, > "ENGLISH for Kids & Adults"

 

 

 

Jokes

A student comes to a young professors office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.

I would do anything to pass this exam. She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.

I mean... she whispers, ...I would do...anything.

He returns her gaze. Anything ?

Anything

His voice softens. Anything ??

Anything

His voice turns to a whisper. Would you...study ?

 

A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.

Mother mouse barked fiercely, Woof, woof, woof ! The cat was so terrified that it ran for its life.

Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, Now, do you understand the value of a foreign language ?

 

A not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper.  The question directed:

Give four advantages of breast milk.

What to write ? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:...

1. No need to boil.

2. Never goes sour.

3. Available whenever necessary.

So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer. Again, what to write ?  Once more, he sighed.  He frowned.  He scowled, then sighed again... Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:...

4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.

He received an A.

 

Highway to Heaven

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy whos dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans. Saint Peter addresses the first guy: Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?

Im Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City, he replies.

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven. The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Its the ministers turn. He stands erect and booms out, I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Marys for the last forty-three years.

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

Just a minute, says the minister. That man was a taxi driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be ?

Up here, we work by results, says Saint Peter. While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed.

* * *

- What did one eye say to the other?

- Between you and me, something smells.

 

- Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?

- He wanted to win the no-bell prize!

 

- What is white when its dirty and black when its clean?

- A blackboard.

 

- Which months have twenty-eight days?

- All of them.