Title: Time for Doin’

Category: Missing Scene – A Coffin for Starsky

Summary: What do you do when you've just killed your last chance?

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: The guys don’t belong to me. I put them back where I found them when I was done.

Notes: Thanks to Mary and Avoca for editorial help.

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Bright lights flashed. Red. Blue. Red. Blue. Cutting into my eyeballs and making my head pound. The car slowed down. It was running funny. Speed bump. Another speed bump. We rolled to a stop. Where were we going, anyway?

“We’re here.”

’Here’, where? Think, Dave. Where were we going? Where had we been? And why the hell was it so hot? Focus, dammit. Open your eyes and focus. If you open your eyes, you can answer your own dumb questions. Now, on the count of three... One. Two. Three. Go.

Hey, look, my eyes are open. How ‘bout that?

“Hey, partner. You with me again?”

Hutch sounded funny. Soft. Hesitating. Like I was gonna shatter if he talked too loud. I really should look at him. Tell him I’m okay—

Something stabbed hard into my gut, curling my knees up into my chest. Black spots across my eyes. Can’t breathe...

“...try to relax...”

Shut up already.

“...right here...”

But it was already getting better. I sucked at the air again, uncurling just a little. Hutch’s face was hovering in front of me, all screwed up with worry. His mouth was moving, but I couldn’t make out the words. He’d grabbed one of my hands, holding on tight. Like his life depended on it--

And it all came rushing back to me... 24 hours. Forever ago. Dark outside. Bellamy was dead. I’d shot him. Meaning I was dead, too.

The flashing lights shut off. It was a van in front of me. No, not a van. Ambulance. There were big blue letters shining through the windows. H...S...P...

“Hospital.” My voice sounded funny, too. Thick and far away. Everything was far away now.

“I’m sorry.” Hutch’s face was gone again. The car rocked as he moved. The engine stopped, keys swinging back and forth in the ignition. He sighed. “I don’t think we have a choice any more.”

I couldn’t ignore that odd sound in his voice. I needed to show him I was okay. Swing your head around and look at your partner, buddy. Simple move. On the count of three. One. Two. Three.

It didn’t help much. He was nothing more than a blond blob against a dark seat. I blinked hard, but my eyes wouldn’t focus. I looked at the blob, though, so he wouldn’t worry.

“’s okay...” The window glass was hard, but cold. Felt good. I laid my head back on it. God, just to be able to close my eyes for a second... “I know.”

A hand on my shoulder. I barely felt it. The keys clanged again as Hutch pulled ‘em out. Outside the car, other fuzzy blobs were coming toward us. White blobs. Doctors and nurses, I guess. Why were they wearing white? Shouldn’t they be wearing black? It was my funeral after all...

Hey, I made myself laugh. At least I still got my sense of humor. Man’s gotta have some dignity, right?

The hand on my shoulder squeezed. Dug in so hard it hurt. I jumped, and the hand pulled away like it’d been burned. “Sorry, buddy.” Hutch slid toward the door. “Help’s on its way.” There was that funny voice again. He didn’t sound so good.

The white blobs moved closer, blocking the bright blue letters. ‘Help’ wasn’t on the way. A one-way ticket inside that building was all they had for me. And there was nothing I could do to stop ‘em. Hell, I could barely breathe. Couldn’t get away if I tried. Besides, where would I go? No more leads. No more time. No more anything. This was it.

Strange, now that it was really staring me in the face, the idea of dying didn’t scare me so much. Too damn tired to be afraid. To damn hurt to fight it any more. Too damn proud to feel sorry for myself.

I just can’t believe this is how it goes, that this is all there is. That a sad, pathetic whimper in a parking lot is all my partner’s gonna have to remember...

And that did scare me. “Hutch. Don’t...”

His door was already hanging open, but he stopped. A siren whined someplace behind us. Some other poor slob whose day was as bad as mine.

“Don’t what?” he asked in that funny, uncertain voice.

I nodded toward the building. Toward the big blue letters and the doctors and the nurses and the damn ambulance full of sick people. “Not yet.”

Cold air blew in through his door. It swirled around my sticky shirt. Jeez, that felt good.

“Starsk, we have to get you inside.”

I shook my head. Big mistake. The dancing fuzzy shapes made me queasy. “Not yet.”

The door closed again. Hutch didn’t ask. Didn’t say anything, didn’t move closer or farther away. As much as it had to be killin’ him to do nothing, he just sat behind the wheel and played with my keys. Like we had all the time in the world. Like we had time to kill sitting here in the car, pretending I wasn’t already walking dead.

Black crept in across my eyes. I blinked it back. Not ready for that yet.

But ‘getting ready’ time was just about up. It was time for doin’. Doin’ what needed to be done, what was still important. Make the end of my life mean something.

So what was important? What still needed doing? You only got a couple minutes here. Figure it out quick...

The hand was back, on my knee this time. “The doctor has to have made progress by now.”

Ah, pally, talk about not being ready...

Gotta do something about that.

But I wasn’t doing it inside that hospital. Not with all those strangers getting in the way, all those eyes and ears and trying-too-hard-to-be-helpful hands not leaving me alone. This was the last of my who-do-you-trust time, and no one was taking it from me.

The white blobs were almost here.

I reached for the door lock, but nothing happened. My body didn’t work right any more. I stared at my right arm trying to make it move, but it just sat there. Stubborn thing. So I switched to my left. C’mon, buddy, work with me. It jerked and twitched, but it moved. I made a fist and swung it across to hit at the lock. The lock clunked loud as it went down.

I looked back up toward the fuzzy Hutch-shape across the seat. Final minutes on the clock. No more time-outs. What did I want to say? What did he need to understand?

“You did,” I choked in more air so I could make words, “everything you could. Y’know that, don’cha?”

”I’m not giving up.” He stuck a warning finger in my face. “And you can’t either.”

God, that Hutch was crazy stubborn, wasn’t he? Cute when he was all stirred up. “Nobody’s givin’ up. But we don’t run away from nothing. Right?”

He didn’t answer. Somebody outside tried my door handle, knocked on the door. Hutch waved them off.

“Right?” I demanded again.

Another sigh. ”No, we don’t.”

That’s my boy. “An’ we’re not running from this either.”

My one working hand had dropped into my lap again. I picked it up and felt my way around toward my back pocket. Half the fingers were numb already. Like I’d been wrapped in cotton. I dug at the pocket, but my fingers were too big. Dammit, nothing worked right!

Hutch leaned over to help. “What are you doing back here?”

“Find my badge.”

He reached back and put my fingers around the badge so I could haul it around front. I shoved it at him. “Take it.”

“We’re not doing this—“

“Take it.” I’d found the rhythm of breathing. Suck the air in, wait for my stomach to unclench, blow the words out. I was getting pretty good at it. “...don’ wanna lose it in there.”

The badge suddenly dropped out of my grip. Must’ve been really heavy. Hutch had scooped it out of the air before it landed. “I’ll keep it safe for you.”

The keys jangled in his hand, echoing weirdly in the silent car. A strange, hollow noise. My hand followed that sound across the seat until it found his and grabbed on. My keys poked at me in between our fingers. It hurt. “Take care of my car.”

Jeez, who was I kidding? Asking Hutch to look after a car... “And not like you keep... heap of yours, either!” I think I laughed. I couldn’t hear myself, but I’m sure I laughed.

But Hutch wasn’t laughing. I felt his finger rub against the ignition key. “I don’t want to do this alone.”

Well, finally. It had only taken the whole damn day, but Hutch was finally acknowledging that white elephant sittin’ in the car. The big ugly truth we’d been avoiding all day, running around stubbornly trying to beat it back.

“Ah, you’ll be fine.” Somebody in a white uniform was bringing a long rolling shape out into the parking lot. Must be my ride. “Ya gotta be... city’ll go to hell without us--” Something knifed at my kidneys again. I held as still as I could. If I didn’t move, it didn’t chase me. “...I’ll haunt you if ya let that happen.”

He blew out a breath in one tiny, humorless chuckle. “Haunt me, huh? Like a bad sausage?”

My turn to laugh. “Jus’ like.”

My hand slid off his and flopped onto the seat. I looked at it dumbly. Couldn’t feel it any more. Couldn’t even wiggle the fingers. Hutch picked it up and laid it carefully on my chest with the other one.

Not much more time...

“Give... new guy... fair shake, ‘kay? Ain’t gonna be his fault.”

“There’s not going to be a new guy, understand?”

“...yeah...” Whatever makes you feel better, buddy. “An’ don’t work alone... you get weird on your own.”

“There’s the pot calling the kettle black.”

That’s more like it.

Somebody knocked on Hutch’s window. He punched his door lock down too. More voices, more knocking. They were getting annoyed. I was keeping ‘em from doing their jobs. Not very thoughtful of me.

“It’s okay. ’m ready to go now.” Funny how there’s not much space between ‘not ready’ and ‘ready’. A few words. A badge and a set of keys. A bad joke out of my partner....

“I’m not.”

I smiled. “’s okay. We’ll wait.” My head fell back onto the doorjamb. It kinda hurt, but I couldn’t move it any more. Too tired. Besides, the fuzzy shapes and sounds around me were starting to be kind of fun. Dancing lights, hovering blobs. Hutch’s breathing filling the car. The window was getting fogged up. Somebody’s gonna get the wrong idea about Hutch and me...

Hey, wasn’t your life supposed to flash before you when you died? I was really getting stiffed here. No bright lights, no voices, no flashes, no cosmic revelations. Just me and Hutch sitting in the car. It was kinda nice, though. Quiet. Peaceful. Comfortable.

“We’re not giving up,” he finally announced.

Hey, acknowledging the reality didn’t mean giving in to it, after all. Not when it comes to two mule-headed cops like us, anyway. “Wouldn’ expect us to.”

“We’ve still got time.”

“Lots.”

“I’ll find the answer.”

“’Course.”

The car rocked as he slid over. Reached across me to pop the door lock. “Sure you’re ready?”

I nodded. I couldn’t ask him to wait any longer. I’d done what I needed to do. Couldn’t ask him not to do what he needed to do. “Time for doin’.”

He pulled the latch and I slid out as the door opened. Hands caught me. Pulled me out, away from him.

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~~~finis~~~