"Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript
>
> [Picard] "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at
> finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to
> access their command pathways?"
>
> [Geordi] "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching
> through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."
>
> [Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.]
>
> [Riker looks puzzled.] "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"
>
> [Data turns to answer.] "Allow me to explain. We sill send this
> program, for some reason called 'Windows,' through the Borg command
> pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming
> system resources at an unstoppable rate.""
> [Picard] "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter
> their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
>
> [Data] "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a
> new version of itself known as an 'upgrade.' The use of resources
> increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will now be able
> to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability
> will be taken over and none will be available for their normal
> operational functions."
>
> [Picard] "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable
> geometric shape' idea."
>
> âââ15 minutes laterâââ.
>
> [Data] "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the
> command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all
> resources. We however have not received any confirmation of the
> expected 'upgrade'."
>
> [Geordi] "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and
> CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an
> 'upgrade' to compensate for their increase."
>
> [Picard] "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is
> something we have missed."
>
> [Data] "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the
> 'upgrade.' Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan
> by not sending in their registration cards."
>
> [Riker] "Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin
> emergency escape sequence 3fâââ.."
>
> [Geordi, excited] "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has
> suddenly dropped to 0%!"
>
> [Picard] "Data, what does your scanners show?"
>
> [Data] "Apparently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module
> named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."
>
> [Picard] "Let's wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce their
> functionality."
>
> ââ..two hours passâââ..
>
> [Riker] "Geordi what's the status on the Borg?"
>
> [Geordi] "As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to
> compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they
> successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space
> monitor beacon to transmit more 'windows' modules from something called
> the 'Microsoft fun-pack.'
>
> [Picard] "How much time will that buy us?"
>
> [Data] "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predict an interest
> time span of 6 more hours."
>
> [Geordi] "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
>
> [Picard] "Identify."
>
> [Data] "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft'
> logo"
>
> [Over the speakers] 'THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT
> FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HEAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE
> IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU
> HAVE 10 SECONDS."
>
> [Data] "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released
> thousands of humanoid shaped objects."
>
> [Picard] "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft."
>
> [Riker] "Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward
> the Borg ship with no life support suits! How can they survive the
> tortures of deep space??"
>
> [Data] "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look
> closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something
> recognized by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases,
> and wearing Armani suits."
>
> [Riker and Picard together horrified] "Lawyers!!!"
>
> [Geordi] 'It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent
> hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
>
> [Data] "Tue, but apparently some most have survived."
>
> [Riker] "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with
> all types of papers."
>
> [Data] "I believe that is knows in ancient vernacular as 'red tape' and
> often proves fatal."
>
> [Riker] "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!"
>
> [Picard] "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the
> Borg deserve that."
>
> --end---