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A Nat-pack Challenge Story

by Christine Hantzopulos Hunt

Timeframe: After ?I Will Repay?

She stared at the elevator door for a long time after it sliced shut behind Sarah, wondering if they had done the right thing in altering her memory. It was wrong--Natalie had a gut feeling that they had violated her, deprived her of something that was hers, for better or worse. But from the moment they had decided to bring Richard across,  they had deprived Sarah of so much more--the peace of knowing that her husband had been lain to rest. She?d had no choice in it; nor could she have imagined the consequences. Even Natalie could not have fathomed the monster her brother would become. And as she caught Nick looking at her out of the corner of her eye, she could not face him. She?d made him do this. It was all her fault.

As he touched her lightly on the arm, she knew she had to look into his eyes. But there was no accusation there--just compassion. ?It?s not your fault, Nat,? he said tenderly, as if reading her mind. ?It?s mine. *I* should have known better. And I should have been there to make sure he didn?t lose control.? His voice dropped to a whisper as he said, ?I?m so sorry.?

She shook her head. ?No, Nick. It?s not your fault. It?s mine. I made you do it--?

?No you didn?t. I did it because I couldn?t stand to see you in such pain. It was my decision. I don?t want you to think otherwise.? He took her hand, squeezing it, and once more she remembered how he had held her hand as he had taken the last remnants of Richard?s mortal existence away, replacing them with a new vampiric life. She remembered thinking then that they were sharing the responsibility--the success or failure would belong to both of them.

?Then it was both of us,? she said softly, as he pulled her to him in a comforting hug.

?I couldn?t accept it,? she said softly in his arms. ?I never could. Not with Richie. Not with...? Her voice trailed off, and as he released her, he looked into her eyes.

?Not with whom, Nat??

She hesitated. She had been so thoroughly drained by the last two days that she couldn?t dredge up more.

?Nat, you can talk to me,? he promised. ?There?s something else. Please tell me.?

She looked up at him, her eyes nearly filling with tears. And she knew that she did have to tell him...he?d gone against his better judgment in bringing over Richard...didn?t he deserve to know the real reason why she hadn?t been able to let go? Nodding, she let him lead her to the couch, and sat across from him, bringing her knees up and hugging them. He was studying her, but waiting patiently, as if he wanted her to begin when she felt right doing so. Finally, she said, ?Richard and I weren?t the only children in my family. I had a sister named Marie.?

His face registered surprise, but he was silent, waiting for her to go on.

?She died...when she was five. I was ten, and Richie was seven at the time.? She paused.

He placed his hand on hers. ?What happened, Nat?? he prodded delicately. ?Tell me.?

The sun had been shining brightly through the windows, and Richie and Marie had insisted on going outside. With the impatience of a ten year old left in charge while Mommy took a quick ride to the store, she?d taken them into the back yard, warning them to ?behave?. That was what Mommy would do, wasn?t it? Then she?d settled into the lawn chair to read,  every few moments peeking over the top of her *Nancy Drew* book to make sure that they were okay.

They were playing tag now, although what fun it could be with only two participants Natalie couldn?t imagine. She wanted to join in; she usually did. But right now, she was the big one, watching them. It was her responsibility, and she always took it seriously....

Suddenly, the laughing stopped. She heard Richie calling Marie?s name, with real worry in his little voice. Natalie threw down her book, and ran over to see Marie lying face up on the ground, her eyes wide and glazed. ?What happened?? she cried, though she could see her tone of voice was making Richie even more frightened than he already was.

?I don?t know,? he whimpered. ?She was running, and just stopped...and fell down...Natalie, do something!?

She had to think fast. She knelt by her sister?s tiny body, touching her skin gingerly...so cool for a hot summer?s day! She reached with two fingers to press against her neck, just like they did on TV, just like she did when she played doctor...But the strong pulse that should have been there was gone...

?Richie, stay with Marie. But don?t touch her,? she warned. ?I?m going to go call the police...?

And she ran into the house, tears blurring her vision. For something told her that it was already too late....

Richie held tightly onto her as the paramedics worked frantically to save the fragile young life.  He was crying hysterically, and it was all she could do to keep calm for his sake. She just kept staring, transfixed as strangers hovered over the child she had been responsible for...with tubes, wires, and pounding her chest so hard that she wanted to shout for them to stop...

Mommy had come home then--rushing into the house when she?d seen the ambulance, screaming and crying for her baby, yelling at Natalie as if it were her fault....

?It wasn?t your fault, Nat,? he told her tenderly.

She looked up at him, tears as fresh as they had been that day, more than twenty years ago. ?Oh, I know that now,? she said softly. ?It was probably...an aneurysm...some freak thing...and yet, for a ten year old kid...? Her voice trailed off. She was gazing off into space, seeing it again. ?I didn?t know what had killed her. And of course I blamed myself. And all I wanted were answers...to understand why she had to die, why it happened...But no one...ever told me. And I?ve gone through my whole life still looking for answers....

?First, I wanted to become a doctor,? she continued.  ?To save lives. But, I couldn?t handle it. Losing patients. Watching people die. I?d had too much of that...first my father, when I was little, and then my sister...and then my mom died of cancer when I was in Medical School...it was too much. It wasn?t death that scared me so much. It was the whole process...watching people grow sick and die...?

She looked into his eyes for the first time. Hadn?t he endured the same pain, of watching those around him wither and die?  ?As a Coroner, I don?t have to deal with that aspect of death. It?s a fact. It?s over with. All I need to find are the answers.?

He reached out his arms to her and she fell back against him, letting him hold her silently. There was nothing he could say. But this was enough. ?I couldn?t stand to lose Richie too,? she said finally in a small voice.

?I know,? he soothed her. ?I know.? And as he held her, caressing her hair, and letting her cry softly in his arms, she knew that he did understand. Why she was what she was...why she had fought so hard to keep her brother alive at all costs. Why she had used their friendship to pressure him into doing something he?d been dead set against.

?I did it for you,? he said softly, as if reading her thoughts. ?And I don?t regret it. We both had to learn something from it. And I think we have. That?s all that matters in the end, isn?t it??

She nodded, looking up at him. ?I?ve learned that it isn?t always easy to find the answers--for Marie...for Richie...? She paused. ?Even for *you*. But I can keep looking...I?ll always keep looking...?

?That?s all any of us can do,? he told her, then kissed her lightly on the forehead as she fell back againt him.

Perhaps they could help each other find the answers.