Max and 99 are at it again! Who is this man named Schlepp? What is Operation Tellall? Is there really such thing as a good part of Skid Row? Read and find out! The Schlepp Shop Fiasco "Larabee!" The Chief roared. "Have you called his shoephone?" "Yes sir, I did." "Well?" "He didn't pick up. I also tried 99's compact phone. No response there, either." "Well, they are going to be in serious trouble when they get here. Tell them to come to my office immediately when they decide to show up." "Yes sir, will do." A few minutes later, the Smarts walked in with big smiles plastered on both of their faces. Larabee got up to greet them. "Morning Max, 99. You guys are in for it with the Chief. He wants you to report immediately. Anyways, what are you two so happy about?" Max and 99 looked at each other, and 99 began to giggle. "Oh, uh, nothing." Max replied. As they headed towards the inner offices, Larabee shouted out "Say Max! Your pants are--" "Not now Larabee. Gotta go." "But Max--" "No buts Larabee. Tell me later." "OK Max. Huh. Now I know why they're so happy..." He thought to himself. Max and 99 walked into the Chief's office. He had a huge pile or paperwork in front of him, and didn't even bother to look up when they walked in. "Uh, hi Chief." Max said uneasily. "You two are 20 minutes late." "Yes, but I can explain that Chief." "Really. Go ahead and it better be good." "Yes. Uh you see, I was having car trouble, and I " The Chief cut him off. "Why didn't you phone in?" "Huh?" "Why didn't you call and let us know?" "Oh. Well, yes..." His voice trailed off. "Why didn't I phone in, 99?" He whispered. The Chief finally looked up at them. Suddenly, he wished he didn't. "Well, why didn't you? ... Max! Your pants!" "No, I'm Max." "No...Max..." The Chief didn't know how to approach this. "Do you realize your pants are inside out??" 99 and Max glanced at his pants. 99 turned pale, then a deep crimson. "It's not what it looks like. Max does this kind of thing all the time...just another dumb mistake, that's all..." The Chief thought to himself. "Oh, uh my pants? Well you see Chief, 99 has this great way of saying good morning " 99 let out a gasp and shot a fleeting glance at the Chief. She immediately dropped her eyes to the ground, and couldn't bear to look at either of them. "This is not happening..." The Chief desperately tried to convince himself. He quickly tried to end the awkward moment. "Forget! Just forget the whole thing! I'll let it go this time, but don't be late again! We're just going to put this episode behind us, ok? Like it never happened. I'll give you two a few minutes to compose yourselves, and then I want you to come in here and get your assignment. Ok? Go." "Thank you Chief. Be back soon." Max grabbed 99's hand and began leading her out of the room. The Chief began rubbing his temples. He had never felt so uncomfortable in his life. Suddenly, he remembered something. "Max! One more thing!" "Yes, Chief?" "Fix your pants." He mumbled. Max let out a nervous laugh. "Uh, sure. I don't like the inside out look too much myself." The Chief reached for a bottle of aspirin. They exited and headed straight for Max's office. He shut the door, and searched for something to say, but came up with nothing. Finally 99 broke the silence. "Max, I've never been so humiliated in my life!" Max gently patted her hand. "No, I don't think you have." 99 rolled her eyes. "Gee, thanks Max. That sure helped." "Hey, at least you have your clothes on the right way! I've been parading around the office with my pants inside out! I should be more humiliated than you!" 99 couldn't help but laugh. She had to admit, things could have been worse. He took her hand and continued. "Look at the bright side." "There's a bright side?" "Well, at least people know how much we love each other, right?" "Yeah. Every morning." Now it was Max's turn to laugh. "Forget about it 99. The sooner we get our assignment, the sooner we can leave, right?" "Yeah, I guess." She muttered. "Are you ready to go back in there?" 99 let out a sigh. "I suppose. But first I think should put your pants on correctly." "Good thinking 99!" Max changed, and they ventured into the Chief's office once again. Max cleared his throat. "So Chief, what's our new assignment?" The Chief avoided eye contact with them. "You have been assigned to protect a Kaos defector who is willing to sell us info on Kaos' next operation." "And what would that be, Chief?" 99 inquired. "It's called Operation Tellall." "Operation Tellall?" "Yes. Kaos plans to make all politicians in America tell the truth. This will prevent their election to office, and the nation will be thrown into a perpetual state of anarchy, allowing Kaos to come in and take over." "But how could they possibly make politicians tell the truth?" "I know 99, it sounds impossible, but those twisted genius's at Kaos have found a way to do it. We don't know how; that's what the defector will tell us. Until then, Kaos will stop at nothing to prevent him from giving us this information. That's why I've assigned you two to protect him. However, this case will require your full attention...so I'm not so sure you two should handle this case." "What are you talking about? We can give our full attention!" Max argued. "Yes, I know, to each other, but not the case." "Very funny Chief. You know we'll act completely professional." "Max, you've never acted completely professional. Now listen carefully: You're to pick up the defector, Mr. Schlepp, from the airport in one hour. Meet him at gate 524. He'll come to you and recite this month's password. When you're sure it's him, I want you to take him directly to your apartment. This evening, we'll get the money he's requested for the info. I want you to bring him back here at 5 o'clock so he can get his money, and we can get our information. Got all that?" "Yes, Chief. Except for one thing." "Let me guess. Everything after listen carefully.' " Max shot him a strange look. "No, just the gate number. How could I forget everything after Listen carefully'? Do you take me for a perfect idiot?" "Nobody's perfect, Max. See you two later." Max shrugged his shoulders. He took 99 by the hand and they walked to their car. "That wasn't too bad." She mumbled. "See, I told you everything would be fine. Now we can leave." They arrived at the airport 20 minutes later, and made their way to gate 524. "Take a seat, 99. I'll see if the plane is scheduled to arrive on time." "Ok, Max." 99 sat down and stared out a window, still reflecting on the morning's events. A few minutes later, Max returned. "Bad news 99. The plane received a bomb threat this morning. It's been delayed an hour." "That's horrible Max!" "Yes I know. We're going to be stranded here for almost 2 hours." "No, I meant that Mr. Schlepp hasn't even arrived and there are already threats on his life!" "Oh, well that too. Well, why don't we get some breakfast. It'll pass the time." "Sounds good Max. I am pretty hungry." "No, you're pretty 99." 99 rolled her eyes. "Let's go." They shared a quick breakfast at a coffee shop and began walking around. "99...I'm bored!" Max whined. "We still have an hour and half to kill!" "Well, there's nothing to do at the airport. We'll just have to wait it out." "I can think of something to do..." Max flashed her a broad smile. "Really?" 99 draped her arms around him. "What exactly do you have in mind, Mr. Smart?" she cooed into his ear. "That's right...let's go to the gift shop! I've always wanted to get one of those neat model planes!" 99 let out a disappointed sigh. "Ok, Max." They walked into the gift shop, and Max ran around like a little boy. "Look 99! Bomber jackets! Oh, and there's the model plane I want!" 99 was still determined to get what she originally wanted. She gently took the model plane from his hands and gave him a deep kiss. "Are you sure there's nothing else you'd rather do?" she purred. Max answered her with a kiss. After a few minutes, the shopkeeper was forced to interrupt. "Hey! Sir, kindly remove your tongue from the lady's mouth. There are kids in here, you know." "The children! For the love of God, think of the children!" One lady exclaimed. "Let's go Ned, we have to pick up Reverend." Her husband answered with an enthusiastic "Okily dokily!" "Get a room!" some else added. Neither Max nor 99 cared. They simply stepped outside the shop and continued their make out session. A man in a trench coat stood beside them. "In London, April's a spring month." He casually remarked. 99 broke their kiss long enough to say, "When are we going home?" Max smiled, but murmured, "99...we can't...Schlepp's gonna be there...Oh my God, I completely forgot! What times is it?" 99 looked at her watch. "It's 10:30. He should have arrived by now!" The man next to them repeated his original statement, but louder this time, and directly addressing them. "In London, April's a spring month." "But in St. Petersburg we're freezing our butt's off!" Max exclaimed. "Schlepp?" The man nodded. "89 and 69?" "I wish..." Max said while looking at 99. She smiled seductively at him. "Uh...yeah. I hate to interrupt, but am I gonna stand here and watch you two make bedroom eyes at each other?" Schlepp quipped as he watched what happened in disbelief. "You two are supposed to be Control's top agents? You're more interested in each other then the information I'm here to give you!" "Well, we just got married, so you know how those things go. We really got in trouble for it earlier when--" 99 cut him off. "You're right, Mr. Schlepp. I apologize for our behavior. I'm 99, and this is my partner, 86." The man was silent. "What was wrong with this 89 guy? He thought to himself. He started rubbing the corner of his mouth with his pinky, and mumbled, "Riiight. Well, this is going to be an interesting day." "Eh, yes. My car is out front. Shall we?" Max motioned toward the exit. "Sure. Where are going?" "To our apartment, Mr. Schlepp." 99 happily chimed in. "You'll be the safest there." "Yeah. Same for you and your hubby. At least you won't get kicked outta there for indecent behavior." "Hey, what are you talking about?" Max demanded. "I'm talking about your little escapade at the gift shop." "I asked you not to tell me that!" "Actually, you didn't." "Didn't what?" "Ask me not to tell you that." "Ok. Don't tell me that." "Tell you what?" "What you asked me not to tell you." "No, you asked me not to tell you that." "What!?" "Uh, boys, lets go." 99 didn't think things could be anymore confusing when she and Max spoke...now she knew they could. The trio walked to Max's car. "Shall I drive so you and 69 can have the back seat?" Schlepp said with an amused expression. "Very funny Schlepp. And it's 99, not 69. My friend Buck suggested I use that number, but I knew the Chief wouldn't let me use it." Max opened the door for 99, then walked over to the driver's side and let Schlepp in the back. After everyone buckled up, Max started the car and headed home. After making sure no Kaos agents had followed them home, they entered their apartment. Schlepp walked over to the couch and looked around. "Say, nice setup you two have here." "Thanks, Schlepp, but let me warn you, don't push --" Schlepp noticed a button on the couch. "What does this thing do?" He said as he pushed it. "-- any buttons." Max finished dejectedly as the cargo net fell from the ceiling. Schlepp calmly looked at the net and stated: "Listen, I know you guys are newly weds, but could you keep this kind of stuff to a minimum until I leave?" Max took a step toward Schlepp, but 99 stopped him. "When are you going to tell us about Operation Tellall?" "Obviously, when I get paid, that's when. Hey, 89. You mind making me a drink?" Max loosened his tie and walked towards the bar. "Not at all." He said through gritted teeth. He didn't like the way he responded to 99's question. Max handed Schlepp his drink. "Thanks 89." "Listen, just call me Max." "Sure thing buddy. Well, we got the rest of the day ahead of us. What do we do til tonight?" "There's nothing we can do. We have orders to stay here." Schlepp sighed and sat down in an armchair. The chair was olive green and had bright orange and lime green flowers on it. "What's a cheap chair like this doing in this snazzy place?" "Hey! You leave our furniture alone!" Max paused. "Hey, 99, he's right. What is that cheap chair doing here? We never had that...did you buy it?" "No! This is the first time I've seen it too! I looked at it and figured you must have bought it." "Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Suddenly, the arm rests wrapped around Schlepp and he was lifted from the ground. "99! That's no ordinary armchair!" "It isn't?" 99 replied in mock wonderment. "No! Can't you see! That's a Kaos armchair!" A muffled voice came from the cushion, which now stood a full six feet tall. "Yes, dumkoff! It is I, Siegfried!" Max was shocked. "You mean to tell me that you've been in that chair ever since we bought it?" 99 rolled her eyes. "Max, we never bought a chair that hideous, remember?" 99 told him softly. "Quiet cutie, I heard that. Zis is a special chair soot I picked up at ze Kaos laboratory. I've been here since zis morning...and what a pleasant morning you two had, I might add." "Drop him Siegfried, I've got you covered!" 99 had her red Smith and Wesson trained on him. "I said drop him!" When Siegfried gave no reply, she fired at his arms. "Ha! I'm sorry, NineteeNein, but your bullets cannot penetrate zis cushion!" "The old Siegfried in the bullet proof cushion trick, huh?" Max smugly remarked. "Vell, technically. It's not actually bullet proof, but zis cushion is made out of von hundred percent polyester unt rayon. Just as good as bulletproof material." "Ok, fine. The old Siegfried in the von hundred percent polyester unt rayon combination cushion trick, huh?" "Ok. That's better. Now I'm going to take Slepp--" "It's Schlepp, not Slepp." The captive man mumbled. "Shtupid! That's vat I said! Slepp! Now, you are coming vith me back to Kaos, and neither of you can stop me!" Siegfried tried to run out of the room, but ran into the front door. "Slepp, give me a hand, vill you?" "Sure buddy." Schlepp started clapping. "You ninny! I mean open the door!" "Oh, well, why didn't you say so?" Schlepp promptly opened the door, and they disappeared. Max and 99 ran after them. They frantically searched for Siegfried, but not one piece of furniture was around. 99 sighed. "Well, we'd better call the Chief, Max. After this morning's embarrassing incident, I'm sure he'll be more than thrilled to learn we messed up again." "Don't worry about it, 99. I'll just explain what happened. He'll understand." Max took off his shoe, rang up Control, and told the Chief what happened. "What?! Siegfried has him!?" "Yes, Chief. 99 and--" "Max, there's no time! I want both of you to get down here immediately!" "Yes, sir. Goodbye." "Well?" 99 inquired expectantly. "Is he furious?" "No, he sounds more concerned than furious...but I'm sure the furious part will come later. We gotta get down there, 99." "Right Max. I'll get the car." A few seconds later, 99 pulled up and Max hopped into the car. They arrived at Control a short time later. As soon as the Smarts entered Control, Larabee instructed them to go straight to the Chief's office. "Deja vu, huh Max?" Max looked at his pants. "I certainly hope not!" The Chief was speaking frantically into his steer phone. "Yes, Mr. President. Oh no, Mr. President. Yes, I understand completely. Kaos will be stopped. No, sir, we will not allow politicians to tell the truth. Yes, I understand that's un-American. Yes, 86 is on it, and so well, with all due respect sir, I'd say that was uncalled for. Uh huh. 99 is on it too oh, be careful sir, she is a married woman. Yes, I see. Goodbye." The Chief put the phone down and looked up at his two best agents. "Max, 99, we need this defector back. Why, if Kaos isn't stopped, it could mean the " "End of the free world as we know it?" Max quipped. 99 saw an argument coming on, so she quickly jumped in. "Yes, sir, we know. We tried to tail Siegfried, but it seemed like he vanished into thin air." Max added his two cents. "I wonder why they call it thin air, as opposed to heavy air, or maybe obese air..." 99 and the Chief looked briefly at Max, then each other, and continued talking. "Listen, I want you two to stay here for the time being. We have other agents working on the whereabouts of Schlepp. If anything significant happens, I need to be able to reach you quickly." "No problem Chief. Keep us posted." "...or how about chunky air? No, that ones not to good. But I think heavy set air just might do it." The Chief looked like he was going to cry. "Max, get out." The Chief reached for his bottle of aspirin for the umpteenth time. "Gee Chief. If you take any more aspirin, I'm afraid I'm going to have to send to you rehab. Besides, narcotics, I understand, but aspirin, Chief? Now that's just pathetic." "OUT!" The Chief roared. "See, 99, he's already going through withdrawal." Max commented as 99 quickly led him out the door and into his office. Seconds became minutes, minutes became hours, and still no break on the whereabouts of Schlepp. 99 watched Max as he spun around in circles in his office chair. She threw a wadded up piece of paper at him. "Aren't you getting dizzy?" Max stopped spinning to bend over and pick up the wad of paper. "When a man's bored, he's bored. I'm just so tired of waiting around and doing nothing." As he leaned over, something caught his eye. "Anyways, I " He stopped speaking. "You what?" "I think I just found out where Schlepp is." "What? But how?" Max read from a tattered piece of paper he had found by his wastebasket. "Schlepp's Discount Furniture Store You can't settle for anything less, because there's nothing worse. Conveniently located in the good part of Skid Row, visit today." "Discount Furniture? Max, the chair Siegfried was in was made of polyester and rayon...do you think there's a connection?" "I'm not sure, 99. But if there is, then Schlepp might be lying about Operation Tellall. We've got to let the Chief know about this." "Right Max. We're lucky you found that ad, huh?" "I didn't find it, 99. I knew about it the whole time." 99 raised her eyebrow. "Then why did you wait so long to share it with us?" "Eh...Well, being the superior agent that I am, I decided to wait for the perfect moment to release the information which I've guarded for quite some time now. A mere psychological tactic to raise the morale off of the team." 99 wasn't sure if his speech made any more sense to him than it did to her. "Uh-huh. Let's go, Max." 99 left his office, and Max followed suit. They entered the Chief's office, and Max slammed the ad onto the Chief's desk--knocking over the by now all too familiar bottle of aspirin. "Eh, would you like me to get you a glass of water for your aspirin, Chief?" The Chief looked at Max with sad and desperate eyes. "Uh, Chief, we think that Schlepp may have been lying about Operation Tellall. The ad that Max...placed on your desk made us question his credibility." The Chief looked down at the ad. "Schlepp's Discount Furniture? What's so suspicious about that?" Max was determined to retain on shred of dignity. "Chief, Siegfried was disguised as a hideous olive green armchair with orange and lime green flowers on it, not to mention that it was made out of polyester and rayon! The chair probably belonged to the Discount Furniture shop, which makes it a Kaos front!" "Very good, Max...you may be right. Listen, I want you two to go down there and investigate. Report back and tell me what you find." "Right Chief. After you, 99." As 99 and Max exited Control and got into their car, a realization dawned on Max. "99? We don't know where the good part of Skid Row is." "What?" "The good part of Skid Row. That's where the ad said Schlepp's shop was." "Oh, right. Well, I don't know. Is there even such thing as a good' part of Skid Row?" "I don't know, 99. We'll stop at a gas station and ask." "A gas station?" "Well, yes 99. Who else are we going to ask? The Chief?" Max paused. "Actually, he might know." "Really. What makes you say that?" Well that's probably where he gets his supply of aspirin. The bad part is where you get the harder stuff. Did you see the way he went through those pills today? I'm telling you, the man's addicted." "Right...somehow I doubt that. I think I'll take my chances with someone else." "If you insist, 99." They got in the car, drove down the block, and pulled over when they spotted a man standing on the street corner. "Uh, excuse me sir." Max began. "I was wondering if you knew where the good part of Skid Row is." The man shot Max a look and burst into laughter. "Good part of Skid Row?" He managed to say while gasping for breath. "Good...part...ahahaha!!" This continued for a good 5 minutes. Max, growing more and more impatient, finally interrupted the man's laugh fest. "Listen, buddy. If there isn't a good part of Skid Row, just say so!" The man stopped laughing. "Sure there is. It's just west of Alvero Street, but ends at 3rd." "See, now if you had just told me that in the beginning..." Max did a double take, then quickly drove off. "Ok. West of Alvero street, but ends at 3rd. Keep an eye out for the shop, 99." "Right Max." A few minutes later, 99 spotted it. "There it is, Max." "Where?" "Over there, in between the High Times Head Shop and the and the Gentlemen's Follies Club. And this is the good part of Skid Row." "Well, 99, as Shakespeare once said: Skid Row is Skid Row is Skid Row, and don't count it before it hatches.' Think about that." "Max, Shakespeare didn't say that." "How do you know?" "Don't you remember when I won the trivia contest down at Control?" "Oh yeah, and they named you the resident Shakespeare expert." Max got out of the car and went around to open 99's door. "Ok, so maybe he didn't say exactly that, but something along the lines of that. I am paraphrasing, you know." "Max, the shop is closed." "So? We'll just pick the lock." "But what if there's an alarm?" "An alarm? This is Skid Row! Come on now." "Gee, you're right Max. How foolish of me. In such a good neighborhood like this, who needs an alarm?" Max bent over the lock and unsuccessfully tried to pick the lock. He let out an angry sigh. "What kind of sophisticated lock do they have on this thing?!" 99 was thoroughly amused with the situation. "A lock? This is Skid Row! Come on now." She reached over and turned the handle. The door opened. "It's unlocked." She finished with a smug expression. Max looked in disbelief first at the door, then 99. "I knew that, 99. I was waiting to see how long it took you to catch on. And it took quite a while, I might add." 99 rolled her eyes and walked into the shop. All the lights were off, and it nothing was visible. "Max." she whispered. "Max, I'm scared. What if this is a trap? Max...Max?" "Trap is such a strong word." The lights were turned on all at once. Schlepp was standing in the middle of the room with a gun in his hand. "Yes, I prefer ambush myself." Siegfried chimed in, who was standing right behind him. "Shtarker!" Shtarker took a step forward, holding Max at gunpoint. "Max!" 99 screamed. "I don't understand! How could you have gotten to him first? He was behind me!" "You're right, NineteeNein. By all accounts, it doesn't make sense." Shtarker replied. "Of course not, you ninny! Zis is Kaos, ve don't make sense here!" Siegfried paused. "Hey...vait a minute..." "So Operation Tellall is a scam." Max questioned. "Oh no, Mr. Smart. There is an Operation Tellall. But first I needed to get you two out of the picture. You two have ruined one too many of Kaos' plans. And now, I will kill you, and at long last get Operation Tellall underway." Schlepp pointed his gun at 99. "This is really quite unfortunate. I really like you, you know." 99 closed her eyes and said a silent prayer. The sound of metal hitting the ground startled her. She opened her eyes and saw a chair and a love seat pointing guns at the Kaos trio. "Ok everyone, get in the corner!" A muffled voice escaped from the love seat. "Larabee!" The chair turned around. "Take them downtown." "Right Chief." Larabee grabbed Max. "Larabee, take the cushion off your face." The Chief sighed. "Oh right." Larabee promptly took the cushion off. "Sorry about that Ch--" "Don't even say it..." "Oh right. Sorry about that Ch--" "LARABEE!!" Larabee rounded up the trio and headed them out. 99 ran over to Max. "Are you all right?" She wrapped her arms around him and ran her fingers through his hair. Max grinned, put an arm around her waist, and pulled her close. "I am now!" He gave her a passionate kiss. The Chief sighed. "Yes Chief. Thank you for saving our lives. Oh no problem kids, anytime." He answered himself. When Max and 99 finally broke their kiss, they looked at the Chief. "Thanks for saving our lives, Chief." "Yes, thank you. But how did you know about the trap?" 99 added. "Well, when you showed me the ad, I became very suspicious myself. Larabee and I followed you down here. I had sinking suspicion that this was a trap, and you know I wouldn't send out my two best agents down here alone." "I wonder why they call it sinking suspicion, as opposed to floating suspicion..." "Chief, do you happen to have any aspirin on you?" "99, there's not enough aspirin in the world to get rid of the migraine I feel coming on." "...Or how about hovering suspicion? Yeah, that sounds good. Or wait, how about hanging suspicion...nah. Suspended suspicion maybe?" The End