A short time ago in a galaxy right here…


Episode Fifteen: Training, Trains, and Bush

" You have reached terminal velocity. This is the speed that you can fall without actually speeding up." The HAL voice said to Jibran.

" I KNOW WHAT TERMINAL VELOCITY IS SHITHEAD!" Jibran yelled frantically trying to find some way of not falling. He looked all around him. Below, the ground was catching up fast, above, the swarm of birds were chasing after him, and to his side was air, and to his front (but not up) were the controls of the train. Jibran took a look at them and pressed every single button.

" You have tried to escape…for doing this straps will now be issued." The HAL voice said. At that moment, straps came from out of the chairs and strapped Jibran hard to the chair.

" OH NO! NONO!" Jibran yelled kicking and screaming. He tried as hard as he could to escape but failed. The ground continued to get closer and closer. Jibran looked around even more frantically when his eyes caught onto something. They were three buttons named ALT, CTRL, and DELETE. Suddenly an idea popped into his mind. He extended his left leg to press Alt, his right leg held down delete, but he had no more legs to press CTRL. " STUPID HUMAN EVOLUTION!" Jibran yelled. As if insulted, a cosmic voice spoke,

" YOU DON’T INSULT HUMAN EVOLUTION!" And suddenly Jibran had a third leg. All three feet pressed down on the three keys and the ground vanished. Jibran felt as if the universe had suddenly restarted itself. He looked around him and saw stars. For a moment he thought, " I am not falling…yes…YES!" But then another thought kicked in. " I am not falling, but I have no air either!" Moments passed before the laws of breathing kicked in and Jibran started to choke in the airless space…

Jon and everyone floated beside Dave who had abruptly stopped. They all stared at the large door that stood ahead of them.

" Dave says that in time it will open and we will be let through." Jon said.

" Tell Dave he can kiss my ass!" Gates yelled furiously.

Dave spun around and Jon smiled, " Dave tells you that he does not kiss ass…he kicks it. He also says that until now, the person whom the ass belonged to would not notice that Dave had kicked him because Dave was unnoticeable. Aside from that, Dave mentions that there had been many occasions where he had kicked asses and they had seen him. But that was only because they were descendants of the mule family. Mules had, for some strange reason, the ability to see unnoticeable things."

Everyone froze, utterly and completely confused by what Dave had just said through Jon. Cad Man spoke, " And what exactly is behind this door?"

Jon turned to Dave and turned back to Cad Man, " He says that we should wait and find out. He says it is something that will help us all get to the next level of existence." Jon smiled, " Sounds interesting."

" How much longer must we wait?" Gates asked looking at his watch.

" As long as Bob says…and Dave says your watch is wrong." Jon said.

" Who the hell is Bob? AND WHY IS MY WATCH WRONG?" Gates yelled.

Jon smiled again and replied,

" Bob is another like Dave, there are many people like them…that even they don’t notice sometimes! And your watch is wrong because one, apparently we are in cosmic standard time, two because its out of batteries, and three…its not a watch, it’s an onion ring bracelet."

Everyone turned to Gates and saw that indeed he was wearing an Onion Ring Bracelet. He frowned, " Damn it, it would have been a great market product!"

Eight and the others stood facing one another. " All right everyone. First thing is first, we will test your abilities by pitting you against one another. Everyone for themselves. You may begin." At that moment, everyone seemed to vanish and small but random explosions filled the sky. Eight screamed, " WHAT THE! YOU STOP!" Everyone stopped, " I want you all to tell me, HOW THE HELL YOU CAN DO THIS? I SPENT MY ENTIRE LIFE TRAINING, FIGHTING AND STRUGGLING TO GET TO WHERE I AM, SO WHAT RIGOROUS TRAINING DID YOU GO THROUGH?"

Everyone turned to look at one another and Chrissy stepped forward, " Umm…we didn’t really have any training."

If this were a cartoon, Eight's jaw would drop 3 meters. Because the laws of the Multiverse were broken, his jaw dropped 4 meters instead. Eight pulled back his jaw and stared at Jia,


Jia replied, " Nope…kinda cool isn't it?"

Eight smiled and said very calmly, " Kindly wait a moment please…" Eight floated to the ocean where he lowered himself into the water. At first nothing happened. But then everyone saw that large bubbles of swearing were appearing on the surface of the ocean. The Ocean itself seemed to be swirling as if doing so on behalf of Eight's anger. And it was indeed! Massive tidal waves formed and as the water formed a large hurricane like object, Eight was heard clearly finishing his swearing,

" KILL THEM ALL THE SMART ASS BASTARDS!" He floated back to the level everyone else was at and the waves fell down. " There…that was much needed. Now…on to our training." He was breathing heavily, " Uh…let us all…uh…start with tests of speed."

" Are we gonna have a race?" Michelle asked.

Eight grinned, " Fly from here to the moon and back 100 times." Everyone's jaw dropped 5 meters. " And aside from that, you have to do it with your eyes closed."

Everyone aligned themselves in a line and on Eight's mark began the race leaving trails of energy in the sky as they flew.

Eight and Celine floated and stared at one another, " Eight, did all that cursing in the water really help?"

" Yes it did…" Eight replied.

" Then excuse me." Celine floated to the ocean where she too began cursing under water.

Sina stared at the many Earths blasting and attacking one another. He couldn’t believe his eyes as he saw multiple nuclear explosions occur on many of the planets. "Holy crap…tell me, why are so many Earth's cluttered here?"

The alien replied, " We have not a clue! But there is one common theme to all of these planets." Britney and Sina stared at him, " Notice how poorly guided the missiles are? Notice how stupidly the planets are attacking one another? Well, the reason is that in all of these Earths, Bush is supreme emperor of Earth."

Sina gaped at what he was seeing, " YOU LIE! Because if Bush was made emperor of the Earth…well…if I know my multiverse correctly, the multiverse would revert back to some primitive form because of the infinite stupidity of the man. Its like…going from a 10000000000000GHZ processor back to a 1 to the exponent negative 10000000000000 HZ processor. I mean, holy crap! The multiverse wouldn’t allow such a thing!"

" You are right, he is merely president of the United States." He coughed, "Actually, in these realities, the United States of America was renamed to The United Idiots States of Bushonia. Catchy title, don’t you think? But you can see why so many things are stupid in these realities…cant you?"

Sina nodded, " My god. I cant believe that realities exist where people actually voted for Bush as President…"

Britney nudged him, " Our reality did that…"

" YOU QUIET! I WILL NOT HAVE YOU BAD MOUTHING OUT REALITY!" Sina yelled angrily. " Besides, we to find some way back home anyway! There has to be some way. Listen, uh…what is your name?" Sina asked the alien.

" I am Dave." The alien asked. For some reason, Sina's eye twitched.

" Hello Dave, I am Sina. Anyhow, do you know of any way to get back to a particular Earth with this magnificent ship of yours?"

" This isn't a ship…it’s a 1990 Hyundai…" The alien said casually. Sina looked around and nodded, indeed it was.

" Whatever, nice car. But is there any way to get back to my Earth?" Sina asked.

" Nope. I mean, there are infinite realities, and since they have all merged, there really isn't any way to get you back home. I could probably get you to a place that is a lot like home, maybe an atom could be off, but that’s the best I could do. What you are asking is like finding a needle in the haystack in my trunk." Dave said.

Sina crawled into the trunk and drew out a needle, " This it?" Sina asked holding it up.

" WHAT THE? YOU DON’T KNOW MY HAYSTACK BETTER THAN ME! Holy cow…umm…there still isn't any way to get you guys home…really sorry. In the meantime, could you help me with my problem?"

" And your problem is what?" Britney asked.

" Well, you see the crossfire involved between the Earths? Well…I left something really important on one of these Earths. I have to find it before anything cool can happen." Dave said.

" What is it?" Sina asked.

" Somewhere on one of these planets, I left the only talking train in the entire multiverse here…it’s a cool train and it can talk and all…really cool. Anyhow, I have no clue where I left it. And I really need to find it! I mean, the poor thing is probably scared stiff! It only knows of me, Dave, its master. Please help me find it."

" Well…it seems like an impossible task. But I mean impossibilities are my specialty!"

" GOOD! THEN YOU WILL HELP?" Dave asked jumping up and down.

" Nope!" Sina said smiling.

" Too bad…" Dave said. He pressed a button and Britney and Sina fell towards the first Earth. Behind them, Dave yelled, " AND I WILL TRANSPORT YOU TO THE NEXT PLANET IN 1 DAY! SEE YA!"

Sina fell and again he tried to fly but found that he could not. As he fell, he sensed something rather odd. His eyes caught sight of something sparkling, but he wasn’t sure what it was. He did sense a being inside whatever it was and he spoke under his breath, "Jibran…" They fell towards the first Earth…

Jon stared at his surroundings and frowned. " This sucks…" He muttered to himself. " I made a big mistake coming here! And now not only is the multiverse merged, but Jack is gone, and I am left here…all alone. This sucks." He looked around him. He had been here for some time now, but he hadn't bothered doing anything about it, until now. He started flying in all directions.

" What I need is a connection to someone, somewhere to get me out of these out on the edge of the universe place…"

Suddenly a voice was heard behind him, screaming…then another voice, and another and another. He spun around and saw to his horror that they were all ascending on him.



An angry Turing face joined in and said nothing, but it was angry. The first time that had ever happened.

" Listen…guys!" Jon began. Cad Man yelled,


" Look! It wasn’t me! Something went wrong with out merger! It wasn’t supposed to happen that way. Something went wrong with our merger! Something went wrong wrong! It wasn’t me!"

" OH YEAH! Turing says that it wasn’t him that cause the 0 to turn into a 1!"

" WELL IT SURE AS HELL WASN’T ME!" Jon yelled. " Look, I know that we have all been through a lot, but I mean, THIS ISNT MY FAULT!" Jon yelled almost in a chuckle.

" YOU DON’T LIE SO HORRIBLY! Turing says that the one is still there! You haven't changed at all!" Max Man yelled.

" LOOK! A DISTRACTION!" Jon yelled. Everyone turned around and it was this moment that Jon did something he had prepared for in the moment of escape, powers or no powers. From out of his pocket came a small dragon figurine. He threw it into the space before him and it exploded revealing a true dragon.

" EVAD!" Jon yelled. " HERE BOY!" And the dragon flew under Jon and carried him away. Everyone spun around and saw that Jon was making a run for it.

" LOOK! JON IS MAKING A RUN FOR IT!" Cad Man yelled.

Everyone could see that.

"Everyone can see that." Max Man said.

" SEE YOU LATER SUCKERS! AHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAA!" Jon laughed as he flew away. As he did fly away, he took something out of his pocket. It was his special glasses, the ones that allowed him to see the code of the universe. He put those glasses on and rubbed his chin, " Hmmm…why did we all unmerge? It shouldn’t have happened?" He took out his Organizer (Rest in Piece little friend) and tapped a few keys on it. "Well, looks like refman needs some serious modifying if I am to merge with them again…"