A short time ago in all of space right here…
WAR OF CHAOS III.5 !!!
Episode thirty-one: Chunked Chovas
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?” Gates yelled at one of his employees.
“Sir, no offence, but I cannot just sit here while our multiverse is blown to total smithereens!” The slightly nerdy looking employee said.
“ WELL IF YOU GO OUT AND FIGHT, THEN I WILL APPEAR WEAK! YOU MUST STAY HERE SO I CAN USE YOU AS AN EXCUSE FOR ME TO STAY HERE AS WELL! I dare not go outside!” Gates yelled hiding under the desk. There was suddenly an odd tone to his voice as he said, “Thousands of them…millions, perhaps even billions! And I cannot do anything about it! They don’t use Windows! I have no power in this war! WERE ALL GONNA DIE!” Gates chose that moment to go into mass seizures. He shook and tumbled under the desk like a fish out of it’s tank.
“ Of for crying out loud.” Jibran’s voice said. “Hey shithead! GET UP!” Gates opened his eyes and saw Britney Spears and Jibran standing in the doorway, the employee had been blown to bits. Spears and Jibran both had smirks on their faces and Gates composed himself quickly,
“ I was uhh…just under the desk…ummm…cowering…YEAH! THAT’S IT! I WAS COWERING UNDER THE DESK! Wait a second…uh guys, can you ignore the last 10 shameful seconds of my life?” Gates asked hopefully.
Jibran shook his head, “Nope…now let us get down to business. You are worried about these Dave rebels not using Windows…well what if we got rid of them?”
“OHOOHHH!! THAT WOULD BE NICE! But that isn’t going to happen.”
“ Yes it will.” Spears said with a gleam of evil in her eye. “Jack has just surpassed Chovas, soon Chovas will be dead and the Coded people within the Multiverse can try and close the portal using their Code Mumbojumbo!”
“ I see…and how does that relate to us?” Gates asked.
Jibran and Spears turned to one another and smiled and then turned back to Gates, revealing wide grins. Jibran stepped forward, “Were gonna get rid of these Dave rebels…and while we are at it, get rid of our mortal enemies as well!!! BWAHWAHWHAWHAWHAWHAHWHAWHAHWHAWHWAHAWHAAAAA!”
Gates stared at the two of them laughing and didn’t laugh. Jibran stepped forward and hit Gates at the back of the head,
“ What…oh sorry…HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!” Gates laughed joining in.
“ ARGH! GOD!” An angel said running into the room and tripping over its own robes. “GOD OH MIGHTY LORD! ITS pandemonium OUT THERE! We have dead people coming in from all directions! The mass of the afterlife is increasing, IM NOT SURE WE CAN HOLD IT CAPTAIN!”
God stood up from watching TV and made fists, a gleam of hope in his eyes and he rose and spoke in the same way that had given millions hope many generations ago. He opened his mouth and said proudly, “YOU! HAND ME MY CELL PHONE!” A large cell phone was handed to God. It was his brand new Cloudnet cell phone. He pressed the preprogrammed number on it,
“Satan’s palace, how may I help you?” A female’s voice said on the other end.
“ LISTEN YOU! THIS IS GOD! GIMME SATAN!” God said.
“ I am sorry, who is this? Do you have an appointment with Satan?” The annoying female voice asked in her raspy voice.
“ I SAID I AM GOD! NOW PUT THE HORNED DEVIL ON THE PHONE!” God yelled angrily.
“ I am sorry, Satan is away right now.”
“ Where is he?”
“ In his office…”
“ SO GET HIM ON THE PHONE!” God yelled angrily.
“ I am sorry, as I said before, he is away…” The secretary replied.
“ BUT YOU JUST SAID THAT HE WAS IN HIS OFFICE!”
“ Exactly…” The secretary replied.
God froze for a moment, rubbed his beard for a few minutes and then suddenly yelled, “OI! LISTEN TO ME YOU! IF YOU DON’T GET SATAN ON THE PHONE, I AM GOING TO STEP DOWN FROM HEAVEN AND TALK TO HIM MYSELF AND MAKE SURE THAT YOU GET FIRED!”
“ I am sorry sir…you are breaking up.” The secretary said.
Suddenly, some loud static took over the phone and God heard, “You have been placed on hold…all our Sympatico High Speed technical agents are currently providing service for other members more important that you. Please hang up and call when you get a better salary…”
God snapped and he threw the cell phone onto the ground so hard that it went through the clouds and hit Nurdin on Earth creating a large crater.
God closed his eyes and said, “When cell phones fail, USE TELEPATHY!” He placed his fingers to his temples and started to hum. “HUUUMMMM!!! HUUUMMM!! DUUUUMMM!! BUUUUMMM!! HUUUUUMMMM! Calling all Gods, calling all Gods, this is God…we need to use your heavens cause ours are getting crowded.”
Suddenly, a million voices replied, “YA CRAZY IDGIT! WE ARE ALL HAVING THE SAME PROBLEM! TOO MANY PEOPLE ARE SUDDENLY DYING IN THE MULTIVERSE! I JUST HAD AN ENTIRE RACE APPEAR AT THE GATES OF HEAVEN DEMANDING TO GET IN! WE CANNOT LEND YOU ANY ROOM!” God made fists and yelled out loud, “AH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! WHO GIVES A DAMN! GIVE THEM THEIR LIVES BACK!”
And so this caused the largest death count ever. Everyone who died died…went to the afterlife where they were told that there was no room for them, and then got their lives returned to them…where they appeared in the middle of the chaos and were killed again and sent once again to the afterlife where they were told there was no room for them, and then got their lives returned to them…where they appeared in the middle of the chaos and were killed yet again.
THIS MY FRIENDS IS THE TRUE DEFINITION OF THE CIRCLE OF LIFE!
Jack lunged at Chovas and blasted several balls of energy at him hitting him directly in the body sending him crashing into Jack’s boot (he had teleported behind him very quickly.
Chovas tried to execute as much speed as he could, but found it difficult now that most of the memory in the Multiverse was being used. He shook his fists and executed a “CREATE VIRTUAL MEMORY” Function.
The Virtual Memory of the universe was a very dangerous thing to use. It was based not on reality, but on everyone’s perception of reality. Basically, this was the memory people use in the state called dreaming.
Unfortunately for Chovas, no one was dreaming right now, and no one was thinking either. From what he could see, the sky was full of brain dead idiots! “DAMN YOU ALL!” Chovas yelled getting kicked very hard by Jack. Chovas was sent flying and crashed into an asteroid.
Jack smiled and he said, “This game ends…..NOW!” Suddenly, Jack closed his eyes and the glow around him started to increase. Before everyone’s eyes, Jack turned into a red ball of energy. “It’s a little trick Vortec taught me! NOW! EAT ENERGY!” Jack (energy mode) flew at Chovas who had somehow managed to get one of his blades caught under a large rock. He watched with horror as Jack flew towards him.
“NOOOOOO!” Chovas yelled. But it was too late…Jack (energy mode) flew right through his body, and through the asteroid. There was a moment when Chovas existed, but then failed to exist. The sky around him began to warp.
“ WHATS HAPPENING TO HIM?” Jon asked Dave in the middle of the battlefield.
“ His code is breaking down…he is decompiling and loosing all abilities. The merger was based off of a Turing Merge, it is not powerful enough to withstand that kind of damage to its code.” Dave replied blasting a ball of nothingness at one of the rebels.
“ What is the most powerful merger?” Jon asked out of curiosity.
Dave turned to him and smiled, “It is something that you have never heard of. Something that is very advanced, something that is extremely powerful, more powerful and more widely used than Turing.” Some heroic music started playing in the back ground as Dave started yelling, “THIS IS A POWER UNLIKE ANYTHING ELSE! IT IS WHAT CODING LANGUAGE THE VERY CODE OF THE MULTIVERSE WAS WRITTEN IN! THERE IS NO ONE WITH AN INTELLIGENCE GREAT ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND IT! IT IS CALLED C ++!!!!” Dave yelled proudly.
“ Oh cool! I’ll just ask Mr. Scully to teach me how…” Jon said.
Dave’s moment of glory was shattered, “You have heard of this C ++?”
“ Of course! It’s a course offered at the Woodlands…”Jon said.
Dave’s eyes lit up. “DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS CHILD???”
Jon dodged a blast of nothingness and replied, “What does this mean?”
“ IT MEANS THAT YOUR SCHOOL IS THE SCHOOL!” Dave yelled.
“ What do you mean?” Jon asked.
“ I mean your school…the people who go there, they are the ones who are truly the ones that are meant to save this Multiverse! Every single Multiverse has it’s own safe guard. This safeguard is unknown by those who live in it! Its as if every single student at your school is a big part of the Multiverse, BUT THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW IT! Many trillions of years ago, there existed another Multiverse before the Big BANG. This multiverse had slightly different laws of Physics…but it had a safeguard…your predecessors at the Woodlands! They were the original defenders of the Multiverse! And now that role has been passed down to you guys! WE MUST GO TO WOODLANDS NOW!” Dave yelled.
“ WHY?!?!?!” Jon asked slightly confused.
“ WE MUST LEARN C ++ IN 1 DAY! There is something that can save the Multiverse from the wrath of Stephanie and Steve!” Jon yelled.
“ WHAT IS IT!?!??!” Jon asked flying towards his version of the Earth.
“ IT’S THE ULTIMATE LORD CHAVOS! A MERGER OF YOU, SINA, JIBRAN, CAD MAN, MAX MAN, TURING MAN, AND JACK! WE NEED ALL OF THEM FROM YOUR REALITY FOR THE MERGER TO BE THE STRONGEST! WITHOUT ONE, THE WHOLE THING DOESN’T WORK! Several trillion years ago there existed a previous version of this Lord known as Lord SOVAHC! He was the defender of the Multiverse until the Multiverse got bored and decided to randomly implode. JON! WE MUST GET TO EARTH, FIND THIS MR. SCULLY AND HAVE HIM TEACH US C++ SO WE CAN CREATE THE ULTIMATE MERGER TO SAVE THIS MULTIVERSE YET AGAIN!”
“ Uh…were already here.” Jon said.
“ Ah…that was quick!”
Jon closed his eyes and Turing Man appeared beside him. “Turing here will help us learn everything that we need to know…” They ran upstairs the classroom where Michelle, Chrissy and Tori jumped on their heads.
“ WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING???” Jon yelled.
“ JON!” Michelle yelled happy to see that Jon wasn’t dead.
“ Sorry Jon…a couple of the Dave rebels tried to enter the school so we jumped them…they’re in room 99 learning Chemistry from Mrs. Macfarlane. That ought to hold them off for a while.” Tori said.
“ AH YES! GOOD IDEA! But never the less! I have work to do! I gotta find the proper code to merge myself with others to form the super duper master duper lord CHAVOS!” Jon yelled joyfully running into the room. Mr. Scully was there alone asleep on the desk.
“ MR. SCULLY! GET UP! I NEED TO BE EDUCATIONALIZED!” Dave yelled. Mr. Scully fell off the desk and was slightly confused. And so the great learning began…
“ARGH!” Chovas yelled breaking up into his previous components.
“AAARRSHHHIIITTTHHHEEAAADDDDAAAVVVEEEECAAAADDDMMMAAAXXXXTUUURIIIINNNNGGGG!” Chovas yelled exploding into Cad Man, Max Man, evil Jon and Turing.
Jack didn’t give them a chance to live. Flying quickly through them, he blasted them all straight to hell…literally.
“ Hey Babe…” Satan said to his secretary after walking out of the hot springs. “Anyone call me?”
“No sir…” The secretary replied.
“ OK! That’s chillin babe!” Satan said smiling. Suddenly, he heard four thuds right on his head. He got up quickly and saw Evil Jon, Cad, Max and Turing laying on the floor.
“ What the hell are you guys doing here in hell?” Satan asked rather irritated by this unannounced visit.
“ Hey! This isn’t Alabama…” Cad Man said.
“ Nope! It’s not as bad as Alabama! Welcome to hell!” Satan said smiling evilly.
“HAH! UP YOURS YOU BEAST OF CODE!” Jack yelled doing a funky kind of dance. Tricia flew up to him and said, “We need your help now Jack…” Jack nodded and he flew around destroying the many Dave rebels.
“Jack…you must not absorb the memory…” Cad Men voices inside his head said. Jack nodded and replied,
“ NO PROBLEMO!”
Down on Earth, John Trenmill nodded at Cad Man and said, “Try it again, we have to close this portal as soon as possible…”
The Cad Men connected to themselves, the Jons, the Turings and all other Coded beings within the Multiverse.
The beam of light appeared once again as they started to chant, “111 00010 01 10101111 01011…” The portal closing procedure was about to begin…it would all be over hopefully soon…
And far away from this area of the Multiverse, Stephanie and Steve had just blasted away another universe…