A short time ago in all of space right here…
WAR OF CHAOS III.5!!!
Interlude One: Y2K +2
Note to the reader: This episode (if it can be called an episode) really doesn’t relate to the story line of War of Chaos III.5. Consider it as an interlude, a breakish thingy if you will. After many many months and years of fighting, our heroes, villains, neutral characters and whores take a break to celebrate the leaving of the 2001 year.
The year 2001 brought on one of the biggest changes in War of Chaos, that being a complete merger with a totally new story line that I wrote and am still working on (the Earth Life in the Future series with Eight, Celine, Jack and everyone from that novel). This merger allowed lots of crazy ass stuff about timetravel and time warps and I thought that combining the two of my greatest (greatest I mean longest) works of literature and bringing the two together to end War of Chaos in a great a smashing BANG! So far, the bang has started…and seems to still be blowing up…In the new year (2002) who knows what terrors, horrors, beauties, memories, and events it will bring. But for the time being, WHO GIVES A SHIT!!! ITS ALMOST CHRISTMAS AND HOLIDAYS ARE JUST AROUND THE CORNER! SO without further adieu…here is the Interlude!
December 20th, 2001
Jack lay on the beach with Tricia, sunbathing and relaxing. “I have not done this for a very long time! I think I deserve it! I mean, I nearly saved the Multiverse from total destruction. Here they were, people of all races, species and realities and I was the strongest out of them kicking the crap out of Stephanie and Steve.”
Suddenly, Jack saw Steve’s face appear upside down. “Until we proved you wrong.” Jack nearly fell off the sunbed he was on. Steve was floating and smiling. Jack got up and threw some sand at Steve,
“ WHY HAVE YOU FOLLOWED US? GET AWAY FROM ME!”
Steve frowned, “Now now, no need to get mad…after all it is christmas! So let us make this place a little more cheerful!” Steve grinned and snapped his fingers. The skies suddenly began to rumble and to Jack’s horror, a massive snow storm came and went and in a matter of 2 seconds made the entire beach look like Nunavut.
“ NOOOO!!! CURSE YOU!” Jack yelled throwing sandy snow at Steve.
“ Much better…now if you could kindly move your ass, we would greatly appreciate it.” Steve said pushing Jack slightly to the side.
“ WHO IS WE?” Jack yelled activating his shield to protect him from the cold. At that moment, a large stampede of Woodlands students fell from the sky. Sina, Jon, Jibran, Michelle, Chrissy, and Tori fell straight on Jack crushing him horribly. Jack blasted everyone off him and gasped when he saw the entire school falling from the sky. The school fell ontop of Jack crushing him yet again.
“ Great landing Rama!” Sina yelled out.
Rama stuck his head out from one of the windows and nodded very pleased with himself, “HAHA! Best landing ever!”
Jack crawled out from under the snow, his half nude body getting frostbite. “AH! I just want some bloody rest! WHY ARE YOU ALL HERE?”
Eight flew out of the window and motioned for a large object to fall. It fell right on Jack and when Jack got out, he had markings and school prints on his forehead. “This is the best place to put it!” Eight yelled.
“PLACE WHAT? WHATS GOING ON! I WANNA KNOW NOW! TELL ME OR I WILL BLAST YOU ALL TO HELL!” Jack yelled angrily, the energy around his shield increasing.
“ What? Oh…I am sorry…we are going to be building massive beastly godly christmas tree the size of the Multiverse here and we need to place it here.” Eight replied making a check on some sort of checklist.
“ YOU COULDN’T HAVE PICKED ANOTHER AREA? I JUST CAME HERE TO REST!” Jack yelled at Eight sensing the temptation to blow himself up.
“A huge Christmas tree eh?” Tricia smiled, “Sounds like fun to me! What are you using as the ornaments and decorations and cute ball thingies?”
Stephanie appeared and replied with a smirk on her face, “Stars, planets, nebulae…All the usual stuff…” Jack’s jaw dropped open and he yelled:
“ Did I miss something? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?”
Everyone looked at one another, “Cause the interlude is 5 pages and we needed to do something instead of sit on our asses.” Eight replied at last. Jack nodded,
“ Ah, I see…WELL THEN! I WILL PLAY NO PART IN THIS CHRISTMAS SPIRIT! My new years will be the day I am integrated into my own timeline! No time sooner will I get ready to celebrate.” Jack yelled shaking his fists and picking up his towel. He threw the towel over his back and said, “If anyone needs me, I will be floating 100000 miles away from the sun getting a slight tan…” Jack flew up into the sky and vanished leaving everyone to rush around and set up the beastly tree.
It was a large cooperative project of many realities. People were donating their houses, planets and other cosmic elements to make the tree look like a tree and not just a jumble of stuff. Cad Man, Turing, Jon, Vortec, Stephanie, Seth and Max Man were trying to warp the fabric of space time into an actual usable fabric for the springy decorations on the tree. Sina, Jibran, Tori, Chrissy, Rama, Adit, Jennifer, Jessica and Eric were flying around looking for pretty shiny things to place on the tree. Meanwhile, Steve was floating around, looking for some sort of star large enough to place at the top. Thus far, he had had no luck.
“ What about this one?” A vortecian said bringing a star to Steve,
“ Nah…to hydrogeny…Needs to look more like a star and less like a speck.” Steve said. He looked around to find something more star like but failed.
“Uh, Steve, we have a major problem in terms of the candy canes…” Jessica said floating up to Steve.
“ EESH! Here…take this!” Steve aimed his palms at the stars in the sky and made a gigantic candy cane out of them picking red giants, white dwarves to make the red and white colours of the cane. He threw it at where the tree was going to be.
“ Ah…perhaps now I can get some rest…” Jack said floating in space. He closed his eyes but the moment he did he was hit by a large candy cane the size of the solar system. Jack was thrown into the sun he was facing, “AAHHH!! SUN BURN!” He flew out and saw as the area he had been resting in was suddenly full of people rushing here and there trying to fix the area up for some sort of décor. Jack grunted and flew away with great speed, looking for some other place to relax.
“ AARGH!” Michelle yelled, “JON! WE HAVE BIG BIG PROBLEM WITH SANTA! He was eating cookies but apparently ate too much and now he is stuck inside a black hole and cannot move because his ass is blocking the hole! And now the raindeers are going on strike because they refuse to pull something of Santa’s size out of the black hole! WHAT SHOULD WE DO?”
Jon immediately replied, “EH, get Satan to do it. His name is identical to Santa’s and he is red…”
“ Yeah Jon…but ummm…Satan has horns!”
“ Give them a trimming and dress him up! We cannot wait with stupid problems! I have a big problem to solve that isn’t stupid! I gotta find a black trench coat that looks christmassy…” Michelle frowned and sighed walking away to find Satan.
“Ah…the perfect place to take a nap…” Jack said at the edge of the Multiverse, floating in the tranquillity. It was serene and quiet, just the way Jack wanted it. That is, until a large pinecone object appeared out of nowhere. “What the?” Jack watched in horror as the edge of the Multiverse turned into one pinecone…then two, then three. From out of nowhere, large pine tree spikes appeared nearly slicing him open.
“ AAAAARRRRGHHH!!! WHAT DOES SOMEONE HAVE TO DO TO GET SOME RELAXATION? IT’S THE HOLIDAYS FOR BOB’S SAKE!” Jack aimed his palms at his forehead and blasted his head off,
“ We are sorry…the event you have requested, death, is not in service on account of Christmas, please try again some time later. Have a merry Christmas!” A godly voice said. Jack’s head found itself back on his shoulders and Jack began to cry,
“ WAAH! As you bloody wish! FINE! I DON’T NEED REST!” He grabbed his towel angrily and flew to the centre of the Multiverse where he could see a gigantic tree being formed.
Jack flew in to see a massive crowd of people staring at Stephanie and Steve moving their hands around to the tune of Jingle Bells, and having planets and nebulae fly around and become decorations for the tree. Jack huffed, “Show offs.”
There was also a gigantic missile toe the size of the sun hanging and people were under it making out. Of course, the interesting thing was that the missile toe was designed by Jon, so that the moment Jibran went under it, it turned into a large weapon and fired missiles at Jibran. It succeeded!
And so, christmas came and went like a big bang, and everyone enjoyed waking up early to see what presents and cosmic phenomena they had received. The days were jolly for the most part, until Satan got caught in the very first chimney he was visiting. The new years was around the corner and now everyone was faced with a new problem.
“ WHAT DO YOU MEAN WERE ALL GONNA DIE?” Eight yelled at Stephanie. Stephanie folded her arms and said,
“ Look…I didn’t make the Multiverse…its just a fluke! Y2K was a fluke…the real disaster is supposed to happen just before the year 2002 comes around!”
Sina had a bad feeling, “And what will happen when the clock hits 12:00?”
“ Oh nothing much…the Multiverse will blow up, that’s all.” Sina started to laugh. “HEHEH! TOTAL DESTRUCTION WAS ONLY OFF BY 2 YEARS!”
When Jack arrived back inside the Multiverse after having spent some time off with Tricia in Dave’s realm and when he returned he found that the Multiverse was in chaos. People and aliens were flying here and there with bags and luggage saying goodbye to their loved ones and trying to make their last moments in existence worth living. There was a large lineup where criminals and evil doers were floating, trying to repent their sins in a confession booth, even though the sign god had placed atop the booth which said, “NO ONE SHALL BE SPARED!” Jack saw Bill Gates in one of the booths saying,
“ And please oh lord, do not curse me for eternity because I became a rich bastard…I am sorry for all the times my software crashed the computers in the afterlife, but in offering, I will give you this single dollar to perhaps repent my sins…”
On the other side of the Multiverse, a large church choir was singing sorrowful hymns and religious people were running all over the place with crosses, bibles, knives and anything else they could carry. Several of them were arguing,
“ AND I SAY THE FOUR HORSEMEN WILL ARRIVE!” One was yelling.
“ YOU IDIOT! IT WASN’T FOUR HORSEMEN…IT WAS FOUR MENHORSES! You know, the four Menhorse of the Asstophilis!”
“ IT WAS APOCALYPSE YOU FOOL!” Jack stared with amusement at them arguing when Celine and Eight flew by really fast,
“ WHATS THE RUSH?” Jack yelled.
“Multiverse gonna go boom in half hour, gotta have mass fun and sex before it all ends.” Eight replied. Celine and Eight flew away rather fast and Jack started laughing,
“ Heheh…Eight, what a kidder.”
When he arrived on Earth, Jack dropped his bags with total surprise. People were running around with signs attached to their foreheads saying, “THE END IS NEAR!” and, “THIS IS IT PEOPLE” , and “WILL DROP PANTS FOR IMMORTALITY”. Jack shook his head and couldn’t believe what he was seeing,
“ My god…” Above, the skies suddenly erupted into flames and massive ships flew at one another trying to blow each other up. “WHATS GOING ON?”
Jon ran by and explained, “ Oh well…the species that didn’t really get to finish their wars figured now was a good a time as any. So they are trying to end their wars by killing each other off.” Jack saw someone in the corner rocking with a glint of total insanity in their eyes,
“ He is coming…he is coming… he is coming…” Jack shook his head and turned to Tricia,
“ Can you believe any of this? The Multiverse isn’t going to end!”
“ ANTI-MULTIVERSE IS GONNA END PERSON!!!” Someone yelled. Jack blasted them away swiftly.
Sina was walking around with his camera in hand and was filming everything, he came up to Jack and asked, “SO JACK! What are your plans for the next Multiverse?”
Jack glared at Sina and said very bitterly, “I wish to be a sausage dealer…” Sina smiled and said, “COOL!”
He turned and saw several people trying to repent their sins and wrong doings by going to a priest instead of waiting in line for the confession booth. The priest was yelling, “ALL ARE PUNISHED!!! ALL ARE PUNISHED!!!” Jack went insane along with everyone else around him, running around in circles for no apparent reason,
Under all the feet of chaos and movement, Nurdin was being crushed over and over again…as usual. The entire Multiverse was in a mess. People had attacked millions of rockets onto their planets and were propelling them away from the Multiverse in hopes of escaping the end. Of course, they became really worried when they crashed into a non-existent wall surrounding the multiverse.
Steve was reading the Multiverse reports he had created and was reading it to Stephanie, “Well, chaos is up a shocking INFINITY %, while order has completely vanished. Sex is also going through the roof, and so is the number of people who are religious. How amusing.”
At that moment, God and Vishnu flew by caught in a massive brawl, “UNIVERSE FINITE YEARS OLD MY ASS!” Vishnu was yelling, “IT IS INFINITE YEARS OLD! ALWAYS HAS EXISTED AND ALWAYS WILL!”
“ YOU SHITHEAD! I CREATED THE MULTIVERSE! YOU DON’T DARE DEFY ME!” God was yelling. AS the two fought, galaxies in the Multiverse blew up.
In the last final moments though, the Multiverse was completely in unison. Steve had set up a nice Multiversal globe that would slide down counting the last ten seconds of all existence. People were getting naked, and drunk, sharing their life’s stories with one another. People were running around for fun, blowing things up. Everyone had a smile on their faces as they had the most fun they had had ever in their lives. Jack was drunk and trying to balance several plates on his nose without the use of telekinesis and was surprisingly succeeding. Everyone was holding hands forming one large Multiversal circle singing “It’s the End of the World as we Know it.” And then it came…the last minute. Now people started rushing to their loved ones and trying to hold them for the ultimate end.
“ Well…this is goodbye for real…” Everyone said to one another. And then, the last 10 seconds arrived and the sphere started to fall as everyone counted down in unison.
“ 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5” Now the last five seconds were the longest seconds in everyone’s life. But at last it was coming and they were happy that they had spent at least a day of their life doing anything they wanted. “4, 3, 2…” And the final number came and everyone was cheering as they yelled, it, “1!!!!!” And then –
Nothing happened…instead, Stephanie and Steve started laughing out loud. As if everyone wasn’t confused enough, they two words that made the entire Multiverse blow up on account of total confusion,