*Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.  (Ambrose Bierce) A girl phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's  nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.  (Rodney Dangerfield) If it weren't for pick-pocketers I'd have no sex life at all.   (Rodney Dangerfield) And we were poor too. Why if I wasn't born a boy.... I'd have nothing to play with.   (Rodney Dangerfield) During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.   (Rodney Dangerfield) One day as I came home early from work ..... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy .... Hey buddy .... why are you doing that for? He said .... Because you came home early.  (Rodney Dangerfield) When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities. -From "Basic Sex Facts For Today's Youngfolk" in "Life In Hell'', by (Matt Groening) When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment.  When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.  (Steven Wright)

Sex Quotes