| My childhood was the best, I couldn’t ask for anything more from
my parents. However, during this time I had an awful attraction to something
that I never really realized at the time would affect my whole life. When
I was 8-10 years old, I began noticing that I was attracted to boys of
my own age, and not girls. I began to feel isolated, lonely, because I
thought I was different and an outcast. As I began my early teen years,
the attraction level
Remained and my thought patterns were fixed on boys, even though, the world around me was changing(for example, guys dating girls, and vise versa). I began to isolate myself socially, and had very few friends. I was very vulnerable at this stage of my life, but I am lucky to say that I wasn’t physically, sexually, or emotionally abused in my lifetime. High school was the hardest part of my life. I was depressed throughout my school years, For a variety of reasons. I felt guilty and ashamed of the sexual attraction that I had. What made me temporarily feel better was the internet, which was a mistake. Child pornography has become rampant in these last few years, and unfortunately the Internet houses all of this. Early on in my life, I began to be fixed on this illegal material, and through many years that’s what I did. A few major problems grew out of this. For example, socially. During these years, the computer was my social partner. I lost many important social skills that I learned when I was younger (sub-conscious ones). This could be the reason why I have difficulty socializing in public. About a year ago, something happened that allowed me to change my life. I was finally caught for doing bad stuff on the Internet, and I had the chance to change my life. I took the opportunity. I can now say that I am in a program for people who suffer just like me, and the progress looks well. I am currently attending University, and I am slowly turning my life around. |