12.08.05
On the 25th anniversary of the assassination of John Lennon at the hands of that Catcher in the Rye-toting madman Mark David Chapman, I am subjected to the theological jingoism of Pat Benatar's new oral-bowel-movement, "Christmas in America." The song is clearly nothing more than an attempt to bank on an unprecedented mixture of the sentimentality of the season coupled with the hyperpatriotic atmosphere fostered by Republican America.
I was unfortunate enough to catch this country-themed aural felony at work today, and was at first just merely annoyed by the undercurrent of national alienation clearly expressed through the lyrics. With lines like "It's Christmas in America / God bless the USA," it's no wonder that so many other nations find us so intolerably arrogant and self-important. With global representation like this, we are intolerably arrogant and self-important.
But what I find truly offensive about this song is the blatantly aggressive theocratic sentiment it demonstrates; Benatar spits in the face of the church/state separation with lines like, "One nation under God / And that will never change." The lyric virtually calls to arms the superstitious believers of religion against the overwhelming reason and logic of science. America will never even be capable of greatness until it can rid itself of this virus called Religion, and this song serves only to stir the passions of Western mysticism (primarily Christianity).
Additionally, the idea that the religious strangehold on this nation "will never change" comes off sounding like an ultimatum to the rational people of America. One might even think that Benatar is telling those of us with a modicum of logical thought that even trying to fix this atrocious social condition is a waste of time, because any such efforts are bound to be an abject failure.
Is it not Christmas in other nations as well? And are there not other holidays being celebrated at the end of December in America? Hanukkah runs from sunset on December 25th to sunset on January 2nd, and Kwanzaa runs from December 26th to January 1st; are these holidays any less important to our cultural fabric? I am admittedly not as informed on historical matters as I would like to be, but I was under the (perhaps mistaken) impression that America was a nation built foremost on religious freedom and equality.
Of course I'm being facetious when I regurgitate this middle-school rhetoric; everyone knows that America was built on the prospect of "free" land that had only to be stolen from the people who lived there after those people were murdered by the 17th Century illegal immigrants from Europe who espoused religious rhetoric from one side of their mouths while using that same religious rhetoric to call for the genocide of the indigenous North American tribes from the other. But I digress.
And please don't remind me that Kwanzaa was invented by Ron Karenga in 1966; I already know that. I also know Christmas was invented by formerly-pagan Roman Emperor Constantine in the 4th Century after he converted to Christianity in an effort to create a common religious festival for both Christians and Pagans that aligned the fictional birth of Jesus with the festivities of the Pagan gods (Sol Invictus for the Romans, Mithra for the Persians) and the celebration of the Winter Solstice. All religious holidays are made-up, because they are all based on made-up religions events; and religious events are made-up because they come from religions, which are in turn inherently made-up. Historically, the man called Jesus wasn't even born in the winter; he would have been born in late Spring or early Autumn. So Kwanzaa is only as fake as Christmas.
But under the oppressive theocratic regime of the Bush/Cheney administration, it seems that Christianity has become the American national religion to the point that the practice of any other faith is tantamount to treason. And don't dare to publicize your opinion if you're an Atheist (or even Agnostic), because, even though you don't believe in Satan, you're going to be accused of serving as His instrument in the downfall of civilized culture.
The same "Merry Christmas" vs. "Happy Holidays" debate flares up every year in November and December, and the same nothing is achieved by it. The city of Boston apparently "set off a furor...when it officially renamed a giant tree erected in a city park a 'holiday tree' instead of a 'Christmas tree'" this season. Donnie Hatt, the Canadian logger who cut the Nova Scotian Spruce said he rather "put it through the chipper" that heard it called "a holiday tree." Naturally, self-important egomaniac Jerry Falwell immediately took up the cause by claiming that "there's been a concerted effort to steal Christmas."
Once again, Mr. Falwell proves his ignorance by opening his mouth; no one is trying to steal Christmas, because that would imply that people who do not have Christmas (or, in this case, celebrate it) are trying to get it. The fact of the matter is that the people who do not have Christmas are trying to stop the Republican machine from forcing them to call their winter-time celebrations by a name in which they don't believe. The people attempting to change the phrase from "Christmas tree" to "holiday tree" are not trying to "steal Christmas," but rather to keep Christmas from invading their lives. They're not trying to steal it; they don't want it in the first place.
When it comes right down to it, the tree actually is a "Christmas tree," because it is only used to celebrate Christmas. Hanukkah doesn't have a tree, nor does Kwanzaa, so calling that tree a "Christmas tree" is not a conflict of interests. Some assimilated Jews in America have taken to putting up a tree, decorating it, and calling it a "Hanukkah bush" in an attempt to reflect both the dominant Christian theme -- which forces Christmas on them -- and their own historical Jewish culture -- the survival of which is becoming increasingly difficult in the face of such overwhelming opposition. Adam Sandler took the right approach to the holiday wars; instead of trying to remove references to "Christmas," he wrote his own "Hanukkah Song" to represent his culture.
I'm sorry, but the fundamental truth of the matter is that, if you're not Christian, you don't celebrate Christmas. You can't celebrate "Christ's Mass" if you don't believe in Jesus; end of story.
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