Terror Firmer

Directed by-Lloyd Kauffman Starring-Will Keenan, Sean McGrath, Alyce LaTourelle, Lloyd Kauffman There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who like Troma films and those who hate them. I count myself firmly in the second camp. Still, there's been a lot of hype about this film amongst horror fans so I decided to put aside my reservations and give it a try. Bad idea! As the very first scene rolled my heart began to sink. A scuzzy man approaches a woman dressed in black leather and say something like "Hey Baby, you got just the kind of big pussy I like." Not one to tolerate such piggish remarks, she promptly rips off the man's leg and gives him the business. This woman, it turns out, is a serial killer. After she finishes with the heckler and dispatches with the fetus of a preganant woman who just happens to be on a neighboring rooftop her real work begins. She starts picking off the cast and crew of "Terror Firmer" a Troma film in production. Who is she? Who will be next? Is there any bodily function that isn't thoroughly exploited in this film? These are all very important questions! I guess after reading rave reviews I was expecting a departure from the usual stupidity and juvenile humor. Instead, there was twice as much. There was farting, shit-eating, and anal rape by beer bong. As if that wasn't enough, Troma added insult to injury by including a bunch of inane dialog about the importance of independent films.  Now I value independent movies as much as the next cinephile, but Troma is hardly "the torch bearer for independent cinema." I mean, my cat licks his balls, but that hardly makes HIM the torch bearer for the self-love movement. It's a sad day when even Ron Jeremy can't save a movie. -Jenny Stumps Rating: 1 Brain