I grew up in a small town in upstate New York. I had a wonderful home, loving, supportive parents, and a great little sister. I enjoyed school, excelled in academics, and was very involved in the music program. I was in the band (I began playing trumpet the summer after fourth grade), was in the chorus (since grade 5), and participated in the musicals each year (get a clue!), first as a theater "techie" then as a performer. I always disliked sports but passed gym because I tried and had a good attitude.

I always knew I was different and avoided dating like the plague in high school and in college (don't you know THAT raised some eyebrows). By the time I graduated from college (SUNY Brockport) I was ready to move on. I moved to Bloomington, Indiana and began graduate school at Indiana University in the chemistry program. I found a group of friends and, in general, things went well, especially since graduate students do not do much besides study and work in the lab! As I was finishing up my dissertation, I finally had my first "boyfriend." A few months after we met, I moved away to Durham, NC, to begin yet another phase of my life.

As I started my new job at Research Triangle Institute as a Research Analytical Chemist, I was determined to become myself and really began reaching out into the "community." I met a wonderful man who was a professor of Social Work at NC State. He had just moved out of his house (he was married) leaving his two children (a girl, 4, and a boy, 7). We became friends and in time, partners. With him I made many connections in the community and finally felt comfortable. We were together for over 10 years until he died of AIDS in 1995. By some miracle, I was spared. His last days were at Duke Medical Center, Durham, NC. It was at that point that I became very close with his parents. Funny how such an illness can serve to bring people together!

Watching Toby get progressively more ill and then die really caused me to carefully evaluate my life. I began to search for a greater spiritual component to my life. I was not sure how to pursue it, but my religion of science suddenly left me hungry. I finally left the grieving and moved on with my life. I began making new friends and joined the Triangle Gay Men's Chorus. I was tired of hiding in the closet and grew increasingly tired of the anti-gay bigotry. I felt a new comfort with being more "out there".

It was in the Chorus that I met Evan (see How we Met). As fate would have it, he too had been married (with two children) and had recently moved out. He was also a minister. I could relate to his love for his family and he provided an opportunity for me to explore my spiritual side. He is a very loving man and gave me the space I needed to come to God in my own time and my own way. It was such a gentle process, not at all harsh as I had experienced from many of the "Bible thumpers" I had encountered in my past and who had turned me away from religion. It turns out that God and Jesus have very little to do with "religion" - but that's another story. We became great friends, fell in love and, after nearly four years, committed our lives to each other and celebrated our Holy Union on April 24th, 1999.

There you have it. This is only the beginning. Our relationship continues to grow. Our relationship through Christ continues to deepen as well.

I hope that you have enjoyed my story and are encouraged or strengthened in some way. I am convinced that there is hope and I know that some very good things are yet to come.