Hello, my name is Rita, my internet user
name is Tx_Genesis7. I would like to share my story with you. God has brought
me a long way from where I used to be to where I am today! The Wonderful thing is, he wants to do the
same for every precious person that is being abused, he created us to have
a Blessed Life, not an abused one.
I was raised by a very abusive Mother,
and a neglectful Father, my mom abused me emotionally, verbally, and physically,
my dad was not there for me, he never took the full responsibility of a
father, only for making money, that is all he thought he was supposed to
do as a dad!
As you see Jesus comforting this child
on this background, I know he was with me and held me in his loving arms
for many years even though I didn't realize it.
My mother took us to church faithfully,
I am so thankful for that, but I was so afraid of her and my sunday school
teachers, as well as all "Adults". I had been hurt too bad by adults, I
didn't trust any adult in my life. I had three sisters and a brother, they
are the only ones I trusted, and a few friends.
I had no self esteem as a child or as
an adult for many years, I thought my purpose in life was just to do everything
I could to make other people happy and to make them love me. I only
made one friend at a time, I was afraid, and too many kids made fun of
me and called me hurtful names because I was so skinny and shy. and I was
afraid of my school teachers. I made some real bad grades in school because
I was afraid to ask my teachers a question, afraid they would slap me down
on the floor like my mom did when I asked a question. I was to do
as I was told and never ask a question about anything.
I had so much anger, hate, and distrust,
I was too afraid to even talk with my sunday school teacher about what
was going on in my life. I accepted the Lord as my Savior at the age of
12, but I didn't get close to him and grow spiritually like I needed to
because my mom had made me afraid of God. She used to tell me, if I did
anything wrong, he would strike me with a disease or something worse, like
"death".
I met my husband to be at the age of 17,
I fell in love with him immediately, he was the first person that ever
gave me any positive attention and showed me love. We dated three months
and got married, I thought he was my Knight In Shining Armor, come to take
me out of the "hell" I had lived in for so long!
It only took three months into our marriage
for me to meet his other side! I became pregnant with our first son and
had a rough pregnancy, My husband didn't like to being around sick
people, he could not deal with illness. He started drinking alcohol more
and became very abusive to me emotionally, verbally, and physically, he
didn't hit me, but he shoved me across a parking lot or a room in the house
a few times.
I had never seen my mom or dad argue,
they kept their fights behind closed doors. I had not been around anyone
with an alcohol problem, I didn't have any idea how to deal
with this. I did everything I could to try to make him happy and make him
love me again like he did when we first got married, but nothing made a
difference, he became more abusive toward me. Years went by, our
second son was born, still the abuse did not stop, he also abused the children
verbally and emotionally, we could never do anything right in his eyes.
It didn't take long before I learned his entire family was verbally abusive
and very controlling also.
I had many health issues come up over
the years, that just made things worse. I also gained some weight due to
my thyroid gland not producing enough hormone and having a hysterectomy
at a young age, he had a problem with being around fat people, didn't like
fat people. 14 years into our marriage, he started totally rejecting me,
there was no kind of intimacy in our relationship the last 23 years.
I was nothing more than a maid, housekeeper, and cook. He would talk to
me occasionally but not much, all he did was watch tv, eat and go to bed.
This continued for way too many years because I did not love myself enough
to do anything about it.
I know this is long, but bear with me,
the Good part is coming soon!
I allowed this abuse to continue for 36
1/2 years, my health was gone, my mind was almost gone, I was having suicidal
thoughts. I couldn't take anymore, emotionally or verbally, it had
taken it's toll on my health, physically and mentally.
In 1982, I decided to dig deep into God's
Word, I found out he was a loving Father and that he wanted me to
be blessed and happy in my life. He loved me just like I was, fat, sick,
or whatever, he would not reject me or leave me. I began to love
myself for the first time, God thought I was worth loving, so I decided
to love "me". I grew spiritually and saw I was not worthy of anything of
myself, but because God sent his son Jesus to die for me and to cover my
sin, Christ made me worthy of the blessings of God when I accepted him
as my Savior at the age of 12. I learned I needed to give him the Lordship
over my life. I rededicated my life to the Lord, but this time I gave him
Full Lordship over my life.
I was determined more than ever that my
marriage was going to be healed and happy as God desired it to be, I was
trusting God and letting him guide me. Well, I learned that it takes both
partners allowing God to help them or nothing is going to change. After
many years and no improvement in our relationship, I stood up to my husband
and told him I would no longer take his abuse, he either had to get help
for his emotional illness and correct his behavior or I would not stay.
He decided to offer me a divorce. He said he loved me so much he would
give me a divorce because he wanted me to be happy in my life, and since
I could not be happy with him, he would sacrifice our marriage in order
for me to find happiness, he wanted me to find happiness and
for my life to be fulfilled as I desired.
I prayed a lot about this matter and God
gave me total Peace about divorcing my husband. We separated and I filed
for the divorce about six months later. The divorce was finalized
on Jan. 26th. of 1998.
My Ex husband had to give me a little
money monthly and I tried working part time, I had not been able to work
in years due to my health condition. I was doing fairly well, bought me
a mobile home and was happy, it was my haven of "peace".
Well, if you are a christian you know
that when God blesses, the ugly devil pokes his head in and tries to cause
havoc in your life, he don't like it when you trust and serve the Lord!
I had enjoyed living in my mobile home
six months when my health got worse than ever. I had to quit my part-time
job and had to sell my home and have someone take over payments on my car,
I had no money to pay for these things, and the money my Ex husband gave
me was not enough to make it. I didn't know what I was going to do or where
I could stay, I had no place to live.
My Ex husband heard of my plight and called
and offered for me to stay at his house until I could get some help through
disability ssi or social security. I hated the thought of moving back into
his home, but had no other choice at the time, so I moved into his house
in July of 1998. I was asking God, "Why" would I have to stay in his house,
this was as hard as getting the divorce, having to live with him now as
his Ex wife, in his house. WOW! I appreciated his offer of a roof over
my head and food to eat, but was not looking forward to being around him
again. I still loved my husband and it was really hard having to face him
each day over the dinner table as his Ex wife. I didn't understand what
God was doing but I was doing my best to keep the peace with him while
living in his house.
I have a disease called Fibromyalgia,
it is very disabling disease, physically and mentally and is extremely
painful. The medical profession does not know much about it at this time,
there is no treatment for it. I have had it for years but got diagnosed
with it five years ago. It was getting much harder on me, I was not able
to do daily chores or drive a car and etc. I had been in his house about 5 1/2 months
when I had a stroke and that has slowed me down a lot more, the doctor
did an MRI and I found out I have had 8 light strokes, but this was the
first one that was symptomatic. He has to do almost everything for me,
it has been real hard emotionally to deal with being disabled. I
have been in his house now for over two years and still have not been approved
for disability, social security denied me because I had not been able to
work enough the past five years to qualify.
The Good Lord has been working on Terry
and I the past 2 1/2 years I've lived in his home.. He has done great
healing in both of us. He has been kind and loving toward me, He said he
still loves me. We don't always understand God's ways and plans in our
lives, but as his Word say's, All things work for Good to them that love
the Lord. What satan meant for evil, God can and will turn around in your
favor. He is my friend and is there for me now.
Yes, I still have my health problems and
am still overweight, and God has reunited us in marriage. My husband
has learned to love me for who I am, not for what shape body I live
in. We both have our weaknesses and strengths and we're learning more each
day to communicate with each other in a healthy manner. He is now my best
friend and we are so blessed with God as the center of our
life.
I know every abused persons story is similar,
but they don't turn out the same way. I pray that something I shared will
encourage you to go forward with your life and to let God lead you and
don't give up! Love yourself and be good to yourself, make healthy decisions
about your life. God's answer may not come in the way you expect it to,
but I know his way is Best for us!
Prayer Request is Private!
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I thank Geocities.com
for making this site possible!
