A short time ago in all of space right here…
WAR OF CHAOS III.5!!!
Episode twenty-nine: Trimmings and Time Warps
“Do me the usual Bob.” John Trenmill said sitting down at the “No Time Wasted Hair Salon.” Behind him was the beautiful backdrop of the multiverse and the 1000 armed creature named Bob came up to him and began to trim. “Could you make it a bit quicker? I have a multiverse to save.” John took out his copy of the “Popular Time Trippers” Science magazine and began reading it. AS he was reading the article on the moron who got lost in time, he noticed that there were new words appearing.
“ What the heck?” John said looking at the page that was strangely changing. John was used to this kind of stuff since the magazine was constantly changed due to changing timelines. But what words appeared caught John’s attention. “Jack and Eight destroy themselves and Multiverse.” John jumped up causing the barber to miss his head completely and chop up one of his 1000 arms.
“ Aw CRAP! That’s the 250th time that’s happened! Lousy arms…sit your ass down Mr. Trenmill and stop moving!” Bob yelled angrily. The moment John was about to sit down, his pager started beeping histarically. Since it was a vibrating pager, John nearly fell off the seat. He took a look at the pager and gasped,
“ IDIOT SHITHEAD JOHN! THIS IS JOHN! THIS IS THE 100000000th TIME IM SENDING YOU THIS MESSAGE! AS A RESULT OF MY STUPID HAIRCUT, THE MULTIVERSE AND ALL OF TIME WERE DESTROYED! GET YOUR ASS TO YOUR SHIP AND GET TO JACK AND EIGHT BEFORE THEY SCREW EVERYTHING OVER!” The pager yelled out. John yelled,
“ SORRY BOB! Gotta go and save multiverse!” John ran out the barber shop and Bob muttered to himself,
“Lousy cheapskate… didn’t even tip me…”
“ COMPUTER! SET TEMPORTAL COORDINATES! October 30, 2001, reality identification 88.” John yelled inside the ship the moment he jumped in. The ship’s hyper drive activated and his pager beeped again,
“ SHITHEAD JOHN! TRIP TO HAIRCUT WILL LOWER YOUR FUEL! ITS ALREADY HAPPENED TO ME 10000000000 TIMES! TRAVEL BACK IN TIME BEFORE YOU GO TO THE HAIRCUT AND STOP YOURSELF FROM DOING SO!” The pager yelled.
John shook his head in confusion, “Man, I must have screwed up really badly this time to be sending this many messages across time…I just hope this isn’t the case with the fax machine. Computer, set temporal co-ordinates to October 30, 5001, reality 88. Engage.” John did so and the space around him vanished and he was suddenly back in his science lab.
Professor Farlane (John’s companion in the Temporal Research field) was there to greet him. “ What the? I just saw you get out of this ship! Something wrong?”
John hopped out of the ship and yelled, “CANT TALK GOTTA GO SAVE MULTIVERSE FROM TOTAL DESTRUCTION!” He ran by the professor nearly knocking him over. John continued running and the moment he was out of the science building, started to fly towards his house where he knew he (from the past) would be preparing to arrive to pick up his keys for the timeship moments before going to the barber’s.
John made it back home before the other John did and screamed as he saw the messages on the answering machine, “1000000 new messages.” The machine read. John pressed the play button and was blown away by the Dolby Stereo system yelling,
“ JOOOHHHNNNN!! THIS IS JOHN!!! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! JACK AND EIGHT ARE KILLING EACH OTHER AND SCREWING UP THE TIMELINE!” Message two, “JOHN! FOR CRISTS SAKE! WHERE ARE YOU? THIS IS JOHN! JACK AND EIGHT ARE KILLING EACH OTHER!” Message three, “ CRAP! THE UNIVERSE IS COLLAPSING!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-“ Message four “HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” Message five, “HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” Message six, “HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” Message seven, “Hi, John, this is Samantha Powell (Three’s girl friend) calling about Three’s crazy sensation that he keeps seeing a rooster named Nurdin being disintegrated. Gimme a call when you get this message.”
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Message nine, “HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
John pressed the delete button after that having hear enough when he heard,
“ WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?” Past John yelled.
“ John!” John yelled. “You cant go to the barbers! If you do, everything will be blown to bits and were all gonna die!” The other John frowned, “Look, I have seen nearly 50 other John’s today telling me the same thing…so in other words, YOUR ALL FULL OF CRAP!”
At that moment, Past John’s pager yelled out, “NO WE ARE NOT FULL OF CRAP! DAMN IT! LISTEN TO US! TIME IS BEING DESTROYED! YOU GOTTA CANCEL YOUR APPOINTMENT!” Past John frowned again and said,
“ Oh boy, gotta phone Bob, and he isn’t going to like this.” Past John made his phone call and ran with John to the timeship where he hopped inside and set the proper temporal co-ordinates. With that, he waved John goodbye and left (having not getting his haircut) to save all of space and time…
At that moment, Celine realized that there must have been some external force acting upon Jack. Her final thoughts were interrupted abruptly and Celine felt a sudden rush of pain. There was no more pain after that and then she fell…
Her body fell to the ground slowly, Celine’s eyes open, seeing Jack at odd angles as her life flashed before her. As if every sound around her was amplified, Celine felt she could hear a heartbeat, not Jacks, not her own, but Eight’s. Her lips parted and curved into an innocent smile, and then the thud was made engulfing Celine’s mind, the last sound she heard, her own death. Celine’s eyes became empty and soulless…
From out of nowhere, several bright lights appeared as Eight blasted the moon to many little bits, flying out and screaming in bloodthirsty rage, Jack’s name. The moment before the two of them engaged in their battle, a second light appeared and suddenly they both found that they could not move.
“WHAT THE HECK?” Jack yelled trying to move.
“ JACK! I WILL KILL YOU!” Eight yelled.
“ Yeah, yeah, whatever…why cant I move?” Jack yelled.
“Because, I have put you both in temporal status!” John said appearing just at the proper time.
“ JOHN! YOUR ALIVE! I THOUGHT JACK KILLED YOU!” Eight yelled.
“ I did…” Jack said slightly confused.
“ Listen to me both of you…” John began.
Throughout the entire Multiverse, all of the many John’s spoke in one unified voice, trying to explain what had happened. His voice could be heard all over the Multiverse and the ratings for people hearing him were 100%. Even the people in the afterlife could hear his voice. Everyone indeed was listening to John.
“ Listen to me. Jack and Eight, you are both under external influences. I will clear you both of those influences later but first I must explain to you both what has destroyed this multiverse nearly a trillion times. You both came to Earth on a mission, to eradicate the other in hopes of restoring your timelines. Well, what you in fact did was screw it up even more. Instead of time flowing properly, you both killing each other caused time to go in a circle…observe this destruction.” John pressed a button and a hologram appeared (rated PG –13) showing Jack and Eight blasting balls of energy at one another and hitting themselves. All around them they watched as the hologram showed everything in existence being blown to bits. John stopped the hologram and said, “There is a reason why the timeline was messed up, why it wasn’t flowing properly in your times. Jack, I hate to tell you this, but if my calculations are correct, you are a mistake.”
“ YOU BASTARD! I WILL KILL YOU! HOW DARE YOU SAY I WAS A MISTAKE!” At that moment a large piece of duct tape appeared on Jack’s mouth shutting him up.
“ Somehow, you are the output of a really screwed up multiverse, in essence a multiverse after Eight’s multiverse. As if a big crunch happened giving birth to your reality. But I must tell you both that the moment you both lost control over your emotions, you both became influenced.” John pressed a button and the red glow in Jack and Eight’s eyes flickered and then vanished. Suddenly, both their minds seemed clear and they no longer had the need to fight. “ The random people that have appeared on the planet from different timelines are the cause of the instabilities in the timeline. Although both of you have a valid mission, it was headed in the wrong direction. There is a much larger scale here than either of you can imagine, something greater that any of you could. I am not sure when they will arrive, but when they do, you will all sense their presence. Something bad is about to happen and I just thought I should stop you both from fighting.” John stopped and quickly added, “Oh by the way, Jack and Eight, you were both under the influence of Stephanie and Steve.”
Eight frowned in confusion and said, “Who and what? Who are they?” But when Eight turned to Jack, he saw an anger within Jack unlike anything he had ever seen before. Jack made fists and stood on the ground, the glow around his body increasing, Eight could sense Jack reaching his full abilities as emotional anger took over. Fortunately, John had set up a field around Jack’s mind preventing any further influence. But never the less, Jack looked very pissed. Suddenly, to everyone’s surprise, Jack unleashed a very very loud cry and slammed his fist on the ground causing massive earthquakes to be felt all over the world.
Jack got up and was breathing very heavily, “ DAMN THEM!!! I SWEAR IT THIS DAY THAT I WILL KILL THEM! FOR WHAT THEY DID TO ME, FOR WHAT THEY DID TO COMRAD ONE, FOR WHAT THEY DID TO SO MANY PEOPLE, I WILL KILL THEM ONCE AND FOR ALL! LIFE HAS NO OTHER MEANING FOR ME OTHER THAN TO KILL THE TWO OF THEM!” Jack yelled out.
“ So, I take it you know them?” Eight asked.
Jack grabbed Eight’s collar and spat, “YOU IDIOT! FOOLS! YOU HAVE NO CLUE THEIR POWER!” He released Eight and knelt down in sadness, “I thought I had successfully killed them…I thought the horror was over…but it isn’t. WHY DO YOU MOCK ME FATE?”
“ Cause I don’t like you.” A cosmic voice replied.
John smiled and said, “Good, now that the multiverse is saved for now, its time for a little timewarp.” John looked up and yelled, “Uh, God, little help here? I need you to bring back to life everyone Jack and Eight killed in War of Chaos 3.5.”
A godly voice yelled, “OH COME ON MAN! How many times have I done a timewarp to save lives? For crying out loud John, cant you keep these idiots from dying? GEEZ! This is the last time I am doing this timewarp thingy!” A white light appeared and suddenly everyone that had died in this episode was back, with their bodies intact, slightly confused, but intact never the less.
Bill Gates and Britney Spears were at the gates of heaven and were about to step through when they suddenly fell back to the Earth, alive and well.
“ WHAT THE??? NOOOOOOOOO!!!” They both yelled angrily having lost their chance to get into heaven.
“ HEY! LOOK AT ME! I AM HUMAN AGAIN!” Nurdin yelled with joy.
“ Oh…sorry, my bad.” God said. Nurdin suddenly turned into a rooster once again and he yelled,
“ NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Sina walked up to John with a kind of recognition in his face and said,
“ Thank you…now, what in gods name are Stephanie and Steve?” Before John could answer, he was trampled by Celine and Tricia who both ran into the arms of Eight and Jack engaging in a long embrace.
“ CELINE! WOW! It worked! You all here!” Eight yelled kissing Celine.
“ TRICIA! My dear, look at you!” Jack yelled smiling, “Looking better than ever my dear! Last time I saw you, you were being vaporized by the Xeenith attack forces back home after we attacked Eight and were sent back thanks to Galictar.”
“ Hey, did someone say my name?” Galictar said appearing behind Jack.
“ HEY! WHY ARE YOU ALIVE? YOU DIDN’T DIE IN WAR OF CHAOS 3.5!!!” Jack yelled getting into an attack stance.
“ Stop it you two…we must all put aside our differences if we are to defeat Stephanie and Steve, the greatest beings in the entire multiverse. There is no way to describe them, you must wait and see their powers before you can know truly how powerful they are.” John said getting in the way of Galictar and Jack.
“ HEY! Gordon’s here!” John yelled. Gordon appeared looking a little dazed and confused. John asked, “But, you didn’t die!”
“ Didn’t I?” Gordon asked with that amused look on his face. Everyone nodded in agreement and started to laugh. There was laughter all over the Multiverse as people rejoiced after a long and bloody battle. Everyone was happy, especially God and Satan since they didn’t have so many dead people to worry about.
“ So! What do we all do now?” Sina asked.
“ I suggest we prepare for their arrival…” Jack said crossing his arms and shaking his head, “This time, they must die…if they don’t, may we all be horribly killed somehow.” Everyone shivered at the unconvincing through. Suddenly Cad Man said,
“ HEY JOHN! Look behind you! Its Dave!”
John chuckled and said, “Oh, you think I am that stupid! You can see Dave.” He spun around and completely had a random heart attack, “WAAAAAAHHH!!! DAVE! I CAN SEE YOU! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?”
Dave spoke in a very concerned voice, flickering in and out of existence as if he were a TV loosing its cable connection. Everyone in the Multiverse could hear Dave as he said,
“ John, we have a big huge cosmic problem…”
John smiled and said, “Yeah, I know! Stephanie and Steve are coming!”
Dave shook his head, “No, there is something headed your way before them. Stephanie and Steve did reach our realm and did some massive chaos there. Our realm was thrown into mass rebellion and chaos. Stephanie and Steve somehow influenced the minds of our people and now they’ve been causing havoc.”
At that moment, the skies began to shake and a large hole appeared out of nowhere releasing from it’s mouth a large army of Vortecians flying out and blasting energy inside the hole. Ricky closed his eyes and connected with the Vortecians to find out what was going on; he gasped at what he heard and saw.
From the hole flew out billions of oddly shaped beings, all flickering in and out of existence like Dave. The Vortecians were attacking them in efforts of stopping them, but they were clearly overwhelmed. John watched with horror as he saw something he had not predicted. The skies were now completely dark and they could see a massive battle taking place overhead of the Multiverse as the otherealm beings fought with Vortecians. John shook his head and said, “No…the chaos, it will make Stephanie and Steve stronger…” Jack gritted his teeth and yelled,
“ DAMN YOU ALL!” He flew up into the air with anger and joined the battle followed by Celine, Eight, Tricia, Jon, Cad Man, Jibran, Max Man, Turing Man, Ricky, Graham, Rama, Adit and millions of Cad and Max men along with thousands of jet fighters. John yelled,
“ NO! STOP IT! DON’T FIGHT! DON’T ADD TO THE CHAOS! PLEASE!” But it was too late. Everyone around him flew up into the air along with Dave as he yelled, “GET BACK TO OUR OWN UNIVERSE YA LOUSY REBELS!”
A voice replied louder than Dave’s. It was the voice of Sanjee, another member of Dave’s species. “The way is over…we must now pave the way for a new era…the era of total destruction and chaos. The descent into chaos will soon begin…”
John couldn’t believe what he was seeing. From all the different Earth’s that had merged into one reality, thousands of Eight’s, Jacks, Celine’s and indeed thousands upon millions of copies of other people flew out and started to join the battle in an attempt to close the portal or defeat the Dave Rebels.
Above the skies of the Multiverse, lightning and cosmic energy crackled as the multiverse turned into a large battlefield for chaos. It seemed to be everyone versus the Dave Rebels. Jack flew into the battle and activated his crystal once again preparing to defend this multiverse from total destruction.
As Jack flew into the battle, the skies suddenly started to get darker, much darker than the blackest sky. Most of the focus was on the cosmic battle, but many looked to the left of the multiverse where a large black cloud of total sheer lack of light (blacker than a black hole) was headed towards them.
Cad, Max, Turing Man and Jon immediately froze as did their reality counterparts. John opened his eyes wide as he sensed what it was headed in their direction. He opened his mouth out loud and yelled, “ SSSSSHHHHHIIIIIIITTTTTT! ACK DAVE BOB SHIT DIDLY CRAP!”
“ WHAT? Hello.” Ryan said from out of nowhere. John shook his head with total fear.
“ No…they did it…they actually succeeded. After all this time…they succeeded. WE HAVE A BIGGER PROBLEM ON OUR HANDS THAN WE THOUGHT!”
The skies suddenly began to shake furiously as the object within the dark cloud began to speak in a voice louder than God’s,
“WHAHAHAHAHAHA! This Multiverse is ours…Jack Thorne, you will merge with us (LORD CHOVAS) or die!” Jack couldn’t believe what he was hearing and he powered up his energies even more.
“ Why do they want you Jack?” Tricia asked concerned.
Jack shook his head and said, “Do you remember the weird people who tried to absorb me in War of Chaos III?” Tricia nodded hesitantly, Jack continued, “It is them…it’s the evil Jibran, Sina and Code Warrior! And now they have merged to form the ultimate being…crap….we are in deep ding dong!”
Indeed this was the case…after many episodes of nothingness, at last Lord Chovas was born as Code Scythe completed his merger with evil Sina and the evil Jibran. He flew into the battle where the Dave Rebels were fighting and came out of the dark cloud he was in. He stood before Jack, bright being, completely white (the colour of evil Jon), full of code (the compliments of Cad, Max and Turing Man), a large bundle of sparkly curly hair (the hair of Evil Sina), and a plad cloak (much like Jibran’s only Sina’s colour). His arms were two very large swords of Code.
In the middle of the largest chaotic battle ever in the history of the multiverse, Jack made fists and prepared for the greatest challenge of his life…