Today's Question:

Why does dandruff taste like spearmint chewing gum??

Johnny's Answer:

Okay, I'm going to presume that this questions stems from an
ACCIDENTAL ingestion of dandruff. I've had white flakes fall onto
my shoulders over the years, but I've never looked at them as
part of the four food groups. (By the way, if you have ever said,
"it tastes like crap," I'd like to know how you know what crap
takes like.)

I did manage to have a big, expensive laboratory run some tests
on some dandruff to see what it's made of (you didn't think *I*
was going to try eating some, did you? Yuk!!). Sure, the boss
will have to give up his private gym with personal trainer, but
that's the price we all have to pay around here to get to the
truth.

Dandruff tastes like spearmint (the lab technician confirmed this
for me. I didn't ask for details) because it contains spearmint.
Dandruff is more than just dead bits of your own scalp. Dandruff
is your body's way of getting rid of undigested food products as
if doing a number two wasn't enough.

Dandruff is made up of the following ingredients:

- 65% spearmint chewing gum

- 20% bacon fat

- 15% Chicken McNuggets (which have absoolutely no actual food
value, apparently).

Next time you're stranded in a plane wreck in the Andes with a
Chilean soccer team, maybe you should sustain yourself with your
little shoulder flakes before you start thinking of chowing down
on the goalie!