I lost a husband a few years back,
and watching him die, was a nightmare. The
"waiting" is torment, you pray all you
can, make good confessions, and still they don't
recover. It was a turning point for me in my
faith, It taught me trust in my God. I went
through all the same things as you did when faced
with the finality of death, and the torment was
so intense, I did not think I could make one more
day. Then once again the Lord would come through.
I
was sitting one such night, Jeffery (my late
husband) was asleep on the sofa, very sick from
the round of Chemo he had that day, and I knew it
wasn't working, they were trying to buy him a
couple more years if they could, he had Melanoma.
He was getting worse not better. I could see it
for myself, no one had to tell me. We were
staying at his cousins house in Atlanta, we are
from south Georgia. So it helped us to save on
Hotel bills when we could stay with them.
Well
so you will understand the magnitude of of the
story I am about to share I need to tell you
first that his cousin disliked TBN, for reasons
of his own. So he didn't watch any of their
programming at all, I personally love to watch TD
Jakes program and a few others as well.
Well
there I was, I had lost my peace. So I sat there
in my grief, praying, telling the Lord I had lost
my peace, and I know that he could raise Jeffery
up if He just would, and heal him completely.
Well, after grumbling to the Lord a while,
sobbing a while, and walking the floor, I decided
to just get my mind off it and escape reality a
while and watch some TV. So I found the remote
flipped it on and guess what came on? You betcha!
TBN!!
Apparently
it was a re-run. I could tell, by the style of
clothes the people were wearing, it was a few
years back. And there sat this man pouring out
this story, It seemed his son was a wonderful
kid, just graduated from high school was going to
be a minister or something like that, at a
Christian college, He was captain of his ball
team, very well loved by the other students, and
a Strong Christian.
Well,
their house caught fire and the boy died in it.
The father was telling how it looked like the
whole school turned out for the funeral, and
there he was in his grief. He said after a few
days when all the well wish-ers were gone and
there he and his wife were all alone just them
and God all wrapped up in bitterness, that such a
loving God would allow this to happen to their
son. He had everything going for him he was smart
about to step into his life and this tragedy
happens, he said all of a sudden he remembered
something.
A
fellow teacher coming through the receiving line
at the funeral and giving him this word. She said
I was up all night praying for you and I don't
claim to be a prophetess but I believe this word
is for you and she told him the scripture the
Lord brought to her heart:
Isaiah 57:1 The righteous
perish,
and no one ponders it in his
heart;
devout men are taken away,
and no one understands
that the righteous are taken away
to be spared from evil. (NIV)
Well, when he
said that it pierced my heart. All I could do was
cry. I Knew I had just received a word from MY
God. None of this was coincidence. And I knew He
was going to take Jeffery to save him from
something worse down the road. He died exactly a
month later.
God is
concerned with what concerns us, He is a
compassionate God, and when our heart breaks so
does His. I will never forget this as long as I
live, and He reminds me of it from time to time
when the road looks to dark and bleak and I feel
like I can't go on, He does care. And does know
the end from the beginning and He is watching
over me.
When I go
through all these emotions, it's okay. He is
still in control and He sees the big picture!
One of the
hardest things to understand, is how God is still
in control in the midst of great loss. Whether it
be a death, a financial catastrophe, extreme
health problems, whatever. Our first question is
where is God. It is hard to know he is really
there, unless we have planted the word in our
hearts. The bible says out of the abundance of
the heart, the mouth speaks. So if the biggest
thing we have in our heart is fear, doubt, and
unbelief, of course we will question the presence
and wisdom of God. It is very important for us to
keep our hearts full of the word of God, so that
when, NOT IF, trouble comes we will be prepared
spiritually. Trouble does not negate the word,
and promises, and blessings of God in our life.
Unbelief does. I had my heart set toward the
word, and toward God, during this time in my
life, and because of it, I was able to hear the
voice of the Lord, preparing me for what was to
come. It gave me tremendous peace, knowing that
my God was right there during it all, walking me
through, carrying me at times, and speaking in
that still small voice, letting me know he was
there.
It is easier to
look at the fear, and look at the doubt, and we
want to blame someone when trouble comes. All to
often we blame God. The bible says, that Satan
came to steal, to kill, and destroy, and we are
in this world. We aren't of it but we are in it.
Death will come to us all. Somehow we always
think it is not the right time for all of our
loved ones. We don't want to let them go. So we
go back to blaming God. When often times God is
sparing them from a worse evil down the road. The
righteous are taken away and no one ponders it to
heart. We don't try to see things through our
spiritual eyes, and trust God sees the big
picture.
The more we
have the word in us, the more our faith controls
our circumstances, and our attitudes to our pain.
We have to focus on faith, not doubt, and
unbelief. That is where our victory lives. I hope
this helped, and maybe gave you some hope you
didn't have before. God really does care, he
really is right there with you. We just need to
tune in to him.
