A short time ago in all of space right here…


Episode Twenty-Eight: All and Too Late


            Flying towards the planet as fast as it was possible, Eight had bloodlust in his eyes. He wanted to spill Jack’s blood, kick his decapitated body several times, jump on the ashes of Jack’s corpse so much until his boots degraded along with his feet until the ashes were absolutely vaporised on account of too much jumping on them.

            At that moment, something very interesting happened. Numerous vortexes appeared out of nowhere and from them flew out a tiny silver ship. Eight caught a glance of something silver in the corner of his eyes but was too occupied with killing Jack to know what it was. The tiny ship was John Trenmill’s time ship which he had recovered after escaping the wrath of evil Jibby.

            “ Hey, who the hell are you?” Adit yelled (this was another Adit that had not yet died.

            “ QUICK YOU! CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE I CAN FIND SOMEONE NAMED JACK?” John Trenmill asked quickly hopping out of the ship.

            “ JJJJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCKKKK!!!” Eight yelled flying right past John causing him to spin.

            John was caught off guard and Adit said, “One of the Jacks is right there…ummm, the guy Eight wants to kill…”

            “ CRAP! IS EVERYONE DEAD?” John asked shaking Adit by the collar.

            “ Umm…yeah, basically everyone from this world is.” Adit replied pushing John off. He noticed how identical John was to both Eight and Jack and he yelled, “DON’T TELL ME! YOU ARE THEIR FATHER!”

            “ No…but if they don’t stop fighting, the timeline will become soooo screwed over, you may end up as their father….AND MOTHER!” John yelled. “I’ve got to get them to stop fighting! They don’t realise what they are doing!” John yelled hopping back into the silver ship. “I HAVE TO GET THEM TO STOP! FOR THE SAKE OF EVERYTHING THAT EVER WAS!" The silver ship flew off and headed towards the Earth at full speed, as did the many other silver ships from the other realities.


            Eight slammed through the atmosphere of the Eight and lit up the entire sky above the planet as his fury and energy mixed in the ozone. His eyes were a bright reddish colour and Eight had lost all sense of his mind. The moment Celine had died, Eight was pushed completely over the edge. He flew towards Jack as fast as he could and blasted a large wave of energy at him.

            “ ALIVE? Still? YAY! One more bug for me to squash!” Jack yelled dodging the energy.

            “ DDDDIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!” EIGHT YELLED GATHERING AS MUCH ENERGY AS HE COULD IN HIS HAND (ooops…didn’t need to yell that part). Eight unleashed the energy and Jack aimed his palms at the oncoming energy, wanting to test his abilities. He released his own energy and the two collided head on in the sky. Jack realised that the energy was headed his direction, a sign that he was being overpowered.

            “NO!” Jack yelled angrily. He closed his eyes and summoned as much energy as he could muster sending the wave back to Eight. It hit Eight hard but had little effect. At that moment, Eight aimed his palms at the planet and yelled out, “I WILL KILL YOU! DIE!” The ground below started to shake violently and a large chunk of the Earth (roughly 34 km across) flew up and slammed into Jack’s back. Eight then crushed his palms together causing the piece to crush Jack.

            From the center of the piece, Jack released a shockwave which destroyed all of the land around him. He floated high up to where Eight was and stared at him bitterly, his lip bleeding. “ Now I am pissed…”

            At that moment, John entered the atmosphere but before he could tell Eight or Jack anything, the two of them vanished and the sky lit up. It was as if the sky had suddenly become a large bag of popcorn. Every time Eight and Jack collided, the location of their impact released a massive shockwave. The entire sky was lit up as dozens of these explosions became imminent in the sky on account of the speed of the battle.

            From above the planet, it was like watching 3000000 microwaves heating the same popcorn bags. Above all the planets, this same explosion of pop-corn energy was evident and the entire multiverse lit up for the duration of the impacts.

            “ DAMN YOU TWO! LISTEN TO ME!” John yelled through the link. Unfortunately, both of them were too busy trying to kill each other as they punched, kicked, and blasted at one another 100 times a second. John made fists and said, “They both think that if they kill the other, their mission is complete…if either of them die, THIS MULTIVERSE IS SCREWED!” John set a course for where Eight and Jack were fighting and flew there as fast as he could. It was futile since Jack and Eight were moving faster than anyone’s eyes could keep up, nevermind the speed of John’s ship.

            At one point, several Jacks and Eights flew in the same area of space and fought one another before departing back to their Earths and fighting there. The speed at which they were fighting was incredible. “STOP IT!” John yelled. Suddenly, a light appeared ahead of him and he saw a body crash into his windshield.

            “ UNCLE JOHN!” The person who was in his windshield said. John nearly had a heart attack.

            “ KID?!?!?! WHO ARE YOU?” John yelled angrily.

            “ I’m Eric…don’t you remember me? Eight’s son!” The child said smiling. He was a child of about 10 or 11, his hair a light brown, and his eyes dark red. His facial features showed that of Eight’s and Celine’s. John’s face went white.

            “ No…” He said. “Kid, I am really sorry for doing this…” John kicked the kid out of the windshield and flew towards Eight and Jack. The kid floated in space with an environment shield up and gasped,

            “ DAD! WHY ARE YOU FIGHTING JACK?” He yelled. At that moment, another kid appeared behind him and yelled,

            “ Same reason you and I are fighting…” The kid said.

            “ Seth? What the hell are you doing here?” Eric asked surprised. This version of Seth (Jack’s son) looked much older than before. His face showed ages of fighting, and a violent past. Before Eric could open his mouth, his jaw was kicked by Seth.

            “ YOU BASTARD GUY!” Eric yelled. The two of them engaged in a battle, slightly faster than the battle Jack and Eight were in. For a moment, all the Eights and Jacks stopped fighting as they sensed two stronger energy readings fighting around them. Before they could see who or what they were, they vanished from this timeline. John shook his head and said, “Crap…the last laws of the multiverse are slowly collapsing…”


            God and Satan were having a game of chess when suddenly the ground shook sending the pieces tumbling to the floor. “AH HELL!” God yelled. “Satan, be right back…I gotta shut up Eight and Jack.”

            From where they were battling, Jack and Eight saw a flash of white light. Suddenly, a large finger appeared blocking both of them. A godly voice yelled out, “WILL YOU TWO STOP IT? SATAN AND I ARE HAVING A SUPREME RULER CHESS GAME! KEEP IT DOWN!” Before he could finish, Jack grabbed God’s finger and tossed the godly being crashing into the Earth leaving a large ass mark on it. God got up and made fists, “I WILL HURT YOU FOR THAT!” Before he could kill Jack, Jack took out a pack of Menthos and the conflict was resolved. God smiled and said, “Carry on then…” He floated back into the heavens and continued the chess game.


            Tori was shaking along with Michelle, Chrissy and everyone in the school. “You know, I was always scared that large asses may fall from the sky, BUT THAT WAS RIDICULOUS!” Tori yelled. At that moment, on the TV, a reporter was yelling,

            “ PEOPLE OF EARTH! IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS BATTLE GOD STEPPED DOWN FROM THE HEAVENS! Although it was unexpected that he sit on several million people crushing them, the scripts of the prophets were true! There truly is a god it seems, but I am just confused as to why he had to crush us like that! IM CONVERTING TO SOME GODLESS RELIGION!” The reported yelled running away.

            Another reporter popped in from out of nowhere and said, “And on a minor note, we have several reports of people appearing out of nowhere claiming to be other people and then vanishing. If you experience this, please do not waste time by calling 911 or something, just shut up and hope the problem goes away…Thank you.” The TV set suddenly turned off and Chrissy knew why. Right beside the school, a blast of light had appeared, one of the locations Eight and Jack had collided.

            “Cmon Eight…kick Jack’s ass…” Chrissy hoped.


            The battle went on furiously, destroying several dozen comets and meteors as Eight and Jack collided. Most of the outer belt of the solar system was gone and 3 moons had also suffered the fate of total destruction. Eight and Jack landed on two separate chunks of rock and stared at one another, bitterly.

            “ Somehow we have evened out…” Jack said.

            “ You pushed me over the edge you moron…” Eight replied angrily.

            “ Well no matter…now I will kill you…” Jack said. He closed his eyes. Eight did the same thing. They had been fighting for only a few minutes, but they had punched and kicked one another over 3 trillion times. Both were almost exhausted. Now there was only one thing remaining…to blast the other away. Eight closed his eyes and started to create a large ball of energy. His intention was to throw it at Jack, teleport behind him, and send the wave of energy at him while he held Jack in place for the energy to hit him. What Eight didn’t know, was that Jack had the exact same plan, this would result in one big huge cosmic mess since all of the alternate versions of Jack and Eight were doing the same thing.


            “Computer, will these two energy balls collide?” John asked the computer. It bleeped and replied, “Negative…they will continue to fly until they destroy any one object in their path…this original technique of highly focused energy was used by Comrad who-“

            “ SHUT UP! I DIDN’T ASK FOR YOUR LIFE’S STORY!” John yelled slapping the computer. He set the coordinates for reaching Eight and Jack and said, “This attack takes 3 minutes to completely power up…I have more than enough time to get to them…COMPUTER, ENGAGE!”

            “ I can’t do that John.” The computer said suddenly. John’s eyes went wide, “WHY THE HELL NOT?”

            “ There is something wrong with my engines…no energy left. All avilable energy was used to get you that haircut you wanted at the Multiverse’s Ends Haircut salon.”

            John screamed out loud…which was dumb since no one can hear you scream in space. “NOOOOO!!” John yelled. He had to get to Jack and Eight…it was stupid of him to get that haircut…shit, why did he think he looked ugly?

            “ WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? GET OUT AND PUSH?” John yelled at the computer. The computer paused for a moment and John said to himself, “If you say yes to that question I will seriously kick you…”

            The computer replied, “Affirmative…getting out and pushing is a good idea.”

            John kicked the computer furiously in a fit of anger.


            “HEY YOU! YOU CUT IN LINE!” Sina yelled. The person spun around and Sina gasped…it was HIMSELF! “WHAT THE?” Both Sina’s yelled.

            “ NOOO!!! TWO SHITHEADS!” Jibran yelled. At the same time, both Sina’s turned to Jibran and yelled,

            “ SHUT UP!”

            “ WHO ARE YOU?” Sina asked.

            “ I am you…I think…tell me about your history.” Sina replied.

            “ Well, I was just killed by Bill Gates and Britney Spears…they tortured me and-“


            “ Yes…how did you…WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!” Both Sina’s fell over and started punching at one another and rolling onto the ground.

            “ My god…its Sina…original Sina! The one from War of Chaos I! That makes no sense cause that Sina died a looong time ago! He should have passed this lineup! Unless…time is screwing up again releasing alternate timestreams into our own.” Cad Man said.

            “ YOU IDIOT! THAT’S WHAT THE REPORTER SAID! My god…the Multiverse is in bad shape…and if I am not wrong, Jack and Eight will be dying in a few seconds…taking us and the multiverse down with them. Were screwed…” Jon said sadly.

            “ HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I SAID THAT?” Rama yelled out loud.

            “ Far too many…we are screwed…” John said. They all turned to the screen where Eight and Jack were about to blast the balls of energy at one another.


            Jack and Eight blasted the balls of energy at one another…and for the sake of suspense, time slowed down. The balls of energy flew closer and closer to one another and Eight started his teleport. Halfway through the teleport, he saw to his horror that on the other side of the balls of energy, Jack was also teleporting. The two balls of energy flew past one another and Eight had no energy left to stop the teleport. He appeared where he was supposed to, as did Jack. They both saw to their horrors that the other was not there and that their own ball of energy was flying right at them. They closed their eyes and bit their lower lips…both of them were scraped and beaten badly…but this was too much.

            John watched with horror as the balls closed in on the very people that had created them. He lowered his head and started to cry, overpowering the sound of the computer going nuts and singing “99 bottles of beer on the wall…” In the afterlife, everyone saw the exact same thing. On their faces was the look of terror. At that same moment, Satan checkmated God and his face turned into the same face everyone else had. At that moment, several thousand versions of people appeared on the Woodlands school, muttered something and vanished. At that moment, a cow fell on Nurdin’s head from out of nowhere. At that moment, something happened on the other side of the Multiverse. Vortec saw to his horror two beings appearing and killing off 35 million Vortecians in a single shot…at that moment, Ricky, up in the afterlife, felt a chill go down his spine as he felt 35 million lives suddenly vanish. At that moment, something happened that had never happened before, holes started appearing in the fabric of space and time, causing things to go haywire…the holes vanished and then returned. And all of this was because of a haircut…because John got a haircut and didn’t get to Eight and Jack in time.

            The holes erupted into flames and the Multiverse started to collapse on itself. Suddenly, time sped up again. Eight got hit by his own ball of energy, Jack got hit by his own ball of energy. This was the case for all of their counter parts as well. Eight killed himself in a sense, Jack killed himself in a sense. They both killed each other a million trillion times as the Multiverse erupted into destruction around them.

            For a single moment in time, the duration of time that took for Jack and Eight to see their whole lives flash before their eyes, total chaos broke loose as all the timeline’s merged. Suddenly, the multiverse became filled within a single moment, and at that same moment that Eight and Jack completed their little flashbacks, they relived the moment where they killed one another.

            As if the entire Multiverse revolved around them somehow, the moment Jack and Eight closed their eyes for an eternal sleep, the Multiverse around them prepared to do the same.

            “ Goodbye…” Eight and Jack said at the same time. There were so many of them that the entire Multiverse sounded as if it was saying goodbye. Heaven and hell collided, the skies went inferno, reverends cried out for it was doomsday…the entire multiverse collapsed on itself and said goodbye.

            Eight and Jack closed their eyes and there was darkness…for them, and for the entire Multiverse, past, present and future…


Stupid haircut…