First Day
A post-"Last Knight” story written by Christine Hantzopulos Hunt
{The following story is based upon characters created by James Parriott. No infringement of copyright is intended. It is written purely for the enjoyment of the fans, and is dedicated to James Parriott, Geraint Wyn Davies, and Catherine Disher, whose genius inspired it.}
"I won't leave you…"
The love shone in his eyes even through the amber glow. The promise dispelled the secret fear she had carried with her for years, that somehow, someday, he would be gone. Hungrily she met his kiss, but as his mouth roved downward, she braced herself for what was to come.
He was going to take her blood.
She should be afraid. But she wasn't. She'd asked him for this. And the faith that had brought her to this moment, the faith that she had instilled in him, was steadfast even as his fangs pierced her flesh. The searing pain was only a physical manifestation of the deeper pain that had brought her to this desperate moment. She welcomed it, as she welcomed him into her being. For after six long years she had finally accepted the one constant, the one truth , in her life.
She needed him. She needed him to love her as much as she loved him.
It was terrifying to love him so much. Yet how empowering to admit it, how exhilarating to know that his feelings ran just as deep. There was no doubt in her mind that this was right. For whatever the outcome, they would be together.
She'd entrusted him now with her future, her life, her very soul. Whatever he did, whatever he chose, as long as they were together, his promise to her would be fulfilled. She didn't want to die. But it was a risk she was willing to take. She didn't want him to bring her across. But an eternity in light or in darkness would be an eternity with him. She left it in his hands now. In his, and in God's.
She cried out as the pain ripped through her. Yet the sensation of his lips against her skin, caressing her even as he took her life essence into him, brought tears of joy to her eyes. She concentrated on her love for him, willing him to feel it through her blood. He did. For even with her thoughts, she could feel him clinging to her in ecstasy as he drew her in…
She surrendered herself to him completely, giving him all that she was freely and with no regret. The room began to swim about her, and she felt herself weaken even as he held her against him.
Then it began.
An assault of images, memories, sensations that were his. All that he was, all that he had been, came at her full force until she felt that she would black out from the sensory overload. She could feel her heart struggling to pound as fear gripped her. The darkness she had always known was there, but he'd tried desperately to hide from her, came crashing into her brain. The women that he had loved and destroyed, the innocents he had hunted and murdered purely out of sport, the hundreds of thousands who had savagely fallen prey to his beast…
Natalie thought she would die from the horror alone. It was all there. LaCroix, and his evil lessons. Janette…
And then, she was there too. Their six years together passed before her in moments, but with such intensity of emotion that she felt herself grow weak from it. But now, it was all as he had seen it, experienced it. His frustration, his joy, his desires, his fears…
…the purity of his love. A love like he had never known, in eight centuries. In that instant she knew what she meant to him. She could feel his love envelop her soul, with a pure bliss that was so overwhelming that she would have cried had she the strength…
She could feel him withdraw his fangs from her throat as he laid her gently down on the floor. But his love still cradled her, even as the World went black…
The tears fell unbidden down his cheeks, nearly blinding him. The absence of her heartbeat was deafening. He knelt beside her, her limp hand in his, too overcome with grief to move. This was the end. In eight centuries, he had never loved like this. In eight centuries, no loss had left him so utterly broken as the loss of this life, more precious than his own. Without her, he could not go on.
He would not go on.
He could still taste the sweetness of her blood on his lips, see the images, feel the sensations, as all that she was had become a part of him. He had known her completely in those few brief moments: her hopes, her dreams, her fears.
Her incredible love for him. Her faith. Her trust. Her belief that they would be together no matter what.
Never had he imagined how overwhelming it would be. Never had he felt such an all-encompassing love wash over him, consuming him even as he consumed her. He could not stop. For in her blood he had found the light to combat his darkness, the love to warm his cold heart, the peace that could redeem his soul.
He could not stop.
For that, he could never forgive himself.
Yet as he looked into the angelic beauty that was her face in the sleep of death, he saw the peace that awaited him. For he knew, he believed with all his heart, that she awaited him. In a place better than this, she would finally be his. And he would give himself completely to her. The body that could never love her would be no more. But the soul that she had transformed with her faith, her love, would be hers forever.
"I won't leave you, my love…" He repeated his promise to her softly, in a voice filled with tears.
And with the faith that she had given him back, he thought the words he had dared not speak for eight hundred years.
Forgive me, Father, for I have
sinned…
What would have been blaspheme before he'd known her, was now the heartfelt confession that he had never had the courage to make. The forgiveness he had never had the faith to ask for…
Had good works been the path to his salvation? No. He had known that in his heart all along. Only faith, the faith Natalie had shown him, would be penitence for all he had done.
He felt no fear as he waited for LaCroix to release him. For he knew that his angel would be waiting for him. His eyes never left her face as he began to whisper inaudibly,
"Hail Mary, full of grace
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb; Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God
Pray for us sinners…."
LaCroix, with his preternatural senses, could hear him. "Damn you , Nicholas!"
"Now and at the hour of our deaths…"
"Amen…" was caught on his lips as the searing pain ripped into him. He gripped Natalie's hand, falling against her as his World went blissfully black.
"No, LaCroix. You are my closest friend."
LaCroix's rage turned to grief as the words ripped through his heart. And as Nicholas handed him the instrument of his own death, LaCroix knew that this was the end.
His son was lost to him forever.
Speechless for the first time, he accepted the stake, gripping it in his hands. He watched as Nicholas knelt beside her dying form, taking her hand and whispering promises of love and a life yet to be. Never had he imagined that it would go this far! LaCroix had known for a very long time what this woman meant to his son. But Nicholas had seemed to love before, and always, when it had ended in the tragedy that it must, he had found the strength to move on.
This time, he would not move on. No matter how LaCroix tried to convince him of the foolhardiness of his newfound faith.
How he had underestimated them both! With horror, LaCroix realized that Natalie had meant more to Nicholas than he had ever imagined. She had transformed him in ways that LaCroix was only beginning to see. With her love, she had given hope to his impossible dreams. She was his Dulcinea. And Nicholas treasured her more than the gift LaCroix had given him. More than life.
For the first time, Nicholas loved someone more than himself.
The woman's heart still beat faintly. She could be brought over. Yet Nicholas' steadfast unwillingness to do so made it utterly clear that she was the one true love of his long existence. LaCroix should do it himself--yet what purpose would that serve? He knew now as he knew that night in Azure that if he were to harm Natalie in any way, Nicholas would never forgive him. It had held him back that night. It held him back now. For the first time in two thousand years, LaCroix felt absolutely powerless.
He could hear Nicholas begin to whisper once more, and fury welled suddenly within him. He was confessing! How foolish was he to actually believe that mere words could restore the soul he'd willingly given up centuries ago! LaCroix grasped the stake in his hands in utter rage. He would not be a party to this! But he would teach Nicholas a lesson. A stake through the heart alone would not kill a vampire. But he would immobilize him, terrify him, bring him close enough to death to realize how desperately he should cling to life! He would beg LaCroix to save him from the true darkness and nothingness that awaited him on the other side.
"Pray for us sinners…" Nicholas said softly.
"Damn you, Nicholas!" he cried, raising the stake.
"Now and at the hour of our deaths…"
With full force LaCroix struck his son square in the back…
…and suddenly realized that he had lost all sense of him.
In horror, LaCroix released the stake where it had pierced his son's body, cutting through bone and flesh to graze the weakly beating heart…
His heart was beating. LaCroix could feel their connection no more, but he could smell the warm blood as it seeped slowly from the wound.
Warm blood.
Nicholas was mortal. The blow meant to frighten him to his senses had come close to killing him. LaCroix's grief came flooding to him in a wave of panic, as he realized that if he didn't act quickly…
…Nicholas would most certainly die.
Instinctively, LaCroix bit open his wrist. His blood would heal Nicholas, bring him back across. They would start anew, and Nicholas's brush with death would quell the restlessness that had brought him on this impossible quest. But as LaCroix knelt beside the ill-fated lovers, he spied his son's hand, gripping Natalie's even as death lay in wait for them both. "Damn you, Nicholas," he repeated softly, this time in resignation. For he knew that even if he were to offer Nicholas the gift of eternal life once more, it would be pointless.
Nicholas would not choose to come back this time. And if, as Nicholas believed, Natalie awaited him in the light, nothing would keep him from joining her for all eternity…
Peace washed over her, lifting the pain of her corporeal existence from her even as her soul escaped its mortal boundaries. She was floating swiftly yet timelessly through a dark vortex, further and further in a brief instant that seemed to last an eternity. She closed her eyes as she lost all sense of balance, falling victim to the vertigo which dizzied her as time and space became meaningless…
She awoke with a start, to clear blue skies above her. Confused, she pulled herself effortlessly to her feet, and stood for a long moment, taking in her surroundings.
She was alone. And as she surveyed the endless, lifeless quarry, the still blue lake, and silent sky, she knew. God help her, she knew.
She hadn’t believed Nick. Not completely. And yet as she stood here now, all her scientific protestations about hallucinations of a dying brain went out the window. He had been right. And now, *she* was here.
Dead.
Or, near death. She wanted to panic, to run...But she could no more feel her own fear than perceive the wind against her face or the warmth of the sun beating down upon her. Her only sensation was of peace...of safety.
For a moment she looked back at the spot where she’d awoken, willing herself to see what she knew she could not. It was too late. It was all over. Time to move on....
And as she turned back, it was there. The doorway. The light. Warm, inviting....beautiful. Was it Heaven? God? Jesus? So much she wanted to know....
And as she stood transfixed by its magnificence, the pure good that beckoned her to be reclaimed, a figure began to emerge. A man, blond, his smile beautific, his hands outstretched, his white robes flowing in the energy of the light. And as she stepped closer, she could see...
“Richard...” she whispered.
Her brother. Lost to her in that tragedy, enveloped in that evil by her own doing....an angel. At peace. “Join us, Natalie,” he said, reaching out his hand to her as he stepped from the light. “We’ve been waiting for you. Mom...Dad...Cynthia...”
All dead. Her parents. Her god-daughter. And Richard. Yet within her grasp. Her heart had cried in anguish for them...and now she could rejoin them....Tears filled her eyes, as he took her hand. Not flesh, but spirit, his soul touching hers. And she knew that he had found peace...that he had atoned for the evil that had been beyond his culpability...that he was with God....
“And you can join us, Natalie,” he said aloud, as if reading her thoughts. “All you need to do is follow me into the light. The choice is yours....”
She took a step forward. It was so beautiful, so compelling....and her heart ached so to see them...to know the answers to the questions she had pondered her entire life...for everything lay beyond the light. She knew that now. Her family. Her repose. God. Eternity.
“You have to choose, Nat,” Richard repeated.
His words rang in her ears...and she stopped. “Choose?” she asked, looking into his eyes. “Do you mean...I’m not dead?”
She could see a moment of pain flash through her brother’s eyes, disturbing his otherwise serene countenance. "Natalie...there's still time to save yourself…before the evil destroys your soul. You've already lost your life for him…"
"He…took too much," she said slowly, matter-of-factly, as the reality of what had happened came flooding back to her. "Then…it didn't work…" she said softly. Her sorrow was unbearable. She'd failed Nick. And he'd failed her. She'd convinced him to try something he'd known all along would never work. Knowing the anguish that he must be feeling now only intensified her own. "He couldn't…even…bring me across?" she asked Richard in a broken voice.
Her brother seemed to hesitate for a moment.
"Richie, I have to know," she pleaded him.
He looked into her eyes. "He wouldn't do it, Nat. He couldn't condemn you to his darkness."
Despair overwhelmed her. "He…promised…we would …be together…." She could barely voice the words.
"And you will be," Richard told her with an assurance that confused her.
"But…it didn't work--"
Her brother smiled at her. "Yes, it did. He's mortal, Natalie. He doesn't even realize it now in his grief. But your love, and your faith, transformed him."
"He's human?" she whispered in disbelief.
"See it for yourself…"
Even as he spoke, their surroundings dissipated, replaced almost instantaneously by the familiar darkness of Nick's loft. For a brief moment, Natalie thought it had all been an illusion, and that she was back where she had begun that fateful night. But as her eyes focused on Nick, she knew this was no dream. Just as she knew that her brother had spoken the truth.
Nick's face was wet with tears, real salt tears, as he knelt over her still form. Natalie's heart was breaking as she watched him take her hand in his, bending down to kiss her on the lips.
"Nick…" she said softly, though she knew he couldn't hear her.
"I love you, Nat," he said tenderly, his gentle words reverberating in her ears even as she watched from afar. "And I'll keep my promise to you. We will be together."
In horror, Natalie realized what he meant to do. LaCroix stood behind Nick, a stake in his hands, fury seeming to well within him as he heard Nick beginning to pray.
"No, Nick…" she begged.
"You've given him back his faith, Natalie," Richard told her, reminding her that he was still at her side. "That was all he ever really needed."
"He's going to let LaCroix kill him!" she cried in desperation.
"He asked him to. He's finally made his peace with God. In refusing to bring you across, he saved your soul…and in doing so, he saved his own. You were the key to his salvation, Natalie. When he dies, he will find peace in God's Kingdom."
"But he can't die now--not when he's finally got a chance to live…" The utter waste of it was too painful to bear.
"He'll live on in the afterlife, Nat…He's keeping his vow to you…It's the ultimate act of faith and love---"
"It's suicide," she said bitterly. "I can't let him do this!"
Yet, what could she do? Nick was oblivious to her presence---if she was even truly there. In a last desperate bid she rushed to him, dropping to her knees, kneeling by the body that no longer seemed like her own, reaching up to touch his face as he closed his eyes in prayer. "Nick, please, hear me. Don't do this. I want you to live. Do you hear me? I want you to live!!!" she cried. But she knew that her plea had gone unheard, even as her fingers seemed to pass through his skin, unable to feel his physical body.
"It's no use, Nat," Richard said, suddenly beside her once more.
"Don't tell me that, Richie! You wouldn't have brought me here if there weren't something I could do!" Her thoughts seemed to race in a frantic search for answers. Suddenly, her brother's first words to her came back. "A choice. You said I had a choice. What will happen if I don't go into the light?"
She could swear that Richie's angelic face belied a real regret as he reluctantly answered, "Natalie…your only choice is to enter the light now…or give in to evil. For only evil can keep you tied to the earth now."
"What evil? You said Nick wouldn't bring me across!" A terrifying thought struck her. "You don't mean LaCroix…?"
Richie shook his head. "No. Natalie, Nick chose to save your soul. But he didn't know that enough of his life essence had already entered your body as he drank from you, to sustain your life--but only as a vampire. You're on the precipice, Nat, between death and being brought across. If you choose to live, you will awaken as a vampire--"
"And I'll be there to save him!"
"At what cost to your soul, Nat? If the evil engulfs you...you may never rejoin us...did Nick save your soul for this?"
"No," she admitted with difficulty, knowing that Nick would be horrified at the thought of having brought her across. "But I didn't risk everything to give him his mortality, only to watch him die!"
LaCroix's face had twisted into a snarl of disgust as he poised the stake above Nick's back. Nick was reciting the "Hail Mary"! It was all too surreal. "Richie, help me, please!" she wept.
Slowly, her brother nodded in resignation. He knew her too well to argue her determination. He reached out to her, and she fell into his arms as his spirit encircled hers. "Be careful, Sis," she could hear in her mind. "The evil is….seductive. I know."
Natalie felt she would cry for joy and sorrow...to be with him now...and yet to know she might never be with him again. To know, because she could feel it in his essence, that he forgave her. “Good bye, Richie,” she whispered. “Tell Mom and Daddy...I love them...I love *you*...and I’ll be with you soon. I promise.”
She saw a smile on his lips as his stepped backwards and disappeared into the light. And then, that too was gone as she fell into blackness once more.
Natalie awoke abruptly, her senses bombarded at once by a plethora of sights, sounds and smells that seemed somehow amplified. She was pinned down to the floor, but it took only a moment to realize that the weight upon her was Nick's unmoving body. She took in a breath of relief just to feel his physical form, a wondrous sensation she'd thought lost to her forever. He was so warm, almost hot, and she knew by the steady beat of his heart that he was human!
Natalie gasped. She could hear his heartbeat.
"Nick," she said softly, trying to rouse him.
There was no response.
"Nick!" she called with more urgency, terror beginning to set in. She reached her arms around his back to try to lift him up. Only as she felt the dampness of his shirt did she raise her head to see the stake lodged in his back.
"Oh my God," she said in a hoarse whisper. Only the steady pounding of his heart kept her from giving in to panic as she quickly thrust herself into doctor mode. Ever so carefully, she slipped out from under him, mindful not to move his body too suddenly. For she knew that only the stake embedded in his back had minimized the blood flow and kept him from bleeding to death.
Natalie knelt beside him now, struggling to suppress her own horror and fear for him, to assess his condition. His blood loss had been significant; the sight of his blood-drenched shirt made her insides clench with nausea. But as she'd suspected, the stake had ebbed the flow. Removing the stake now would be impossible. She didn't have the resources here to perform the major surgery it would take to close up the wound and repair any internal damage. The best she could do now, would be to stop the blood flow completely, secure the stake, and try to replace the blood he had lost.
"It'll be okay, Nick," she said tenderly. "I promise---"
Her words were cut off as a presence filled her mind, and she knew that they were not alone. She looked up to see LaCroix, visibly shaken, watching her.
She fought to contain her rage. Nick needed her help now, not her vengeance. But in a voice strangely lower than her own, she growled, "Stay away from him."
LaCroix was looking at her oddly as he managed, "I only want to help. I've called for an ambulance--"
"They won't get here in time," she told him matter-of-factly. Her common sense told her that she could use LaCroix's assistance. She would deal with her anger at what he had done later. "I need my medical supplies. Under the kitchen sink."
With preternatural speed he'd brought them to her, and knelt beside her as if waiting for her next request. "I want you to hold the stake steady, while I stop the bleeding and secure it. Whatever you do, don't move it."
LaCroix complied silently, and in minutes she had taped the stake securely in place.
"What now?" he asked quietly.
"There's human blood in the refrigerator. I need two units--"
LaCroix must have flown, for instantaneously he had brought them to her. Natalie silently thanked her own foresight in having made sure the blood she'd brought him precisely in case of an emergency had been his type. She took the first packet in her hand….
….and nearly fell over from the dizzying hunger that overwhelmed her. Suddenly, instinctually, she wanted nothing more than to rip the bag open and drink…
"Are you all right?" LaCroix asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.
Natalie closed her eyes as her mind struggled to control her body. Nick needed this blood. He needed it to live.
"I'm…fine," she responded a moment later, the desire having settled into the twisted pit of her stomach. Doctor mode set in again, and in moments she'd set up the transfusion. She sighed in relief as color seemed to come back to Nick's face.
"I didn't know--he was human. I thought I'd just frighten him…" LaCroix said aloud, as if in explanation. Natalie could hear the real regret in his voice, and knew that he spoke the truth.
"He'll be fine now," she told him as she lovingly caressed Nick's cheek, his hair. "As long as they get him to a hospital--"
Downstairs the door buzzer sounded, and LaCroix rang to let the paramedics in.
"Come…we mustn't let them see us…" he prodded Natalie as he flew up the stairs.
Natalie hesitated. She had never thought beyond this point. Saving Nick's life had been her only consideration. What to do now? Leaving his life in the hands of strangers seemed unthinkable. She had to be at his side, make sure he was properly cared for, be there the moment he opened his eyes…
The growing hunger within her reminded Natalie of the price that had come with her return to this world. But she couldn't bear to tear herself away from him. Not when he needed her…
"Natalie, come!" LaCroix urged. Much too much like a command. He had no right…
"I'm staying with him," she responded flatly. Her eyes remained fixed on his face, so full of life…
"Are you mad?" LaCroix called to her. "And how will you explain what happened?"
"I'll make something up," she responded without looking at him. She was listening in fascination to the beating of Nick's heart.
"And how will you explain yourself?" LaCroix challenged cruelly.
His words jarred her sufficiently to become aware of the heat that burned in her eyes, the dull ache of the fangs that had suddenly protruded. Reality set in, in one fell swoop. "Nick," she barely whispered, her heart breaking. LaCroix was right. She'd done what she could for him, and now was in no state for others to see her. Natalie bent down one last time to kiss his lips, so wondrously warm now, so full of life. Everything she loved about him had become so vividly enhanced. The new sensations were overpowering. The touch of his skin warmed the iciness of her own, the pounding of his heart deafened her, the scent of his blood invited her, as the new bond between them drew her in, making her suddenly oblivious to the outside world…
A shout warned her away from Nick…Was it LaCroix? Was it someone else? No one would keep her from him! He needed her, as much as she needed him, and her need for him now outweighed all else. How sweet was the taste of his skin as her kisses made their way to the smooth hollow of his neck. How enthralling to sense the life in him now, the mortality she had risked all to give him…
Rough hands ripped her from her precious Nick. How dare he! "Don't touch him!" she snarled at the intruder, grabbing him by the shoulders. The young man's eyes opened wide in terror even as his blood drew her in. In a frenzy of rage and insatiable thirst, Natalie sank her fangs into his neck.
Ecstasy washed over her…relief…fulfillment…as the young man's life essence calmed the newfound beast within her. Intoxicated by the whirlwind of thoughts and memories, Natalie drank from him in utter awe, unable--no, unwilling--to break away, to interrupt the glorious new sensations that she had discovered. Only as the last drops of the man's blood flowed into her, did his horror and unspeakable fear shake her from her reverie. His painful death invaded her soul, just as she had invaded his being. In terror she backed away, watching in shock as the Emergency Med Tech fell to the floor, drained of life.
Suddenly, her preternatural hearing sensed the other heartbeat in the room. She looked up to see the other man shaking in fear as he looked from her to his dead companion. Before him lay the stretcher that they had dropped as they'd taken in the sight before them.
"S-stay away…" he voiced almost inaudibly. Natalie's fear was almost as great as his, as the realization of what she had done, what she had become, set in.
Suddenly, LaCroix swept down, taking the frightened man by the shoulders. For a moment Natalie feared he would kill him himself, but instead, the vampire looked into the terrified mortal's eyes with a hypnotic stare, his voice inappropriately calm for the situation, as he said, "You will remember none of this. Your companion entered the loft first. You heard a scream. A tall dark-haired man was rushing down the stairs as you came in. You will radio your driver downstairs in the ambulance for assistance. Tend to the wounded man first. Your friend is dead. There is nothing you can do for him."
As if in a trance, the man repeated LaCroix's instructions line by line, then carried out his orders. Too stunned to speak, to even move, Natalie let LaCroix grab her and lead her up to the skylight. Perched above, they watched in silence as the men carefully carried Nick, then the dead EMT, to the ambulance. When they had gone, Natalie broke her silence.
"I…I have to go after them…I have to make sure they take care of him…"
"Nicholas will be fine," he assured her firmly, his hand holding her back even as she attempted to follow. She didn't argue, still in too great a shock over what she had done. Gently, LaCroix led her back inside. She collapsed on the couch, staring at the spot where the man had lost his life…and she had lost her soul.
"Will you be all right?" LaCroix asked, with a concern that brought her inner rage to the surface.
"No, I won't," she said evenly. She looked up at him accusingly. "You could have stopped me!"
"You had to feed," he replied matter-of-factly.
His casual attitude enraged her. "You could have pulled me away from him before I--"
"Why, would you rather I had let you feed from me?" he asked with a tinge of amusement in his eyes.
"Don't even start!" she cried in disgust. "And what about Nick?! It's bad enough you almost killed him! Were you going to let me finish the job?" She didn't even want to imagine what might have happened had the other man not pulled her away from Nick.
LaCroix's expression sobered. "No. I would have stopped you before you took too much."
The impact of what he was implying infuriated her, as the vampire's motives became painfully clear. "You wanted me to bring him back across!"
LaCroix's silence was her answer.
Natalie could feel her eyes burning with her fury. "I gave up everything to give him back his life," she told him, measuring each word. "No one is going to take that away from him!"
Anger crossed LaCroix's eyes. Even as she said the words, she knew that they had sounded like a threat. They were. But she knew too well that LaCroix was far too powerful for her to handle. She held back the full force of her furor, as she told him carefully, "I think it's time you let him have back his life."
She could see that her restraint had calmed his ire, and mentally noted what limits she must set on herself to avoid incurring his wrath. But LaCroix would not let her off the hook completely.
"What about you, Natalie?" he challenged her, a cruel glint in his eye. "How do you fit into this new life you've given Nicholas?"
His words were as effective as he'd meant them to be. "I don't know," she replied quietly.
"Ah, but the truth is, you do know. You don't fit into this mortal life Nicholas has sought so desperately to achieve. Nothing has changed. You're both still in different worlds. Is that what you want?"
Natalie fought back her sudden tears. "I want him to be happy."
LaCroix looked into her eyes as if trying to read the emotions he had already pegged so accurately. "Even if you can't share in that happiness?"
She didn't answer. What could she say? That she would find a cure for herself?
"And do you expect Nicholas to waste away those precious few years his life has now been reduced to, waiting to find a way that you can be together? Or are you going to stand back and watch as some mortal woman who could never understand him, and know him, and sacrifice for him as you have, takes your place at his side and in his bed?"
"Stop it!" she cried, stepping away from him. "Why are you doing this to me?" It had sounded more like a plea than she had intended, and LaCroix's face softened as if he knew he had gone too far.
"I am only trying to make you see what a folly this has been on his part and yours," he said, coming close enough to put his hands on her shoulders. "Natalie, you have seen now for yourself the gift that I gave him of eternal life. The power, the exhilaration that you felt as you fed from that mortal. These gifts are lost to him now. He will live a pitifully short life, waste away and die--" He could see that he was disturbing her, for he asked the one question she could not answer, even to herself. "Can you deny that you reveled in that power?"
Once more she pulled away from him. "I don't have time for this," she replied, ignoring the issue completely. "I need to go to the hospital…I need to be there when he wakes up…" She turned from LaCroix, looking for the pocket book she had brought, in what seemed like another lifetime.
"You know you can't do that," he warned her. "You haven't the control. "
The burning in her stomach told her that he was right, but it was the last thing she would admit to him.
"I can help you learn control," he offered.
She looked at him, shaking her head. "I don't want your help," she said flatly. She went to the refrigerator, pulling out every bottle of cow's blood she could find, packing them away in a plastic bag, wishing LaCroix would just leave, but knowing, despite his silence, that he was still there, watching her.
"It won't satisfy you, you know. You're young, and you've already had your first taste of human blood…"
Why wouldn't he stop reminding her?! "It will be fine," she told him with a certainty she didn't really feel. She wanted the blood badly even now, but she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing her drink it.
"Very well, then." He turned to leave, then hesitated. "Where…will you go?"
She knew she couldn't stay here. The police would be here any minute. "Home," she said simply.
"Make sure you're there before sunrise," he advised her.
She nodded.
Natalie sighed with relief as LaCroix broke through the skylight and flew off into the night. Reaching out with her senses to be sure he was gone, she pulled one of the bottles from the bag, her hands shaking as she pulled out the cork. With trembling lips she sipped from the bottle.
It was all she could do to keep from gagging. How had Nick ever survived on this awful stuff? She thought again of the young man's blood, how deliciously satisfying, how sweet…
She fought the memories and the guilt that her own feelings engendered. She took a gulp of the cow's blood.
It was putrid. But she could feel the hunger within her slowly subsiding. "It'll have to do," she said aloud.
Gathering the bag with the rest of the bottles, she headed towards the elevator, then stopped.
She could fly. And yet the thought of following LaCroix's path out the skylight sickened her. The mere fact that she wanted to fly, to finally see what it was like, filled her with guilt. She couldn't let herself enjoy this. She had to start from Day One, doing all she had urged Nick to do, fighting the hunger, the temptation…
But as she thought of Nick, she knew that more than anything she wanted to be with him now. Without another moment's deliberation, she lifted cautiously into the air, and sped on her way.
Back in her apartment, Natalie struggled to maintain some sense of calm. But the new sensations that were assaulting her were a constant reminder of what had happened in the loft. With heightened senses she saw her apartment as she never had before. Even her olfactory sense had been enhanced. How had Nick ever been able to stand the smell of the cat litter?
The humor of that thought served to calm her, even as a lonely Sidney meowed for her attention. Hesitant at first, worried the hunger would make her turn even on him, she lifted him into her arms, then cuddled him as he sniffed curiously at her. "Good thing you're used to having Nick around," she murmured as he licked cautiously at her lips. "Don't worry, Sid. We'll be okay."
Natalie didn't know if she were reassuring herself or her cat. But Sidney's soft purring soothed her even more now than usual. Perhaps it was the first step to restoring a sense of normalcy
to her life. Glad that she could still share this closeness with him, she set him down, filling his food and water bowls as part of her regular routine.
The ringing of the phone made her jump, and she made a mental note to lower the ringer. The message took over and Captain Reese's voice filled the room. "Natalie, this is Reese. I hate to leave you a message like this, but I thought you should know…Nick's been seriously wounded. He was attacked in his loft.
He's in surgery right now at St. Brendan's…"
Natalie sighed her relief. At least now she knew where he was, and luckily, it was a hospital where virtually none of the staff knew her. She still wasn't sure if she was ready to pull off the masquerade of mortality among people she knew, and she didn't have the strength to try.
She glanced at the clock. One in the morning. Still a good few hours until sunrise. Nick would be in surgery for a while, and she had to prepare herself to go out into the world, to be with people, to be with him….
The cow's blood still tasted awful, but she drank it down nevertheless, knowing that despite the odd flavor, it did serve to assuage her hunger. Feeling she had had her fill, she showered, changed into fresh clothes, and brushed her teeth to remove the metallic taste of blood on her breath. For the first time, she examined herself in the mirror.
Her pallor shocked her. Her skin was ivory, as pale as Nick's, so blatantly so that she wondered how vampires ever disguised themselves in the mortal world. None of her makeup would do; her foundation would probably look theatrical. She settled on eyeliner and a light lipstick, knowing her regular blush would make her look like a clown. She smiled in spite of herself to think that with all that had happened, she was thinking now about going shopping for new cosmetics. Her hair had dried to its natural curl, and she tied it back, looking at herself once more. Her transformation had actually taken the tired lines from her eyes, and removed every imperfection. No wonder Nick always looked so good. And, she had to admit, she did too. It gave her the confidence she would need to pull this off.
Grabbing the largest LeSportsac she had, she filled it with her essentials, including a bottle of the cow's blood. Just in case. With another glance at the clock, she was ready.
Only when she got outside, did she realize that her car was still at Nick's. But she was too impatient to see him. With the ease of a pro, she lifted into the air, reveling in the cool wind on her face as she flew into the night.
The hospital was on skeleton shift, making it all the more effortless to make her way about. Telling a young nurse that she was Detective Knight's private physician, she learned that he had just been moved to a private room.
Perfect. She slipped in and went to his side.
She thought she would cry.
From the relief at seeing him alive. From the anguish of seeing him lie so helpless, attached to monitors and an IV that dripped a powerful painkiller into his system. For a long moment she watched his unconscious form, almost afraid to touch him lest she cause him any pain. The bandages were on his back, hidden from her, but from what she had seen herself of the wound she knew that the surgery had had to be major. She glanced at his chart. The stake had grazed his heart. She shuddered to think of what would have happened had LaCroix thrust the stake all the way through.
But her own senses told her, even without having to check the monitors, that his heart was pumping strongly now. He would be all right. She bent to kiss his lips softly. He was so warm, so…alive. And she knew then, without a doubt, that she had made the right decision. The medical care she had given him had saved his life. That was all that mattered.
She kissed him lightly again, relishing his warmth. "I'm here, Nick," she whispered in his ear, caressing his face. "I'm here, my love."
She pulled the visitor's chair as close to the bed as possible, taking his hand in hers and resting her head close to him. For the first time that night, she closed her eyes in peace, as the soft sound of Nick's breathing lulled her into sleep.
She awoke in alarm, a new internal clock rousing her as the sky began to lighten ever so slightly. A check of her watch told her that she had just enough time to get home.
She looked down at Nick, squeezing his hand, whispering his name, disappointed that there was no response. But his heart was till beating steadily, and she knew he was all right.
She hated leaving him like this. She wanted to be there when he woke up. But she knew that she couldn't chance being caught in the sunlight. Her body had begun to weaken, and she knew instinctively that she needed real rest and nourishment.
"I love you," she said softly in his ear, kissing his cheek. "I'll be back as soon as I can."
With one last look behind her, she was gone.
She made it home with moments to spare, drew her blinds, and collapsed on her bed, exhausted. She thought briefly about setting her alarm. But something told her that natural instinct, and her impatience to see Nick again, would rouse her when the time was right. In moments she was asleep, dreaming sweet dreams of Nick in the sunlight….
She was in the loft again. The young man's blood flowed through her, and hungrily, she drank in the secrets of his life, his thoughts, his very being. Suddenly, the young man's memories ran to centuries past, the Crusades, the Renaissance… In an instant of horrified ecstasy, she knew that the blood was Nick's. Waves of pleasure coursed through her, tears of joy came to her eyes, as she knew him with an intimacy she had never imagined possible. Only the silence where his heartbeat had been drew her from her reverie. Only his limp form lying to the floor told her that she had utterly consumed him…
Her own scream awakened her. The taste of blood was real in her mouth, and she knew that it was her own, where her fangs had extended to cut her lower lip. Her eyes were burning, hot with her own blood tears, Her throat was parched as if she had been denied blood for an eternity.
The room was dark, and she knew that night had fallen. But she could see in the shadows, and made her way to the refrigerator, grabbing a bottle of cow's blood, ripping the cork out with her teeth. But the memory of her dream, of the young man whose blood had christened her, of what Nick's precious blood would taste like, made the cow's blood seem like a poor tasteless substitute. But she drank until it nauseated her, forcing herself to accept the fact that this and this alone would have to sustain her.
Forever.
Or, until she found a cure. How intangible that cure seemed now! How had she ever imagined that she could give Nick hope that in her short mortal lifetime she could find what he had searched for in vain for centuries? Her efforts seemed pathetic to her now. No wonder he had fallen off the wagon so many times…
But that was neither here nor there. The sun had fallen below the horizon; she knew it without even checking the clock. Without another foray into self-pity and despair, she quickly showered, dressed, and flew to the hospital where the man she loved would be waiting for her.
Finding him still unconscious was more than a disappointment. In alarm, she examined him, read his charts, and realized that he had never awoken from his surgery. He'd fallen into a coma. The doctors probably assumed it was due to the shock of his injury alone, but she knew better. His system had undergone major changes these mortal doctors could never understand, a transformation from what he had been for centuries, back to the man he had been almost eight hundred years ago. His mortal form was too weak to withstand the major wounds and surgery he had undergone. But at least he was stabilized. For that, she breathed a sigh of relief.
As a doctor she knew that will played a great role in recovery. If Nick believed he had killed her, that there was nothing left for him on this Earth, had he lost his will to survive? She knew that coma patients could often hear what was going on about them. She sat on the bed, bending down to kiss his lips, nuzzling her cheek against his, whispering, "Nick, please come back to me. I'm alive. I love you, and I need you. Please, please come back to me…"
She wasn't sure if it was her imagination, or if his heartbeat quickened ever so slightly. For what turned into hours, she held his hand, caressed his hair, spoke to him, said his name over and over in what became an urgent plea. From time to time, she sensed him stir; but another hour without any reaction whatsoever would dash her hopes that she had gotten through to him.
Her nerves were shattered as sunrise approached. How desperately she needed to hear his voice, look into his eyes. "Nick, please," she begged, knowing her time with him now would soon have to come to an end. She bent her face towards his, kissing him again, relishing the warm touch of his skin against hers, taking in his familiar scent, mixed with something new…
His blood. Her dream came back to her vividly as her weakened body responded to the intoxicating fragrance that was Nick's essence. It suddenly occurred to her that there was one way to get through to him, to touch the soul locked within his unmoving form, to let him know for certain how much she loved and needed him…
"No…" she moaned in horror, pulling herself away before her fangs could graze his flesh. What was she thinking? What was she doing? In shame she looked down at his peaceful face. How could she have let herself come so close…again?
Suddenly afraid, she backed away from him. "I'm sorry, Nick," she said in a shaky voice. "I-I have to go."
She took flight, as if wishing to escape herself.
He felt her there, so soft, so comforting…caressing, gently kissing him. He could hear her calling to him, speaking to him, though he could not understand the words. He knew that she was beckoning him. And with all his being he wanted to answer her. With all his strength he reached out to her with his heart…
But his body would not respond. He tried until exhaustion and frustration wore down his will. But even then, the sound of her voice, the touch of her hands, comforted him, assuring him that she would be there when he found the strength to join her.
Then suddenly, she was gone. Had she ever been there? The sense of loss engulfed him once more, as he slipped deeper into the sleep of hopelessness and despair.
Why even try to wake up?
Natalie grabbed the bottle of cow's blood, tore out the cork, and hungrily took a gulp of it…
…and gagged. Tonight it seemed even fouler than before, as with every feeding it became more and more difficult to stomach. She closed her eyes and tried again, but choked up the little she had swallowed. In frustration she threw the bottle to the floor, smashing it to pieces. Her eyes filled with tears as the rank odor of the spilt cow's blood invaded her nostrils, sickening her even more.
"Let me help you."
She turned in surprise to see the source of the quiet offer. The sight of LaCroix enraged her. How dare he invade her privacy like this! "Leave me alone!" she growled, humiliated that he had seen her in her present state.
"You need blood," he said calmly, stepping towards her.
"Oh, I've got plenty of blood," she said sarcastically, indicating the mess in her kitchen. "The only problem is that it makes me sick just to smell it--"
"You need human blood," he specified, his voice still calm. Only then did she notice the bag in his hand. He pulled out a bottle and extended his hand, holding it out to her.
For a long moment she stared at the bottle, then said, "No. I won't. I told you--" She turned away from him, lest he see how much she really wanted it.
She shivered as he put a hand on her arm. "Natalie. I already told you that the cow's blood will not satisfy you--"
"It's good enough for Nick," she told him plainly, still refusing to look him in the face, quickly wiping the blood tears from her cheek.
But LaCroix would not desist, and was suddenly facing her. He put a hand on her chin, forcing her to look into his eyes, surprisingly sincere. "Nicholas is eight hundred years old. You are a newborn vampire desperately in need of strength and nourishment." He offered her the bottle again, even pulling out the cork. "Drink, Natalie. I assure you, no one died for this."
She wasn't sure if it was LaCroix's assurances, or her own hunger, which compelled her to take the bottle. But once it was in her hands, she drank with an insatiable thirst, indulging her beast as she had not since that first night. Once more it intoxicated her, assaulting her senses with the memories it contained, drawing her in with the exquisite texture and taste. When finally she had been sated, she took a deep breath to recover. Only now did she understand that LaCroix had been right. It was a realization that terrified her. How would she ever break free of this need?
"In time, you will be strong enough to resist it…if that's what you choose," he added, as if reading her thoughts.
"Why-" she asked shakily. "Why are you doing this?" This time, it was not an accusation. LaCroix seemed nothing but…helpful.
The ancient vampire sighed, as if hesitant to reveal the truth, but finally admitted, "That night, Nicholas said that I was…his closest friend. He entrusted me with his fate, for the first time in eight centuries. I owe it to him to look after you…until he is able to do so himself."
Natalie was taken aback by LaCroix's candor, but nodded her understanding. She still could not forgive him for what he had done to Nick, or for what he had stood by and allowed her to do that night. But she believed in his sincerity now, even though she knew that his wishes for Nick's future did not coincide with hers. "Thank you," she said, reluctantly conceding, "I…need help…to control it."
"The cow's blood left you weak. This will control your hunger," he told her, offering her the bag.
This time, she took it, accepting the supply that would probably sustain her for days. "I just…don't want to feel it when I go to see Nick," she explained, though she knew she was justifying it more to herself than to LaCroix.
"It's difficult to see him so…vulnerable," LaCroix said, changing the subject.
"Will he wake up?" she asked. For although she was the doctor, she somehow felt that LaCroix was more qualified to make that kind of judgement.
LaCroix paused. "He's outside of my realm now," he replied regretfully. Then, in an almost mocking tone that was more his own, he added, "He's in your God's hands now, isn't he?"
But far from being disturbed by his sarcasm, Natalie felt suddenly comforted. For God had forgiven Nick. Richie had assured her of that much. "Then he'll be all right," she replied with a certainty that seemed to disquiet LaCroix.
"How can you be so sure?" he challenged her openly.
"An angel told me," she replied quietly.
LaCroix looked at her for a moment, then shook his head. "He's in no danger of dying now. But if all his quest for mortality has brought him is imprisonment in his own weak body--"
"Don't," she interrupted, knowing where he was going with this, then added, "Please."
This time, LaCroix respected her wishes. "Very well then. I shall come by in a couple of days to bring you more blood…If there's anything else you require--"
"No, I'll be fine," she lied, unnerved even now by the thought that he had been watching over her. "But thank you." The less involvement she had with him the better.
LaCroix left her apartment as the sky was beginning to lighten. Natalie shut the blinds tightly, cleaned up the mess on her floor, lay back on her bed, and closed her eyes.
But even her newfound hope in Nick's imminent recovery, could not lull her into a peaceful sleep. Nick would be all right. And that, after all, had been all that had mattered to her. But tonight, she had taken one step further into the darkness that Nick had so desperately fled. The blood had restored her strength, but with it, her clarity of thought. How would Nick deal with what she had done?
How would he deal with what she had become?
Natalie squeezed Nick's unmoving hand reassuringly as she glanced up from the book she had been reading to him. His face was unchanged, his heart rate and respiration steady as they had been for the last few hours. There were no perceptible signs that he knew she was there.
But she wouldn't lose hope. For three nights she had been by his side, talking to him, reading from his favorite authors, caressing him and kissing him lightly from time to time, whispering words of love and reassurance into his ear. At times, he would seem to respond, but then slip back into the abyss of unconsciousness that had imprisoned him. It was frustrating. But it was all she could do. It was all she wanted to do. Giving Nick back his life meant more than just having saved him that night. Unless he recovered completely, unless he went on to live out a full life as a mortal, everything she'd done would have been in vain.
Each night, she would awaken from nightmares, the hunger driving her to near frenzy until she drank down the blood LaCroix had brought her. Even as it invigorated her, it strengthened the beast within her. Every drop held its price, every bottle evoked the guilt and self-hatred that was alarmingly like Nick's. The very fact that she needed it so, terrified her. The very fact that she craved it, anticipated it, even reveled in it, disgusted her. She hated LaCroix for what he was doing to her, as much as she hated him for what he had done to Nick. For with each step he was leading her down the path that would destroy her, or at very least, destroy her soul. He'd known that the first taste of human blood would make her dependent upon it. But hadn't he also known that living on human blood would make it even more difficult to control herself around Nick?
While the blood did give her some modicum of self-control, it lasted only as long as her hunger remained sated. Each night, as dawn approached, her newly attuned senses began to focus on the wonders of Nick's humanity. The beating of his heart deafened her, as the sweet scent of his blood filled her nostrils, drawing her in. She would feel her fangs descend even as she forced herself to kiss him good bye, tearing herself away from him, from the temptation that he posed. For she knew that drinking his blood would be as exquisite as finally making love to him…
Tonight, she could feel the vampiric need stirring within her as she rested against his shoulder. She kissed him lightly on the cheek before pulling herself away. She hated to leave him. Right now, her time with him was all that kept her sane. If only he would wake up! If only she could look into the depth of his blue eyes and see his love gazing back at her as it had that night.
"I have to go now," she said tenderly, brushing a finger across his cheek. "I love you." The tears she was holding back made her voice seem small.
Reluctantly, she turned to go.
A barely perceptible rustling of the sheets startled her. Then a hoarse whisper. "Nat…"
At the speed of light she sat beside him, taking his hand again. This time he squeezed it tightly as his eyes forced their way open, filling with tears as he gazed at her in wonder. "Nat, you're alive…" His hands reached up to touch her face, her hair, as if he needed tangible proof that she was really there.
"So are you," she told him, smiling through her own tears of joy and relief. "In spite of your best efforts," she added, teasing him lovingly.
"What happened?" he asked, still dazed.
"LaCroix did what you asked him to. The only problem is, he didn't know that you were human."
He stared at her. "I'm what…?" It still hadn't hit him.
"You're human, Nick," she told him, words she had waited six years to speak. "It worked."
Nick took a deep breath, as if trying to become aware of his body. She saw him wince as a pain went through his chest.
"Easy now. You still need lots of bed rest--"
"I need you, Nat," he replied, his voice shaky. "I need to know that you're all right. My God," he said, as it all came back to him. "I thought I'd--" He couldn't even say it aloud. He thought he'd killed her.
"I'm okay," she promised him.
His eyes filled with worry, and she feared that he saw something in her that told him the truth. But as he spoke, she knew something else lay behind his anxiety.
"Natalie…can you ever forgive me? For what I did? For what I almost--?" His own guilt would not let him finish.
"There's nothing to forgive," she told him, in no uncertain terms. There would be so much to explain to him, but for now, that would suffice. He searched her eyes as if wanting to be sure she meant what she said.
"Oh, Nat," he sighed, drawing her face down to his. "I love you so very much…." Even in his weakened state, he kissed her hungrily, as if desperate to prove his love to her. Natalie let his love envelop her, as he kissed her in a way he had seldom dared before. She'd needed this. She'd needed to feel his touch, to hear his voice, to know that he loved her as completely as she loved him. He was so warm, so full of life…
"I thought I'd lost you," he whispered in her ear, his broken voice betraying the anguish that was still so fresh. "Thank God…"
Natalie let him hold her close, drinking in his scent as she planted soft kisses on his cheek, his neck…
"We'll have everything now, Nat…Everything we've dreamed of…"
She wasn't sure if it was his words that brought her to her senses or the pulsing of his blood in the soft flesh of his neck. But her eyes were beginning to burn from more than tears, and a quick examination with her tongue confirmed her worst fear.
Her fangs had begun to descend.
"I love you," he whispered again as he sought her lips. She kissed him lightly, turning her face slightly so that his kisses moved to her cheek. In panic she willed her fangs to go away, and forced the amber light from her eyes. How Nick must have struggled whenever they were close! Why hadn't she realized just how difficult intimacy had been for him?
"I love you, too," she said tenderly, pulling her face a safe distance from his as she felt her composure returning.
Luckily, Nick had noticed nothing, still too embroiled in the amazement of it all. He looked into her eyes, smiling as she had never seen him smile, with a genuine happiness unmarred by the angst of his past. "Nat, do you know what this means? We can finally be together…" The fingers that had been tangled in her hair trailed down her cheek, leaving the heat of his life force in their wake. "We can make love…" he said softly, still incredulous. "We can get married, have a baby…"
She wondered if her cheeks could still flush as the heat of her love and desire for him coursed through her. His words filled her heart with both joy and despair. For all these things she had dreamed of sharing with him were no more possible now than they had ever been. Nick had no way of knowing that. He had no way of knowing that his excitement just served to fill her with dread. How could she tell him what she had become? How could she destroy the perfect dream that he believed had finally come true for him after eight hundred years?
"Hey, slow down," she told him, trying to smile. Could he hear her voice shaking? "You still have a lot of recuperating to do before you can even get out of that hospital bed."
But wasn't she just delaying the fact?
Nick's enthusiasm could not be dampened. He held her face in his hands as he said, "I can't wait to walk in the sun with you…"
Reality hit her like a sledge hammer. Nick was ready to go on. This was the moment he had waited centuries for. She'd vowed to give him back his life. But LaCroix, damn him to Hell, had been right.
There was no place for her--as a vampire--in his life.
Oh, Nick would insist to the contrary. He'd want to find a way to make it work, give her the same patience and time she had given him. But as she struggled even now to keep the heat from her eyes, she knew that she'd never be able to be close to him without wanting his blood as much as she did right now. Could she let him sacrifice his chance at a normal life? Even if his love drove him to do so now, in time, wouldn't he grow to resent her?
"Nat, are you okay?" he asked in concern, as she realized that she had closed her eyes to keep back the transformation. When she looked at him again, she saw that a single blood tear had fallen from her cheek onto his dressing gown. Soon, he would be more aware, and she would not be able to hide the truth. If she were going to make the break from him, it would have to be now.
Before he was strong enough to resist her.
Before she lost her strength to walk away.
Natalie looked into his eyes, into his soul, as the pounding of his heart filled her ears. She brought her hand up to caress his face one last time, holding it there as she had seen him do so many times. No one had taught her, but instinctively she knew how to do this, just as surely as she knew that it was her only choice.
"Nick, you will forget that you ever saw me here…"
At first, his face filled with confusion, but then settled into a blank stare as the fragile state of his body allowed his mind to fall susceptible to her control.
She couldn't leave him with just that. It wasn't fair. "You'll remember that I came to you in a dream. That I told you I love you…" She thought a moment of their conversation, and added, "that I forgive you… and I want you to go on, and live a happy life…"
He mouthed his repetition of her suggestion as she told him to sleep. His eyes closed, and Natalie drew in a breath, still unable to believe what she had just done. It had been the furthest thing from her mind, and yet she wondered if perhaps she hadn't known all along that this was how things must end. If she had ever had hopes of learning to live with her vampirism and build a life with Nick, the last few days of her increasing dependence on human blood had convinced her of the foolhardiness of that dream. She thought of the famous words Sting had made into a song. "If you love somebody, set them free…"
She loved Nick. And she had set him free.
The impact of it all hit her like a ton of bricks as she looked down at his sleeping face. She knew she would fall apart at any moment. The thought of walking away from him was terrifying. For a brief moment it occurred to her to awaken him, tell him the truth, leave the decision in his hands.
But she'd left their fate in his hands before. As she bent to kiss him one last time on the lips, the lure of his blood was overpowering, strengthening her resolve.
This time, she would decide for them both.
"I love you, Nick. I'll always love you, " she whispered in a cracked voice, then fled without looking back.
She drank the blood down with a vengeance, wishing that the high it sent her on would take her into oblivion. Her face was hot with blood tears as she tried desperately to lose herself in the moment. But nothing could drown the emotional pain that threatened to overwhelm her. How had she ever come to this point? How had the simple desire to love him turned her existence into an interminable nightmare?
The thought of walking into the sunlight and ending the pain had occurred to her. But tempting as it was, she knew with certainty that suicide would damn her for sure. She didn't know if she could ever atone for the murder of the young man. But she would not take that one drastic step that would condemn her soul forever. Then everything she loved would be lost to her for all eternity. Nick. Richard. Her family.
God.
Perhaps in time she could find the cure that she'd already spent the last six years of her life searching for. Time was no longer an issue. Or was it? What good would it do her to find a cure years or even decades from now? Nick would have gone on with his life; perhaps he would even have a wife and family. Or, worst case scenario, he would have grown old and died.
Lived his life, and died.
Without her.
Then, there would be no need to go on. The cure would be nothing more than a path back to her own mortality; to the peace of death.
The notion of going on now without him was unbearable. She thought back to the night she had offered him her blood, and pleaded with him to make love to her. She'd told him the truth: she'd had nothing left but her love and her faith that they would be together. Now, her love for him was all that remained. It was that love that had driven her to make him forget that she was alive, to set him free to live the mortal life he had so desperately craved. But she could not lie to herself, nor erase the regrets and doubts over what she had done. The thought of Nick finding love and a life with someone else tore her heart to shreds…
The sudden presence of another startled her from her despair. She turned to see LaCroix standing by her window, looking at her in concern.
"Don't you ever knock?" she asked dully, turning away from him to take another swig from her bottle. LaCroix had frightened her once. But now he was nothing more than an annoyance. What could he possibly do--kill her? He'd be doing her a service.
"Is something wrong?" he asked, stepping towards her. "Has something happened to Nicholas?"
Of course, that would be his natural assumption upon seeing her so distraught. She wiped the tears from her face and looked back at him. "No, Nick is going to be just fine. He woke up a little while ago."
LaCroix eyed her in puzzlement. "I would have imagined you'd be with him."
"I was," she told him, setting down her drink. She looked into his eyes. "But he'll never remember that now."
LaCroix's eyes opened wide in visible surprise as he caught her meaning. "Why?" was all he asked.
"You know why," she responded bitterly. "You said it yourself. I don't fit into his new life." She motioned to the bottle. "Not like this."
LaCroix stepped toward her. "Natalie, I said those things to convince you of the folly of his wish to be human. I hoped you would see it for yourself and--"
"Bring him across?" she spat, accusingly. "Yeah, I know that's what you want, LaCroix. But it's not going to happen. He's waited too long for this, and I'm not going to take it away from him." She took up the bottle once more, gulped it down to assuage the rage that was burning inside her, then held it out to him in disgust. "That's why you brought me this. You knew that if I became more dependent on human blood, I wouldn't be able to control myself around Nick--"
LaCroix shook his head. "I won't lie to you, Natalie. I did hope that eventually Nicholas would ask you to make him immortal so that he could join you. But I brought you the blood because you needed it to gain strength. Nicholas would have done the same--"
"Strength for what? What do I have left now?" She started to throw the bottle to the floor, but LaCroix gently grabbed her wrist to stop her.
"You have eternity," he told her sternly, but in a tone that was almost paternal.
She didn't want to cry in front of him, but knew her eyes were brimming with tears. "It means nothing without Nick," she said, choking back her sobs. "Now please, just go. I need to be alone."
Reluctantly, LaCroix released her wrist, but stood looking at her. "And what am I to tell Nicholas when he asks what happened to you that night?" he asked calmly.
She drew in a deep breath. "He believes I'm dead. Just tell him you cleaned up the mess to protect him."
LaCroix eyed her curiously. "You want me to lie to him?"
"It wouldn't be the first time, would it?" she replied, her sarcasm barely hidden.
LaCroix was silent for a moment, probably taken aback by how much she knew of his relationship with his son. "Very well then," he said finally. "Will you be staying in town?"
She hadn't even thought it out that far, but knew that she couldn't remain here for long. The only reason why the authorities had not looked for her thus far was that she had given notice of her resignation at the Morgue the day before she'd disappeared. But soon they would search for her. "I'll stay until I'm sure he's all right," she said, trying to regain her calm. "Then…the sooner I leave this place, the better."
LaCroix nodded his understanding. "I, too, will be leaving shortly. If you wish, you may go to the Raven and ask Miklos for some of my private stock. Tell him I sent you."
"Thank you," she said quietly, knowing she didn't feel like dealing with finding her own supply of blood right now. LaCroix turned to leave, but there was something that still troubled her. "LaCroix?"
He faced her once more. "Yes?" he asked patiently.
"You won't try to bring him across against his will, will you?"
It was the most delicate way she could put the question without letting him know that she would do anything in her power to stop him from doing so. She still didn't understand why LaCroix had not given Nick his blood when he'd realized that he was dying.
LaCroix paused a moment, before responding, his blue eyes filled once more with a sincerity she'd not imagined possible in him. "My dear Doctor Lambert, I knew that night that Nicholas would never again choose to turn away from the light. Your life was more precious to him than his own, and without you he would not accept immortality. My only hope was that once he knew you were alive, he would ask you to bring him across so that you could be together."
Natalie could not help but be warmed by his admission of the extent of Nick's feelings for her. It had to be difficult for LaCroix to acknowledge that someone else held a greater influence over Nick that he did. But it could not change what had happened. Her only solace was in her confidence that LaCroix would no longer try to lure Nick into the darkness. It would be pointless, and he had finally accepted that.
"Nick will be okay," she assured him. "He's gone on before…he will again." It hurt to think that she was only the latest in a chain of losses in his life. But in a way, she had to believe that if only to justify leaving him, and to convince herself that she was doing the right thing.
But LaCroix seemed to read her thoughts, for he replied, "I'm not so certain this time."
She didn't answer. There was nothing left to say. LaCroix took his leave of her, and she drank down the last of her blood, trying to lose herself once more in the myriad of images and sensations. When she could drink no more, she lay down, as the sun began to cross the horizon. She doubted that sleep would come to her easily this day--but knew it would be the only escape from the horror of what her life had become. She closed her eyes, praying to God to protect Nick…
…and give her the strength to go on without him.
"Nick…Can you hear me…?"
The voice of Captain Joe Reese roused him from his slumber of dreams already forgotten. His eyes snapped open, and he squinted in alarm at the sudden brightness that blurred his vision. In panic he realized that wherever he was, daylight was streaming through the windows.
But in surprise, he found that the warmth felt good on his face. With great effort he opened his eyes once more to find that his vision, and his body, were perfectly fine under the rays of the mid-day sun that poured into his hospital room. He realized at once that he was connected to an IV, and a monitor that showed the steady rate of his heart.
His heart was beating. In an instant the sensations hit him, and he knew that the vampire was gone! But the fleeting wonder and delight was crushed all at once, as his last waking memories came flooding back. His anguish, fresh as it had been that night, settled into the pit of his stomach, as he knew the horrific price that had been paid for his mortality.
"Natalie…" he moaned in a hushed whisper.
"We haven't been able to get in touch with her yet, Nick," Reese told him regretfully. "She put in her resignation the day before you were attacked…she might be out of town…"
"What?" Nick asked in confusion. "Didn't you find her at the loft?"
Reese's eyes opened wide in sudden realization. "You don't mean Natalie was with you that night--?"
The image flashed before him. His beautiful Natalie lying lifeless, desecrated by his beast. Yes, she had been there. There was no use denying it now. "Yes," he rasped, his heart in his throat.
"I-I had no idea," Reese told him, still in shock. "When the EMTs got there, you were alone."
Bewilderment set off a plethora of possibilities through Nick's mind as the Captain's words registered. LaCroix had staked him even as he held Natalie's hand. His last memory was of falling towards her. Where had she gone? Had LaCroix taken her body to cover up her murder? Or, dared he even think it….
Had she survived?
His heart began to race as the small ray of hope ignited within him. He had taken too much…but even with his decision not to condemn her to his darkness, he hadn't had the heart to drain her completely. His love for her would not allow him to deliberately extinguish her last spark of life. Had she somehow, miraculously, lived?
"Nick, do you remember what happened that night?" Reese was asking him.
He remembered every moment. Her faith, her love, making him believe that all was possible… The promise he had made that he would not leave her… The ecstasy as he'd taken her blood, fulfilling the desire that had burned within him for so long to know her completely…
The horror of having betrayed her trust in him…The despair as he'd never known in eight centuries… The decision to keep his promise, compelled by the overpowering faith she had instilled in him, that somehow, they would be together…
The memory of it all brought tears to his eyes. So difficult to think of it…Impossible to speak of it…Could it possibly be that God had given them another chance in this life?
"Nick?"
Reese was waiting patiently, and Nick thought quickly, knowing he must tell him something--anything but the truth. With the talent for fabrication that had become second nature over the past eight centuries, he simply said, "Nat was already lying on the floor when I got there…"
False as that statement might be, there was no need to feign the grief that still ripped through his heart as he thought of the moment he had realized what he had done to her. "I-I bent over her…and that's when I was attacked from behind."
Reese grimaced at the thought of the grisly scene. "My God, Nick, we had no idea she had been there," he said softly. He pulled out his cell phone. "I'd better put out an APB on her."
Nick sat deep in thought while the Captain made the call. Something wasn't right. "Who called for an ambulance?" he asked, trying to piece things together.
"It was an anonymous call. Some guy. Who knows, it could have even been the perp," Reese speculated. "Your assailant was still there when the EMTs arrived. The sonofabitch ripped one of those guys apart. When his partner got upstairs he was already dead--"
"What?" Nick asked in disbelief.
"He's gotta be a real sick bastard with some kind of vampire fantasy. First he stakes you, then he drains the EMT of blood. All we found were two little puncture wounds on his neck."
It sounded like LaCroix's handiwork. And yet, something didn't make sense. If LaCroix had called for an ambulance, why would he have killed one of the Emergency Med Techs?
Reese shook his head. "I don't know, now. The other EMT said he saw some dark-haired guy run out. That's all. But maybe he had an accomplice that took Natalie out of there--"
If LaCroix had done this, Nick knew, he had left no trail that would ever be found. Most likely the dark-haired man was a suggestion LaCroix had planted in the other man's head. Had killing the first man been part of LaCroix's way of cleaning up the tragic mess that they had made that night? If so, he had taken Natalie's body, too. And yet…
Nick breathed deeply, closing his eyes. This was too much to contemplate. Why hadn't LaCroix just finished him off and laid him to rest at Natalie's side? Then their bodies and souls could be together for all eternity. The physical and spiritual separation from her was more than he could bear…
"Nick…wake up, please…I love you…and I need you…"
Her voice echoed suddenly in his mind, and in one swift blow he knew. "She's alive," he said abruptly, opening his eyes.
"Nick, I pray to God you're right, but it's been days with no word--"
"No, Captain, I know," Nick insisted, utterly convinced. "She was here. She spoke to me while I was unconscious. I remember it now." It was a realization that filled him both with joy and an urgency to find her. He started to pull himself up to a sitting position. "I've got to go look for her--"
The searing pain immobilized him even before the nurse could restrain him. The limitations of his new-found mortality were all too painfully evident. "Detective, you need to rest," the nurse admonished him. "You've had major surgery. The stake grazed your heart--"
"Captain, I know she's alive," he said, even as he winced from the pain. "She was here, I know it--"
Reese shook his head incredulously. "Nick, if Natalie had been here, she wouldn't have left your side until you woke up--"
It was true, and yet the memory was so strong. Even with his weakened senses he could still catch the slightest fragrance of her perfume…
"You've had no visitors, Detective," the Nurse told him.
"No, it can't be," he said, almost frantic now. Was his grief making him go mad? "Look, give me pain-killers, whatever, just let me get the hell out of here--" Again, he tried in vain to lift himself up, but once more the stabbing pain in his back vanquished him. "Captain, you've got to help me, please--"
"I should ask the doctor to authorize a sedative," the Nurse told Reese.
"Are you out of your mind? The man just woke up from a coma and you want to sedate him?" Reese chastised. The nurse gave him a look, leaving in a huff. "At least she's gone," he said to Nick.
"Captain, I know what I heard. She was here. Talking to me. Reading to me. Please, convince them to let me out of here!"
"Calm down, Nick," Reese admonished him. "Or Nurse Ratchet will be back to put you out again. I've already put out the call, and the whole force will be searching for her. I'll even go by her apartment myself, as soon as I leave here, and I'll come back to let you know what I find."
"Captain, I can't just wait here," he complained in frustration.
"You have to. The doctor said at least another couple of days. You're lucky to be alive. Let's keep it that way. I'll take care of finding Natalie."
Reluctantly, Nick nodded, and lay back down, knowing his weakened body would not cooperate with him anyway. As the Captain left, he closed his eyes, hoping sleep would help pass the time until Reese could return with news. But inside him, turmoil raged. He was sure Natalie had been here--and yet, if she had, where was she now? He vowed not to let go of his belief that she had survived. For if he did, there would truly be no reason to go on.
Natalie awoke abruptly to hear the pounding on her door. In alarm, she recognized the voice calling her name. She should have known that it would only be a matter of time. With chagrin, she realized that her apartment would no longer be a safe haven. The knocking stopped, and she knew that Captain Reese would most likely have gone to find the Superintendent to let him in.
More quickly than she'd known she could move, she ran to the refrigerator to grab the last bottle of blood, the only visible sign that she had even been there. With one quick perusal of the apartment to be sure she had left no other tell-tale clues, she hid in the corner of her walk-in closet, praying Reese did not do too thorough a search for her.
At that moment she heard the men enter, and listened with her enhanced hearing to their movements. She heard Reese walk into every room, and breathed a sigh of relief that he failed to check her closet. In the kitchen, he opened the refrigerator. Of course, she knew that whatever food was left would be spoiled by now. She thanked her foresight as she grasped the bottle more tightly, feeling her hunger begin to grow as she smelled the human blood in her house.
A persistent meowing from Sidney reminded her of his presence. She could hear Reese talking to him, filling his food and water bowls, both of which would have been empty from yesterday's feeding. A sudden pang went through her heart as she realized that she should have hidden Sidney as well. For now that Reese had seen him, she could not take him with her without arousing suspicion.
When the door finally closed behind the Captain, Natalie came from her hiding place, taking one last look around her apartment. At sundown, she would have to leave. But where would she go? Nick was still not fully recovered. She'd vowed to stay around until she was sure he would be all right. She'd have to find some out of the way motel on the outskirts of town. After that, she had no idea where she would go.
She packed a few things that wouldn't be missed: clothes, pictures of her family, and of herself with Nick. Glad she'd cashed her last paycheck rather than deposited it, she stuffed the cash into her bag, knowing that credit cards would now be useless if she wanted to keep hidden the fact that she was alive. She had no idea what she would do for money after that. But she'd been so consumed with thoughts of Nick that she'd barely thought out her own plans. The future seemed so dismal now, that it mattered little to her what she did.
Even now, she didn't want to think about it. Her bag packed, she knew she had a few hours before she could venture outside. With tears in her eyes, she picked up Sidney, cuddling him as she lay back down to rest. "I’m sorry, Syd. I can't take you with me. But I know Nick will come get you and take care of you as soon as he can." Of that she was sure. Nick knew what her cat meant to her, and would see to it that he was cared for, for her sake.
Sydney meowed contentedly against her as she closed her eyes, mentally trying to prepare herself for what lay ahead. Sleep soon claimed them both, and Natalie dreamt of Nick, as she had every night since that fateful night.
She stood above him, looking down with a sadness he couldn't understand. "I love you…and I forgive you…and I want you to go on …and live a happy life…"
He awoke in a panic. It was a dream, and yet it had seemed so real. She was there holding him, kissing him…
…leaving him? Saying good bye? In confusion, he struggled to recall the rest of the dream that had seemed more than a dream. He could almost feel the softness of her hair as he'd entwined his fingers in it, taste her tender kiss, sense her cool caress on his cheek. It had been so real. Yet if it was real, she was gone now, and he had no idea why…
Had she been there in the flesh? Or had her parting spirit visited him in his dreams to calm his conscience for the unspeakable thing he had done to her, to bestow the forgiveness he didn't deserve, and the undying love he was unworthy of?
Nick didn't know the answer. But he knew that his love for her would not let him give up hoping, searching, until he found her.
Reese's face was grim when he entered the room, and Nick's heart sank as he said, "I'm sorry, Nick. There's no sign she's been there in the last few days."
He was silent. Reese must have missed something. He'd have to go himself, find some clue…
"There was nothing but spoiled food in her fridge," the Captain continued. "The cat's bowls were empty, and the litter was full."
"She wouldn't have gone anywhere without taking Sydney, or making sure someone looked in on him," Nick said quietly.
Reese paused, and Nick held his breath to hear his next revelation. "There's another thing. We found her car parked near your place. No one realized it before, because we weren't looking for it."
Nick closed his eyes to blink back the tears that were starting to form. "I need…to get out of here. Look for her myself. Please, Captain…see what you can do."
Reese nodded. "I'll go talk to the doctor."
Alone, Nick closed his eyes again, trying to conjure the image in his dreams, to feel the sensation of her close to him once more. She had been there. It was real.
It had to be.
Two days later, Nick slowly dressed himself in the fresh clothes Reese had brought him, careful not to move his arms in the way that he'd discovered brought a sharp pain to his back. Though not constant, the pain from his injury was a physical reminder of his new-found mortality. His hunger was another. Hospital food was living up to its reputation, so he still had not really had an opportunity to satisfy his new appetite. Yet one more new sensation that had plagued him was the least pleasant of all--anxiety. As a vampire, anxiety and depression had been purely emotional states. Now, his longing for Natalie and his impatience to look for her engendered a whole range of physical discomfort: palpitations, shortness of breath, a knot in his stomach, and aching in his temples. Perhaps under other circumstances, his ability to feel even these unpleasant things would have filled him with wonder and delight. But his joy at being human had vanished with the woman he loved. In the past few years, his dreams of mortality had been intertwined with the fantasies of a normal life with Natalie. Without her, it meant nothing to him. If only he could tell her how empty humanity was without her, she would finally know how deeply he loved her.
He was silent as Reese drove him home. The Captain tried to make small talk, but the reality the two men shared had been marred with such tragedy that there was very little to say. Nick learned that Tracy had been buried days ago; her father was inconsolable and had taken a leave of absence. Reese didn't speak of the search for Natalie, and Nick knew that it simply meant that nothing had turned up. He'd stopped asking. It hurt too much to hear a negative response. He clung to the images in his mind of her in the hospital room with him, her voice in his head, her hand holding his. Intangible though it was, it chased away the more painful images of that night in his loft. But he knew that those memories would have to be faced as soon as he reached his home.
It had occurred to him to stay at a hotel. But if Natalie were alive somewhere, the loft was where she would look for him. And in some perverse sense, he needed to be in the place where he had last seen her, where he had finally committed himself to her with his promise that they would be together…
The car stopped, and they were there. And suddenly, Nick didn't know if he had the strength to go in.
"I picked you up some groceries," Reese told him as he took a bag from the back seat of his car. "Your fridge was empty. Just basic stuff--milk, juice, you know."
He didn't know. But he was grateful not to have to deal with something he'd always expected that Natalie would take care of. She always took care of those little details. "Thanks, Captain," he said as he got out of the car.
"We've already gone over the place," Reese explained. "Dusting for prints, taking, uh, samples for DNA testing." He could see that Reese felt awkward telling him this. Nick was no longer the detective, but the victim. "Anyway, the place has been cleaned up for you."
Nick nodded his acknowledgement as they rode up in the elevator.
"Nick," Reese said, laying a hand on his arm as the door slid open. "Are you…sure you want to stay here?"
"Yeah," he replied. Though as he stepped into his loft, he wasn't so certain anymore.
It was a blessing that he no longer had enhanced senses. If he had, he would be able to smell the slight touch of Natalie's perfume that surely must linger, the fragrance of her blood that he could almost taste again in his mouth. The memories alone were overpowering. He stared at the spot where her body had lain lifeless before him, and tears came to his eyes.
"Are you okay, Nick?" Reese asked him quietly.
"Yes," he said in a hoarse whisper. "Captain, thanks for everything. But I think--I need to be alone."
Reese nodded his understanding. "Call me if you need anything, okay?"
The elevator sliced shut behind the Captain, and he was alone with his memories.
Night had fallen. He'd lost his ability to see in the dark. But he didn't need to turn on the lights to see Natalie. She was everywhere. On the couch, cuddling with him to watch a movie. In the kitchen, preparing dinner for herself and a plate of food he would struggle to taste just to please her. By the mantle, where he had kissed her that night when the vampire had been forgotten to him.
Standing before him, asking him to make love to her. Telling him that all she had left were her love and her faith. Giving herself freely to him, even as he betrayed her trust with his insatiable desire to know her completely…
Lying lifeless on the floor. He knelt by the spot as he had that night. He could almost see her there, almost feel her presence. And as he had that night, he let the tears fall unbidden. "No, Nat," he wept. "You can't be gone. You can't…"
From the skylight above, she watched him, her tears falling freely even as she struggled to stifle her own sobs. She wanted nothing more than to reveal herself to him, to take him into her arms and…
…and where would they go from there?, she reminded herself bitterly. She still didn't trust herself even to be close to him. Her desire for him had become inextricably intertwined with the desires of the beast within her. Nick was human. He was grieving for her
now, but he would someday be able to go on with his life. She'd sacrificed everything to give him back that life. Now, she had to let him live it.
"Are you sure you don't want to end his pain right now?"
She nearly jumped at the voice, and turned in annoyance to see LaCroix hovering behind her. "What are you doing here?" she demanded.
"The same as you. I came to see Nicholas." He paused, then said with meaning, "But I have no intention of hiding my presence."
"He doesn't need you," she told him flatly.
"He does need you," he retorted to her surprise. "But you still don't see that, do you?"
"He needs to live his life," she replied, trying not to flinch at his words. "We both have to let him do that."
"That's exactly what I intend to do," he told her plainly. "But it would seem that ironically I've come to understand what he needs and wants better than you."
"I don't have to listen to this. I've made my decision--"
"Quite hastily and poorly, I would dare say." He paused, his tone softening. "But that is, of course, your choice. Don't worry, Natalie. I've only come to see Nicholas and extend my friendship. I intend neither to convince him to be brought back across, nor to tell him about you. That is your responsibility."
She didn't know whether to believe him or not. But she didn't have a choice right now. Her gut feeling told her that LaCroix wouldn't hurt Nick. That was the paramount issue.
"I give you my word," LaCroix offered, reading her hesitation.
"Okay," she said finally. She started to leave, then paused. "LaCroix--convince him to go on with his life. Please."
"If that's what you truly think is best for him," LaCroix responded.
She didn't answer. Instead, she flew off before LaCroix and her own heart conspired to make her lose her resolve.
For what seemed an eternity, he sat on the floor in the darkness, staring blankly at the spot where Natalie had fallen, as if by doing so he could transport himself back to that fateful moment in time. If only he had had the strength to break away from her that night. If only he had left town before she could find him. If only he had been able to control his desires before they consumed him, before his beast consumed her…
He should have left long ago. But his love for her had kept him from doing so. For once in his life he had been unable to move on. Not without her. Despite his spurious attempts in the past, he had always known that. But he had been utterly selfish, clinging to her even when his better judgement told him it would be in her best interests to tear himself away.
He had wanted her that night. The part of him that was still human had wanted desperately to make love to her, to fulfill the desire that had burned within him since he'd first fallen in love with her.
But it was more than that. He'd wanted to believe, to have faith, as she did; to dare to dream that somewhere there was a place for them to be together forever. Natalie's love had transformed him spiritually long before his physical transformation had taken place. She'd ignited in him a hope and faith that had been dead for centuries. That night, he had truly believed that they were meant to be as One for all eternity.
Yet did he have the strength to believe that even now, as he sat alone, immobilized by grief? He closed his eyes to see the image again of her face before him. But with each passing moment he began to doubt his own sanity. Had she really visited him in the hospital? Or had it really been nothing more than a dream?
A sound startled him from his reverie. He stood at once, turning to its source. At the sight of LaCroix, the silent rage that had been brewing within him erupted. "Where is she?!" he cried. Heedless of his own weakness, he grabbed LaCroix by the coat collar. "What the hell did you do with her?!"
LaCroix's body stood unmoving as a rock, and only then did Nick register the physical strength that had been lost with his transformation. But rather than push him aside as Nick might have expected, LaCroix was calm, responding simply, "I buried her."
The impact of his words was worse than any physical blow LaCroix could have given him. Nick's heart stopped. "You…what?" he barely whispered, backing away.
"I buried her," LaCroix repeated gently as Nick sank into the couch.
For a long moment, Nick was silent, unable to speak. Tears filled his eyes as they had that night, as his grief overwhelmed him. "But I was…so…sure…" he managed finally.
"What did you think, Nicholas? That I brought her across?" LaCroix asked.
Nick looked up at him. "I don't know…what I thought…"
LaCroix was looking at him strangely, as if there was something more. "I did what I had to, to cover up what transpired here that night."
"The E.M.T.?" Nick asked.
"He saw too much."
"Why not just make him forget?"
LaCroix seemed to hesitate, before saying, "The events of the evening took their toll on me as well. It seemed simpler. I needed sustenance, anyway."
Nick didn't have the strength to question him further. What did it matter at this point? What did anything matter?
"There were still two men downstairs. I knew they would be able to tend to you," the vampire added.
"I was so sure," Nick whispered again, not even looking at his former master.
"Sure of what, Nicholas?" LaCroix asked, coming to sit beside him.
"I heard her…felt her presence, when I was unconscious." He looked into LaCroix's eyes. "I was sure she was there. I can almost remember seeing her, when I first woke up…"
"What, exactly, do you remember?" LaCroix questioned him curiously.
"She told me she loved me," he said in a broken voice. "That she forgave me…and wanted me to go on with my life…"
"A dream perhaps," LaCroix told him. "Or even her spirit to give you absolution. In any case," he said, dismissing it as anything more, "You would do good to follow her advice, and try to go on with your life."
Nick glared at him. "I have no life now. You should have finished the job, LaCroix. I made a vow to her that we would be together--"
"And perhaps someday you will be," LaCroix allowed. "But the fact remains that she sacrificed herself to give you what you have always sought--your mortality. You have it now, Nicholas. Don't waste your precious time on remorse and grief."
"You don't understand," Nick told him bitterly.
"I don't understand?" LaCroix spat at him in sudden anger. "Don't you think that the loss of your sister has filled my heart with anguish to this very day? Do you really have the audacity to think that I don't understand?"
Nick took a deep breath. LaCroix would seldom admit his sorrow, but Nick had always known it was there. "Then you're stronger than I am, LaCroix. I couldn't have lived for eight centuries with this pain. I can't live with it now."
LaCroix had regained his calm. "For her sake, you must, Nicholas." The vampire paused, as if wanting to change the subject. "Your wound is healing, I trust? I must apologize. If I had known you were mortal I wouldn't have gone through with it."
Nick nodded. "I'm supposed to rest. But I just can't close my eyes without reliving it all."
"Would you like me to stay here for a while?" LaCroix offered.
Nick shook his head. "No. Thank you, but, I think I'd rather be alone."
"As you wish." LaCroix rose to leave. "I've decided to stay in town for a few days more. If you need anything, you know where to find me."
Nick didn't have the energy to answer. LaCroix was trying his best to be supportive, but there was nothing anyone could do for him. He heard LaCroix make his exit, and closed his eyes.
He was alone with his memories of her. That was all he wanted.
That was all he had left.
The images swirled before him again and again, at lightning speed yet with the intensity of thunder. His heart was beating wildly as he relived the first glorious taste of her blood, and felt her love wash over him, embracing him, purifying him… In anguish he watched her lifeless form, aware that he was in a dream, and struggling to escape, even as he clung to the moment, the opportunity to kiss her lips once more, feel her cool flesh in his hands…
Then she was there, alive, running her cool fingers across his brow, whispering softly to him, kissing him…In his dream, he grappled to break free from the clutches of unconsciousness, his joy immeasurable as her blue eyes smiled down at him. But suddenly, her smile faded into a mask of sorrow. Were those crimson tears in her eyes? "I'll always love you…" she whispered…
He awoke in a panic. "Natalie!" he cried, sitting up to look desperately for her. His dream faded in the stream of sunlight through his living room windows. The stark reality of finding her gone clouded his soul. The pit of his stomach ached with an emptiness that went beyond his hunger. But he would not close his eyes again. He couldn't keep reliving it, over and over…
He knew he needed to eat. He went to the refrigerator, found the staples Reese had left him, and contemplated which to try first. It was still difficult to accept that whatever he ate would not make him physically ill. He opted for the milk, remembering how much he'd enjoyed it as a child. Pouring it into glasses that had until now been reserved for a more insidious liquid, he took a deep breath, then tentatively sipped…
It was good. He closed his eyes as he drank it down, remembering how he used to pretend to be asleep so that Fleur would have to milk the cows. Until, of course, his little sister had caught on and let their parents know what was going on. His father had made him compensate for his laziness by getting up before dawn for the rest of the summer to perform both his chores and Fleur's. A slight smile came to his lips as he thought of how simplistic and yet difficult their lives had been back then. What would his parents and sister have thought of life in the twentieth century? Thinking of them now, he missed them as bitterly as if he had only just lost them.
They were all dead and buried now. The injustice of it struck him like a slap in the face. Why did he deserve to be alive now, after all he had been, and all he had done? His father had died at the ripe old age of forty-five. What had he done to merit his eight hundred years? It occurred to him suddenly that his immortality had been more of a punishment than the gift LaCroix claimed it to be. He had watched those he loved turn to dust, living only to grieve and suffer his guilt. Now, this second chance at mortality was at best divine justice, and at worst some cosmic joke. He had murdered the woman who meant more to him that his own life, and in doing so, extinguished any possibility of enjoying his long-awaited mortality. He would spend the rest of his life awaiting death.
He'd known when he'd asked LaCroix to end his life that he hadn't the strength to go on without her. He'd convinced himself that if LaCroix were to do the deed, then his soul would be set free. But whatever vestiges of his faith that had remained told him that suicide was a mortal sin. The fear of eternal damnation had kept him from walking into the sun more times than he could remember. But now, damnation took on a new meaning. For if Natalie were in Heaven, and he knew she had to be, then an eternity in Hell would be an eternity without her. That thought was all that kept him from ending his life right now. He knew how quickly a human lifetime could pass. He would only pray that his passed quickly now--and that God would take him into the light. For he knew with all his heart that Natalie would be waiting there for him. They all would be.
The milk finished, Nick unwrapped two slices of cheese, wondering why they bothered to package it that way. He put them between two slices of bread, so flimsy compared to what his mother used to bake, and ate his first cheese sandwich. It wasn't bad. A few bites of an apple, and once more eating was second nature to him. He wished he could feel the pleasure and wonder he had felt that day when he'd been on the leitovuterine and eaten that plate of spaghetti. But right now, it was nothing more than something to fulfill a biological need. He had more pressing matters to attend to. Without further ado, he showered, dressed, and donned his sunglasses.
The sunlight hurt his eyes, and again he thought of that day outside the morgue when he'd first stepped into the sun. The pure ecstasy of it had been infinite. Now, it fell flat, moving him no more than as if he'd walked out into the night. Daylight only served to remind him of the dreams he and Natalie had shared, that now, would never come true. It was then that his eyes filled with tears again, as he remembered how he'd clung to her that morning in the hot sun. The warmth and excitement had been so inextricably intertwined with the fact that he was sharing it with her. Perhaps he'd never even realized it until this empty moment.
He drove to her apartment house, with dread and anticipation. The landlady recognized him at once, and asked if there had been any word of Doctor Lambert. He told her there hadn't. What he knew, he could not divulge. Yet his face must have betrayed that they should assume the worst. With great awkwardness, the old woman asked if someone would be by for her things.
The sudden thought that someone might disturb Natalie's personal belongings was repulsive. He asked her how much a month's rent was.
"Eight hundred and fifty," the woman replied, not sure of where this was leading.
Nick pulled out his checkbook. "Here's rent for the next year," he said, handing her the check. "I don't want anyone going in there, or touching her things."
The woman's mouth dropped open, but she muttered, "Okay, Detective. Whatever you say."
Nick didn't even respond. He had to do this before his courage failed him.
The apartment was dark, the shades drawn as she had done for him whenever he'd spent the day there. He switched on the light, startled as Sydney came to his feet, meowing loudly. Nick picked him up, surprised at the way Sydney rubbed against him, but remembering that as a mortal he no longer gave off the scent that frightened some animals away. He stood there for a long moment, rubbing the feline between the eyes as he'd seen Natalie do. "You must be hungry," he told the cat, and went automatically to put down some food and water.
While Sydney ran to gorge himself, Nick looked around him, amazed at how different things seemed without his heightened senses. Usually he could catch the scent of Natalie's perfume, and the powder she used after a bath. The beat of her heart, quickening slightly as she saw him, had always welcomed him. Now, the dearth of those fragrances and sounds that were a part of her, only accentuated her absence. The loss of her was sinking in, and Nick knew that he'd never felt so alone in his life.
Yet the memories of her were as strong here as they were in the loft. He could see himself standing by the window, as she'd sat unsuspecting on the couch, calling her to him, and asking, "What are we gonna do, huh? About the way we feel…" He remembered that night as if it were yesterday, confessing his love to her, kissing her, pushing their intimacy to the limits of his control…
Control! Where had his control been when he'd needed it most, when she'd needed him most? He picked up the framed picture on her coffee table, of the two of them arm in arm at the Department Picnic four years ago. She was so beautiful and full of life then, so untainted by the curse of his love. Why hadn't he had the strength then to back away?
"I'm sorry, Nat," he whispered in a voice filled with tears. "I'm so sorry…"
Composing himself, he set the picture down, continuing the search he now realized would be fruitless, but felt compelled to perform nevertheless. Reese was right. There was no sign that she had been there in the last week. In her bedroom, there was no indication that she had taken any clothes and gone away. A night gown lay on her bed, and he picked it up, closing his eyes as he drank in her scent. The memories it engendered were more than he could endure. He sat down for a long while on the bed, weeping like a little boy as he spoke her name over and over again.
He wanted to stay here, and yet could bear it no longer. Calling Sydney, he picked him up gently, then placed him in the travel case Natalie kept in her hall closet. Natalie had left an extra litter box at the loft the last time she'd gone out of town and he'd cat-sat. Juggling a bag of food, jug of litter, and the meowing feline, Nick left her apartment, knowing that he would be back.
Natalie's memory lived there, and he would keep it as she had left it for as long as he lived.
With any luck, that wouldn't be for long.
Natalie stared up at the ceiling of the hotel room, her home of the last few days, unable to fall back asleep after waking from blood-filled dreams. She didn't know why she was still here.
Well, she did, actually. For all her best intentions, and vows of self-sacrifice, Natalie just couldn't tear herself away from him. He'd been home from the hospital for almost a week, and each night she'd spied through his skylight, or perched outside his window, telling herself that as soon as he was on the road to recovery, she would leave. She'd watched him sleep mostly, thinking that he was perhaps spending too much time asleep. When he was awake, he would sit on his couch, staring blankly at the television screen, absently petting Sydney, who appeared to be his only companion. It had warmed her heart when she'd seen Sydney at the loft. Knowing that Nick would care for him had eased a great load from her mind. And from time to time, when Nick nibbled on a midnight snack, it made Natalie smile to see him engaging in such simple mortal pleasures. Each day, he seemed to move with more ease as his wounds healed. But she knew that his emotional wounds were far deeper. Moping about the house in pajamas, sleeping, isolating himself from others, and neglecting his physical appearance, were all classic signs of depression. At times, she would see him cry, and her own tears would flow in synch with his. How easy it would be to just step through the window and fall into his arms. Yet to do so would complicate his life more than she would allow herself to. He would recover, she told herself. And yet, it would take time. She wanted to know that he would be all right, but she knew that she couldn't go on watching him like this, night after night. It wasn't fair. To him or to herself.
But the dismal realization had come to her that she had no place to go. This depressing little hotel room was out of the way, but she couldn't stay here forever. During the day she would lie awake trying to imagine the best place to start a new life. But clinging desperately to her old life, to Nick, was all that she really had any desire to do. In her weaker moments she'd fantasized what it would be like to go to Nick, and tell him the truth. Yet even in fantasy she could not escape the fear of what might happen. Could he accept what she had done? Would his joy at seeing her alive outweigh his revulsion at what she had become? And how long would he be patient, and content with the limits that her nature now imposed upon them? Could she ask him to give up the dreams he had waited for centuries to fulfill? Even in the best case scenario, their relationship would end in disaster. In the worst case, it would end in his death at the hands of her beast.
She shuddered at the thought. No, Nick was better off as he was now. She'd put this off for too long. Tonight she would go to the Raven, pick up a good supply of blood, and leave Toronto.
Where she would go, she still had no idea.
Nick didn't know why he hadn't tried this before.
The room was swimming about him, the music pounding in his head, as the Raven's patrons, both human and vampire, seemed to dance in a fog of slow motion. It was a different place now. How could it not be, with Vachon and Urs, among others, gone? It wasn't Janettte's place anymore, nor was it LaCroix's. Yet it was the closest thing he could find to a familiar escape, a haven from his thoughts and his grief.
Miklos had looked at him strangely as he'd asked for whatever alcohol was new in the last eight hundred years. He'd been surprised at the variety that filled the shelves. At first, Miklos had reached for a bottle of blood, but stopped cold, apparently startled that Nick had a normal heartbeat.
"I'm off the stuff," he had said, waving it off. Miklos had then begun the flow of vodka drinks that had brought him to his present state.
His tolerance was not what it had been in his youth. Having forgotten to eat only quickened his inebriation. In no time he was flying, the pain in his back, and his heart, anesthetized by the alcohol.
But when the depressant effect of the alcohol hit him, it hit him like a ton of bricks. He came crashing from the clouds as surely as if he'd been shot down. Still, he drank, hoping that the numbing effect of the alcohol would sooth him once more.
When LaCroix pulled up a chair to his table, Nick was somewhere between rock bottom and oblivion. "Nice place you've got here," he slurred. "You really should hold on to it."
"Nicholas, what are you doing?" he admonished. There was disgust in his voice, although Nick could not clearly see his face.
"Living my life," he replied dryly. "Isn't this what mortals do when they're depressed?"
"This is completely self-destructive--"
"Really? I had no idea," Nick replied in a mocking tone.
"You're going to kill yourself," LaCroix told him.
At his words, Nick tipped his glass and drank down the entire drink as if he were doing shots. "The quicker the better," he told LaCroix, then forced himself to focus on his former master's eyes. "Unless, you'd be willing to finish what you started."
"I will not," LaCroix told him in no uncertain terms.
"Too bad," Nick replied, looking away from him and motioning the cocktail waitress for a refill. "Oh well, I'm going back on duty next week--maybe if I'm lucky I'll get shot. It would just be so much more pleasant to have a friend do it--"
"Stop it, Nicholas," LaCroix nearly ordered him, startling him as he grabbed him with full force by the arm, forcing Nick to look at him.
"Why?" he asked plainly.
"Because this isn't what she wants for you," LaCroix told him.
"How would you know?" Nick replied gruffly. "Anyway, it's wanted, not wants. She'd dead, remember? You buried her." It was almost an accusation, although he knew his anger was centered on himself. A thought struck him. "Which reminds me--I want you to take me to the place where she'd buried."
LaCroix seemed startled by the request, but his hesitation was momentary. "As soon as you're sober," he responded, sending the cocktail waitress with the refill away with a glare.
"Good," Nick said, satisfied. He blinked to clear his vision. He was suddenly so tired.
"Come, let me find you a place to rest," LaCroix said in a more paternal tone. Nick was too beat to argue, and let LaCroix lead him away.
From the bar, Natalie spotted them, and her eyes opened wide.
Natalie slipped into the crowd, hidden from and transfixed by the sight of LaCroix helping Nick across the floor. Even from afar, she could see that Nick was barely able to walk, and it was a test of her own will power to keep herself from going to him. She watched as LaCroix led him into the Raven's private rooms. Her mind raced with indecision. Should she flee now, before she was seen? No. She had to make sure Nick was all right, even if it meant risking exposure.
She was spared further deliberation as LaCroix came back on the dance floor, alone. Waiting to make sure that Nick was nowhere behind him, she went to LaCroix, coming face to face with him as he reached the bar.
"What's happened to him?" she nearly demanded.
LaCroix's eyebrows raised slightly in surprise to see her, but his face was a mask of concern. "Nicholas has just found that his tolerance for alcohol is nowhere near what it was during the Crusades," he replied.
"He shouldn't be drinking alcohol," she said, unable to hide her worry. "He's probably still on pain-killers--"
"He's has a Death Wish," LaCroix told her in no uncertain terms, his angry tone making it clear that she was to blame. "Do you still believe that allowing him to think that he murdered you is what's in his best interests?"
She had no answer for him this time. At that moment, Miklos came back with the hefty bag of supplies she had requested. LaCroix scowled as he looked at the bottles clearly meant to last for an extended period. "You would just leave him like this? I misjudged you, Natalie. I thought your love and loyalty towards him were far stronger than that."
She could feel her anger at LaCroix's cruel words bring the amber light to her eyes. "I love him more than my own life," she snarled at him. "Do you think it's easy to see him suffering like this?! Why do you think I'm still here?"
"Then end this deception and give him back his reason to live," LaCroix responded sharply.
"He's got his mortality," she retorted, taking the bag in her hands. "He'll grieve for a while and then he'll go on." She didn't know if she believed that anymore. But she had to follow her head, not her heart, for Nick's sake.
But LaCroix wouldn't let her off the hook. "He doesn't want to go on," he told her angrily. "Tonight, he asked me again to take his life."
Natalie took in a breath, as her heart filled with fear. "You…wouldn't do that, would you?" she asked, not sure anymore.
"No," he assured her. "But he's going back to work next week--"
"He can't," she said, panicking. "He's not used to being a cop without his powers--"
"He's hoping to get shot," LaCroix told her, staring hard at her to see her reaction.
"Oh, God," she murmured, fighting to keep back the tears. This was never what she'd intended.
LaCroix took the bag from her hands, placing it back on the counter as she sank into a barstool. His tone softened as he finally elicited from her the emotions he'd desired. He placed his hands paternally on her arms. "You must reveal yourself to him."
"I can't," she said so softly that she wasn't sure he could hear her. But with his preternatural senses he had not only heard her words but realized that he was close to the crux of the matter. He was searching her face as he waited for an explanation. Natalie knew that the time had come to admit it to him, and to herself.
"I can't let him see me…like this."
LaCroix's blue eyes were calm with his understanding as he responded, "But you are all that he loves. All that he desires."
She shook her head. "No. He loved the woman I was. It would destroy him to know that he had brought me across."
LaCroix sighed deeply. "I know you feel guilty for the death of that man. But after all that Nicholas has been and done in the past eight hundred years, don't you think he would understand?"
"He's hated himself and what he was for centuries," Natalie reminded him. "Could he really accept that I've become something he despises?"
"Yes, I believe he could," LaCroix responded.
"I don't think so," she told him sadly, then said with meaning, "And neither do you. Weren't you the one who told Nick, 'You revere all that is mortal…all that is human. If you really loved her, you would never take that from her. You would rather see her dead.'?"
LaCroix was visibly surprised, no, unnerved, to realize that she remembered the words he had spoken that Valentine's Day. He was speechless as she finished, "Well, that's what he did. He chose to see me dead rather than bring me across."
She'd said it. And she hadn't been able to hide the tinge of bitterness in her voice.
"And that hurts you, doesn't it?" he asked gently.
"Yes," she admitted. There was no point denying it now. "But I understand now what he was trying to protect me from. I know he did it because he loved me."
"But he still does love you, and need you," LaCroix told her. "He chose not to bring you across. But the deed being done, he would rather have you with him now as a vampire than live the rest of his life in torment." He looked into her eyes. "The pain never goes away. I can assure you of that."
Natalie knew that it must be true. Nick had told her of Fleur, and LaCroix's enduring love for her. She could see the pain that still dwelled in the vampire's soul. And she knew that the aching in her own heart for Nick could never go away. Not if she lived an eternity.
"I don't know…" she said softly.
"You're afraid," LaCroix said, not needing her to confirm it. "But you needn't be. He will accept you, and still love you, as you are. Of that I am quite sure."
"I wish I could be," she admitted, her tears now filling her eyes.
LaCroix took her hand in his. "Then let me prove it to you," he said.
Natalie nodded, knowing that she desperately wanted him to do so, with all her being. For if not, LaCroix was right.
The pain would never go away.
The pain would never go away.
Nick had known that from the start, from the moment Natalie had first asked him to make love to her, and he had imagined what might happen if he were to lose himself in her blood. His life since that moment had become a nightmare from which there was no awakening. His anguish was his only companion. For unlike any pain he had ever known, this one would endure as long as his soul was capable of feeling. Through his tortured life, through the eternity he might face without her, the pain would never, ever, go away.
The alcohol had been but a fleeting reprieve. The following day, the physical repercussions on his weakened body--the headache, the vomiting--had been a welcome diversion from his emotional pain. But even as he'd drifted into an exhausted sleep, he'd seen her again, as he did every night. Her cool lips brushed across his, her voice echoed in his mind, her tears that turned to blood wrenched at his heart even as she seemed to disappear, leaving him alone as he awoke crying out for her.
He would not close his eyes again this night. He lay in the darkness, too numb to move, too depressed even to acknowledge Sydney as the cat rubbed up against his hand, begging for attention. Suddenly, Sydney seemed to tense, and Nick listened, trying to identify the noise coming from somewhere else in the loft. The cop in him wanted to get up and investigate. But the man who had lost all hope lay motionless, thinking grimly that perhaps it was an intruder who would put him out of his misery. He closed his eyes, waiting…
"Hello, Nicholas."
His eyes snapped open at LaCroix's voice, but still he did not move. "What do you want?" he asked dully.
"I was wondering if you'd recovered from your night out," he replied, moving into the room.
"I've thrown up about as much as humanly possible, if that's what you mean," he said, lifting himself to a sitting position.
LaCroix studied his face. "You don't look well. I trust you won't be repeating your drinking escapade too soon."
"As soon as I think I can keep enough down to make a difference," he responded, turning on the bedside lamp to see his former master better. LaCroix had some purpose in being here, beyond friendly concern. He could see it in his eyes, even if there was no longer a bond of blood between them. Suddenly, he remembered his request of the previous night. "Have you come to take me to where you buried her?" he asked anxiously, getting out of bed. "I just need to put on some clothes," he began, reaching to unbutton his black silk pajama top.
"Soon," LaCroix said mysteriously, holding up a hand to slow him down. "But first, there's something I need to know."
Nick frowned at him impatiently. "What?"
"That night, when you chose not to bring Natalie Lambert across, you said you wouldn't condemn her to this darkness."
Nick froze. "Your point?" he snapped, angry that LaCroix was making him speak of it.
LaCroix remained unperturbed, as he asked, "Do you regret your decision?"
The question caught him so off guard, that he could not have answered it, even had it not been so complex. "Why do you ask me this? Are you trying to torture me?" he countered bitterly.
"Far from it," LaCroix responded enigmatically. "Please, indulge my curiosity."
"I can't," he admitted honestly. "It's too complicated."
But LaCroix persisted. "When you convinced me not to bring across your sister, do you remember what you told me?"
LaCroix's tone had taken on the sincerity of his own eternal pain, and Nick didn't even have to think to answer. "Yes."
"You said, 'It is the beauty of her innocence you love, and that you will kill with the first taste of her blood'," LaCroix reminded him, an edge of acrimony in his voice.
"I know," Nick said uncomfortably, remembering it all too well even though his perfect memory had begun to fade.
"Well, tell me, Nicholas, now that it's your precious Natalie who's dead. Do you still believe that you made the right choice?"
He couldn't answer. It would be easy to say that he had done what was best for her. He still believed that. And yet his heart ached so for her that he thought he would lose his mind. "I…don’t know," he said finally.
"If you had
brought her across, would all that you loved in her have been destroyed? Was it
only the beauty of her innocence that you loved, her mortality?"
"No," he whispered, understanding now the sorrow that LaCroix must have felt for all these centuries. His love for Natalie encompassed every aspect of her being, and went far beyond a reverence for her mortality.
LaCroix stepped towards him. "So what would you do, Nicholas, if she herself had made the choice to be brought across? To be with you, to save your life, even--"
"What are you saying?" he asked in a hushed whisper, a mixture of dread and hope rising within him. "Did you--?" He couldn't even ponder it aloud.
"No," LaCroix told him at once, filling him with both relief and disappointment. "I just want to know what you would do, if she stood before you now as a vampire. Would you still feel the same as you did about her?"
"Of course, I would," he responded without hesitation, though his distress was evident. "But, why are you doing this to me, LaCroix?"
"Because I want to know what you would do. Would you disdain her for having become what you once were? Or would you tell her you loved her, and thank your God for giving you another chance to share your life with her, no matter how complicated that might now be?"
"LaCroix--"
"The truth, Nicholas," LaCroix demanded.
He knew it was going against what he had professed for centuries. But he had to answer with his heart, with the hindsight of the worst suffering than he had ever known. "If that were to happen," he said quietly, his voice breaking with emotion, "I would take her in my arms…and never let go of her again."
LaCroix's reaction was the last thing Nick would have expected. "Good answer, Nicholas," he said with a smile.
Only as LaCroix stepped to the side did he see the figure at the door. His heart stopped beating, his jaw dropped in utter awe, and his eyes filled with tears of joy. "Natalie," he whispered.
Suddenly it all made sense to him. The dream, the coolness of her flesh, the scarlet tears. The paleness of her skin confirmed what had suddenly become so utterly clear. But the radiant beauty who smiled at him hesitantly was the same woman he loved, unchanged.
He wrapped his arms around her, crying tears of relief as he hugged her to him. His lips sought hers and he kissed her hungrily, the coolness of her skin warming him just as in the dream. There was so much he wanted to know, so much he didn't understand. But all that mattered now was that she was in his arms. "I love you," he whispered between kisses. "I'll never let you go…."
"Oh, Nick, I love you, too," she said softly, the same lovely voice that had spoken to him in his sleep.
Suddenly, she drew her face from his, and as he looked down at her questioningly, he saw the reason why. Her amber eyes blazed, and she turned her face as if ashamed for him to see the fangs that had descended. His heart broke for her as he remembered how often he had done just that. He took her face in his hands, gently lifting her to look up at him through her crimson tears. "It's okay," he promised her, hoping she could see the absolute love in his eyes. "We're going to be okay." To prove it he kissed her unafraid on the lips, then held her tightly, caressing her hair as she buried her face in his chest.
He'd meant it with all his heart. Everything would be all right--now that they were together.
"I would take her in my arms…and never let go of her again."
It was all she wanted to hear. Seeing Nick's pain, hearing his words, had convinced her finally that he really did need her as much as she needed him. Staying away from him had been a mistake for both of them. She knew that now, just as she realized that she had reacted out of her own fears and insecurities. But any last doubts were washed away in the passion of his kiss. "I love you," he breathed into her ear. "I'll never let you go…"
"Oh, Nick, I love you too," she said, losing herself in him. He was so warm, so full of life and his love for her, that she could almost forget that anything had ever stood in their way. His lips sought out hers once more, and they kissed with an urgency borne out of the joy of recapturing what they had both thought lost forever. Nick's touch sent a flush through her body, warming all that had become cold, breathing life into her being, awakening the desires that she'd fought to suppress. She kissed him desperately, reveling in the sensations, in the pure ecstasy of being with him. She wanted him so, as much as she had that night. She wanted to feel his flesh against hers, his warmth inside her, his blood…
In sudden horror, she pulled away from him, even as the soreness in her mouth and the burning in her eyes confirmed her fears. She looked away from him in shame, not wanting him to see the fangs that had descended, not wanting him to see her like this. But without hesitation, he took her face in his hands, forcing her to look up at him. The unconditional love she saw there brought tears to her eyes as he reassured her, "It's okay…we're going to be okay…" He kissed her, utterly unperturbed by her state. She fell against him in relief, clinging to him as he hugged her tightly.
"It's okay, Nat," he soothed her, running his fingers through her hair. Then, in what she realized would be just the first of many such lessons, he guided her, "Just take a deep breath, and will it to go away."
She concentrated to do as he said, and in a few moments felt her features return to normal. She lingered in the comfort of his embrace for a few moments more before looking up at him. "It's all right. It's gone for now," she said softly.
He smiled down at her, wiping the tears from her cheeks, and kissing her hard on the lips once more. This time, with the confidence of more control, she responded unafraid.
When they had separated, he looked at her questioningly. "I don't understand, Nat. If LaCroix didn't do this--"
LaCroix's voice interrupted him, reminding them of his presence. "I didn't, Nicholas. You did."
LaCroix had saved her from having to tell him herself. But as she watched Nick's confusion turn to guilt with his realization of what had happened, it reminded her of how much more there still was to be discussed between them. It would not be easy.
"Oh, Nat, I'm so sorry--" he said, the anguish of his culpability overwhelming him.
"Don't even start, Nicholas," LaCroix warned, stepping forward. "Be grateful that you have her back, rather than waste any more of your life on guilt."
"I am grateful," Nick replied, looking into her eyes to show that he meant it.
"It was my decision to come back, Nick," she assured him, wanting to assuage his guilt, and yet not sure how he would react to knowing that she had made the choice.
"To save your life, Nicholas," LaCroix supplied in support of her. "If she hadn't worked on you and given you a transfusion, you would have bled to death before the ambulance ever came."
Nick took it all in silently, as if not even sure what to say. But he drew her close to him once more, wordlessly reassuring her with his hug.
"Good boy," LaCroix said with a tinge of poorly-disguised amusement. "Now I shall leave you two alone; I'm sure you have a great deal to discuss."
"Thank you, LaCroix," Natalie told him, her gratitude heartfelt. No matter how unlikely it might have seemed, LaCroix had been instrumental in bringing them together.
He nodded to her, then looked them sternly in the eyes. "I'm warning you both. I've heard enough guilt and self-sacrifice from the two of you to last me a century. You will either leave that all behind, and go on with your lives, or I shall be forced to kill you both just so that you can be together."
Natalie smiled in spite of herself. "Why, LaCroix, I never would have dreamed you had a sense of humor."
"I don't," he dead-panned, though she could still see in his eyes the side of him she had never imagined existed. He pulled a bottle from his coat, and handed it to her. "You may be needing this," he said knowingly.
She accepted it gratefully.
"'Thank you' seems insufficient," Nick told his former master, his voice filled with the emotions that were still overwhelming him.
"Enjoy your life, Nicholas," LaCroix said, clearly struggling with his own mixture of emotions on what was clearly a parting of the ways. "We shall meet again…my friend."
The emphasis on the last word was intentional. Natalie knew that Nick's admission to LaCroix, that he was his closest friend, had strengthened the bond between them, a bond that would last beyond the connection of blood that had been broken. LaCroix had taken his responsibility as friend to Nick as seriously as he had taken his role as father. It was what had prompted him to bring them together, knowing that it was what would truly make Nick happy.
She saw that happiness in his eyes now as they stood alone, and he took her into his arms. "Are you…all right?" he asked tentatively, his concern for her now having become paramount.
"As long as you love me, as much as I love you," she told him, recalling her request to him the night she had asked him to make love to her.
"Don't ever doubt that again," he said tenderly, bringing his lips down on hers.
There was so much still to be discussed, so much to be overcome, before they could truly be together. But right now, all she wanted to do was bask in the glow of his love.
His life was worth living again.
Holding her now in his arms, he felt alive for the first time since he'd awoken mortal. How could he have ever let her doubt his love? He knew now, more than ever before, that Natalie had become his reason for wanting to be human, and a life with her had become his ultimate goal. Without her, his existence had been meaningless. Now, life was replete with possibilities….
Her skin was so cool, yet her touch set him afire. Desires so totally human coursed through him as he tasted her skin, burying himself in her fragrance. His lips kissed their way down to her neck, pausing only slightly before moving downward in their exploration. He was free of the beast, and knowing this only excited him more as he realized that he could lose himself in her without fear…
But it was Natalie who pulled away this time, distancing herself safely from him, her amber eyes full of the same regret and fear that he had known so well. "I'm sorry, Nick…I just need to--"
"No, I'm sorry," he said guiltily, realizing that he had gotten carried away in his joy at being with her. He smiled at her sheepishly. "It just feels so good to be with you again."
"Aren't you afraid?" she asked sadly, though he could tell that her own desires had given her a fright.
"No," he promised her at once, gazing at her with all the love in his being. It was the truth, and he wanted her to see that.
There was a tinge of relief in her eyes, as the golden flecks began to dissipate. He drew her into his arms, hugging her tightly and kissing her on the cheek. "Relax," he told her, leading her to the couch. He remembered the bottle LaCroix had brought. "Let me get you something to drink--"
"No, wait," she said, suddenly standing, as if in alarm. "Before you open it, there's something I have to tell you."
"Nat, you need blood," he said matter-of-factly, picking up the bottle and pulling the cork.
"Nick--it's human."
The aroma had gotten to him even before her words, and for a moment he stopped as the implications hit him. He had no idea what Natalie had gone through in her first days as a vampire. And while he knew there was nothing that could faze him, nothing that she could have done that would change what he felt for her, he realized that she would need him to reassure her of just that. "Nat, it's all right. You need this. You're a young vampire, and it's the only thing to give you strength. I understand that better than anyone."
His approval seemed to ease her concern, but he could tell there was something more. "Natalie, talk to me, please. Nothing you could say would change how I feel about you."
"Even if I told you that I'd killed a man?" she whispered as if afraid to say it aloud.
"Even that," he promised her, putting his hands on her shoulders. He brought her back to the couch, and sat facing her. "You can tell me about it--if you want to. You don't have to be ashamed."
She nodded, though her hesitation was apparent.
"Come here," he said tenderly. He held out his arm to her, letting her snuggle against him as she spoke.
"When I woke up, you were lying on top of me, unconscious. I reached around, and felt the blood, and saw the stake, and…I almost lost it right there. But I switched into doctor mode, pulled out from under you and tried to figure out what to do. There was so much blood…If I hadn't been able to hear your heartbeat…" Her voice trailed off as she relived the emotions. "That's when I saw LaCroix. I was furious with him, but he offered to help. He held the stake while I secured it to stop the bleeding, and then got the blood from the refrigerator so I could give you a transfusion."
"You saved my life with that transfusion," he told her appreciatively, kissing her on the cheek.
"That's what I came back to do," she told him with a wistful smile. But her face darkened again as she said, "But the blood…made me hungry. I don't know if I even realized what was happening to me at the time, but I tried to hold it back because I knew you needed it."
"First Hunger is very powerful," he told her, guessing what had happened next. "You can't control it. No one can."
"Yeah, I know," she said dully. She looked away from him now, as she continued. "LaCroix wanted me to leave, before the EMTs could see me. I…didn't want to. I couldn't, until I was sure you would be okay…"
"Go on," he prodded her gently, tightening his embrace.
"Finally, I realized I had to go. I bent over to kiss you good bye…and the smell of your blood…" Tears came to her eyes, as she said in a hushed whisper, "I almost…"
"It's okay," he told her, nuzzling against her cheek.
"I was in a daze…I couldn't break away…and then I heard someone screaming for me to get away from you. Felt someone grab me to pull me away…" Her voice was beginning to falter. "I screamed, 'Don't touch him!'… and grabbed him by the shoulders. But then…his blood…"
Nick breathed deeply as he imagined how it must have happened. Tempted by his blood, she'd been about to feed on him. The Paramedic had interrupted her, in her mind threatening her…and had fallen prey to her First Hunger.
"Listen to me," he said, wiping the scarlet tears from her cheeks.
"You can't blame yourself for this. It was First Hunger. I told you, it can't be controlled--"
"Nick, I didn't just drain him," she cried. "I enjoyed it!"
Her admission should not have startled him. He'd felt the exultation himself, thousands upon thousands of times. But it hurt to hear it from her, nevertheless. For he knew he had done this to her. Her anguish now was just as much his fault as was the death of her victim.
"Natalie…that's normal," he attempted feebly.
But she could not be consoled. "But don't you see, Nick? I could have drained you! Every time I went to see you in the hospital, every time I got too close… I don't even feel safe being this close to you right now!" She pulled away from him, disgusted with herself. She turned away, grabbing the bottle and ripping out the cork, drinking the blood down as if it could assuage the struggle within her. "I…I tried, Nick," she said, her hand shaking as she set down the bottle, now only half-filled. "For days I drank cow's blood, even though it made me sick to my stomach. But after a while, it just wasn't working. I was always hungry… I couldn't even be around you without wanting to--"
"Don't you see, Nat," he said softly, coming up to embrace her from behind. "That's why it took me so long to let you know how I felt about you. Sometimes just looking at you made me want to take your blood--" He cut himself off as he remembered that that was precisely what he had done in the end. He had let loose the beast, and in doing so, he had taken her mortality from her, exchanging it for the anguished existence that was now hers. The raw emotions that raged suddenly within him--the love for her, and guilt over what he had done to her--brought tears to his eyes. He hugged her to him more tightly, whispering in her ear, "Nat, I'm so sorry…"
Could he ever say it enough? For a long moment she let him hold her just so, but finally she turned to face him. "What exactly are you sorry for Nick?" she asked, searching his face for an answer.
"For doing this to you," he said in a broken voice, certain she could see the shame in his eyes.
But her own eyes suddenly flared with hurt as she asked, "Sorry that I've become what you despise?"
"No!" he said firmly, incredulous that she could even think that. He took her face in his hands. "I'm sorry for taking too much. You trusted me…and I failed you."
"No you didn't," she said, her face softening.
"Yes, I did," he insisted. "I took too much…and then…" He couldn't look her in the face and say aloud what he had done, what he knew she could probably never forgive him for.
"You were going to let me die," she said for him. But neither her voice nor her expression betrayed the bitterness he expected.
"Can you forgive me for that?" he asked gingerly, fearing the answer. "Can you understand that I just couldn't bear to see you suffer as I had? As you are now…?"
"Yes. I can, now," she told him with a serenity that seemed to come from beyond this realm of existence. "I do understand. And, I know you made the right choice. You chose to save my soul. And ultimately, that's what saved yours."
He looked at her in bewilderment. She had proclaimed it with such certainty that he could almost believe her. And yet…"How…can you be so sure?"
She smiled at him now, almost angelically, as she said, "Because my brother told me so."
His eyes opened wide. "Richard? He was your…guide into the light?" She hadn't spoken of her spiritual journey, and yet he remembered his own so well that it seemed clear now.
"Yes. He's in Heaven now, Nick. He's been forgiven for what he did. And so have you. The choice you made…the faith you regained, when you confessed to God and asked for forgiveness…That was all you ever had to do, Nick," she said passionately. "God forgave you. And made you mortal again."
He was speechless. The relief that flooded his being, no, his soul, was overwhelming. For a return to mortality had only been part of his ultimate goal, and the joy he felt at knowing that he had atoned for the evil in his lifetime was overpowering. He hugged her to him, as tears filled his eyes. He had known before how precious she was to him. This revelation had only confirmed it. "It was you, Nat…" he breathed in her ear. "You gave me back that faith. You made me into the man I once was…"
He kissed her passionately, not knowing if he could ever prove to her how much he loved her. But as she pulled away from his embrace to look at him sadly with gold-flecked eyes, his joy turned quite suddenly to anguish. The reality of her sacrifice came crashing back to him. The price of his redemption had been too dear, and he knew he would give it up in a moment to ease her pain.
"Oh, Nat," he said in a voice filled with the full spectrum of emotions that had now nearly drained him. "We would have been together…If LaCroix had killed me as I asked--"
"Do you think I could let him do that?" she demanded.
"I wanted to keep my vow to you," he said hoarsely. "I swore not to leave you--"
"You were human, Nick! Richard brought me back here, and I saw you. Kneeling over me…confessing…waiting to die. I couldn't let you do that. I couldn't let you give up the life you'd waited for, for eight hundred years…"
"It meant nothing without you," he told her, gazing into her eyes with all the love and pain he had ever known. Heedless of her protests, he took her into his arms again, kissing her hard on the lips. He could feel her fangs descending even as she surrendered to his passion, and suddenly, the answer came to him in a blazing realization.
"Nick, wait," she pleaded him, though she made no move to break away as he licked at what he knew was the most erogenous zone of her neck.
"No," he told her, his hands raving downwards with the urgency of six years of waiting. "We're going to be together, Nat… I'm going to make love to you…"
"Nick, stop," she begged, a traitor to her own desires. He faced her golden eyes, burning with her love for him, yet betraying her fear. "I won't bring you across," she told him adamantly. "That's what LaCroix wants--"
"Shhhhhhhh," he said, silencing her with his kiss. The solution to their dilemma was so apparent, that he wondered why he hadn't thought of it from the start.
He gazed into her eyes, smiling tenderly as he whispered, "No, Natalie. I'm going to bring you back across."
His touch ignited desires that she'd repressed for so long, just as the scent of his blood called to needs that were brand new to her. But his words broke through her intoxication, and a voice within her screamed at her to break away.
"No, Nick…" she protested, pulling away from him.
But he reached out to her again, taking her face in his hands, looking into her eyes with unconditional love. "Please, Nat," he begged. "Don't be afraid…"
"I'm terrified--" she began, but he silenced her with his kiss.
"I love you," he whispered, his breath hot against her ear, sending a warm flush of arousal through her body. He was so warm, so full of life and his love for her. Wasn't this what she'd wanted for so very long? Wasn't this what she'd asked him to do on that night?
The quickening beat of his heart excited her in ways she didn't fully understand. She kissed her way to the soft skin of his neck, caressing him, tasting him, the flow of his blood inviting her, his pulse racing beneath her lips. Her mouth ached for completion, just as her body had ached each time their intimacy had been cut short. She knew now that the first taste of his precious blood would bring her greater ecstasy than she had ever imagined possible…
"Go on, Nat…" he urged, in a voice hoarse with his own passion, his fingertips entwined in her hair, drawing her in.
She poised above him, wanting him with every fiber of her being. But the very essence of his humanity, of his warmth, flesh, and blood, that called to her beast, reminded her of what she had sacrificed everything to give back to him…of what she risked taking from him, losing, even as her fangs grazed his skin…
"No!" she cried, forcing herself to break from him, backing away, her eyes blazing crimson with her tears of frustration and self-loathing. What had she almost done…?
"Nat, it's all right. Please," he entreated her, reaching out to her again. But this time, she kept a safe distance.
"No, Nick!" she said, more firmly this time, holding up her hand to motion him to keep away.
"It would work--"
"I wouldn't be able to stop!" she told him, near hysteria, not knowing why he didn't understand.
"Yes, you would--" he insisted.
"Could you?!" she spat at him.
He froze, the shame flashing through his eyes. She hated her own cruelty of recalling to him what he had done to her. But she had to remind him, remind herself, of the tragic outcome that would result if she, too, lost control. He took a deep breath, before admitting, "No, I couldn't. But--"
"Nick, I'm sorry," she said, stepping towards him with more confidence as she felt the turmoil within her calming, and the beast within her retreating. "You know I've already forgiven you for that. But you have to understand why I won't take the chance with your life--"
"But it would be different, Nat," he told her, taking her hand in his. "You and I are connected by blood, even if I'm no longer a vampire. I could tell you, through my blood, when you'd taken enough, when you should stop--"
"You can't be sure of that," she told him, looking into the blue eyes that could easily convince her of anything. "Please, Nick, don't make me take that chance..."
He nodded, knowing he had asked the same of her on many an occasion. "I'm sorry, Nat. I just love you so much. And want you so badly…"
"Me too," she said softly. In his eyes she could see the desire and frustration that mirrored her own, serving only to remind her of the impossibility of their situation.
They were back where they had started. And they both knew it.
Silently, he opened his arms to her, and this time, momentarily free of the beast, she fell gladly into them. He held her tightly, and she clung to him, knowing it was all they had for now. "I'm sorry," she said in a hushed whisper.
"For what?" he asked in utter confusion.
She looked up at him. "I didn't want you to have to wait."
"I have you back. That's all I need," he said tenderly, with a conviction that she could almost believe.
"But I can't give you the things you want, Nick--marriage…children…to walk in the sun with me…"
A spark of memory lit his eyes. "That's why you made me forget I'd seen you?" he asked in sudden realization.
She nodded.
"Oh, Nat," he said, knowing now that it had been his own words that had frightened her away. "I can wait for those things. As long as we're together."
"Nick, you're human now," she told him painfully. "How long are you willing to wait?"
The smile that suddenly crossed his lips mystified her, until he said, "Didn't I ask you that very question the night I told you that I love you?"
With her enhanced memory, she recalled that bittersweet night in her apartment, before Valentine's Day had brought their relationship to a crashing halt. "Yes," she said quietly.
"Natalie, do you remember what you told me?" he prodded her, knowing full well that she must.
"I said…I would be willing to wait as long as it takes. Because I didn't want to be with anyone else but you," she told him, with all the emotion she had had that night.
"Nat, how could you even think that my answer would be any different?" he asked passionately.
She wanted to cry. But she kissed him instead, relishing her ability to do so. For a long time they held each other, reveling in what they had, rather than what was beyond their reach. When he finally released her, he kissed her on the forehead. "I think you'd better get some rest. It's almost dawn."
She sighed in disappointment, but said, "I'd better get back to--"
But Nick smiled at her mischievously. "Oh, no. You're not going anywhere. I'm never going to let you out of my sight--or my reach--ever again."
She smiled for the first time that she could remember. She loved hearing him talk like this. And she wasn't about to argue.
He slipped an arm around her, kissing her lightly on the cheek. "Come upstairs, my love."
"Nick, are you sure this is a good idea?" her better judgement broke in, despite the protests of her own heart. "I get really hungry when I wake up," she said sheepishly.
"I'll have something delivered and keep it right by the bed for you," he told her, easing her concerns. Of course he knew what she would need.
She let him lead her to the bedroom, then broke into a wide grin as he opened the door to reveal the figure sprawled out on his black satin sheets. "Sydney!" she exclaimed.
The cat perked up to see her, and ran across the bed, jumping into her arms anxiously. "Oh, I missed you," she said, hugging him.
"We've gotten pretty close," Nick told her, rubbing Sydney between the eyes.
She looked at him with gratitude. "Thanks for taking him in, Nick. It means a lot to me."
"I know," he said, putting his arm around her as he continued to pet Sydney's head. "I guess we were just keeping each other company while we waited for you to come back to us."
Nick showed her where he'd put away some clothes she had forgotten there, then left her to get ready for bed. She slipped on the oversized nightshirt, knowing it wasn't the sexiest thing she'd imagined wearing to sleep with him, but remembering that he'd said he liked how she felt in it that night they'd cuddled together on the couch to watch a movie. She freshened up as best she could, then slipped into the satin sheets, her enhanced sense of touch luxuriating in the softness as Nick's scent filled her nostrils. She closed her eyes in exhaustion.
She'd drifted off when Nick came back in, and opened her eyes to see him holding a glass above her. "Drink this, Nat. It'll make it easier for me to lie down next to you."
She accepted it gratefully, glad that Nick would always know what she needed from his centuries of experience. She had begun to feel that emptiness in the pit of her stomach, and the blood served to calm her instincts. She set the glass down, and thought to wash the blood from her mouth, but Nick kissed her heedlessly. She'd wondered if the taste would bother him now, but he was determined to show her that he was unperturbed by what she was.
He lay down beside her, gathering her in his arms. Natalie buried herself in the softness of his chest hair, warmed by the heat of him even through his black silk pajamas. She'd walked away from the light to be with him, she thought as she slipped into her first peaceful sleep in days. But this was Heaven on Earth.
The tortured dreams were gone.
Instead, the possibilities, of what soon might be, danced in his mind. They were on a beach, her auburn hair glistening in the sunlight. The children were there too: a blond little boy who looked as he had so many centuries ago; a beautiful little girl, with her mother's eyes, who laughed as he scooped her into his arms. Then it was night, and he and Natalie lay in each other’s arms, their love as intoxicating as it had been the first time. He could smell the light scent of her perfume, feel the softness of her skin, his heart pounding with his love for her, as their bodies danced in the moonlight…
There was no disappointment this time as sleep retreated and the real world engulfed him. For she was here, in his arms, warming him despite the coolness of her skin. He hugged her to him tightly, knowing that the dream had been more than just a manifestation of his desires, but rather a portent of what the future held for them.
In her sleep, her body melded against his, as she settled against his already painful arousal. He wanted her so desperately! But he knew that until she was ready to face the risks involved, he could not let her see what his desire for her was doing to him. He could never let her doubt for one moment his commitment to her, and to waiting as long as it took for them to be together.
A cold shower would be a must. But for the moment, he would deal with the frustration, relishing the sensations of holding her like this.
He held his breath, trying to contain himself as she moved ever so slightly against him. Then he smiled, as he knew suddenly what she was dreaming about. "Soon, my love," he whispered in her ear. "Soon…"
She reached out for him as her dreams faded into nothingness, finding herself alone in the bed. In alarm, her eyes shot open to examine her surroundings. She was still here, in the loft, but Nick was gone. In frantic confusion she wondered if it had all been nothing more than a dream…
But relief flooded her with the knowledge that he was here, even before he walked into the room, smiling adoringly at her. "It's about time," he teased her as he sat on the bed holding out a wineglass filled with blood. He was showered and dressed, the light scent of soap still clinging to his skin. The aroma of the blood invaded her nostrils, as her sudden thirst reminded her of that need she must attend to. She took the glass from him, downing the blood quickly to satisfy the beast so that she could give all her attention to Nick.
"Do you want more?" he asked, eyeing her with concern.
"No, thanks," she replied, setting the glass down. "I'm fine, I just got a little worried when I woke up and you weren't here."
He circled her in the warmth of his arms. "I'm not going anywhere, Nat. Not without you," he whispered in her ear, nuzzling at her cheek. Their lips met in a tender kiss, and for a long moment she reveled in the purely human desires that coursed through her. When they had separated, she looked up at him longingly. "I dreamt…we were making love," she said softly, almost afraid to voice that still forbidden desire aloud.
He smiled down at her. "I know," he said tenderly. For a brief moment she flushed with embarrassment, wondering what she had said or done in her sleep to give away her secret fantasies. But he quickly explained, "I could…sense what you were feeling. The same way I knew you were awake before I came upstairs. We're connected, Natalie. I told you that."
Her eyes opened wide with realization as she remembered having sensed him there before he'd entered the room. The possibilities raced through her mind as she recalled his argument for making love last night. He must have known where her thoughts were going for he said, "In time, Nat. I'll teach you how to become more attuned to me, and you will be able to—“
“Shhhhhhhhhh,” she whispered, touching her fingers lightly to his lips. The risks, the thought of failure, still terrified her. “I need time to take this all in—“
He nodded, kissing her fingers, then taking her hand in his. “I won’t push you, Nat. You’ll tell me when you’re ready to try.”
She breathed deeply, wishing she could tell him that she were ready right now. But she needed more control, and more confidence in the fact that through his blood he could indeed tell her when she had taken enough. Nick must have sensed her frustration, for he smiled at her reassuringly, that beautiful smile that warmed her heart even now.
“Come on, we have lots of things to do—“
“Like what?” she protested, laying back in bed.
“Like explaining your reappearance,” he said, plopping down next to her to face her.
“Oh yeah,” she said, sobering.
“I told Reese I saw you lying there when I came in. It was the only way to convince him that you hadn’t just left town. But now the entire force is out looking for you.”
She sighed. “So, what do we do?”
“Well, we have two choices,” he told her, clearly having already thought this all out. “We can create a cover story to explain where you’ve been the last couple of weeks---“
“Not too easy since you already said you saw me unconscious on the floor,” Natalie interjected. “What’s our second choice?”
Nick looked into her eyes. “We leave town. Take on new identities, and start a new life somewhere else.”
“Nick, as long as we’re together--” she began without hesitation.
“Nat, think about this for a minute. Leaving now would mean that you could never come back. What about Sarah, and Amy? Are you prepared to leave them behind, never see them again?”
The thought of writing off her niece, Richard’s child, was painful. She’d been prepared to leave town with Nick that night, if it were the only way for them to be together. But it hadn’t occurred to her then that she would be unable to contact Amy ever again.
Nick could see her inner turmoil, for he caressed her cheek and smiled reassuringly. “You don’t have to give up being Natalie Lambert just yet. Even as a vampire, it would be a long time until people noticed that you weren’t aging—“
“But you wanted to leave,” she reminded him.
“I have no reason to, now,” he told her, running his fingers through her hair. “I’ll be happy wherever you are. So the call is totally yours.”
“Then let’s stay, if we can,” she said finally. “For a while at least. Maybe it’s because so many things have changed for me...but I don’t think I’m ready to break all my ties.”
“I understand,” he said, and his eyes told her that he truly did. “And that’s fine with me. Whatever you want.”
He kissed her lightly on the lips. “Now—where can we say you’ve been?”
They tossed around ideas for a few minutes, until finally Nick proposed, “How’s this? Your attacker was still in the loft, staked me while I was bending to look at you…”
“And called for help?” she asked dubiously.
“No, well, we don’t have to explain that. We’d both have been unconscious. Then, you woke up, saw me on the floor, ran to me, without realizing our assailant was still there. The EMT arrived just then, saw too much, and our unknown attacker killed him, then took you off as a hostage in a panic. He escaped over the border, threw you out of the car somewhere near Buffalo, and left you for dead.”
She made a face. “And I survived that?”
“Yes,” he said, as if possessed by a sudden stroke of genius. “You were found by the New York State Police, taken to a hospital in Buffalo, where you remained in a coma until yesterday—“
“Sounds like a soap opera,” she muttered, making fun of him.
“You called me as soon as you woke up, and I flew—I mean, drove—down to get you.”
“And I can’t describe this guy?”
“Your brain is still too fuzzy. Maybe in time you can make up some false description, but you’ll never be able to quite match a mug shot to it.”
Natalie sighed, with a twinkle of amusement in her eyes. “It’s scary how well you can come up with false alibis….”
“I’ve had a few centuries practice, believe me,” he laughed.
“But will Reese believe us?” she asked.
He drew her into his arms. “I think so. If not, you can just put a little suggestion in his head…”
“It’s that easy, huh?” she asked playfully, lacing her fingers around his neck. “And what if I put a little suggestion in your head…?”
“You don’t have to,” he said, nuzzling at her cheek. “You’ve already got me under your control.”
She kissed him hungrily, pushing to the limits of her own.
Poor Joe Reese. She hated lying to him. But he’d been so happy to find that she was alive, that perhaps he’d been ready to accept any explanation for her return. Natalie knew that her pallor supported the idea that she had been ill. The Captain probably attributed her hesitant answers to still being shaken by her ordeal, not knowing that it was a struggle for her to look him in the eyes and repeat the story that Nick had concocted. Deception had never been her forte, but Nick remained by her side, his arm draped protectively across her back, coming to her rescue whenever she seemed she might falter.
When the Captain appeared satisfied that Natalie had told him all she could remember, he stood to leave, pausing a moment to say, “Natalie, look, I don’t know why you put in your resignation so suddenly…but the Coroner’s office wanted me to let you know that if you change your mind, they’d take you back in a minute…”
Returning to work had been the last thing on her mind. If they were to stay in Toronto, and reestablish their lives here, she would want to go back to her position. Yet Natalie remembered how Nick had reacted to the cadavers in her lab, and even the thought of the bodies, the blood….
“Thank you, Captain,” she said perfunctorily, “but---“
“We’re not sure what our plans are, yet,” Nick broke in quickly, coming to her aid. “I want Nat to take it easy for a while. And I’m planning on staying out indefinitely until she’s completely recovered.”
Natalie looked at him as he lovingly caressed her arm, taking her hand in his own free one. Nick had done nothing in front of Reese to hide his feelings for her, and his open affections were the one part of their performance that was sincere.
“I kind of thought you would,” Reese told Nick, smiling at them as his suspicions of the last year were confirmed. “I think you both need some time to get over this. Just let me know if there’s anything I can do, okay?”
Once the elevator door had sliced shut, obscuring them from the Captain’s view, Natalie heaved a sigh of relief. “Whew. That was not easy.” She looked into Nick’s eyes. “But I think he bought it,” she said, a smile crossing her lips.
He returned her smile before kissing her. “You were great,” he said softly, gazing at her as if still incredulous that she was truly there. He kissed her again, slowly, tenderly, cupping her face in his hands, his warmth flowing into her, carrying with it all the love that he no longer feared to express. She could feel him igniting the heat within her, engendering the totally human response to his touch. Yet with it began those other desires, the ones she could not allow to the surface…
Nick slowly separated from her, as if he knew what was happening. Could he feel the conflict within her, or had he remembered what had happened to him each time their intimacy had awakened his beast? “It’s okay,” he reassured her quietly, caressing her cheek.
“I guess I never really understood how hard it was for you until now,” she admitted softly.
“There was no way you could have known.” Guilt crossed his unwavering gaze. “I never wanted you to have to know.”
“I’ll survive,” she replied with a faint smile, suddenly aware that it was her turn to reassure him. “As long as I have you to help me.”
He sighed deeply, nodding as his agreement not to waste time on guilt came back to him. “Forever,” he promised, taking her hand and kissing it. The fire from his lips made her shiver. He quickly released her, knowing that he couldn’t do this to her, to them, right now.
“So what now?” she asked cheerfully. “We’ve still got a few hours before dawn. I think I’d like to go by my apartment and pick up some things. I was already late with my rent. I wouldn’t be surprised if my landlady threw my stuff in the street—“
She stopped abruptly as his mood seemed to change, as if there were something wrong with what she had said. “Uh, that is if I’m not being too presumptuous—“ she faltered, not knowing if she were inviting herself to move in.
“Oh, no, Nat, it’s not that—“ he broke in quickly, realizing what had gone through her head. “I already told you, I have no intention of letting you out of my sight, or my reach. I meant ‘ever’.”
“Okay, then what is it?” she asked, more than a bit reassured by his words.
He hesitated, and then admitted sheepishly, “I already paid your rent.”
“Oh,” she said, not really sure how to comment. But she could see there was more.
“For the next year,” he divulged finally. At her questioning glance, he confessed, “I just…didn’t want anyone touching your things. I wanted everything to stay as you left it.”
She wondered absently if he could see the flush on her face as the impact of his sentiment hit her. “That’s the sweetest thing I ever heard,” she stammered. She wanted to hold him close, kiss him, yet felt that her emotion would overpower her control. Nick must have known, for he tried to make light of it.
“So, you have a choice now,” he told her. “You can live here…or in your place. The only stipulation is that I come with the apartment either way.”
Natalie smiled at him broadly. Those were conditions she could definitely accept. “It doesn’t matter then,” she said, wrapping her arms around him. “You’re the best part of the deal.”
For a long time he held her tightly, as they reveled in the contact without tempting their luck. Finally, Nick said, “Okay, well now that we have that settled, let’s get to work.”
“On what?” she asked, looking up at him.
“On your training,” he said with a gleam in his eye.
Natalie had actually taken him seriously. But the blindfold was giving her her doubts.
“Is it me, or does this seem a little kinky?” she asked as he loosely tied the black silk around her head, in essence blinding her.
She could hear him chuckle. “We could try it out sometime if that’s what you’re into,” he teased. “But right now this is part of training you how to sense me through our blood bond.”
“Ah,” she said, seeing the method to his madness. But the scent of him was so strong as he kissed her lightly on the lips that she couldn’t see what good the blindfold would do. “You forget my heightened senses. I may not be able to see you—but I can smell you—no offense,” she added.
“None taken,” he laughed. “I’ll stand far away enough from you so that you won’t know what direction my scent is coming from. But don’t concentrate on your regular senses. Don’t listen for my heartbeat. Just try to…feel my presence.”
“Whatever you say,” she complied genially.
“Okay. Now I want you to spin around four or five times in a circle, so you lose your sense of direction. Then concentrate on sensing where I am. It’ll come to you. Then just walk over and reach out to me.”
“I feel like I’m playing pin the tail on the donkey,” she quipped.
“Oh great, first you tell me I smell, and now you’re comparing me to a donkey,” he said, pretending to be wounded.
Natalie smiled. “Sorry. I promise to be good.”
She followed his instructions, spinning around in what she could approximate to be five or six times. She was left dizzy, disoriented, and he was right, she had no clue which direction she was facing.
Mentally forcing herself not to listen for his heartbeat, or to sniff for the fragrance that was his, she instead focused on a picture of Nick in her mind. Suddenly she saw him, in blazing color, as he stood expectantly watching her. He wasn’t far, and she turned as her heart told her to, reaching out as she took a few steps…
“That was great!” he said as he grasped her hands.
Her lips parted in surprise to realize how easy it had been. Two, three, four more times they repeated the experiment. Each time Nick had moved further away, yet she knew where he was without even consciously thinking about it.
“You’re doing a lot better than I did,” he told her, as impressed as he was pleased. “Now let’s try something a little harder. I won’t stay in this room. And you’ll have to come find me.”
“Blindfolded?” she asked dubiously. “I think you just want to see me walk into furniture.”
“You’ll be fine,” he told her. “Look at it this way—if you trip and break your leg, it’ll heal overnight.”
“Oh, lovely,” she murmured, knowing she could be a bit of a klutz walking around in the dark. “Okay. I’ll count to 20.” She did so, spinning around once more just for an added challenge, then stopped. “Okay, ready or not, here I come!”
She wondered if Nick had gotten the reference to hide and seek. Again, she repressed her physical senses, concentrating on an image of him. She smiled suddenly as it came to her. He was in the bedroom, lying back on his black satin pillows, waiting not too patiently for her to find him. The thought that she could sense him, no, see him, so perfectly, thrilled and fascinated her. “I know where you are!” she called out. Knowing where the stairs were was another matter. She lifted herself up into the air, slowly at first, moving towards the image of Nick, anxious to reach him now and let him see how much she had learned…
“Ow!” She grimaced as her head hit the skylight, reaching down tentatively with her feet to feel the floor of the loft. She reached out to the bedroom door, and stuck her head in, knowing even without taking off her blindfold that she had found him. “Stop grinning,” she told him, rubbing her head. “That hurt!”
Suddenly his hand was on her bruise, gently rubbing it, then kissing it lightly as he removed the silk scarf. There was some amusement in his eyes, but the overpowering emotion was his adoration. “I told you we were connected,” he said in an I-told-you-so tone.
She couldn’t deny it. And it was a wonderful, exciting feeling to know that they were bound together now by even more than their love.
He looked into her eyes. “If you drink my blood, Natalie…you will hear me telling you when to stop.”
Nick held his breath as he awaited her response. He’d proven to her what he’d known all along—that the blood that had passed between them had created a deeper bond than she could have ever imagined possible. But he knew too that it was too soon to press her again about making love. She was a young vampire, only just discovering all the aspects of her nature. She needed his support, not the pressure of his own impatience. But God, he wanted her so….
Natalie breathed deeply. “Nick, just because I could find where you were hiding in the loft—it doesn’t mean I’m ready to risk your life…”
“I know,” he said quickly, saving her the need to explain it. “I’m sorry, it’s just that---“
“I know. Me too,” she supplied, saving him the need to say it. She kissed him on the lips. “Just give me some time, okay? To be sure about this? I mean, I can’t exactly read your thoughts—“
He kept himself from telling her that it would be different if she tasted his blood. She wasn’t ready, and he had to respect that. How long had he kept her waiting in his own fear of hurting her? Sudden guilt gripped him as he reminded himself that he had tasted her blood that night, felt her life drifting away, and been unable to stop. What made him so sure that he, as the so-called master, would be able to send a suggestion to her strong enough to battle the instincts that she had still not learned to control? The thought that she might drain him did not frighten him. It was the idea of having pushed her into that choice, and leaving her with the guilt of his death on her hands, that horrified him.
“Hey. It’s all right,” she told him, forcing him suddenly back to the present. “Don’t dwell on what happened—or what could happen. When the time is right, we’ll both know.”
She seemed so certain of that, he could not help but believe her. He caressed her hair, smiling suddenly as it dawned on him that she had known exactly what he was thinking.
“What is it?” she asked, perplexed by his sudden mirth.
“You did read my thoughts,” he pointed out to her.
“I didn’t, I just knew---“
“What I was thinking,” he said. “Just as you knew before that I was grinning at you when you bumped into the skylight.”
“You’re right,” she admitted hesitantly. “But I still don’t think that means---“
“Shhhhhhhh. Let’s not even talk about that anymore. You’re right, when the time comes, we’ll know. I promise I won’t pressure you. Just please, leave yourself open to all possibilities.”
She nodded and he kissed her tenderly, struggling to maintain another kind of control. And as he hugged her tightly, still thankful that he’d been given another chance with her, he whispered in her ear, “You’ve convinced me, Nat. As long as we have each other, anything is possible.”
They’d gone to her apartment, bringing over enough of her things to make her feel at home in the loft. Although they still hadn’t decided which they would choose as their permanent home, Nick had suggested that the loft was better suited to protect her from the sunlight during the day. It didn’t really matter to Natalie. Being with him like this was like living in a dream, and as long as he showered her with all the love and attention he was right now, she would be content to live anywhere.
The loft no longer seemed the cold, dark place it had been. With her heightened senses, she now understood why he had been comfortable here, while she’d always felt the need to turn up the lights and the heat. It was Nick who now needed an extra sweater, while she was quite content in a light pair of slacks and a short-sleeved blouse. It was good to have her own things here, too, although she noted once more as she looked in the mirror that she really needed lighter makeup to go with her new coloring. With her current lipstick she looked like….
…a vampire. She laughed in spite of herself, realizing that Nick probably didn’t even notice the change. Although she wondered if she felt cold to him now. He had always said he loved how warm she made him feel. She sobered as she wondered if that sensation was ruined for him now…
She turned even before she heard him enter the bedroom. He set a bottle of blood on the nightstand, and then went to close the shades. He smiled as he turned and realized she was watching him.
“I brought you something to drink before bed,” he told her. “And it’s almost dawn. I thought I should come and close the shades in case you didn’t realize it…”
Of course she had realized it, but it touched her to know that he was trying to take care of her. He encircled her with his arms, and she let herself rest against him for a long moment. Yes, he felt so warm to her now….
“We should get some sleep,” he said softly, although they both knew that there was something more they wanted.
She nodded, going to change into a silk nightgown she’d brought over. When she’d returned, he was sitting in bed waiting for her. She sat down beside him, taking the drink he offered her. She downed the blood quickly.
“Do you want some more?” he asked, holding out the bottle.
He looked so sexy like this, his blond hair a contrast to the black silk pajamas he’d changed into. “Uh, yeah, I think I’d better,” she stammered, realizing that she was staring at the exposed part of his chest, the fine curves of his neck…
The bottle done, she slipped under the sheets, closing her eyes as he drew her into his embrace. Their bodies fit against each other so perfectly, and while the blood had quelled the hunger of her beast, it could not ease the gentle but insistent urges within her as she felt his arousal growing against her…
“Oh, Nick,” she sighed, looking up at him in utter frustration.
“I’m sorry,” he told her with a tinge of embarrassment as he realized his desires had become so obvious to her. He shifted slightly to pull his lower body apart from hers. But as they looked into each other’s eyes they both knew that a few inches had done nothing to calm the need that burned brightly within both of them.
“No, I’m sorry,” she said, shaking her head. “This isn’t fair to you. Maybe I should—“
His hold on her tightened as she attempted to break away. “No…” he said sternly, but with a tenderness that begged her to stay. She settled back against him, knowing she could no more pull away from him than he would allow her to.
“This isn’t fair to you.” She looked up at him, tears brimming in her eyes. “You’re not a prisoner of the night anymore. You should be out in the sunlight, doing all the things you’ve waited for, for so long—“
“Hey, do I look like a prisoner to you?” he asked lovingly. “Natalie, listen to me. There is nowhere else I would rather be than holding you close like this. I was out in the sunlight, and it was meaningless to me without you. Sure, if I need to go out for some reason, I will, but as far as I’m concerned, I’ll live in darkness until we can go out in the sun together.”
The intensity of his sentiment brought the tears to her eyes. But her hope had begun to turn to panic. “What if that never happens?” she whispered.
“It will,” he told her with certainty. “But until it does, this is where I want to be.” He gently kissed the blood tears from cheeks, until his lips found hers for tender completion. She reveled in his warmth, and her earlier question came back to her.
“Do I make you cold now?” she asked hesitantly.
He smiled adoringly, shaking his head as he gazed into her eyes. “You warm my body, my soul, and my heart,” he swore to her in a delicate whisper. “And I’ll never let you go…”
She knew that he meant what he said, and vowed not to let her despair conquer her hope. He loved her, as much as she loved him. That, after all, was the most important thing, wasn’t it? She closed her eyes, letting the steady beat of his human heart lull her into a peaceful sleep.
She wanted him.
With every fiber of her being, with very ounce of her soul, she wanted him. And as their bodies melded into one, she was at long last complete, his love filling the void in her life, in her heart, in her very existence…
She cried out in the ecstasy of their rapture, blood tears streaming down her face, tears of joy, of fulfillment, as she held him close, not wanting their union to come to an end. The wave of their passion had washed over them, but suddenly a new yearning began to grow within her…
She kissed him deeply, wanting to transform her urge into the one that had brought them to this completion. But her body was no longer her own, as her desires took control. Her lips brushed across the soft stubble on his chin, reveling in the taste of his flesh, drawn inexorably towards the soft spot where his blood flowed in an almost hypnotic pulse…
Nick was crying out softly—in ecstasy…? …in pain…?—as her fangs pierced his skin, and she lapped hungrily at his life essence. All that he was, all that he had ever been, filled her senses as she drank from him… His emotions assaulted her, blending with her own…his intense love…intense…pain?
Nat…stop…enough… he pleaded in her mind. But her need for him grew stronger even as his insistence weakened….
The utter silence as his heart ceased to beat shocked her into horrific realization. She stared down at him, her heart consumed with fear and anguish, just as he himself had been consumed by her beast….
Natalie’s eyes snapped open, and she bolted upright in bed. Had she had a normal heartbeat, it would have been pounding. Her nightgown was drenched with a cold crimson perspiration, and her cheeks were wet with blood tears. In panic she gasped his name, her throat too dry from thirst to scream. She was alone in the bedroom, and she strained her senses frantically for his presence.
He ran into the room even as she sensed him near.
“Natalie, what’s--?”
“Nick!” She threw her arms around his neck, sobbing in relief. It had been so real…
“It’s okay,” he soothed, caressing her hair. “I’m here. I’m right here…”
For a long moment she clung to him, needing tangible reassurance that this was reality, not that unspeakable horror that still seemed all too vivid. She luxuriated in his warmth, his life, the steady beating of his heart, the sweet fragrance of his blood…
In terror she broke away from him, aghast with the realization that her fangs had descended. She couldn’t be this close to him…It wasn’t safe…
“Nat! Come back!”
She flew down the stairs, tearing open the refrigerator door even as she heard him running down after her. She ripped the cork from the bottle, gulped the blood down with the most voracious hunger she had ever known…
The blood spilled from her mouth as she gagged uncontrollably. It was the cow’s blood she’d asked Nick to get her, in an effort to break her addiction to the human blood. He’d warned her it was too soon, and he was right. The vile taste and stench sickened her now, even more so as the vivid memory of her dream left the taste of Nick’s blood in her mouth. Even as he approached her now in concern, the scent of his life essence made her mouth water…
“Stay away, Nick,” she managed, still coughing from the cow’s blood. The growl in her voice made it seem as if it were not her own. In desperation she threw the bottle to the floor, heedless of the broken glass that sprayed her as she knelt to the bottom of his refrigerator to find the bags of human blood. Savagely she ripped one open, willing the blood to assuage her hunger, to give her back the control that had become so difficult to maintain…
“Nat, it’s going to be all right,” he was saying as he knelt beside her.
“It’s not going to be all right!” she snarled at him suddenly, her eyes ablaze.
He started, and she knew she had bared her fangs at him. In shame and despair she turned away, drinking down the last of the blood. She could feel the calm wash over her as her beast was finally satisfied, but for a long moment remained motionless on the floor, her eyes closed. The heat that stung her eyes now was that of her own silent tears. She couldn’t face him. At worst, he must fear her now. At best, he was thoroughly repulsed by what he had seen. “Go away, Nick…” she whispered weakly.
But this time, as his arms encircled her, she allowed herself to fall into them. “I’m so sorry, Nat…” he said softly in her ear, his voice cracked with emotion.
She looked up at him in surprise. “For what?” she asked. Hadn’t she been the one who had utterly lost control?
But there was no fear or repulsion in his eyes, as she had imagined. Only sadness. “The nightmares…the hunger…the loss of control…the self-loathing…I’ve known it all for eight hundred years, Nat, and I never wanted you to suffer as I had.”
Only then did she realize that he had felt it all through this new bond that they shared, that he understood, without her having to tell him, what was going on within her. Because he had lived it. Because he was reliving it again with her.
She wanted so badly now to kiss him, yet the taste of human blood still on her lips made her hesitate. If he knew what she was feeling, he had to know that she was afraid. Did he feel her fear? Did he share it?
His kiss was his answer. Deep and passionate, reassuring her that nothing he had seen or felt in her would change his commitment to her. “I love you,” he whispered between kisses. And in her soul, she knew that he did.
“I’m going to try, Nick…” she promised as he helped her to her feet. “I just…need your help. It’s a little harder than I thought it would be,” she admitted.
“We’ll do it together, Nat,” he said tenderly, hugging her to him. “Just trust me.” And as her words echoed his of six years ago, and his echoed hers, she knew that their roles had truly reversed. She had asked him to put his trust in her once. Now he was doing the same.
“I do,” she sighed, feeling hope and safety in his arms. “I do.”
A month had done little to change Natalie’s commitment to becoming mortal again. She’d slowly gotten accustomed to the taste of the cow’s blood, though it always left her feeling a little queasy. Nick had even coaxed her to try some of the vile protein drinks that were her own recipe. At first she’d joked with him that he was getting back at her for all the times she’d made him drink them, but now she wasn’t so sure she hadn’t been on the mark. As a mortal she’d taken a sip from time to time to try to improve the taste for him, and she’d known they weren’t the most pleasant tasting. But as a vampire, she found them absolutely nauseating. Between the protein, the cow’s blood, and occasional attempts at rare meat, Natalie constantly felt as though she were suffering from a stomach virus that just wouldn’t go away.
It had taken its toll on her. At times, she felt so depressed that she didn’t even want to get out of bed. Only the hunger had motivated her to quell her beast before it took control of her. Nick had tried his best to be encouraging, but she knew that he, too, was becoming frustrated with the slow process of weaning her from the blood. And as good as it was to spend their time together, any attempts to express their love brought about an even greater frustration.
She lay awake now, her back to him, knowing that if she were to lay in his arms again she would want him in ways that were still forbidden. She’d been able to control herself to the point that some degree of intimacy had been possible between them. But each time, it had left both of them even more frustrated than ever. It couldn’t go on for long like this, she knew. Her body ached for completion with his. But her nightmare had not been completely forgotten. It lurked at the edge of her memory, slipping into her thoughts each time she and Nick got closer to making love. It was a risk she wouldn’t take, and she cursed herself for all the times she hadn’t truly understood Nick’s own fears of intimacy with her.
The warm sensation as he snuggled against her from behind both thrilled her and sent off warning signals. His arm slipped around her waist to pull her closer, his hand moving slowly upwards to caress her through the thin silk of her nightgown. She could tell from his steady breathing that he was still asleep, but the quickening of his heartbeat told her that his dreams must surely be intertwined with the inadvertent contact that his body was making with her. The growing arousal that soon pressed against her from behind confirmed her fears even as it excited her. The dream came crashing back to her, the scent of his blood so strong now that she questioned whether it was the memory of her nightmare or the fragrance filling her nostrils now. In panic she pulled away from him, jumping from the bed so quickly that it woke him.
“Nat, what’s the matter?” he asked, bleary-eyed.
“I can’t be this close to you, Nick. I can’t—“
“Shhhh, calm down,” he said, rising to face her and putting his hands on her arms.
“I can’t,” she told him nervously. “Nick, I think maybe I’d better sleep downstairs on the couch—“
“But why?”
“Nick, can you be this close to me night after night without wanting to make love?!”
His hesitation was brief, but perceptible, as he quickly said, “It doesn’t matter to me…”
“You can’t tell me it’s not frustrating you,” she retorted.
Nick’s cheeks reddened, and she realized that she had inadvertently glanced at the quite conspicuous bulge that still strained against his pajama bottoms.
“No, Natalie, I can’t deny it,” he recovered quickly. He looked into her eyes. “I do want to make love to you. But until we can, I just want to be close to you—“
“But I can’t!” she insisted. Why didn’t he understand? She backed away from him even as he reached out for her. “I need to stay away from you—“
His eyes grew dark with concern. “What do you mean?” he asked, sudden concern crossing his eyes.
What did she mean? “I--I don’t know,” she faltered. “I just can’t be so close to you like this…I can’t control myself—“
“But you have been,” he told her, stepping closer.
Too close. The scent of his skin mingled with the sweet fragrance of his blood. Why was he doing this to her? Surely he knew…
“Nick, I think I should move back to my apartment.” She said the words quickly, before they could stick in her throat. It wasn’t what she wanted. But he wasn’t leaving her a choice…
His face paled visibly, a remarkable contrast to the healthy tone he had taken on. For a moment he was speechless, but finally he shook his head adamantly, saying, “No. You can’t. I won’t let you--”
His words both flattered and irked her. “I have to,” she insisted. “My nerves are frazzled…I spend most of my time either sick to my stomach or too hungry to—“
“Natalie, please,” he begged, an edge of desperation in his voice. “I know it’s hard—“
“Do you really?” she countered, slipping out of the arms that had reached out for her. How could he possibly understand, when he kept…?
“Of course I do!” he said, almost frantic that she wouldn’t even let him touch her. “Don’t you think I felt this way every time we were together? Why do you think I--?”
He stopped short of saying it, but she supplied it for him. “Backed away?”
He couldn’t
respond for a long moment. He knew she was right. Finally, he said, “The
situation was different—“
“Yes, it was,” she argued back at him. “ But what makes you think I can learn to control myself in a month, when you couldn’t in eight hundred years?!”
Her words stung him, and she realized at once the enormity of what she was telling him. His face took on the guilt once more of the one fateful night he had been unable to maintain his control. She hadn’t meant it in that way, and yet she was too stressed out to reassure him about that now. She turned from him, running down the stairs, away from him, from the conflict, from the temptation, giving in to another temptation that in her mind was far less dangerous….
The pouch of human blood had been left in the fridge for an emergency. She couldn’t think of a better time than this to declare a state of emergency. Before she’d even thought over her actions, she’d ripped the bag open and was drinking thirstily, drowning her anxiety and depression in the invigorating effect of the nourishment she’d denied herself for weeks. And as the calm washed over her, she wondered why she had even bothered. No one had died for this…didn’t her system need this now, just as a mortal she had needed water and food to survive? She rested on a cloud of relief as if an enormous burden had been lifted from her, as if the blood had vanquished her anxieties, her fears….
“Is this what you call ‘trying’?” Nick spat at her suddenly from behind, wresting her from her reverie.
She despised his self-righteousness. The nerve of him! She turned to him in anger, her eyes still glowing amber as she retorted, “And what were you doing a month after you became a vampire?!”
She knew she’d hurt him with that. She could see it in his eyes. But he was asking too much of her, too soon, and perhaps that had been the only way to tell him. Tears stung her eyes as he stormed off. She tried to escape in the remaining blood, but the deadening effect was gone. She went up the stairs after him, began to head into the bedroom…
…and jumped back instinctively before the sunlight from the windows nearly blinded her. From the hallway she watched as he stood watching the sunrise, something he’d sworn he wouldn’t do until they could do it together…
In anger and despair she went downstairs, knowing that she could do very little else to escape right now, short of walking into the rising sun. Minutes later, when he came down the stairs fully dressed, his eyes hidden from her by the sunglasses that told her he was going outside, she simply stared at him as he headed towards the elevator. But before he could leave, the angst within her rose to the surface. “I knew you couldn’t wait for me,” she whispered bitterly.
He paused for a moment, as if wanting to respond, and was gone.
He’d driven around aimlessly until morning traffic became too thick, making it impossible to do so without paying attention to what he was doing. He found himself now at the park, his eyes closed as the noonday sun beat down upon him, bathing him in its warmth. Spring would soon turn into summer, and the air was fragrant with the scent of blossoms that had never seemed so sweet at night. Nick had thought once that the flood of such sensations would bring tears of joy to his eyes, once he had reclaimed the sunlight. Yet the tears that threatened to burst forth now were those of anguish and desolation. He knew now, as he had known when he’d thought Natalie to be dead, that she had become the focal point of his hopes and dreams from the moment he’d fallen in love with her. In six short years his goals had changed without his even realizing it until that fateful night in his loft. Walking in the daylight was meaningless without her. Making love to any woman but her would be but an empty fleeting thrill. There was no other woman who could be the mother to his children. Natalie was inextricably intertwined with every hope and desire that meant anything to him.
A vast range of emotions had driven him from the loft that morning: frustration, rage…and guilt. Frustration both sexual and emotional, over his inability to love her as he wanted to. Rage over her words, that had been nothing but the truth. Guilt over seeing what he had done to her, and the anguish she was suffering because of him.
She was right. He had been pushing her too much, too quickly. How could he expect more from her in four short weeks than he had been able to accomplish in eight centuries? He knew it was because in his heart he had always felt that she was the strong one; her goodness had conquered his evil. How could it fail to conquer the evil that had only entered her through him? Yet in reality, what he was asking of her was physically impossible, and he knew it better than anyone. A young vampire needed blood to survive, to build strength and control. In his impatience to be with her, he had almost forgotten, or perhaps, ignored that fact.
Reminding him of that night, when he had lost ultimate control and nearly drained her to death, had been the final blow. He’d been furious at her for recalling that tragedy, but only because of the overwhelming guilt he still felt over his own actions. Even the joy at learning that she had survived had not assuaged that guilt. For each time he sensed her anguish, fear, or frustration, he knew that he was responsible. The pain of having done this to her was unbearable.
Perhaps he’d sought to rid himself of his own culpability by pressing her to adjust, and eventually become human again as he had. But he knew that it would take time. His faith that they would find a way to be together again was still as strong as it had ever been. His commitment to her was incontrovertible. Yet at a time when she’d needed him to prove that commitment, he’d run out on her.
Her last words, that she’d known he couldn’t wait for her, echoed in his mind, and he was sickened by his own actions. He’d pushed her too far, and he couldn’t blame her for reaching that conclusion. Yet it couldn’t be further from the truth. He would be by her side forever, and if anyone knew the implications of forever, he did.
He hadn’t exactly reassured her of that by leaving, and he was ashamed for that. But he knew now that reassurance of his love, and commitment to her, was what she needed more than anything else he could offer.
A young couple in love passed in front of him, and he watched them, smiling wistfully as he imagined himself and Natalie in their place. It would happen. He knew that. And he knew now what he could do to show her just how committed he was to their love.
This time, when he began to drive, it was with purpose, and hope. Before the sun set, he would give her back the faith and hope that she had restored in him.
Natalie didn’t know if she was more furious at Nick or herself. But as the hours passed, and he didn’t come back, she replayed the morning over and over in her head, each time coming to the same conclusion: she had been way out of line.
He had been pushing her, it was true. But hadn’t she also put that pressure on herself? It was she who had insisted on relying on cow’s blood, thus weakening her own system before it had really adjusted to its new state. And while he had pushed the protein drinks and rare meat, in fact, all the measures she had imposed upon him over the last six years, was he doing anything more than using her as an example of how to break a vampire free of the blood? It was frightening just how much their roles had reversed. And in her own frustration at her inability to maintain control, she had reacted just as he had time and again.
She had pushed him away. With angry words, with savage displays of backsliding with reckless abandon, she had done precisely what he had time and again. Hindsight certainly was twenty-twenty, wasn’t it? If she had truly understood what he had been feeling all those years, would she have pressured him so relentlessly?
It was noon and he was still gone. Her imagination ran wild. Had he left for good? Was he starting that new life she had urged him to? She wondered now just how she would have felt if she’d let him believe she was dead, and he had gone on with his life. She’d sacrificed perhaps her own soul to return to this world and give him a second chance at mortality, even knowing that if he would have died that night, they would have been together in eternity. But could she have stood by and watched him find love and a life with someone else?
Could she do that now, if that was what he chose?
With the same self-loathing Nick must have felt over and over, Natalie drank down a bottle of blood, hoping it would calm her.
But it was to no avail. The clock struck one, and she began to imagine that Nick just wasn’t coming home.
A warm bath soothed the stress in her muscles, but left her to her own morbid thoughts. Her body had ached for him that morning, and still did. Yet in a month, Nick had never pressed making love, assuring her that he was content with whatever closeness they could share. It was she who had made love-making an issue that morning, embarrassing him over his own sexual frustration when it was hers that had made her jump from the bed.
She started to cry uncontrollably. He was gone. She knew it. She’d accused him of not waiting for her, but was that even fair? Why begrudge him the sunlight? Why keep him from any of the mortal pleasures that eight centuries had denied him?
“Because I gave up my life for him,” she whispered. And she knew it was a selfish thought. She didn’t want to bind him to her with guilt, or obligation. But how long would he be able to wait?
She slipped into a nightshirt, and lay back on the bed, her vampiric senses allowing her to catch the scent he had left behind, even as she replayed those last moments in bed with him in her mind with such clarity that she began to ache for him once more…
Suddenly, he was more than a memory. Her heart leapt as she felt him drawing near, then heard the elevator door swish open.
She listened to his footsteps, trying to sense emotion from him. He was anxious, she could tell, but she wasn’t sure if she was feeling the nervous flutter from him or herself. Had he just come here to end it all?
“Nat?” he called out softly as he got to the bedroom door. She sat up in bed, the knot in her stomach subsiding as she saw the anger gone from his face. “Can I come in?” he asked sheepishly.
The relief on her face must have answered for her, for he stepped in the room, pulling a large bouquet of red roses from behind his back.
“I’m sorry, Nat,” he said, sitting down on the bed and holding out his peace offering. “Please, forgive me.”
She’d been so deeply entrenched in her own guilt and despair that an apology from him seemed totally unnecessary. She threw her arms around his neck, feeling his own relief as he hugged her tightly. “Nick, I’m so sorry,” she whispered, clinging to him. “You’ve done nothing but try to help me. The things I said to you were—“
“They were true, Nat,” he admitted, looking into her eyes. “I have been pushing you, expecting more from you than I would ever have been able to do myself. But it’s only because I love you, and want to be with you. And I hate myself every time I see you suffer because I know it’s my fault for doing this to you—“
She didn’t need to hear his guilt. It wasn’t necessary. Knowing he loved her was all she wanted to hear. She silenced him by bringing her lips to his, and he kissed her deeply as the understanding and forgiveness passed between them. When they had separated, he looked into her eyes with that loving gaze that still made her melt.
“Natalie, there’s only one thing you said that wasn’t true: that I couldn’t wait for you. I’ll wait as long as it takes. Just knowing that you love me, and that someday we will be together is all that I need.”
She knew that he meant it. She could see it in his eyes, and feel it in his heart. Yet in many ways their situation seemed as impossible as it had been before…
“Don’t lose the faith, Nat,” he said, sensing her doubts. “Don’t lose the faith that you gave me. We will be together. In sunlight, or darkness, in life or in eternity. We are meant to be together.”
She smiled lightly as his hope took hold of her. “You really believe that, don’t you?”
He ran his fingers through her hair. “You convinced me of it.” He reached over to kiss her again, softly, passionately, but then released her with a conscious effort not to let it go too far. “I promise, I’m not going to push you. Drink whatever you want, do whatever you need to, to feel comfortable.” He paused, as if the next part were more difficult. “I understand if you want to go back to your apartment, but I was hoping that you’d stay here. You can sleep on the bed, and I’ll sleep downstairs, if you would feel safer that way. But I would really go out of my mind missing you if you left—“
His voice trailed off, and he looked at her sheepishly as if trying to make an effort not to pressure her.
“I may have to lay off those protein drinks for a while,” she confessed, adding with a twinkle in her eye, “but seven hours away from you was just about as much as I can handle right now.”
His face brightened at her admission, but then he teased, “Was I gone that long?”
Natalie glanced at the clock. “Seven hours and fourteen minutes, but whose counting?” she said, pretending to pout.
“Well, I had some shopping to do,” he said mysteriously.
“Shopping? I’m sitting here thinking you’ve left me for good and you’re out on a shopping spree?” she complained.
“Just something I’ve been thinking about getting you for a while,” he explained, pulling out a small black velvet box. He placed it into her hand, and said, “I just thought now would be a good time to remind you how much I love you.”
Somehow she knew before she opened it. His words, the quickening of his heartbeat, all told her that he was giving her the last thing she’d expected.
Gingerly, she opened the case, and took in a breath.
Before her lay the most exquisite diamond ring she had ever seen. Even in the dimly-lit loft, the enormous pear-shaped jewel seemed to shimmer. Tears came to her eyes as he spoke the words that had been the stuff of her fantasies.
“Natalie, will you marry me?”
“Oh, Nick,” she wept, tears of joy and anguish intermingled.
“Uh, Nat, this is the part where you’re supposed to say yes,” he said in a nervous bid at humor.
She looked into his eyes. “You know what I want to say. But how…?”
“Then say it,” he broke in tenderly, taking her face in his hands.
His hope was as infectious as his enthusiasm. She smiled through her tears. “Yes. Yes. Of course, yes!”
His eyes shone with his happiness as he brought his lips to hers, kissing her deeply. And for one brief moment, there was no obstacle their love could not overcome.
Nick couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so good.
They’d spent the day in each other’s arms, dozing peacefully between interludes of intimacy that came as close to making love as they had ever dared. Nick had made sure that Natalie knew he didn’t mind her drinking the human blood; sated, and more confident in her own control, she’d finally relaxed enough to let him touch her without fear of her own beast coming to the surface.
Nick wanted her desperately. But he knew too that if he let her see his own frustration it would undermine the reassurances he’d tried so hard to give her. He knew in his heart it would only be a matter of time. Their bond grew stronger each day. Through it he felt her emotions as if they were his own; their love, their desire, their pleasure, intermingled. Soon their flesh would become one just as their souls already had. For now, it thrilled him just to hold her, to taste her skin, and to feel the warmth that her vampiric state could not diminish…
“Oh God, Nick, you’d better stop…” she breathed as he gingerly explored her.
He looked down to see her face filled with tortured pleasure. Quickly he ceased his ministrations, allowing her a few moments to catch her breath and regain her control before wrapping his arms around her.
“Sorry, I’m just afraid—“
“Shhhh,” he soothed, stroking her hair as he held her against his chest. “It’s okay. I know…” He knew all to well how an impending sexual release would spur his own beast to demand satisfaction. He could sense her frustration right now, but took solace in the knowledge that he had been able to give her some pleasure. She deserved it, after all she had suffered for him…
“It felt so good,” she sighed, snuggling closer to him.
“Yes, it did,” he said knowingly, smiling as she looked up at him quizzically. “I could feel everything you were feeling,” he explained.
“Then you know how much I love you,” she said softly.
He kissed her deeply, struggling to control his own urges, though he knew that as they lay together like this his own body betrayed him. Even through the pajama bottoms he’d consciously decided to keep on, her moist warmth beckoned him. He forced himself to break the glorious contact even as Natalie’s body pressed against his…
Her amber eyes looked up at him with a regret and sudden shame that he knew all too well. “I…I think I need…” she stammered.
He nodded, jumping up to reach for the bottle of human blood he had left on the nightstand. Pouring it into a glass, he handed it to her, sitting down next to her with a comforting arm around her shoulder. He made a conscious effort not to react as she drank the blood with the same abandon as he had seen and despised in himself. The fact that he had done this to her still weighed heavily upon his conscience. But it was something he could never let her sense.
When she looked up at him, the beautiful eyes that smiled at him were once more blue. ”This is going to be difficult,” she admitted. But her futility over their situation was gone for now. He was glad to have relieved her of that.
“Difficult, yes,” he allowed, knowing that it would be a while before his own arousal wore off. He caressed her cheek, looking deeply into her eyes. “But I’m enjoying every minute.”
He knew by her broad grin that she knew he was telling the truth.
“You can sense my feelings, can’t you, Nat?” he asked, both the teacher and lover in him needing confirmation that she did.
She paused for a moment as if trying to sort out the images in her own mind. “Sometimes, I think I can…and yet your…feelings…or sensations…get confused with mine.”
“It takes time,” he assured her, knowing that it was a skill that must become finely tuned. “But if you feel something…that’s a start. Once you’ve tasted my blood, it will become even—“
He stopped himself as the sobering of her face set off warning bells. This was definitely not something he should have brought up right now…
“Nick, I’ve told you, I’m not going to—I can’t, not yet—“
“I’m sorry,” he broke in. “I didn’t mean to pressure you. I just wish you would believe me that once you take my blood our bond will be—“
“I’m not ready to take that risk,” she said more adamantly, pulling away from him and standing what seemed an agonizing distance from him. He knew he’d utterly destroyed the mood by returning to that most tender of subjects. He would have to do some major damage control right now.
“Okay,” he said, standing to face her. “I won’t bring it up again. I promise.” She let him put his hands on her shoulders and he looked into her eyes. “Nat, I just love being connected to you this way. That’s all. I’m not trying to push you into anything more right now.” He meant it, and at least she could read him well enough to know that. “Come on. It’s dark now. Why don’t we go out and celebrate our engagement?”
“Under one condition,” she told him.
“And what’s that?”
She smiled, that conspiring smile that always intrigued him. “I get to watch you eat.”
At first Nick had thought dinner out would be unfair to her. But she’d assured him that it would be great fun. After all, she could still dress up and preen herself to perfection to spend a night on the town with him. She did just that, wearing a black silk dress that seemed even more striking with her pale complexion, and applying with care the new shades of makeup she’d bought to match her new look. Nick was gorgeous as always in a black suit, his skin flushed a healthy pink as humanity and utter happiness flowed through his veins. She had never seen him so vibrant, and thought once more of how foolish she had been to think he would have been happier without her. Though she still could not read his thoughts as clearly as he seemed to hers, the pure emotions of love and happiness that filled him reached out to her mind and her spirit with such intensity that they were unmistakable.
Watching him eat was a pleasure in and of itself. She’d ordered a full dinner, then sat back in amusement as he’d polished off his own meal and hers, with such gusto as if he hadn’t eaten…in centuries. She loved seeing him like this—so perfectly normal, down to the eyes that were too big for his stomach. The second chocolate mousse had brought him to his limit. “I’m going to have to put you on a diet, soon,” she teased him, lightly touching the slight bulge that had developed in his otherwise perfect physique.
He drew her to him, with a lingering kiss that made her dizzy. “The food’s been great, but you I could taste all night,” he murmured in her ear. The heat of his lips against her skin sent a warm flush of arousal through her. Natalie struggled to think clearly, to separate in her mind the conflicting desires that drew her to him yet made her hold back in fear. All night long, she’d toasted Nick’s champagne with her own blood mixture, in an attempt to keep the vampire at bay. Now, as he gazed into her eyes with that adoring smile that could make even her still heart flutter, her beast seemed infinitely distant, almost deceptively so…
“Let’s go home,” he suggested tenderly, running his fingers through her hair.
Against her better judgment, she nodded, taking his hand.
He’d asked her to drive, his better judgment telling him that he’d drunk far too much to do so safely himself. Life was almost perfect now, and he’d be damned if he would take a chance of losing it all by crashing on the way home. His surroundings weren’t quite spinning, but the light buzz had only added to the peaceful happiness that had washed over him from the moment Natalie had accepted his proposal. He lay back against the headrest, his head turned to watch her as she took them back to their sanctuary. She was radiant tonight, her beauty enhanced by her own contentment. Finally he had begun to bring some happiness into her life. He wanted desperately to make up for all the pain he had caused her…
“Are you okay?” she asked, glancing at him for a moment.
“Yeah,” he said softly. Finally he was.
They’d barely stepped from the elevator when he’d taken her into his arms again, kissing her deeply until her knees seemed to grow weak. He lifted her into his arms, as easily as he had when he’d been a vampire, setting her down on the couch and gazing down lovingly into her eyes. “If only you could know how much I love you,” he said tenderly, caressing her cheek, his fingertips igniting her skin with their warmth.
She knew. His emotions reached out to her, enveloping her spirit in his love even as his body shrouded her in his embrace. His passion melded with hers until she no longer knew his sensations from her own. She ran her fingers through his hair, holding him to her as his lips kissed their way down her neck, leaving a path of fire in their wake. Even as a vampire she felt the sudden chill as he gently pushed away her bra, exposing her to him, followed at once by the surge of heat as his mouth came down to taste her. The thrill of it surged through her, and a low moan escaped her lips…
But the sound of her own voice frightened her as her moan of ecstasy transformed slowly into the low growl of unearthly passion. Suddenly she was aware of the burning in her eyes, the throbbing in her mouth as her fangs began to descend…
“Nick, no!” she pleaded, with such urgency that he looked up at her in concern. But as he brought his face to hers, his eyes were devoid of the fear or revulsion she would have expected. “It’s okay, Nat,” he soothed tenderly, still gazing at her adoringly. “Don’t be afraid. I’m not…” To prove it to her he kissed her deeply, running his tongue against her fangs, letting her prick him ever so slightly.
The taste of his blood was intoxicating. For even a tiny droplet bombarded her instantly with the sense of him, all that he was, all that he had ever been. The bond between them, that had seemed tenuous at best, in one brief moment of clarity was a window to his soul. His being encompassed hers, as their thoughts and emotions were one…
And then it was gone, replaced only by the hunger, no, the need for more…
The loss of their union was excruciating. The sudden desolation of her soul intensified the hunger that had been instinctual. He’d bared his neck to her, and she kissed his skin, luxuriating in his taste, heightened by the scent of his life force as it pulsed beneath her lips. Had it been this way for him? How had he resisted for so long…?
But even as her fangs pierced his flesh, the memory of the last time they had shared blood flashed into her mind as if she were reliving it now. The pain intermingled with exhilaration, the ecstasy of completion, the fear…
He had not been able to stop. His guilt assaulted her as her own swelled within her.
He had not been able to stop. And neither would she.
With all the will she could muster, she broke from him, almost knocking him over as she pushed him away and jumped to her feet. Her legs would not carry her away fast enough to escape from the shame of what she had nearly done. Blood tears filled her eyes as she flew up the stairs, collapsing on the bed and turning away from the door as she heard him run up after her, calling her name.
“Natalie, please, talk to me,” he implored, placing his hand on her arm.
“Nick, please, just stay away from me,” she begged, refusing to look at him. Her entire body was shaking from the futile effort to make the vampire go away.
“Nat, it’s okay,” he began.
Damn him, why was he sitting beside her? Didn’t he realize…?
“Natalie, look at me. Please—“
“Why?” she spat at him angrily, turning suddenly to face him. “So you can see this?!” She could feel her own blood tears that had stained her cheeks, and taste the remnants of his blood on her lips. “Look at me!” she cried, her eyes blazing crimson as her fangs refused to ascend. Only when she had focused on him did her anger at herself abate, replaced by shame as she saw the results of her lack of control. She gasped. “Look at you…”
Blood dripped from the wound on his neck that she herself had inflicted. The sight of it inflamed her hunger even as her mortification over what she had done to him shocked her system into control.
“Nat, it’s nothing,” he promised her, adjusting his shirt to conceal the blood, knowing how it must be affecting her.
“I could have
killed you!” she blurted, angry now that he was brushing off something that had
utterly traumatized her. “I wouldn’t have been able to stop!”
”Nat, didn’t you feel what happened between us when you tasted my blood? I
wanted you to see—“
Her eyes opened wide with fury with the realization that tasting his blood in her mouth had been no accident. He had intentionally pushed the envelope, precisely to bring about what she had plainly told him she was not prepared for. “You did it on purpose,” she accused, suddenly not sure if she felt more angry or betrayed. “You knew I wasn’t ready for this!”
She could see from the guilt in his eyes that she had hit it on the mark. “Nat, I’m sorry…I just wanted you so badly…”
“You said you’d be willing to wait,” she reminded him, her voice betraying her hurt.
“I am,” he told her, trying his hardest to sound convincing, though he obviously knew his actions proved otherwise.
“I can’t keep doing this…I told you I need time…” Her voice faltered with the myriad of emotions that competed for supremacy within her. Her anger at him for pushing her…her own desire to be with him. Her shame over what she had done to him, and her frustration over her inability to satisfy him… “I need time…” she whispered in a broken voice, struggling to keep the tears back. “I’m sorry…”
Nick took her hand, raised it to his lips and kissed it, then held it against his cheek. “No…I’m sorry…” he said softly.
For a long moment he looked into her eyes, then bent down to kiss her chastely on the forehead. “I’ll leave you alone for a while,” he said quietly, then turned to go.
“Nick,” she called, suddenly hating to see him leave. “Where are you going?”
“Just down to the corner,” he reassured her. “All the food and liquor is starting to do a job on my stomach. I just need to go pick something up to calm it down.”
Whether it was an excuse or not, she nodded, knowing that only alone would she be able to completely regain the control that had become so difficult to maintain.
Nick sighed deeply as the cool night air shook the last remnants of his intoxication from him, an intoxication that had been borne of more than just the liquor he had had to drink that night.
He cursed himself for his own lack of control. He’d reassured her that making love would not be an issue, that he could give her the time she needed. Yet this magical night with her had drained him of his self-control. The champagne had only served to blur his judgment even further. He knew with all certainty that no harm would have come to him if she had partaken of his blood. Their bond was stronger than he had ever imagined possible, and for a brief moment, he knew that she had known that too. Yet he understood all too well her hesitation. It had taken him years to give in to his feelings for her, and when he finally had, the results had been…
The guilt still dwelled within him, and he knew she had felt it. Again, he cursed at himself for pressuring her. It had turned the happiest night of their lives into a disaster.
His thoughts were on how he might salvage the night, as he found the antacid he’d been looking for. He turned towards the register only to see a man pull a gun on the young girl behind the counter. The cop in him flew into action as he grabbed the man from behind…
In bed, Natalie had begun to drift off, when suddenly a searing pain ripped through her chest. In terror she sat bolt upright, as her entire body began to shake…
Nick’s voice called to her in desperation…
…then went deafeningly silent.
At light speed she burst through the window, her instincts drawing her to his side more quickly than conscious thought could ever have done. As she saw him lying motionless on the floor, her hearth exploded. “Nick!” she cried, falling to her knees before his lifeless form.
A faint heartbeat answered her, and she breathed a silent prayer of thanks. Struggling to overcome her own emotions, she shifted to doctor mode as she assessed his condition. He’d been shot point blank, dangerously close to the heart; by the difficulty with which he was breathing now, she was sure his lung had just begun to collapse. The bullet had passed through his sternum, and while her first instinct was to pick him up and fly him to a hospital, she knew that if the bullet was lodged close to his spine, moving him was the most dangerous thing she could attempt to do. Reaching gently around to his back to find no exit wound, only confirmed her suspicions.
The young cashier stood trembling behind the counter.
“Did you call an ambulance?!” Nat shouted to her, knowing her own reaction had been instantaneous.
“N-no, it just hap-“
“Then do it!” Nat cried impatiently. “Call 911 and tell them there’s an officer down!”
As the frightened girl carried out her orders, she turned back to Nick. Luckily, the blood flow was slow. With her hand, she pressed lightly down, careful not to apply too much pressure.
“Is there anything else I can do?” the girl asked tentatively.
Nat looked into her eyes, concentrating as Nick had taught her to do. “Leave us,” she commanded.
The girl obeyed and Natalie brought her face close to Nick’s. “Nick…do you hear me? It’s me…” she said desperately.
His eyes opened slowly, the relief as he focused on her turning to pain as breathing became a struggle. “Na—“ Her name was caught on his lips as his voice refused to cooperate.
“Don’t try to talk,” she said softly, her heart breaking to see him in such pain. At least that she could relieve him of. She looked into his eyes. “There’s no pain, Nick…no pain…”
Natalie caressed his cheek lovingly as a calm washed over his face. “Just relax…the ambulance will be here any minute…”
“I’m…sorry…” he whispered, barely audibly.
His words wrenched at her insides. If anyone were to blame for this, she was. If only she hadn’t pushed him away…
“No, I’m sorry,” she said softly, wishing for his sake that she could keep back her tears. “This is all my fault—“
“No…” he forced out, gathering his strength to lift his fingertips to her face.
She clasped her hand around his. “I love you,” was all she could find the words to say.
With his eyes he smiled at her, though by now his lung had fully collapsed, his breathing so labored that words were impossible. Then, to her surprise, he took his free hand, smearing it in the blood on his chest, then bringing it up to her lips in an offering…
At once, she knew what he wished to do—to communicate with her in the only sure way he could right now. The scent of his fresh blood beckoned her, and for the first time she allowed herself to reach out to it, to him, with the part of herself she had tried so hard to repress…
The taste of him jarred her entire being, as his spirit joined hers through the power of their bond of blood. And suddenly he was inside her, inside her head, her heart, speaking to her as if aloud.
“I wanted to make you happy in this life, Natalie. I’m sorry it has to end like this…”
“Nick, no,” she wept, blood tears hot on her amber eyes. He was resigned to dying. It was the first thing she had felt from him, and it filled her with anguish.
“It’s all right, my love. You and I will still have an eternity together…and at least now, thanks to you…I can go into the light…”
“You’re not going anywhere without me,” she told him in an insistent whisper. “Do you hear me? We’ve got too much left to do here first…”
“I love you, Nat…”
The words echoed in her mind as he slipped into darkness.
In panic, she reached out to recapture a sense of him…
…and once more, a weak heartbeat assured her that he had merely fallen unconscious.
Just then, she heard the ambulance outside, and breathed a sigh of relief. “You’re gonna make it, Nick,” she promised him, “Just hold on, please…”
In a futile attempt she began to wipe the blood from her face, but realized that it didn’t matter. Nick’s blood had already gotten all over her anyway. She stood as the paramedics ran in with a stretcher. “He needs oxygen,” she ordered them. “His lung is collapsed, and the bullet may be near his spine.”
Without questioning the authority in her voice, they carried out her instructions, and in moments Nick lay inside the ambulance. As she stepped up to join him, they finally asked who she was. “I’m a doctor,” she told them, then added with a softening of her voice, “and his fiancée.”
Hours later, Natalie sat alone in the waiting room, going out of her mind with worry. What was taking so long? They’d taken Nick into surgery immediately, and she knew it would be a delicate procedure. But her nerves were frazzled, and she was growing weak with hunger as dawn approached. No amount of pleading had gotten her access to the operating room, despite her credentials, and in the end she had figured it was just as well. In her present state, she would not be able to take the sight and smell of blood. But she longed to be with him, her only comfort the sense of his nearness that, thank God, had never faded.
Suddenly, another presence struck her senses, and she turned to see the one person she had fully expected would show up sooner or later.
LaCroix.
Under any other circumstances, his arrival would have jarred her, but in truth she was relieved to see him. It had been a difficult wait for her, and she could use the company of someone who could understand what she was going through.
The older vampire’s face was filled only with concern as he approached her. “Is there any news?”
She shook her head. “But it’s a difficult procedure,” she explained. “The bullet was lodged very close to his spine.”
LaCroix shook his head in disgust. “What was he thinking?”
Natalie breathed deeply. “He saved a life. The girl would have been dead if he hadn’t intervened.”
“Ever the Knight,” LaCroix murmured, but she knew that his anger was tinged both with his admiration for Nick’s courage, and his own concern for his son’s life. Then, with an accusation she had almost expected, he quipped, “And did it not occur to you to heal him?”
She’d be lying if she said that the thought of bringing him across to save his life hadn’t entered her mind. She could hardly fault LaCroix for wondering the same. “It did,” she admitted evenly, “but I knew that’s not what he would want.”
LaCroix was silent; he would be the last one to argue that. He nodded his understanding, then his face softened. “Are you…all right?” he asked, looking her over for the first time. “You seem very weak.”
She nodded.
Lacroix glanced quickly to make sure they were alone, and then pulled a bottle from his coat. “I thought you might need this.”
She could feel her eyes burn with her anticipation even as LaCroix opened the bottle and handed it to her. Gladly she accepted it, drinking down the potent human blood with a hunger more voracious than she had allowed herself to contemplate. Her weariness seemed to dissolve with her thirst as the blood invigorated her. LaCroix smiled wanly for the first time as he took the empty bottle from her.
“You look much better,” he said in an almost fatherly tone.
“Thank you,” she said, grateful.
“You know that dawn is approaching. It’s not safe for you to stay here.”
“I know,” she told him, having clearly thought this out. “But I can’t leave him.”
LaCroix nodded knowingly. “I didn’t think you would,” he confessed.
“Dr. Lambert.”
The vampires turned as one as the surgeon approached. Still in his scrubs, his face betrayed little but his exhaustion.
“Nick? Is he all right--?” she asked anxiously.
“He’ll be fine,” the doctor replied, smiling weakly. “It was tough, but we got the bullet out without any damage to his spinal cord.”
“Thank God,” Natalie sighed, not without a glance from LaCroix. “And his lung…?”
“Everything is fine,” he reassured her. “He’s pretty damn lucky, you know. Considering all he’d been through in the last few months, it’s a miracle he’s alive.”
“That’s an understatement,” LaCroix muttered.
At the doctor’s perplexed glance, Natalie quickly put in, “Doctor, this is Nick’s close friend, Lucien—“
The doctor nodded politely, then turned back to Natalie. “Relax, Doctor…A few weeks rest and he’ll be back to normal.”
Natalie smiled brightly as the relief washed over her. “Thank you so much,” she told the surgeon.
“You’re welcome,” he said, then, before turning to leave, added, “And congratulations!”
LaCroix glanced at her questioningly, but as his gaze rested on the diamond she wore, he raised an eyebrow.
“He gave this to me last night,” she told him, the engagement having been the last thing on her mind from the moment Nick had been shot.
“Then you and Nicholas have worked everything out between you,” he assumed, not without a bit of wonder. “Then congratulations are indeed in order.”
There was so much they had still to work out. But they’d been given a second chance…again. Nothing would stop them now.
“Thank you,” she told LaCroix, her gratitude for his support heartfelt. “For everything.”
It hadn’t been difficult to suggest to a weak-willed nurse that Nick should be moved to a private room immediately. Dawn was rapidly approaching, and Natalie would have to brace herself for the coming day. With the shades tightly drawn and a bit of sabotage on the cords, Natalie could finally relax to wait at his side. She knew it would be hours. But nothing would keep her from being there when he awoke.
She looked down at his sleeping face. How pale he seemed, how lifeless! But his heart was beating steadily now, and there had been no doubt that he would make a full recovery. And when he did…
Caressing his face, she thought back to the moment when he had spoken to her with his blood. Such intensity, such clarity, as she could never have imagined possible. And she knew now, without a doubt, that he had been right.
She would be able to drink his blood, to take just enough…and with his guidance, she would be able to stop.
The possibilities thrilled her, as the desire to be one with him, in body, and in blood, no longer seemed an impossible dream. The prospect of a cure was secondary. To make love with him was what she wanted, what she’d always desired, for longer than she had been willing to admit. It would happen now. She knew it. “Soon, Nick. Soon, we’ll be together,” she whispered in his ear, willing him to hear.
Right now, she would give anything just to look into his eyes…
Exhaustion was setting in as the sun rose higher in the sky. Holding his hand in hers, she lay her head down next to his sleeping form, as the wondrous sound of his heart lulled her into a peaceful slumber.
There was blackness. No light. No sound. Then her voice in his ear, whispering that they would be together soon…
The sense of her was as powerful as his world was dark. A hand holding his…the scent of her perfume…her presence reaching out for him, cradling him in the glow of her love…
He fell back into the darkness, safe in the embrace of her spirit…
His hand stirred in hers, startling her from her sleep. She grasped it tightly as she brought her head up to look into his face.
His eyes fluttered open, struggling to focus. The anesthesia had not totally worn off, and she knew this was but a brief moment of awareness for him. “Nick,” she said tenderly, her eyes suddenly brimming with tears of relief.
“Nat…” he whispered hoarsely.
“I’m right here,” she said, stroking his hair.
“Please, Nat…don’t go away this time…” he said suddenly, his face filling with anguish. With a heavy heart she realized that in his mind, he was replaying what had happened the last time. Again she rued the decision she had made that day. “Please, Nat…” he begged. “Don’t go…”
“I’m not going anywhere,” she promised him, her voice filled with emotion. She kissed him lightly on the lips to seal her vow. He smiled up at her weakly, then fell back into a healing sleep.
“We’ll be together forever,” she whispered softly, kissing him again. “Forever.”
Natalie was fast asleep when she felt his hand stroking her hair. She looked up to see him fully awake, smiling at her.
“How do you feel?” she asked, bringing her face close to his.
“Like there’s a lead weight on my chest, but otherwise glad to be alive,” he replied. He looked into her eyes. “And very lucky to be with you…”
She kissed him, relishing the way he held her face in his hands to prolong their contact.
When they had separated, he looked at her sheepishly. “I guess my hero days are over.”
“No, you’ll just have to try to remember you’re not a superhero anymore,” she teased him.
His face grew serious. “The cashier. Did she--?”
“You saved her life,” she told him point blank. She smiled as the relief crossed his face. “You’ll always be my Knight in shining armor….” She winced at how corny that sounded and corrected, “Or, Knight in black silk pajamas, might be more accurate…”
He laughed silently until the pain made him stop. “Hey, you’re still wearing your dress from last night. Have you been here all day?”
She nodded.
“Nat, you took too much of a risk—“ he began to admonish her, but she shushed him.
“Hey, I’m the expert at rigging sun-proof blinds, remember? Besides, LaCroix stopped by to bring me…a snack…so I was fine.”
“I’ll have to thank him for looking out for you,” he said, no longer surprised that his former master had become their ally.
“Well, he was worried about you,” she said, sobering. “So was I.” She paused, not sure if this was the time to bring up what had happened, but needing to get it off her chest. “Nick, this whole thing was my fault. If only I had listened to you…if I hadn’t pushed you away…you never would have left the loft to begin with—“
“Nat, stop it,” he broke in. “I was pressuring you. I, of all people, should have understood that it was wrong—“
“No,” she told him, gazing into his eyes. “You were right. I know that now. Ever since you spoke to me through your blood…I should have trusted you…”
Nick smiled suddenly as the implications of what she was saying hit him. “Does this mean…you’re willing to…that we can…?”
She nodded. “As soon as you’re up to it--” she began, then, realizing the unintentional pun, caught herself in embarrassment and corrected, “I mean, uh, as soon as you’re recovered…”
He pulled her closer for a passionate kiss, a promise of what was to come. But as pain made him release her, he looked up at her with a pathetic smile. “Hell of a thing to tell a guy who’s going to be stuck in bed for the next few weeks,” he complained.
“Don’t worry,” she told him with a twinkle in her eye. “You won’t be alone.”
Nick swallowed the painkillers out of precaution. He hadn’t really needed them for two weeks now. A month of taking it easy had helped him to heal nicely enough for the doctor to give him a clean bill of health. At his visit today, he’d asked if he might be ready for some moderate exercise. But as he’d gotten the go-ahead, Nick could swear that his doctor knew exactly what kind of exercise he had in mind.
Once the decision had been made that they would “try Janette’s cure”, he and Natalie had relaxed in the comfort of knowing that it would just be a matter of time. She’d kept her promise to him. He was never alone. Throughout his recuperation she had cared for him at night, sleeping close beside him during the day. He loved to see her so at ease, so happy. The pressure was gone. The fear was gone. All that remained was excitement about what lay ahead for them.
She’d insisted that the cure itself wasn’t important; but in his heart he was certain that she could be brought back across. Making love to her would be an impossible fantasy fulfilled. But giving her back the life he had taken would free his soul of the burden that still weighed so heavily upon him.
It was sunset as he entered the loft, and he could hear her upstairs showering. The thought of surprising her in the shower was tempting, but he didn‘t want to lose the romance that he’d planned for this night. He switched on the radio to the Easy Listening station she liked, set the champagne glasses out, and forced himself to sit patiently on the couch, the huge bouquet of roses in his lap. He heard the water stop, and imagined the beautiful curves of her body as she stepped from the shower. He breathed deeply, willing his body to wait. After the six years he had wanted her, another few minutes wouldn’t kill him….
Or would they?
Natalie had sensed him from the moment he’d entered the loft. He was part of her now, and she of him. It had been that way since the moment he’d taken her blood. She had merely become more attuned to their connection as time had passed.
Each day, as his condition had improved, their intimacy had become more intense as they tested the limits of her control. She had managed to keep the vampire at bay thus far. But the woman in her ached for him so that at times she felt she would explode for want of him. Just the touch of his skin against hers ignited the fire deep within her. She smiled now, as the mere thought of him brought forth a warm rush of arousal. Perhaps tonight…
She slipped on her fluffy pink robe, examining her face in the mirror as she dried her thick mane of hair. She still couldn’t help but feel that she looked too pale. Nick had been more than reassuring, but it would take some getting used to. She set the dryer down, applying a think line of eye liner and light coat of lipstick. She still looked pale, but psychologically she felt a lot better.
She could feel that Nick was still downstairs, and she contemplated dressing before going to greet him. But something held her back. Was it her anxiousness to see him? Or in the back of her mind did she fantasize that his favorite bath robe with nothing underneath might start the night off right?
Her body was tingling with her need for him. The choice was made as she headed down the stairs….
She gasped in surprise as she saw the huge bouquet of red roses that he held out to her. The adoring look in his eyes made her feel weak. She smiled as he took her hand. “Come on, Nat. Let’s celebrate.”
He produced two glasses, and she realized that his own was filled with champagne, while hers held her necessary nighttime fare. She drank thirstily, praying to assuage any vampiric urges that might intrude on this moment.
“So do you want to tell me what we’re celebrating?” she asked as he led her to sit beside him on the couch.
“Oh, everything,” he said as he set down his own glass. He raised his hands to caress her still-damp hair. “Life…love…us…” He brought his mouth to hers, in a more passionate kiss than he had dared since the night of his accident. She responded hungrily, reveling in the taste of his skin, the heat of his mouth, the force of his passion. His fingers feathered their way down her throat, teasing at the opening of her robe. “Let me love you, Nat,” he whispered, his breath hot against her ear. “Let me show you how much I love you…”
He looked into her eyes as if pleading for her permission to go on. They’d spoken of this moment, yet this time he would not push her into anything she was not ready for.
But her gaze told him she was more than ready. “Show me,” she said in an alluring challenge.
His eyes smiled at her, brimming with his love and desire. His lips found hers once more, kissing her slowly, deeply, as his hands now dared beneath the barrier of her robe. The warmth of his hands against her cool flesh fanned the flame that his kiss had ignited, as he cupped the fullness of her breasts, caressing, fondling…
He had lain her down gently as his mouth slowly began to follow the trail his fingers had forged, kissing her, tasting her, reveling in her…
Natalie could feel the heat rising to her eyes, but consciously fought to disregard the call of her beast, focusing instead on the purely human ecstasy he was creating as his tongue played with her nipple, engorging it before taking it into the heat of his mouth…
His fingertips had feathered downward, undoing the belt on her robe and gingerly tracing a path down her abdomen. The anticipation was unbearable as he flirted with her bikini line, his heartbeat quickening slightly as he realized that she wore nothing to prevent him from going further…
Gingerly at first, he explored the most intimate part of her, testing her readiness for him, relishing her moist warmth…
Just as uncontrollably as her lower body arched upwards towards his caress, Natalie’s mouth began to ache as her beast began to demand equal attention. The scent of his blood filled her senses, but she ignored it, focusing instead on the way Nick had begun to tease the nub of her pleasure, rubbing against it as his fingers plunged into her wetness…
He’d brought his mouth to hers once more, kissing her deeply as his fingers played inside her. His tongue tempted the fangs that had begun to emerge, but rather than give in to her need she concentrated on him, pulling open his shirt, reaching for the bulge that strained against his jeans, pulling open the button and the zipper to set him free…
She made him stand as she pulled down his jeans to find his arousal barely covered by the black silk boxers. Pulling them down she faced his manhood in all it’s glory, engorged with his desire for her. Lovingly she caressed him, incredulous at the beauty and extent of the part of him that had been hidden to her in all but her fantasies. His groan of pleasure intensified her own as she took him into her mouth, suckling at him lovingly as she stroked the firm buttocks that she’d always thought looked so good in jeans…
Carefully, Nick pulled away from her, and as she looked up at him questioningly, he smiled. “Nat, I want to be inside you…” he said softly.
Gently he lay her back down, kissing her tenderly as he positioned himself above her. She wrapped her arms around him, enveloped in the warmth of his skin against hers, lifting herself up to meet him as his arousal pressed insistently against her own…
Natalie gasped in pleasure as Nick slowly slid into her. Nothing she had ever known or dreamed possible could compare to the pure bliss that consumed her as their bodies melded into one, like two halves of a whole that had at last been reunited. In ecstasy she clung to him as he lifted her up towards him, thrusting deeper and deeper into her as the frustration of six long years fueled the passion that demanded to be fulfilled. And as the fire flared within her, another desire commanded attention…
Nick slowed his movement, and she knew that he had felt the beast rising within her. She looked up at him in sudden fright as she realized that the moment had come. “Oh God, Nick, why now…?” she sighed in despair.
But he silenced her with a kiss, deliberately running his tongue against her fangs, as if to focus her now on the vampiric need, even as he continued to dance inside her. Natalie returned his kiss, drowning in the sensations, all the sensations, that could no longer be separated. His heartbeat seemed to blend with the rhythm of their bodies as it slowly deafened her to all else. The scent of his skin, his cologne, and his blood all mingled into one. But it was the blood that called her now as she tasted her way instinctively to his neck…
“Go ahead, Nat…It’s okay…”
She wasn’t even sure if she had heard his voice in her ear or in her mind. But with his sanctioning, she finally set free the part of her that she had struggled so desperately to control. She could feel Nick tense slightly as he nearly withdrew from her…
Then thrust himself into her powerfully as her fangs sank into his flesh. Within her she could feel him about to explode even as his groans of pleasure and pain intermingled.
Then she tasted his blood…
…and the boundary between them was gone. His love, his joy, his passion, flooded her and melded with her own. Inside her he erupted, and his explosion brought her over the brink…
And she lapped at his life essence even as he continued to move inside her, cradled in the warm pulsing of her own release…
She didn’t want it to end. This couldn’t end…She wanted to feel like this forever…
“Enough, my love…”
His thought shocked her to her senses, and she withdrew from his neck, looking up at him in alarm to make sure that he was all right…
He beamed at her with a smile that told her he was more than all right. She snuggled in his embrace, too spent to even speak. Nick held her tightly and they fell into a peaceful sleep, their union unbroken.
During the night they’d made their way up to the bedroom, where they’d made love again. With the confidence of having stopped in time earlier, Natalie found she was able to take very little from him before stopping on her own. Even so, their lovemaking was no less intense than it had been the first time…
They’d slept in each other’s arms for hours. Natalie awoke to the touch of his fingers lightly caressing her cheek. She looked up at him and smiled brightly.
He kissed her, turning on his side to face her. “So, did I succeed in showing you how much I love you?”
“Oh yeah,” she said, kissing him again. “What about you? Was it worth the wait?”
He grinned. “Oh, eight hundred years? I’d say so.” He looked into her eyes, his face becoming serious. “No one has ever made me feel like this, Nat.”
His words warmed her even more than the tender kiss that followed. Knowing that it was true, for she had felt it in his blood, made it that much more sweet.
“I may have only lived for thirty-two years,” she told him when they had separated. “But I never even imagined I could love someone as much as I love you.”
The look on his face told her that he too had felt that through their bond. But it was good to say it aloud.
For a long while they cuddled together, until finally Nick said, “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”
Come to think of it, she was. “Go, have something. Your body needs to rebuild the blood you lost…”
“Yes, Doctor,” he teased her as he slipped on his black silk pajama bottoms. He offered her his black brocade robe, her own having been discarded downstairs. “Come on, I’ll get you something too. Or would you rather I bring it up to you?”
“You go ahead, I’ll be right down,” she told him.
Alone, she hopped out of bed, slipped on his robe, and headed for the bathroom. She washed off her face, thinking that she didn’t look so pale after all, as she brushed through her hair, all tousled and unruly…
Suddenly, a scent filled her nose. Her mouth began to water with her hunger even as she went down the stairs. In total amazement she looked at Nick as he stood over the frying pan.
He looked up at her. “Nat, what is it?”
She took a deep breath, as if afraid to say it.
“What?” he prodded, his concern growing.
She motioned to the frying pan. “Bacon.”
“And?” he asked, not understanding. But as it hit him his eyes opened wide.
She began to laugh in amazement as he came to face her. “I smelled the bacon,” she said evenly. “And it made me hungry…”
“Oh my God, Nat…Are you trying to say---?” He was about to hug her, but she held him back by putting up her hand.
“Wait, hold it,” she said, afraid to let either of their hopes get up. “Experiment.” The scientist in her would have to take control before
she let herself jump to any conclusions.
“Okay, here,” he said, grabbing a slice and holding it out to her.
Without the hesitation that caution might have suggested, she ate it, as Nick studied her for a reaction.
“Well?” he asked impatiently.
She smiled broadly. “Not well-done enough for my taste, but I’d say you’re becoming a pretty good cook.”
She threw her arms around him as he grabbed her and spun her around in excitement.
He held her face in his hands, gazing into her eyes with a love that she could still feel through the bond that had not faded and would probably connect them forever. “Look at you,” he whispered, tears of joy in his eyes. Only when he wiped her own tears from her cheek to show them to her did she understand what he meant.
They were clear.
He crushed his lips against hers, holding her tightly as if he would never let go.
“I love you,” he whispered over and over in her ear.
They clung to each other, still incredulous, but thankful as they watched the sun rise through the window on the first day of their new life together, knowing that even when that life was done, they would still have forever.
The Beginning.
**********************************************
Copyright Christine Hantzopulos Hunt
July 2000