THE X FILES LYCEUM

306 2SHY

"It's getting very near the end."
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise) - The Beatles

CLEVELAND
An Italian poetry loving renaissance man is stalking overweight lonely hearts.

SCULLYVISION

Poor Scully has to deal with macho local cops who think detective work of women-hating serial killers is too much for women. Little does he know that Dr. Scully is ready, willing, and quite able to take care of matters. Mulder even introduced her to the ignoramus right off the bat. Even though Scully had performed a multitude of autopsies, some we've even been able to see her perform, she's mighty disgusted at the condition of poor Lauren MacKelvey, a serial killer (sucker?)'s latest victim. Gooey isn't a condition of corpse she's used to seeing.

Mulder is receiving calls and information about strange serial killers, but not telling Scully. Well, from how Scully reacts to such strange information, who can really blame him. He does fill her in when there's no other theory to work with.

Scully and Mulder adeptly work the case, and she has a moment of real truth of what a crime can do to those left behind when the daughter of the landlady, killed by Incanto because of snooping too much, asks her why anyone would do such a thing as kill her mother and leave her orphaned. Who does have an answer for that?

Scully makes wise cracks about Mulder's theory of a fat-sucking deformed monster, but she does give him the benefit of the doubt. She's learning after two and a half years of working with Mulder and on the X Files. She's not at the point where she's 'been there, done that,' but she's getting closer all the time.

OH COME ON!

No one in their right mind would answer chats from 2SHY. No one uses all caps on line unless they're screaming at you.

While at Lauren's apartment questioning the roommate, he asked to use her phone... is this the same man who will use his cell phone while in the FBI building?

When you get an email alert from the FBI about a serial killer and a sketch of the serial killer that looks just like the dude in your living room, and he walks in to check why you're taking so long, DON'T (and we're intentionally using caps here) leave the monitor on!

THINGS LEARNED
or All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned From the X Files

Never let it be said that you weren't warned to meet a man you met on the Internet.

Not good to flirt with one of your tenants who isn't receptive, but never, ever go into his apartment while he's not there.

In life, bones have the tensile strength of forged iron. Even in death, they remain strong.

The gastric mucosa secretes hydrochloric acid. Now if I only knew what a gastric mucosa was...

If the police department puts out a public service announcement that if you are single, overweight, and on your way to meet some yahoo that stakes out the Internet, don't think you're a good judge of character and meet the putz anyway. You are going to regret it and might not have kick butt Scully to protect you.

Scorpions predigest their food outside of their body by regurgitating onto their prey, which is a little more information about scorpions than any of us really wanted to know.

WRITER
Jeffery Vlaming

Can tell this is Mr. Vlaming's first foray into X Files territory. Although the episode is suspenseful and he gives Scully her due in this episode, there are little lapses in X Files fandom, such as Mulder using a land phone instead of wiping out his cell phone and punching a speed dial number.

DIRECTOR
David Nutter

Mr. Nutter directs Gillian Anderson well. He has been at the helm of Ice, Beyond the Sea, Lazarus, Shapes, Tooms, Roland, and Little Green Men thus far in the series, all with wonderful Scully scenes. The last scene of this episode with the camera moving around the interrogation room as Incanto is explaining himself and his deeds to Scully. We see DeterminedScully who has won and knows it. This so-so episode that featured stupid things and was pretty boring, with run-of-the-mill visuals, had its moments of greatness like the final punch.

THE USUAL THINGS
Guns
Scully does an autopsy (Or at least she tries to)
Raining
Cell Phones - mention of them
Bathroom
Mulder's porn fixation, only this time it's obscure Italian poems

POINT/COUNTERPOINT

SCULLY: Hey, Mulder. You ever get a date on the Internet?
MULDER: I wouldn't really call it a date.

QUOTES

INCANTO Lauren, we have a real connection which is rare.
LAUREN Most men don't feel that way.
INCANTO Most men don't know what they're missing.

SCULLY Any indication what would have been the cause of death?
CROSS We were just lucky to get her into the bag without her body falling apart.

CROSS Dr. Kramer didn't tell me that you were observing the autopsy.
SCULLY I'm not observing. I'm performing it myself.

SCULLY The date is August 29th. The time is 4:15 p.m. The subject's name is Lauren MacKalvey. Caucasian. Female. Approximate time of death uncertain. Cause of death unknown.

MULDER Did you find anything in the autopsy?
SCULLY There's not going to be an autopsy.

SCULLY It's a metacarpal from Lauren MacKalvey's hand. In life, bones have the tensile strength of forged iron. Even in death, they remain strong. But look at this.

SCULLY What possible motivation could the killer have for removing his victim's fatty tissue? I mean, who do you think we're dealing with here?

JO Ellen, this wasn't some public service announcement. It was an on-line warning by the FBI aimed specifically at women in Cleveland.

MULDER We're dealing with a serial murderer who's using an online service to attract his victims ... all single women looking for Mr. Right.
CROSS That doesn't jibe with a $20 hooker.

MULDER These are letters he e-mailed to Lauren MacKalvey. They contain lines from a handful 16th century Italian poems.
CROSS So he has a copy of Bartlett's Quotations. So what?
MULDER You won't find any of these in Bartlett's.

MULDER It looks like she took her pound of flesh, huh?

SCULLY From a dry skin sample you're concluding what? That he's some kind of fat-sucking vampire?

MULDER There are examples of this in nature, aren't there?
SCULLY Yes, scorpions predigest their food outside of their body by regurgitating onto their prey but I don't know too many scorpions who surf the internet.

MULDER Scully. I wouldn't have made a good Amway salesman. I knocked on more doors...

INCANTO I'm going to New York for a few days, on business. Don't worry about your mother. I'm sure she'll be fine.

JESSE Agent Scully?
SCULLY Yeah?
JESSE Why would someone do this?
SCULLY I don't know, Jesse.

MULDER Jennifer Flackett. Kathy Miller. Hillary Turk. 47 women reported missing in five states. At least give their families some peace of mind and tell us how many are on that list because of you.
INCANTO They're all mine.
SCULLY Why?
INCANTO When you look at me, you see a monster... But I was just feeding the hunger.
SCULLY You're more than a monster. You didn't just feed on their bodies. You fed on their minds.
INCANTO My weakness was no greater than theirs. I gave them what they wanted. They gave me what I needed.
SCULLY Not anymore.

THE END