Shacking Up
By
EntreNous

****

Xander shuffled into the common room at 11am and glanced down curiously to see what he had stepped in. "Okaaaay," he mouthed silently as he saw creamy white filling covering his heel. He stood for a moment in his boxers and faded Johnny Cash t-shirt and swayed until various things began to dawn on him.

"Oh, fuck!" He darted back into the hall and pounded on Spike's door.

"What're you doing in there, you crazy bloodsucker? Get out here so we can talk. Okay? Spike? Um…Spikey?" Xander peeked into the room, and realized Spike wasn't there.

"Oh, man. Where could he - what if he - Damn it, why'd didn't I just - Christ-where's it - Hello?" He paced up and down the hall worriedly, and reached a hand out automatically to pick up the receiver when it rang.

"Hi, Will…Yeah, well, there is something wrong…Do you happen to know where the hell Spike has gone to?"

He nodded uselessly at her exclamations, and cut in to explain the situation as quickly as he could.

"Don't you worry, Xander," Willow said fervently after he had finished. "He's somewhere licking his wounds and sulking right now. Right this moment, he's regretting being such a grumpy vamp. Right now, he's probably kicking himself for being so 'Oh, I'm so Bad, I can yell at anyone I want, tra la la!' Right this very minute - Oh, fuck. We are soooo late for the Scooby meeting."

"Okay, Will - maybe Buffy and Giles will have some ideas anyway. See you there in a few?" Xander eased the phone down and headed back to his room to rustle up some jeans.

On his way out, he paused to take in the scene once more. He bent down to pick up three broken twinkies, shrugged, and shoved one cake into his mouth. "Eleven hour rule," he observed to himself as he slammed the door behind him.

* * *

Willow sat on Giles's couch, delicately cramming a jelly donut into her mouth. You had to move fast for the jelly donuts in this group, yessirree. Giles had smiled with only a twinge of annoyance at her when she had arrived for the meeting late, but he and Buffy had clearly waited for the stragglers before they began the business at hand.

Outside Giles's door, there was a funny scruffling noise, and Willow shrugged when Buffy looked inquiringly at her. Then the girls heard an oddly manly shriek, a blustering "Cor!" and a hard shove of someone's back against the front door.

"Shall I?" Giles asked evenly, and opened the door to allow a squabbling pile of Spike-and-Xander to fall to the entryway floor.

"Well!" Buffy exclaimed brightly. "This is a much better lead-in than I could have hoped for." She scrunched down and easily separated the two men, and smoothly dragged Xander over to a chair by his right elbow. She patted his arm, ignoring the "Yipe!" and scowl that she got in return.

Spike roared to his feet and held his head like it was about to pop off. "That's what I'm talking about!” he accused. “Can go out any time I goddamn please, now, can't I? Stupid, sodding arse."

"Give me a heart-attack why don't you! For all I know you were lying in the dirt somewhere! For all I know someone was lying in the dirt that used to be you! Haven't you ever heard of calling?"

"You do realize that you're talking at me like you're me mum, don't you?" Spike huffed, and rubbed his head pitifully.

"Enough!" Giles shouted. They both froze. "Why don't you both get settled so that we may begin?" he continued calmly, steering Spike to a chair next to Xander's. The two looked at one another angrily, then with faces of dim realization. Both of them turned back towards the others.

"Um…how come I get the feeling that we're the number one agenda item today?" Xander looked up at Buffy holding his elbow, and he cringed a bit.

"Xander, I think that of all the thankless tasks you've done for the slaying cause over the years, Spike has probably taken the cake, huh?"

"Uh…snack cake?" Xander inquired. Spike snickered, but quickly shifted his face back to "mad as hell."

"Things have been so busy lately, what with defusing the Embler Sorcerer's last spell, tracking the Vgzorith demons, and, well, midterms that we haven't had time to talk about…other arrangements for Spike here." Buffy stopped and glared at the bleached vamp on the other side of her friend.

"But that stuff's all settled for now, and it wasn't even until Giles and I thought about the fact that you'd actually moved Spike into your first apartment with you that we realized. This wasn't supposed to be a full-time gig for you.”

"Seriously Xander,” Buffy continued, “we just wanted to thank you for looking after His Chippedness, and give you some good news. We've found a new living situation for Spike!"

Xander and Spike looked at each other. Neither one of them seemed sure how to proceed.

"What sort of situation?" Xander asked slowly. Spike looked angry, and upset, and curious all at once.

"Well, Willow asked around, and we found this really nice demon, Clem. Kind of a shaggy skinned guy? Anyway, he's pretty much harmless, though he can definitely defend himself if he needs to. He and a bunch of other non-threatening demons got thrown out of a warehouse they were squatting in, and he needs a new place. When I asked him if he would take a vamp for a roomie, he was worried, but then when I told him about the chip he seemed more cool with it. And Spike, he seemed really excited about getting you in on some weekly poker game that he has going. He doesn't care if you smoke, he doesn't care if you vamp out, and he seems to be a flexible dude, so I don't think he'll care that you're, like, the most annoying vampire we know. Plus, you even get an official two-week eviction notice. Xander won't have to put up with you for much longer, and you and Clem'll settle back into your old crypt after that. Sounds good, right?"

"How's Spike supposed to get his blood?" Xander asked. Giles raised his eyebrows, for he thought surely Spike would have asked that question.

"Well, we'll all pitch in and get him some - we'll keep it at Giles, since he'll come by anyway for regular meetings." Willow said reasonably. She hadn't known much about this plan other than tracking down the vamp-friendly demon, but once Buffy started explaining it sounded okay to her. Now Xander could leave off his vamp-sitting duties.

"How's Spike supposed to take baths?" Xander asked. Giles's eyebrows shot up so high at this latest inquiry that Spike grimaced.

"Well, the crypt isn't so much with the plumbing, but I guess - wait a sec. Stop. Spike takes *baths* ?" Buffy asked, then giggled helplessly.

"How's Spike supposed to listen to his cds? He won't have electricity in the crypt." Xander looked to Willow.

"Maybe Oz can help us run a line in. It shouldn't be too hard," Willow responded.

"How's Spike supposed to-"

"Will you shut your bleeding trap?" Spike shouted, and they all turned to look at him.

“I’ll worry about meself! You know what?” Spike laughed mercilessly. “Way I see it, you lot are doing me the best favor anyone’s ever done. Back on my own, away from prying and breathing down my neck. Best thing for me. I owe you all a round.” He nodded smugly and sagely as he walked to the entryway, as if the whole thing was going according to plan.

They all sat in silence after Spike slammed the door hard enough to splinter it.

Buffy slipped onto the couch next to Willow. She turned cheerfully to Xander, who seemed—unhappy? Buffy frowned. Where was the glad? The relief from the burden that was Spike lifted from his shoulders?

Xander cleared his throat.

Willow turned towards him seriously, then her face lightened in a way that made Xander back away a few inches without realizing it. “What now—” he began warily.

“You need a new roommate.”

“What? Did I have an old roommate? Spike was more—around, and now…”

“Two bedrooms.” Willow said it firmly as if it obviously signified something. “And you could quit taking on extra hours on the weekends and volunteering for special projects to make up the rent you’re carrying.”

“I don’t know even how—who do we even know? How is it supposed to work?” Xander’s questions came out sounding pathetic even to him. Girls, girls, girls…surrounded by women, not like the fantasies some guys had about harems and playboy bunnies, but fussing, cooing, nagging just-friends. He couldn’t come up with a guy friend at this moment if someone held a gun to his head.

“Oooh! I know this one!” Buffy raised her hand. “You take out an ad in the Sunnydale Union, you interview roommates, you pick some guy who isn’t a psycho and isn’t going to bother you about your going out at weird hours, and viola! Extra rent-cash back in your pocket.”

They all look at her blankly for a moment. “What, I can’t know practical things?” she pouted.

“It would give you a sort of financial cushion, Xander,” Giles remarked. “Also, this would provide someone to help you look after the place. Take some weight off the situation.”

Xander realized that this was about more than Spike, that the other three were all sorts of worried about him, and when did that become something they put on the table so that he could see it?

“Xander.” Willow said it in a warning voice.

“Fine!” He gestured with his hands high in the air, as if he were a puppet and they were pulling the strings. “Sunnydale Union. Ad. Interviews. Someone new to yell at when the milk is all gone.”

And Willow already had a pen and pad of paper out, and Buffy’d helpfully suggested that Xander jack up the other half of the rent so that “you’re getting some bang for your buck,” and blushed prettily when Xander and Willow looked at her like she was seriously wack. Giles put the kettle on, made tea unobtrusively, and soon they were all eating biscuits and chattering, and Xander was already used to the idea of a new roommate as if it was something he came up with himself.

*****