I will never be complete again. He was my life. I will never love or trust again. There is no hope for a future other than existence. He is happy now. I am broken, unloved and discarded. I am not alive. I wish he had just killed me. Thank you, Janel. You and he have ruined my life and permanently damaged the lives of all 5 of our children. Is it worth it? Are you that happy that you can live with the truth of what you have done?
|How could I have known you didn't love me?
You told me everyday
You showed me everyday
How could you have made love to me when you didn't love me?
You were so concerned for my pleasure
You were so tender
How could you have stayed when you didn't love me?
You slept in our bed
You were a father to our children
How can I live if you don't love me?
|Update 07/07/02. David has been home for almost a month! We are steadily rebuilding our relationship. He came to me on June 9th and made a commitment. He told me he still loves me and always has. He ended his affair with Janel (despite the fact that she fought it and even begged him not to!). He has made so much progress. He sees her for who she really is now. He has no love for her and knows his relationship with her was a sad mistake. He realizes how she manipulated and used him and just what an awful creature (creature is his own word!) she truly is. He quit his job and we are in the process of relocating to a better and Janelless area. I am trying to work through my deep feelings of betrayal. I know that I love him enough to. All in all, there have been many positive benefits from this experience and I know our marriage will be better than ever now!|
|Here is a copy of the letter I sent to Janel the day we moved, Sept. 1st, 2002.
I will not bother telling you everything David has said about you, the appellations he has labeled you or the ones I have longed to call you. The purpose of this letter is to make you aware of the pain you have caused others. I refer to my family, Iím quite sure you hurt Steven and your own sons deeply but it is not my place to comment on that.
I have been told how you admitted to hunting David for months as if he were big game prey. I canít believe that you actually told him all the little things you did for all those months. How you always put yourself in his way so he had to touch you to get by you. How you schemed to get him to go to the Christmas party without me and you could go without Steven. Too bad that one didnít work out for you. You planned this so well. Does Steven know that you wanted David from the first day you worked there while you were pregnant with his son? Pregnant by one man and already pursuing another. I wish Steven could know all the horrific lies you told David about him. David knows how you manipulated him into believing he was more unhappy at home than he ever actually was. You burrowed into his psyche, discovered his ideals for a woman and deceptively and unsuccessfully tried to act as that woman. You prevaricated and connived him into abandoning not only his family and his home but also his morals and values. He would have never left his five children and me if you hadnít gone to him, professing your love and promising him everything he thought he wanted. You asked him to leave us. You went to him, he didnít go to you.
You went after a man old enough to be your father. There is an innate sickness in that. A perversion on both your and Davidís parts. It nauseates me to envision him having intercourse with a girl just barely older then our daughter. It makes no difference that you actually look quite old. Do your parents know that David left his wife and children because you asked him to? The fact that your parents thought it was dandy that you were fucking a married man of that age indicates just how you were raised. Speaking of fuckingÖ although you didnít give it to him often (4 times?) David is undergoing a barrage of tests for sexually transmitted diseases. Many people have told me quite a lot about your past. Unprotected sex is not a good idea for someone who was as sexually promiscuous as you were. Sex with another womanís husband is a crime and a sin.
You violated his privacy. You violated his core.
When David left I was destroyed. Completely and utterly devastated. It was as if my heart had been ripped out. The pain was physical; it was a burning, stabbing agony in my center. I have loved David for almost as many years as you have been alive, niŮa. He has always been and is my reason for living. I never have and never could love another man. I love him unconditionally and completely. Even after 19 years of marriage my heart still leaps every time I look at him. I had an extremely abusive childhood, mentally, physically and sexually abusive. Until David, I had never trusted anyone. David was the only person in my entire life that I have ever trusted. I no longer have that. I do not trust him, I may never again. That is gone. To me our relationship was sacred, now it has a taint that will always remain. An impurity, dirtiness.
There were two times while David was gone that I came very close to taking my own life. I held shiny, new razor blades against my wrists and envisioned the red, red blood flowing over the silver metal. The reason I didnít was solely because I knew I had to raise my children. I could not put my own need above the needs of my children. I knew that as soon as the last one was grown I was free to die and I would have then been able to kill myself. And I certainly would have. Simply because I do not want to live without David. Ever. Without David there is no Ellen there is only an empty, hallow shell. I have no purpose, no rationale without David. So, Janel, you were not just taking my husband away from me you were taking away my life, my very reason for being.
I had horrific reoccurring nightmares all spring. In one you and David are hunting me, chasing me through woods with rifles. I am terrified, running blindly. I want for you to shoot me but I cannot stop running. In another I am strapped to a gurney, both you and David are doing medical experiments on me. There is no anesthesia. I had these two dreams as well as others over and over and over. I would wake up screaming. I still have them occasionally. Does it gratify you to know that? To know the torment, anguish and suffering you have caused?
David and I have four daughters who once believed in ďfamilyĒ. Who now say they will never get married. We have a son who can no longer use his father as a role model. Our children had their lives torn apart by all of this. Their relationship with their father has been damaged, they have been damaged. They no longer see the world the way they once did. They have been changed. This will affect every relationship they ever have. This will negatively affect the rest of their lives because it has effected who they are. We have had to take our children from their home, their school, and their friends, from everything they have ever known. To run from you. We continue to disrupt their lives because of what you have done. I donít expect you to understand the pain a mother feels experiencing her children being hurt this way. A woman who would imbibe intoxicants during her pregnancies as you did is not really a mother. Your continued drug use around your children also indicates you are neither mature nor compassionate enough to be a mother. Yes, Janel, David has told me much. Your selfish acts injure so many, canít you see that? Or is it that you simply do not care?
Your whim to take David away from us was one of the most horrible, selfish acts ever committed. You hurt David, you hurt our children, you hurt me, you hurt my extended family, you hurt our friendsÖ the damage is honestly immeasurable. You preyed on David, took advantage of him for your own desires, your own advancement. You put yourself and your happiness above all others. Your actions were and are inhuman. Against everything that is decent and moral. Against God. You sacrificed innocent individuals as if we were the fish you pull from the lake for sport. I honestly have never known anyone to be as horrendous, as much of a monster as you are with the exception of a select few from history such as Attila, Hitler, Elizabeth Bathory, Vlad III. You are ugly inside and out, cruel, poisoned, and evil. Not all of your defects are visible from the outside.
Marriage is a covenant before God; do you think He will allow your attempt to destroy a bond He administered to go unpunished?
David never loved you. He was in love with a fantasy. He has told me so. When he found out who you really were he realized he had never loved you. He has informed me repeatedly that he did not and does not love you. When he ended it with you he thought he did still care about you, now he wonders how he could have ever felt that way. I believe his exact words were ďHow could I have been such an idiot?Ē He never loved you, Janel. How could he have? How could a decent man love a woman who would sacrifice her children as well as his for her own gratification? (You said you thought he was going to buy you a house. Wow, you really showed your true colors then! We both laughed at that one, but then weíve had a few good laughs about you.) He considers you a huge mistake, little tarnished Penny. He regrets every minute he spent with you. He regrets ever knowing you. He said he has no good memories of you and he wishes he had no memories of you at all.
David loves me. He has never stopped loving me. All the while he was with you he loved me. He tried to convince himself he didnít but he ultimately realized just how much he does love me and that he couldnít live without me. You couldnít change that. You are not woman enough to overcome a true love. You certainly damaged it though. David is in constant pain because he feels so remorseful about the sorrow he has caused me. You have caused a decent man to feel guilt and shame that in all probability he will carry with him always.
You hurt David more than I ever could have by making him betray himself. Can you understand that? Have you ever known a truly decent man with principles and standards? David was that kind of man until you tricked him into thinking that was the wrong way to be. You made him turn his back on ways he had always believed in. Made him turn his back on how he was raised. Honorable men do NOT leave their wives and children. He threw away his very soulÖ just to fuck a dirty, little, deformed whore. A piece of local Parishville trash.
You will always be part of my life. I will carry you with me forever. David seems to be able to readily forget you but I cannot. I will always wish you ill. Hope that you are truly unhappy and unfulfilled. Pray that what you have done comes back to you, that someday some whore causes you the kind of pain you have caused us. You are my one acrimony. The one impure spot upon my soul. I hate just one person in this world and that person is you. I did not know I was capable of hate this intense, this deep. When I was four years old, I was molested, that caused me 35 years of pain. When I was thirteen I was raped (Iím sure you can relate to that). When I was sixteen my mother held a loaded gun to my head. Yet, you, Janel, have hurt me more than all of these acts combined. You have caused me the utmost torture of my life. Additionally, you did something far worse; you hurt David, a good man, and my children, genuinely innocent, pure hearted people who never did anything to you. How can you live with yourself? You are an abomination, an anathema to all that is decent. I hate you. I curse you. I damn you.
David and I are still together, still very much in love. I can't say it hasn't been hard! Somehow I thought if he just came home and loved me again, the pain would go away. I was sooooo wrong. The pain is still here, everyday. We have left Potsdam and moved far away. Away from the shame, away from the constant reminders and away from that slut. The Whore continues to try to contact David. She has been harrassing my mother who is an elderly woman in poor health. David has told me much about the Whore. She is truly an evil person. She is desperate and sick beyond belief. I hope someday she will be out of our lives forever. I pray she never has the chance to destroy people and their lives again.
We have moved yet again. Same general area but we never stay in one house long enough to feel like it is home. I miss my home in Potsdam. I miss my camp on the lake, I miss my gardens, I miss my mother. I miss having a family that isn't broken. I miss having a husband that was always true to me. Most days I wish I could turn back time. Happy, Janel? Look what you have done. Two years later and you are still with me every bloody day. God, how I hate you.
Still alive. Still feel weird though. Still have nightmares on occasion. Still waiting for David to leave again.
My Mom just sold her house and left Northern NY to go live with my sister. She couldn't manage without us there. The damage goes on and on... I wonder if it can ever end. The kids have been affected for life.
I have heard that Janel Bump has taken a new lover at Northern Music and Video. He is also a married man and I believe he and his wife have 4 children. Another notch on her belt. Another family destroyed. I doubt this will be her last one. She is a monster. She feeds her needs with the blood of innocent children. Enjoys sacrificing them.
I want to be more than my hate for her. Maybe someday. But I can never forget.
It looks like I will be returning to Potsdam. It will be just Prudence, Emerson, Belly and I. It's going to be hard but I see no other choice. I have no marriage. David does not love me. I prefer to be alone than to be with someone who stays with me out of pity or habit. I will try to go back to college next year.
David and I are still together and things are starting to feel good, more relaxed and comfortable. He wasn't himself for such a very long time. I'm hoping this year will be the start of a better period.
As for the Whore, I have heard she has destroyed another family. Someday... It is said revenge is a dish best served cold...
|Links every good Democrat will enjoy:|
|People for the American Way|
|Environmental Defense Fund|
|Million Mom March: To prevent gun violence|
|PAX: Real solutions to gun violence|
|Americans United for Separation of Church and State|
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|My wooden gravestones|
|I earned $200.00 in gift certificates in 2001 from Milesource! It's free and easy, just takes a few clicks each day. There are even games you can win miles for playing! Click the link below to join and use me, elleniam, as your referrer. Please use me as your referrer, I only have two referrals :).|
|This is Belly (short for JingleBells). She is in charge of our household!|
|My kid's soccer trophies.|