EPISODE TWENTY – WALK THIS WAY

INT. DARK WAREHOUSE

A load of dark, sleazy types are surrounding a lawyer type with a file. He turns around, holding up a photo of Remington.

Lawyer: And for Mr Remington, I repeat. A grand total of $10,000. And our final lot…

He puts down the photo of Remington and picks up another one.

Lawyer: The most dangerous one of all. He’s a true monster, gleefully killing wherever he goes. Taking pleasure in other people’s pain, an example of everything that is wrong and degrading within our society!

He holds up a photo of Valentine, smiling.

EXT. SUNNY DAY

There is Valentine, smiling wide and goofily, like in the photo. Elli and Mei are in attendance.

Valentine: Who’s for ice cream?

INT. DARK WAREHOUSE

Lawyer: Bring him to us. $20,000. Dead or alive. But preferably dead.

TITLE CARD – WALK THIS WAY

EXT. SUNNY DAY

Valentine hands Mei a cone, and she skitters off to make trouble and stuff. He hands Elli her cone. They retreat to the shade. Elli takes a lick.

Elli: This is the wrong one.

Valentine: The wrong what?

Elli: The wrong flavour. You got me the wrong flavour. This is vanilla.

Valentine: Isn’t that what you asked for?

He flicks open a newspaper.

Elli: No, I asked for banana. (Beat) Oh God, you think I’m vanilla.

Valentine has a “Huh?” look on his face.

Valentine: I call that a radical interpretation of the text.

Elli: You’re just totally ignoring me.

Valentine: Gee.

He reads his newspaper.

Valentine: Now that just ain’t right. Another girl, gone missing. Can’t be good.

Elli: You see what I mean?

Valentine: Is it just my imagination or are you actually trying to pick a fight over ice cream?

Elli flicks her head to the side imperiously, impetuously. Valentine ignores her and studies his paper.

Valentine: I’d better look into this. (Beat) Us, I mean.

He holds her hand, absently.

INT. ROY’S PALACE OFFICE

Valentine is at a table, working hard, and ordering about flunkies.

Valentine (pensive): A third girl missing. All blonde. All… barmaids. Perhaps a rapist. We should pump their parents for more information. (Beat) Well, hop to it.

A very bored and irritated man glares back.

Valentine: Still giving me the evil eye, Eden?

Eden: That’s Mr de Jardin to you.

Valentine: Get over it already. I own 25% of this place and I have Deim’s blessing.

Eden stomps away.

EXT. HIGH SCHOOL

Mei is outside on a bench, eating a sandwich from her Aerosmith lunchbox. Lots of kids are about so it must be recess. A spotty youth with cropped hair, front to back hat and lots of “gold” jewellery sidles up to her.

Kid: Hi, uh, Mei, right? Nice to see you.

Mei looks at the kid, snorts and returns her attention to her sandwich, which she finishes quickly.

Kid: You, uhm, wanna go somewhere quieter?

Mei gets up, walks to the water fountain around the corner, where nobody usually dares lurk, and leans down to have a drink. The kid follows her.

Mei: That so wasn’t an invitation.

The kid smiles (gold caps) and holds up a knife. Mei’s eyes widen.

Mei: Of course though, I like guys who have initiative.

He strikes forward with his knife. She sidesteps, grabs his head, whacks it against the water fountain, then spin-kicks him in the mouth, knocking him down. He staggers up, she grabs him round the neck, rams him against the wall. Mei now has the knife and aims it at the kid’s eye. It is important to note that while Mei is very wispy, the kid is pretty tiny and insignificant himself.

INT. ROY’S PALACE OFFICE

Valentine is making notes and operating the intercom simultaneously.

Valentine (to intercom): Alright, send her in.

Valentine writes on his pad, “No personal connection between victims!!?” The door opens and Mei comes in.

Valentine: Take a seat.

She does so.

Valentine: So, I gather you had fun at school today.

Mei: He attacked me.

Valentine: Your principal found you kicking the kid senseless as he lay prostrate on the ground. He also told me about the fight you had with “Max” on Monday. Luis? And also Roy, Pat, Lake, Evian, Victoria, Hor-

Mei: Okay, all right, I know who I’ve been beating up.

Valentine: Do you want to talk back to me?

Mei stays schtum.

Valentine: Mei…

He leans forward and Mei struggles to stop herself rolling her eyes as he obviously is about to reel off a monologue.

Valentine: It always helps to talk about it. I was trapped in this cycle too. I felt as though I very much needed to prove that I existed and then…

He leans back, reminiscing with himself.

Valentine: It was very much a feeling that people in general just didn’t-

Mei: This boy was hunting me.

Valentine: -really take any- What? Hunting? Who?

Mei: The boy who attacked me today, he was hunting me.

She pulls a clutch of photos from her bag.

Mei: He was sent by someone to hunt all of us.

Valentine leans forward, takes the photos and looks through them. Mei, Remington, Seth, Elli, Hagen, Lydia, and Valentine himself. He turns them over, sees prices on the back of the photos.

Valentine: Good lord… Of Course!

Mei: Did I help? With something?

Valentine: Yes. The missing girls. Blonde, all 5’5” in height. Then another case, a boy with silver hair was abducted and then later released, having been assaulted. A couple of others. They are hunting us… and they’re doing it very badly. I wonder why?

Mei: Because they’re incompetent losers?

Valentine: No, why are they hunting? Probably for vengeance. For people like yourself and Lydia to be included, it would have to be someone we bested fairly recently.

Valentine stands up, starts pacing. He looks at the prices. (Valentine-20k, Remington-10k, Seth-5k, Elli- 10k, Mei-5k, Lydia-5k, Hagen-5k) He tosses the photos onto his table.

Valentine: Interesting. Now, back to your personal fight club.

Mei: What? But… hunters!

Valentine: This is more important.

Mei: More important than people trying to kidnap us all?

Valentine: Very much so.

Intercom: Mr Valentine, Elli is calling you.

Valentine (into intercom): Tell her to call back later.

Intercom: She says it’s urgent.

Valentine (into intercom): Not now!

He switches the intercom off.

Valentine: This is more important.

INT. VALENTINE’S HOUSE

Elli is jogging around, cell phone stuck to her ear. She is running from someone. Someone hunting her.

Elli: Come on, come on.

A guy steps out behind her, grabs her round the neck and holds a gun to her head.

Secretary: I’m afraid he’s busy and can’t come to the phone right now. Please call back later.

Elli (whispers): Ok.

BREAK

INT. VALENTINE’S CAR

Valentine, with Mei in the passenger seat, rolls to a halt. It’s dark outside.

Valentine: All I’m saying is that whatever training you received in the past… it doesn’t have to dictate who you become. If you need to talk, I’m always here for you.

Mei: Thanks.

She looks up.

Mei: Who’s that? Outside the window.

Valentine: Oh that’ll be Eden. Or rather (in a poncy French accent) Mr de Jardin.

He looks more carefully.

Valentine: What’s he doing here, anyway?

Eden paces up to the car. Valentine opens the door, accidentally knocks Eden with it.

Eden: Oof!

Valentine: Sorry. What’s up?

Eden: There was a disturbance here.

Valentine: There was a disturbance here, what?

Eden (rolls his eyes): There was a disturbance here, sir.

Valentine takes perverse pleasure from this, and grins at Mei.

Eden: The neighbours called it in. Seems a woman was abducted from here.

The grin is wiped from Valentine’s face.

Eden: I’m leading the investigation.

Valentine: I relieve you. I’ll take it from here.

Eden: She was dragged kicking and screaming into a car parked where yours is now.

Valentine: Bugger off.

Eden: No, I think I’ll stay and watch you squirm.

Valentine grabs Eden and throws him onto the bonnet of the car.

Eden: Temper! We’re on the same side!

Eden gets up coughing.

Valentine: I need to make a phone call.

INT. RED STAR OFFICE

The phone rings. It’s dark. The camera tracks back. Remington and Seth are back to back, weapons in hands. A shadow scuttles past. Remington shoots twice. Another one drops from the ceiling. Seth impales him on his spear, and tosses the body across the room. The first guy throws a knife. They duck, but it grazes Seth’s cheek. He jumps up. Remington kicks the guy in the nuts. The phone is still ringing.

INT. VALENTINE’S LOUNGE

Mei is on the computer. Valentine and Eden sit opposite one another, examining papers.

Valentine: Fairly recent. Someone I have faced more than once.

Eden: How do you figure?

Valentine: They’re after Lydia Coal and Dan Hagen, but both have been missing of late. Mei and Seth Black didn’t join me until they had left. That leaves only two possibilities. Mark Ford or Jonathan Beaufort.

Eden: Beaufort?

Valentine: Maybe even Shadowhite. But no… they wouldn’t send a gang guy to attack Mei at school. There are much more… sanitary methods. If they wanted to get something done, they’d send their agents and be a lot more efficient about it.

Eden: How about Mark Ford?

Valentine: He’s still in the prison hospital… And I don’t think he knows Mei or Elli…

He stands up and paces.

Valentine: Overall, there’s just something that doesn’t ring true.

Seth enters.

Seth: I’m here. So, we got a lead yet?

Eden: Well, we identified the car that Ms Darklight was taken in. Black FTO, license plate SK13 RBN. We’re waiting for the DMV search results but we’d like to know what we’re going up against first…

Mei: I got an address.

Eden: Print it and give it to me.

He walks over.

Valentine: Remington?

Seth: Oh, he’s er, well, moping. Sort of. He’s not happy you’re worth twice as much as him. So, are we gonna go kick some butt now?

Valentine: I was hoping Remingto would join us, but me and Eden can handle it, I’m sure. You’re to take Mei.

Seth: Where?

Mei: What!!?

Valentine: Take here to the cinema or something. Just protect her, keep her out of trouble.

Seth: Sure ok, I can do that. (To Mei) I’ll protect you.

Mei: And who will protect you?

Seth: Uhm…

Mei: Come on, I was Prince’s prodigal student. You’re just some flunky.

Seth: Oi! I had a lot more to offer than merely being a weapon! I was-

Valentine: Oh shut up and go!! Come on Eden, let’s go party.

Eden takes the printout, folds it and starts to put it in his pocket.

Valentine: Give me that!

He snatches the printout and they all exit.

EXT. VALENTINE’S HOUSE

Seth’s Plymouth has the roof down.

Seth: Bye! (To Mei, seated next to him) Hey, we’ll have fun.

She answers back; they bicker as he drives off. Valentine opens the door of his Jag.

Valentine: Get in.

Eden: Sod off. I’ll take my own car.

He walks away.

Valentine: Yeah whatever, just don’t get lost.

Valentine gets in, shoots off. Eden jumps in his own car, a blue Subaru Impreza WRX and gives chase.

EXT. STREETS

Valentine races Eden’s WRX through the winding streets.

Valentine: Catch me if you can.

Valentine puts his foot down.

EXT. WAREHOUSE #18

Valentine pulls up behind Eden’s already parked car. Eden strides up.

Valentine: Yeah, well my car is sophisticated and doesn’t have that ugly-ass vent in the middle of it.

He gets out.

Eden: There’s no need to make excuses. Just admit I’m better than you, and we’ll leave it at that.

Valentine: If you’re so incredibly fantabulous, why was Deim so willing to ditch you promotion to make way for me?

Eden: Oh, I don’t know, maybe something to do with all those “donations”?

Valentine: There are portraits of me in public buildings; I have such an outstanding record of trouble shooting. What have you got?

Eden: Before you arrived, there was no trouble to be shot here!

Valentine: Excuse me, whose funding made “here” possible?

Eden: So you live on glories of the past?

Valentine: You sure are!

Someone opens a door and pokes his head round it.

Guy: Hey, could you guys keep it down out here, and oh my gilly-gilly gosh, it’s you!!

He draws a gun, shoots. Valentine and Eden have ducked, but the bullet takes out the WRX’s windscreen. Eden whimpers. Valentine bobs, shoots, and takes the guy out.

Valentine: Come on, follow my lead.

They enter, guns drawn.

INT. WAREHOUSE #18

In come Valentine and Eden, guns-a-blazin’. Gang guys rush them, but get cut down in swaths. The guy who took Elli comes up though from the side, kicks away Valentine’s gun from his hand, and then clobbers him on the head, dropping him.

Valentine: Ow!

He gets up, swing punches, kicks, but this guy is agile. Until Eden shoots him. Valentine turns to look at Eden. He reaches towards the dead guy behind him, pulls a knife from his boot and throws it in the eye of the guy sneaking up on Eden, killing him.

Eden: Thanks.

Valentine: You too.

He kicks out another advancing goon, the last of them, and then picks up his gun and aims.

Valentine: Where?

The guy points.

Guy: In there!

Valentine and Eden race towards the door and kick it down together.

Master C: Welcome.

Master C, now with bionic limbs and an iron breast plate, but still the same crap haircut. Elli is tied up nearby, unconscious.

Valentine: Elli!

Master C: Oh, she’s alright. Just a little drugged. And once I’ve eliminated you, she’ll be mine. Bwahahahaha!

Valentine: You’re the one who placed the bounty.

Master C: The one and only.

Valentine: Who are you?

Master C: My eternal foe, don’t play dumb.

Valentine: No, really, who are you?

Eden: Who cares?

Valentine: True.

Master C: I’m Master C! Formerly known as Jeff Kozlec! I am the most heinous criminal mastermind you have ever faced! You are yours may have foiled me before, but not this time!

Valentine: Sorry. Don’t remember you.

Master C strides forward, strikes Valentine.

Valentine: Ow! That hurt!

He punches Master C’s breastplate. Master C doesn’t even flinch.

Valentine: Now usually, that hurts you and not me.

Master C punches, Valentine rolls away. Eden runs over to the side. Elli starts to come to.

Master C: Come back here!

Valentine runs over to Elli, starts undoing her bonds.

Master C: If you won’t come to me, I’ll have to come to you.

His left arm forms into an axe and he walks towards Elli and Valentine. Eden is standing next to the power box and catches Valentine’s eye. Valentine understands. Master C swings. Valentine pushes Elli to safety and dodges himself.

Valentine: You’re quite cheap, huh? $20,000 for my head?

A swing and a miss.

Valentine: For a guy like me, I’d have charged $20 million.

Master C swings. Valentine punches him in the face, breaking his glasses.

Valentine: What’s wrong? Daddy cut your allowance?

Master C (screeching): I don’t need him! I am my own man!!!!

Valentine runs past the power box. Master C swings his axe straight into it, and gets electrocuted.

Master C: Gyeeeyeeeyeeek!

Valentine: Thanks.

Eden: You too.

Master C drops to the floor. Valentine nods to Eden with their new found respect for one another in time honoured buddy cop movie tradition and goes over to Elli.

Master C: Mommy?

EXT. WAREHOUSE #18

Valentine leads Elli out.

Valentine: Are you all right?

Elli: Busy, huh?

Valentine: What? (The dawn of realisation) Oh! Oh…

Elli: I’m sorry, I just… I just so can’t deal with you anymore! I’ve really just ben wasting the last three years.

Valentine: Elli…

Elli: No, no Elli-ing. I’m out. I’m walking away.

She walks away.

END – TALK THIS WAY

Episode 21 Preview

Valentine: The rebound is a wonderful place to be, because you can’t be held accountable for your own mopy actions, not to mention, you pretty much have a license to be promiscuous. It’s not your fault; the grief of your last relationship has overcome you. There are those who’d seek to take advantage of that, however… Next episode, Lord of the Thighs.