EPISODE TWENTY-THREE – SICK AS A DOG

INT. INDETERMINATE PLACE DURING DAYS OF YORE

Armside is studying something very carefully and intently with fascination. We see his eyes envelope the object of his desire.

Armside: It’s beautiful!

The object of his desire being a porcelain statuette of Jessica Alba striking a seductive pose.

Valentine: You are a sad, sad man, Matthew.

Armside: You own a statue of Steven Tyler.

Valentine: Hey! My wife bought me that statue! And at least it’s life-size!

Armside: You know that I haven’t filled my life with material possessions the way you have. So who is really sad here?

Valentine: How much did it cost you?

Armside: Does it matter? It’s not the point. Just look at her. A slice of one of God’s most beautiful gifts.

He laughs.

Armside: Maybe that’s laying it on a bit thick. But life… Most of the time, it makes you sick, and it seems so cruel. But it is always-

CUT TO

INT. VALENTINE’S OFFICE

Leader of the Pack: Beautiful.

The leader, Ky, has his gun out. Valentine is stoic.

Ky: Now I have you, just where I want you.

TITLE CARD – SICK AS A DOG

INT. VALENTINE’S OFFICE

Valentine: Kyoichi Percy… Adam Courtenay… Dr Þor Clifford… and Steve Cromwell. The cream of MAD’s crop. It’s nice to know I’m right sometimes. You’re all here for me?

Valentine moves back to the table and notices Eden unconscious.

Ky: I was sent to make you an offer. Mr Shadowhite, he says he is willing to bury the hatchet with you. Says he understands that he has made mistakes, as have you. Says that together you are stronger and can make our country great again. But I know you wouldn’t agree. And besides… it doesn’t matter. I’ll kill you now. And it won’t be just because of what you did to my woman either.

Valentine has been inching back towards Eden.

Valentine: Your woman?

Ky: Fed her poison, smacked her about. You think we don’t see everything that happens?

Valentine: Melissa, she’s your?

Ky: Yeah.

Valentine: Slut like that had it coming.

Ky opens fire on Valentine, and the others quickly follow suit. Valentine grabs Eden and uses him as a human shield. Eden is quickly, erm, dead. He jumps back to the window, which gets blown out behind him. He jumps out of it, still clutching Eden, and lands on him outside.

Valentine: Sorry about that, mate.

He runs (limps) around the side. Someone is waiting next to his car. With a gun.

Valentine: Fitz!

Fitzalan opens fire. Valentine runs. A blue Nissan Skyline comes round the corner at an impossible speed and runs down Fitzalan. The door opens.

Prince: Need a lift?

INT. PRINCE’S CAR

Prince drives.

Valentine: What’s up?

Prince: Don’t you mean, “Thank you for saving my life?”

Valentine: Well, I kinda liked Fitz. You know, before his whole “Trying to kill me” phase.

Prince: He’ll be all right. In a few months.

Valentine: So what’s up?

Prince: They’re trying to kill you.

Valentine: No. Really? Gee. Thanks for warning me.

Prince: I told you that you’d be in the line of fire.

Valentine: I hear that you’re in trouble yourself.

Prince: No thanks to you. But Shadowhite nearly has your power. And if he gets that, no one will be able to stop him.

Valentine: I already figured that much.

Prince: Oh, by the way, before I forget.

He pulls into a parking lot.

Prince: Sorry.

Valentine: ??

From the cars around them emerge Green, Blue, Red, Violet and Orange.

Prince: You can team with me you know. We can make our country great again. I understand I’ve made mistakes but-

Valentine: You’re no different.

Prince: Come again?

Valentine: You and Shadowhite. The only difference is, he understands what he is. You? Delusions of grandeur. You think you can change the world. Just so long as you’re in charge. What’s so special about you? You blow up buildings in the name of justice. But when it gets right down to it, you’re blowing up buildings. You’re not anything. Not anymore.

Prince: It wasn’t the right time.

Valentine: I did what I had to and it cost me big time. You turned tail and fled. You don’t fight because it’s the right time to do so. You fight because it’s the right thing to do.

Valentine brings his feet up and stamps on Prince’s face. Prince yelps in pain, tries to jab, but Valentine reaches over, opens the door, pushes Princes out. Then he kicks the car into gear and speed off. The White Tigers shoot at him as he speeds away.

EXT. VALENTINE’ S HOUSE

Remington waits outside. Valentine pulls up, gets out.

Remington: Ok, I get it. You had a sudden compulsion to jack someone’s car?

Valentine: Ah… they’re all coming here to kill me. We gotta get weapons. It’s gonna be one hell of a battle.

Remington: That’s my language you’re speaking.

Beat.

Remington: So if they’re all coming here to kill you… why aren’t we fleeing in terror for the hills?

Valentine: Well, we need weapons first. And then we’ll see about running. But I get the feeling we don’t have a lot of time.

They head into the house.

EXT. VALENTINE’S HOUSE

The drive is empty. A helicopter flies nearby. A load of Audis come rolling up. Ky, Courtenay, Cromwell and Clifford are accompanied by a couple of others, Stafford and Pole.

Courtenay: He lives there alone with his daughter.

Ky: Pole. Knock it down.

Pole goes, smashes the door in with a claw hammer and then dodges behind the wall as his arrival is met by a hail of gunfire. Armed and ready for action are Valentine, Remington, Mei, Lydia, Santino and even the injured Seth. The MAD agents return the gunfire. The gang retreat up the stairs. The agents are about to go in, when the helicopter lands and the White Tigers descend. Disoriented by the helicopter, the Tigers are able to pick off Stafford and Pole, and the guns cutting them down.

INT. VALENTINE’ S HOUSE

Santino: So, how does this work again?

Valentine: You pull the trigger.

Santino: Well I tried doing that just now, but it got caught.

Remington: You’ve never fired a gun before?

Santino: Peace.

Remington: Lucky man.

Seth: Guys, look at this.

Valentine peeks out of the window.

Valentine: We can use this distraction to escape. We’ll head to the Yokohama office. There are better armaments there. Follow!

He moves, they follow.

EXT. VALENTINE’S HOUSE

Downstairs, it’s like World War Three. The Tigers hide behind the helicopter, the MAD agents take cover behind their cars and they exchange brutal fire.

Clifford: Out of ammo. Didn’t calculate for this. Foolish!

Courtenay: It’s ok. At least now we’ll be able to face the little bastards down.

The air is thick, but silent. Courtenay runs between cars. Gunfire follows him. He runs out and behind another. A few scattered shots follow him. The other agents get it and follow. Soon, the scattered shots become no shots and the Tigers begin to emerge too, having also been exhausted of ammo. Bridget Violet unsheathes his sword.

Violet: Rules change.

BREAK

EXT. VALENTINE’S HOUSE

It’s all going crazy as the White Tigers engage the MAD agents in hand to hand combat, apart from Violet who is engaged in a fierce sword battle with Clifford. The agents, outnumbered, retreat to the house.

Prince: Orange, Blue, back! Violet, Red, side!

Prince and Green go frontal.

EXT. BACK

Blue: They’ve done well to last this well… But I kinda thought they’d be tougher.

Orange: Yeah… So did I.

Blue opens the back door when suddenly, he slumps forward and collapses, having had a knife jammed through the back of his head by Orange, who enters the house.

INT. SIDE

Violet and Red are in the corridor. Something falls. They jump forward and attack.

Santino: No! Aagh! I’m sorry.

Santino gets slapped on the back of the head by Valentine.

Red: It’s him! Quick, what do we do?

Violet: We’re here to escort you to safety and then… force you to co-operate with us!

Violet raises his sword to Valentine, who slaps it aside. His gang back him up.

Valentine: Out of our way, children.

Red: Now hold on! It’s very important that you-

Out of the shadows jumps Dr Clifford with his ice pick, which he impales Red’s neck on, then pulling out and disappearing into the shadows again. All the gang draw and form a defensive circle.

Red: Gggh!

Red collapses.

Remington: What in the name of Barbara Streisand was that?

Blood spurts. Valentine tries to stop it, but his attempts are futile and Red fades away. He tries to wipe the blood off his hands.

Valentine: We have to get out of here quickly.

Violet: No! Gotta find the bastard and kill him!

Valentine: Yeah, whatever.

CUT TO

Clifford skulks in the shadows.

Clifford: Too many of them here. Too well armed. Gotta separate, divide, conquer, a surgical strike.

Cromwell spies Lydia and smiles perversely.

Cromwell: They’ll stick too close together in here. We should give them an opportunity to leave. Let’s finish off the others before we worry too much.

INT. FOYER

Prince and Green enter and stand adjacent to an oil painting of Aerosmith in concert. Ky and Courtenay await at the top of the stairs. Prince now has an axe he found in a cabinet.

Prince: You’ll now be taking him dead or alive. The power you seek would just be wasted by a self serving tyrant like Shadowhite. I’ll give you a chance to surrender. Maybe I can enlighten.

Courtenay: So you’ve been rifling through Mr Valentine’s stuff, huh?

Prince: He has good taste in weapons.

Courtenay: I agree.

From behind their backs, Courtenay and Ky produce SMGs. Prince runs away to avoid the dying and then the death, but Green is not fast enough and is slain. Courtenay descends, inspects the body. From a door under the stairs comes Orange. Courtenay swings, sims, then lowers his gun.

Courtenay: Oh, it’s you.

Orange: I got one of them. Body’s out back.

Courtenay: What took you so long, huh? We could’ve used your help earlier. We’re all under a lot of pressure here, and I don’t go behind Beaufort’s back lightly. You tryin’ to get all of us killed or something?

Orange: Hmm, kinda.

Ky, descending, kills Courtenay.

Orange: Where are the others? Dead yet?

Ky: I think the rest of them are in the East Wing. Claverty went the other way.

Orange: Yeah, well they all have to die.

Ky: There’s no need for Cromwell to die. I can assure you he won’t be going back to Shadowhite with any of this. All that concerns me is Valentine.

Orange: You’ll get what you crave. With any luck, by the end of the week, every single person who poses a threat to Joseph Sha’arad will be eliminated.

EXT. HOUSE

The gang exit.

Valentine: Nick, you take the guys to the office.

Remington: In my 2-seater?

Valentine tosses Remington some keys.

Valentine: Escalade in the garage. Belonged to an old friend. Seeing Ky again made me remember her.

Remington: What about you?

FLASH

Valentine and the gang enter the foyer. Ky has left him a message using Green’s blood, an address, an invitation.

Valentine: I’ll be ok.

Valentine gets in the Skyline and drives.

INT. HOUSE

Prince stumbles and runs into Violet. They clash, axe to katana, before looking.

Violet: Sorry.

Prince: Everyone else seems to be gone.

Violet: It’s a big house.

Prince: No. Check it out.

Violet peers out of the window. Most of the cars are gone. So is the helicopter.

EXT. HARBOUR

Valentine walks. It’s dark, as always.

Ky: So long ago we met. So long ago and still you are such a pest.

Valentine: All this trouble over your woman?

Ky: Melissa was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. For everything you and your various whores have visited upon us for twenty years, you will be paid in full.

Valentine: Blood on my hands, eh?

Ky takes a fat envelope from his jacket, opens it, throws the contents in the air. Valentine catches some. Polaroid photos of Elli, bound, gagged, terrified.

Ky: The boss, he loves the pain.

Valentine crushes the photos and drops them.

Valentine: Your boss? Your… boss? Of course…

He laughs.

Valentine: If it were Shadowhite, he’d just be all about the fucking her. Of course. So the old guy is still puttering away, huh?

Ky: You thought a simple sword through the chest would stop him? He’s still got the mind…

Valentine: Hmm. Thanks.

Valentine runs forward. Ky draws, but Valentine kicks the gun away, draws a pocket knife, takes Ky in a headlock.

Valentine: Where is she?

Ky offers no answer.

Valentine: WHERE IS SHE!?!!

Ky: Go… to… hell… along with… her!

Valentine squeezes hard and there’s a sickening crack as Ky’s nick breaks. Valentine drops the body and walks away.

EXT. RED STAR OFFICE

Remington leads the guys to the door.

Remington: Time for a rest at last!

He unlocks, opens, gets the door slammed in his nose, flooring him. The door opens back up and Clifford and Cromwell await.

Cromwell: Hey Lydia. Hunt’s back on!

Clifford draws his ice pick dashes forward and slashes.

Seth: No!

He strikes clean down Mei’s arm. She screams and falls.

Seth: Bastard!

He charges, is swatted aside and hits his head. Cromwell quick draws and blows away Santino who is reaching for his weapon. Clifford goes for Seth’s face, but Remington punches him, then shoots him dead. Cromwell swings, shoots, hits Remington in the shoulder, groin and legs. He falls. Lydia, who had been motionless, screams a battle cry, runs forward and attacks. Cromwell shoots; Lydia jumps, gets caught in the thigh, but still kicks and disarms him. A car approaches quickly. Lydia kicks, punches, adrenaline pumping. The car stops and the door opens. Cromwell catches Lydia’s arm, swings her round, slams her against the wall.

Cromwell: This feels like justice at last!

SLAM!! A baton is crunched against Cromwell’s back. He drops Lydia. A quick zap with the taser renders Cromwell incapacitated. Lydia looks up to her saviour. Jonathan Beaufort.

Beaufort: It seems a number of our agents have acted… out their own agendas.

Lydia looks over, sees Shadowhite in the car.

Beaufort: He’d like to apologise for any…

He looks at the bodies.

Beaufort: Inconvenience caused. When Valentine gets here… tell him that if she wants to use the influence he has to set things right, we’re here and waiting.

Some goons draw Clifford and Cromwell away. Beaufort retreats. The car drives away. Lydia sits and cries.

FLASH

Armside: -beautiful.

END – WHAT’S YOUR STORY?

Episode 24 Preview

Valentine: Again with the consequences! But when I recount this story in years to come, some might compare it to Romeo and Juliet and I’d like to disagree. My situation is far more absurd and tragic than that jolly talk. Next episode, Janie’s Got a Gun.