THE X FILES LYCEUM

313 SYZYGY

"There shall be signs in the Sun, the Moon, and the Stars."
Jesus Christ Luke 21:25

SYNOPSIS

COMMITY, CARYL COUNTY
Scully and Mulder come to the star-aligned town to investigate the death of a teen, reportedly from a satanic cult.

SCULLYVISION

This case begins with the agents arguing about which way to turn, and they make a wrong turn anyway. It's downhill from then on. The relationship they'd forged through the two years they'd worked together is almost to the bubbling point as they meet up with Detective Angela White to solve this case.

We love SkepticScully and here we get SuperSkepticScully. She is beautiful and blunt. She starts out quickly with a killer line, "I doubt she's even a blonde," referring to the Detective. Hoo boy, are we in for a ride, with Scully's little feet on the accelerator. Her skepticism is perhaps best displayed in her many wonderful facial expressions and behaviors. She takes one look at White and knocks down her theories (and interrogation techniques) without taking the time to be polite. At one point, she tells rude Mulder, "I'm driving" and accuses him of being a macho man. Mulder? Our Mulder? You bet.

Once again, two cases in a row, Scully has to control a hysterical crowd.

Scully's behavior, and that of everyone else, can perhaps be explained by the rare alignment of planets but we already knew that Scully had it in her to be tough when she had to. In the end, when the planets are all aligned and our heroes are back in sync, Scully remains behind the wheel hammering the macho man with a final, "Shut up Mulder." So maybe it wasn't the Syzygy after all.

MONSTERVISION

Is there anything scarier than a bunch of Heathers sitting around spewing vengeance? Many of us went to school with girls like Margi and Terri. Hate em, hate em, wouldn't want to date em, even though we dated them anyway. After all, they were kind of fun after one bloody Mary, two bloody Marys, etc. But, the morning after always brought the realization that they were evil, they were mean, they were prima donnas, they were lots of things. But virgins? I don't think so. When they focus their magical abilities on others, dangerous. When they focus them on each other, watch out! They racked up the body count, as they acted sweet and coy. Evil in pretty packages. They rank a 4 out of 5 daisy petals.

Actresses Wendy Benson and Lisa Robin Kelly turned in brilliant and wonderfully devilish performances.

OH, COME ON!

If you interrogate two witnesses, never ask them questions in the same room at the same time.

If a group of people are in the woods, all standing around an altar, and one of them had a long knife with a snake's head on the handle, they're up to no good.

Mulder's credit card is only good for $300?

Grover Cleveland Alexander? Yet another slam at Duchovny's Jeopardy shortcomings?

THINGS LEARNED

Rumor Panic is when a popular satanic cult myth plus increased attention in a community equals someone being a scapegoat.

If you're at a party and walk into the bathroom where two girls are standing in front of the mirror with candles burning chanting about bloody Mary, turn around and run, don't walk, to the nearest exit before they see you.

There is a way to make a screwdriver in a motel room without having to use those crummy plastic cups.

If a motel's TV has the Sabre Dance on all channels, don't let bottled blondes in, but if you do, make sure your partner doesn't have the key to your room.

Once every eighty-four years, Mercury, Mars and Uranus come into conjunction.

If Uranus is in the house of Aquarius, it's over.

A grand square is where all the planets align into a cross.

It's against the law to walk down the middle of a street carrying a loaded weapon.

WRITER
Chris Carter

Chris Carter is an excellent and, at times, very funny writer. In this case, his dialogue shifts from subtle to bold. Carter may, however, be hampered by bad timing. No, not the timing of the lines. The timing of the episode itself. You just don't follow an act like Darin Morgan at his best. It's as if writer Chris Carter is Darin Morgan's evil twin. There are funny things going on here, but there are also nasty things, not to mention funny lines that have an edge to them.

DIRECTOR
Rob Bowman

Both interrogations of Margi and Terri were excellently handled with cross cuts (kudos to the editing and writing as well). This episode went from the funny (Scully and Mulder's banter) to the sublime (the cross dressing doc seen through the windows wearing a sheer negligee) to the explosive (literally, when Margi and Terri are trapped).

THE USUAL THINGS
Guns
Scully does an autopsy, kind of
"Scully, it's me."
Cell Phones
Bathroom
Scully Drives! Though she doesn't hear the end of it

POINT/COUNTERPOINT

MULDER: Scully, you know I would never make fun of your short little legs. Chris put those words in my mouth.
SCULLY: Oh, and I suppose that you would never be caught in a motel room watching old movies and drinking cheap vodka while a faux-blonde crawling all over you?
MULDER: First Dr. Berenbaum, now it's Detective White. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were bitten by the jealous bug.
SCULLY: Don't flatter yourself Mulder. What you see is not flattery, it's astonishment at the kind of woman that you drool over.
MULDER: Sure. Fine. Whatever.

ATHENAEUM

"I may be wearing a dress but I still pull my panties on one leg at a time,
if you know what I mean."
Dennis/Denise - Twin Peaks

Being the super detective that he is, Mulder didn't take long to figure out just who was wearing his favorite perfume in the little town of Comity. Yep, the town Pediatrician. Mulder went to the Athenaeum in hopes of finding that gray haired librarian that knew so much about sex after the Clyde Bruckman case. Sure enough, there she was as soon as he opened the tall, heavy, creaking door, almost as if she were waiting for him.

"Back for more information on edge play, Fox?" she chirped.

"Cross dressing," he replied.

She shook her head and tisked, "You do lead an interesting life if I do say so myself."

"So what can you tell me about drag queens?"

"For starters, you better get your terms straight," began the Curator in her matronly way. "Cross dressers and drag queens are not the same. To begin with, there is the term transvestite. Trans meaning cross and vestite meaning clothes. So technically, any man who dresses as a woman or any woman who dresses as a man is a transvestite. Then you have your executive transvestite as Eddie Izzard called himself in his hilarious stand-up show "Dressed to Kill." The term cross dresser generally refers to males who dress up in women's clothes because it makes them feel free, sexy, or comfortable. Some wear just one article of clothing, though many enjoy dressing up completely including make-up and nail polish. Some find the image of themselves dressed up to be quite erotic. That is called autogynephilia. Some cross dressers began dressing as a child putting on the clothes of female family members. Many cross dressers are heterosexual and even have wives and children."

"Do their wives know?" Mulder inquired.

"In many, but not all, cases they do. Some remain in the closet, so to speak, but many go out clubbing with other cross dressers. Some of them are quite attractive. There are some males who genuinely believe that they are really a female born in to the wrong body. They may decide to have surgical reassignment to correct the mistake. They are referred to as transsexuals. Pre-op transsexuals often go through medical and psychological counseling as well as drug treatments - such as hormones to make their bodies more feminine - before the surgery. The surgery removes their male genitalia and constructs female genitalia."

Mulder crossed his legs as he continued to listen.

"There are also some males who go to great lengths, short of surgery, to make their body look feminine. Sometimes they are called she-males and other less savory names. But I'll spare you of that, Fox."

"Thank you. About drag queens?"

"Drag queens are a whole different situation. Often they dress up in order to exaggerate features such as make-up or hair. Their intent is to be flamboyant and theatrical. Often they strut on stage with other drag queens. Some are gay men but not necessarily."

"Isn't cross dressing considered to be a psychiatric disorder?" Mulder asked.

"In the DSM-IV, that psychiatric bible, there is a diagnosis of Transvestic Fetishism and a diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder. Of course, one must remember that the DSM also used to list homosexuality as a disorder back in the day. I suppose that someday these stuffy old psychiatrists will get over all their sexual hang-ups."

The face of the old woman who had filled him in with everything, and more, than he wanted to know, suddenly flattened, widened, and grew a gray mustache. Soon, Mulder realized that he was looking at the male Curator, who asked in his gruff voice, "So Fox, have you ever dressed in women's clothing?"

"Only when my profession required it."

QUOTES

TERI Your mom is always saying wait until you're married, don't just give it away.
MARGI Yeah, and then some cult member wants to kidnap you and sacrifice you because you're a virgin. Oh, God. I mean, how do they even know if you really are a virgin?

MARGI He loves me.
TERI He loves me not.

SCULLY The map says to turn right at the intersection.
MULDER The detective who contacted me told me to turn left.
SCULLY At the intersection?
MULDER Stoplight.
SCULLY This isn't a stoplight, it's a stop sign.
MULDER Well, I'm sure she meant stop sign.
SCULLY Turn right.

SCULLY Our research has proven that most of these accounts are false or imagined. That the trauma or mental illness that is often linked to satanic cults is a result of denial, hysteria, and misplaced blame.

SCULLY Let me guess. They told you about a wild beast entering in on a black mass, the drinking of blood, the sacrifice of an infant, or a blonde virgin.
WHITE Yeah, that's right. Excuse me.
SCULLY Where is she going?
MULDER You don't suppose she's a virgin, do you?
SCULLY I doubt she's even a blonde.

WHITE The two stories are virtually identical. The one corroborates the other.
SCULLY I don't suppose there have been any actual reports of stolen infants, or mass graves being uncovered anywhere in town, or that you found an alter, or any other evidence of a black mass?
WHITE No, no, in fact, we haven't.
SCULLY The problem is that the details of these accounts could have been taken from any newspaper or magazine. As horrific as they sound, the stories that these girls told are common, even cliche.
MULDER If you detect a hint of impatience in Agent Scully's voice, that's because the FBI's study also found that in most cases, like the McWarren preschool trial, witnesses were often prompted in their statements by rumors of stories that were being circulated and that there was in fact nothing to support them.
WHITE How do you explain the burning coffin at the funeral?
MULDER Don't ask me.

WHITE That pattern... here... on his chest.
MULDER Yeah, I see it, it looks like a... goat, some kinda horned beast.
SCULLY A horned beast?
MULDER Yeah, right here, in this circle.
SCULLY I think you guys are seeing something that isn't there.
WHITE No, no, right here. Look. You see? The horns are right there.
SCULLY No, I don't see the horns right there.

SCULLY Sure, fine. Whatever.

MULDER I'd like to apologize for my partner's rude behavior. She tends to be rather rigid, but, but rigid in a wonderful way. Not like she was today. Personally, I'd like to try to keep a more open mind.
WHITE So, what are you doing at my house?
MULDER I was hoping you could help me solve the mystery of the horny beast.

ZIRINKA There are a lot of loonies running around this town that like to think that I'm a Satanist. But the truth is, I'm just a number cruncher trying to make an honest living.
MULDER Well, what do you think is going on, if I may ask?
ZIRINKA Well, I think the whole town's lost its marbles. I should've been the first to see it coming, but, it's hard being a small business owner. I mean, you should see the paperwork.
MULDER What do you mean 'seen it coming'?
ZIRINKA Well, we're heading into a rare planetary alignment where Mercury, Mars and Uranus are extreme influences.
MULDER On what?
ZIRINKA Office hours are nine to five, all major credit cards accepted.

TERI (pointing at one of the boys.) Craig Wilmore.
Hey! The guy from the X Files CD ROM game??

MARGI Can it be true that these people will soon be adults bringing new life into this world?
TERI I'm so depressed.

TERI Hate her.
MARGI Hate her, wouldn't wanna date her.

TERI Hate him!
MARGI Hate him, wouldn't wanna date him!

SCULLY Look, we've been working together for, what, two years now? We have different opinions, but I didn't expect you to ditch me.
MULDER I didn't ditch you!
SCULLY Fine, whatever.

BOB Our children are dying!
WHITE Well, that does not give you the right to come out here and tear up Harvey Molage's back yard.
BOB Maybe Harvey's got something to hide. We've got two kids who're prepared to say he took them on a camping trip and made them play naked movie star games!
MULDER That man. Is he always that hysterical?
WHITE No, Bob's our high school principal. I've never heard him say a bad word about anyone.
SCULLY This is called rumor panic. It's when XXX that links up with a popular satanic cult myth and an increase of attention in a community. A villain or villains are singled out as the focus of the community's confusion and angst about unexplained events, like the death of the high school boys. There have been at least twenty incidents since 1983 from upstate New York to Reno, Nevada and not one of them has turned up a single shred of evidence to support the wild allegations.

MULDER Go ahead.
SCULLY No, you go ahead.
MULDER No, no, be my guest. I know how much you like snapping on the latex.

WHITE Let me get this straight. For the record, you haven't seen the bag in a year and you sold it at a garage sale.
GODFREY To a young girl, one of the Roberts family. They live a few doors down.
WHITE Why was it filled with bones and buried in the middle of a field?
GODFREY I have no idea.

SCULLY You can go now, Dr. Godfrey. I don't think we'll be needing you any further. Your story checked out.
GODFREY Thank God.
SCULLY The bones turned out to be the skeletal remains not of an infant but of a beloved, fourteen year old lasa apso, formerly known as Mr. Tippy.

MULDER This may not be any time to mention it, but someone is wearing my favorite perfume.

SCULLY This has gone on far enough.
MULDER What?
SCULLY I am not going to be humiliated by you, in front of you, or by having to bring a teenage girl in--on her birthday of all days--to identify the bones of her dead dog Mr. Tippy!

SCULLY I see no reason to pursue this case any further, and not only that, I find your conduct and comportment in this investigation not just alarming but highly objectionable. What are you doing?!
MULDER Must be Detective White...
SCULLY If that's the reason we're sticking around, that's your business.
MULDER What? What are you talking about?
SCULLY Detective White.
MULDER We came down here because of three unexplained deaths, Detective White is just trying to solve them. She could use our help.
SCULLY Well, you two seem to have a certain ... simpatico. I'm going back to Washington in the morning.

WHITE You've been drinking.
MULDER Yes... I have... which is funny, because I usually... I normally never... I don't drink.

WHITE Maybe we can solve the mystery of the horny beast.
MULDER Maybe we should just watch some television. There's a movie on TV. Actually, it's the same movie on every channel.

MULDER Will you let me drive!?
SCULLY Why do you always have to drive? Because you're the guy? Because you're the big macho man?
MULDER No. I was just never sure your little feet could reach the pedals.

ZIRINKA I'm just waiting for authorization.
MULDER I'm a federal agent.
ZIRINKA Last I heard, the federal government couldn't pay its bills.

MULDER You said that you knew why people are behaving so strangely around here.
ZIRINKA Well, the same reason that my dog's been trying to mate with the gas barbecue for the last two months.
MULDER You said it was planetary?
ZIRINKA Once every 84 years, Mercury, Mars and Uranus come into conjunction. Only this year, Uranus is in the house of Aquarius.
MULDER That's a bad thing?
ZIRINKA Bad like an Irwin Allan movie. I mean, things are gonna fall out of the sky. Disaster lies await, especially around here.
MULDER Why here?
ZIRINKA We're in a geological vortex, a high-intensity meridian. A cosmic G-spot? All culminating on January 12th when they come into perfect alignment. Which would be... today. Ha.
MULDER Why is this affecting everyone?
ZIRINKA Well, some people more than others. Relationships are gonna suck. Significant dates can exaggerate the effects.
MULDER What if today was my birthday?
ZIRINKA Then I'd say happy birthday. Unless, of course, you were born in 1979, and then I'd call the police. You'd have a Jupiter-Uranus opposition, forming what's called a grand square, where all the planets align into a cross. All the energy of the cosmos would be focused on you.

TERI What? So you what? So you blew me off so you could snatch same shoulder time with rudeboy?
MARGI Back off Terri!
TERI Happy birthday, bitch.

MARGI You killed him.
TERI What'd you mean, I killed him? You killed him.
MARGI I didn't kill him.

Mulder and Scully on cells to each other.
MULDER I'm at a crime scene, a new one. I think I have a solid lead on these deaths.
SCULLY I'm way ahead of you, Mulder. I've got a suspect I want to bring in.
MULDER Who's that?
SCULLY Margi Kleinjan.
MULDER Hold on a second... Margi Kleinjan?
SCULLY That's right, her friend just gave us a statement.
MULDER Actually, I'm way ahead of you, Scully, because I'm standing here with Margi Kleinjan, and she just gave me a statement implicating her friend.
SCULLY Who?
MULDER Terri.
SCULLY Well, actually I'm way ahead of you, Mulder, because I'm with Terri right now.
MULDER You what?
SCULLY I've got your suspect, and you've got mine. Why does that make sense to me at this point?

MULDER'S REPORT We are but visitors on this rock, hurling through time and space at sixty-six thousand miles an hour. Tethered to a burning sphere by an invisible force and an unfathomable universe. This most of us take for granted while refusing to believe these forces have any more effect on us than a butterfly beating it's wings halfway around the world. Or that two girls, born on the same date, the same time and the same place, might not find themselves the unfortunate focus of similar unseen forces. Converging like the planets themselves into burning pinpoints of cosmic energy, whose absolute gravity would threaten to swallow and consume everything in its path. Or maybe the answer lies even further from our grasp.

MULDER Scully, if I'm not mistaken, we're gonna be taking a left up here. There's an intersection up here. You're going to want to-Scully! You're going to want to! You just... ran a stop sign back there, Scully.
SCULLY Shut up, Mulder.
MULDER Sure, fine, whatever.

THE END